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Hi Beem,
I am still doing well with SMART.
Thanks for directing me towards it.
Hope all is good with you .

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Thank you Lizbeth and Running Girl- you may remember me as Sad or Brave – I have changed my name several times as my journey has changed.
I am being quite selfish at the moment and writing mostly on my own thread. This contrasts with how I used to be on this forum . I wrote on just about everybody’s thread and often got few replies on my own thread – it contributed to my feeling of being unvalued – so just for now it’s me me me !

Today’s learning is brilliant – I have often hear about playing the tape to the end – what will happen if you gamble? how will you feel when you have lost your money? record this on your thread so you can look back and remember .

Nobody ever told me that this was just the B side of the tape .

The A side goes like “ how will you feel when you get to the end of the tape and you have cleared the kitchen?, How will you feel when you get to the end of the tape and you have taken that 20 minute walk? How will you feel when you have completed that hour of work you took home?”

How motivating is that ? I am learning that recovery doesn’t have to be all about self criticism, being criticised by others ( sorry some like to call it challenging lol) , self hatred etc .

Yes there will be low times when we are at a loss to fill the gap that gambling abstinence has created but we can play the A side of the tape ! We can choose an activity we enjoy or don’t enjoy , play the tape to end and know that we will feel better once we have completed it.

I am learning!

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I feel so low today.
Could be withdrawal – could be a host of other issues.
So I am following my new learning and instead of dwelling on my mood and wallowing in the misery I am going to go do something to lift my spirits .

Nothing huge – I am going out for ice cream! Ice cream is fun and it is kinda impossible to sit in an ice cream parlour with a big silly ice cream in front of you and feel low. It also promotes a little family time .
Life can drag us down and we can wallow in it or try to find things to replace our old escape (drug of choice).

I feel low – I have the resources within myself to lift my mood .
I am learning !

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Delayed gratification.

My brain wants instant gratification.
It wants chocolate, gambling, to lie on sofa and watch tv.
By being aware of this habit I have given my brain I can be more mindful of when my brain seeks instant gratification
With practice Waiting for reward will become the norm.

I am not weak – I have a laid down pathways in my brain for instant gratification.
I am not weak – I need to work on developing new neural pathways .

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A lapse is nothing more than a choice I have made to carry out an unhealthy behaviour .
Analysing it and torturing myself about it doesn’t change it – it simply reinforces the brain pathway which urged me to do it .
Why should I beat myself up – that is what I chose at the time .

I can change my thinking , I can build new brain pathways which will stop me going to the old automatic behaviours . I do this by substituting an urge for an unhealthy behaviour with a new behaviour . Soon that new healthy behaviour becomes my automatic response to stresses in life.

Negative self talk serves absolutely no purpose in my life . Looking back and going over unhappy times does not move me forward .
Making healthy and positive choices moves me forward in life .

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Congratulations Nick- that’s a magnificent achievement . Well done and well deserved .

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Thank you everyone for your replies .
Steev, when an urge starts you use distraction methods – so something to take your mind off it – this will be different for everyone – many people favour exercise , someone mentioned they go work on their upcycling project and someone else has a jar of distractions which so everything from hoovering to taking a long bath .
I have never allowed an urge to run its course I think!
When I’m stopped my urges tend to be fleeting – when I choose to gamble my urges continue .

Nick , Steev and Jen – it so nice to hear from you all !

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Today I learned that I am not an addict or a gambler- I am a person who has been mAking unhealthy behavioural choices.

I learned that I have a choice .

I learned that an urge lasts about 20 minutes. If I choose to do something else during this time it will pass.

I learned that If I choose to make an unhealthy choice it impacts on my hierarchy of values – I might consider my health or my family as number one on this hierarchy but when I choose an unhealthy behaviour I am putting the behaviour above everything else in on my list. I am compromising my hierarchy of values .

I learned that I need to connect to people and I need to feel heard. I learned that it is so long since I felt heard I had forgotten what it felt like. When I felt heard and affirmed, I felt pain deep inside – which felt like a release from the overwhelming loneliness and isolation I have been feeling for too long.

I learned that support for me must not feel like judgement.
It must feel like support.

I learned why the 12 steps will never work for me.
They reaffirm every bit of negative self talk
I indulge in.

I learned that I can live a fully recovered life – that my brain can build new connections and healthy behaviours can replace unhealthy ones forever !

I learned that I will succeed and that I am worth choosing healthy behaviours over unhealthy ones.

I learned that I am relevant .

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Hi Steev
Thank you for sharing your story.
I feel gutted for that child missing out the meal.
I think there could be a genetic element to gambling addiction- it has run through generations of my family.
It is so true that when we are in action all the pain and disappointments of life disappear for a while. When money run out we find we have just added to our pain and disappointment.

I like the idea that we can have our childhood at any time – if we think like this we don’t have to look back and have regrets.

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Thanks Charles and Lizbeth
That’s the things Charles – SMART is not about doing, ( which hasn’t worked for me anyway) it’s about changing your thinking !

While I continue to think of myself as an “addict” where is the hope that I can change ? It simply doesn’t exist for me .

If I think of gambling as an unhelpful behaviour – then I know it is within my control and it is my choice whether to gamble or not .

I will see if it helps me and report back!

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Well done Lydian – keep strong and keep doing those physical activities ! You deserve to spend your money on things which bring you pleasure rather than gambling which just brings pain .

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Thanks Monica
I just attended my first SMART meeting online.
You can listen to people speak and u can use a speaker and speak too or just type .
It was overwhelming for me to hear voices discussing recovery and how to recover .
I felt some type of pain bubbling inside me – I don’t think it’s any deeply unresolved issue- I think its the pain of addiction.

The last decade of my life has been about stopping gambling , covering up gambling , getting money to gamble, getting money to replace the gambled money , losing money , winning money , thinking about money and it is relentless .

I realise I never have “time out” to just be .

In the meeting tonight as I listened to others speak I felt hope .
I haven’t felt any real hope in a long time – It is a hesitant hope, but a sincere hope .

Perhaps this is the help I need .

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Hi Steev,
i hope the holidays are going well. i cant wait for the long weekend.
Following up on your last post I have bee looking into the SMART programme which Beem has been following. I am still on background reading but I am blown away by what i have read so far.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay in Ireland and that the weather is kind to you!

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Thanks for your post Vera.
You are not a dinosaur – you are doing what works for you!
If its not broken why fix it? A lot of people fnd GA helpful despite the relapse rate.
In truth i wish i could find something to help me in GA – it is accessible as it is just about everywhere, but i will agree with you that i find some of the ideas are very dated/outdated and there seems to be a reluctance among members to embrace or even consider any new research or methods.

SMART also recognises that one size doesn’t fit all – in fact I am quite amazed that reading through some of the site at how closely the ideas align with the discussions I have had with Monica. Best of all SMART believes we can be recovered and move on with our lives rather than being forever an addict! As it used worldwide an in many clinics I assume they must have evidence of this but i haven’t got that far yet!

i will keep you updated on my progress- it can’t be any worse than it has been in the past.

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I am on holiday and enjoying the sunshine. When I go abroad I am always reminded of how much I have missed out on but also reminded of how much I have to live for.

I wrote in my last post that I made a good choice that day.
Having reflected on this I realise that I am making good choices several times per day – because I have urges to gamble every few minutes.

The important thing is that I am choosing not to!
Life is looking up!

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