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Hi Monica
I can kinda guess you will get all kinds of replies about enabling etc, but I would have done exactly the same for my son. I think most mothers would . He has made a mistake , he realises and he needs a bit of help to put things right.

He has a much better example in you than he will ever find at GA so he will be ok. I am glad to read your diet is working – you deserve a break from all that pain and discomfort .
Work is a necessary evil and it’s seems some people like to make it difficult but you will handle it well – I am confident nt of that-

Good to read an update – take care xx

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Well done Beem !!!

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Hi Steev, you are right of course – I guess my post was just a reflection of where the last decade had gone – and where my mind was yesterday. Im glad you pointed that out though because you are right – the true issue was not about my whole life – it was about not having the amount of money I want (not need) to have right now !

Despite the negative post I managed to decorate a room at the weekend – well finish one off . Now it is complete I absolutely dislike one of the colours – instead of following my own taste I allowed myself to be swayed by “fashion” and trends .

This has actually been very good for me because I have always had a fear of “getting it wrong” with decorating so I put it off – today I realise it is no big deal to paint over it .

So goodbye grey hello aqua !
I guess there is a life lesson here – at any time in life we can stop what we are doing, take stock and start again.
Mistakes can be rectified and mistakes don’t define us.
We learn, grow and improve from our mistakes .

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Hi Meghna,
I think maybe the solution for us is to have a simple phone- yes it will mean no Netflix, bring cut off from family and friends we rely on apps to stay in touch with, no facebook or google, no GT – but when I think of how expensive our phones have become it would be so much cheaper to make a £100 phone call!

I am just about to try set up an account with a bank which bans gambling transactions ( before my pay comes in).
Perhaps that is something you would consider also.

It’s horrible – the gambling aftermath – but because our brains are addicted – we simply don’t learn . We need to avoid all triggers and retrain our brains .

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Today I have had a realisation.
My whole life for the past decade has revolved around gambling or not gambling.
What if I just stopped thinking about stopping -could that help me stop thinking about starting.
How can I ever escape urges when my whole life is about gambling or not ?

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This morning I found a fabulous youtube channel on interior design. I could watch interior design shows forever and even as a child I loved them.

I started to plan what I could do with my own house .
This was followed by thoughts of what I could have done .
This was followed by thoughts of how long it will take me to save ..
And of course this was followed by the the “fantasy” – the big win!

It seems all plans lead to same conclusion – I need a win!

However I have been doing a little painting and seeing a few results so I’m quite pleased with that. My patience is being tested as usually I cannot wait for the paint to dry before I remove the masking tape and then I make a mess !

I am learning patience I guess !

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Thanks Monica
Yes the open groups are too late for those of us trying to build good habits into our recovery.

Today I have learned that people who are all about drama will only fill your head space if you let them.
We can practice flipping negative thoughts right out of our heads – and it works!

When we have all that extra headspace we feel so much better.
I think I like minimalism in my brain as well as my home!

Thats about it !

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Monica Thank you for your post on my thread .
I had to come over and say I have tried NAC for gambling urges – it was really good !
I also found a host of other benefits but after maybe a week to ten days it made me feel quite ill.

After reading your post to me I’m wondering was I experiencing some type of “die-off” – where you feel worse before you feel better ! Have you experienced anything like this?
Some major extra benefits were regulating hormone issues and making wrinkles disappear !
Inspired by your post I am going to try it again !

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Hi Steev ,
I have often wondered where “influencers”, “bloggers”, tv personalities etc get their confidence, their self belief that they are important and that people want to hear what they have to say.
I often wonder what it is like to have that kind of inner confidence? Maybe they are all just faking it or maybe each success has reinforced that they are worthy.

“Steev the travel blogger “- that sounds so great – and that is you right now ( I’m not sure if you have started your blog but you are certainly collecting material for it ).

Do we need a label ? Yes I think I we do – I think a label, job title etc gives us a sense of purpose – it defines who we are, where we are going and what we have achieved.
Of course that label can change as we journey though life, but whatever label we assign to ourselves should add value to our perception of who we are !
I am without a defining label right now and it feels like I don’t know where I am going . I am drifting, hopefully towards something positive .

Steev you asked me about my passions – I am one of those people who can turn my hand to almost anything but never achieved mastery in anything . I guess I have never found anything I was passionate enough about (gambling ? Drinking?) to devote the time required.
I can bake , sew, build a wall, garden, play an instrument, decorate , have two masters level degrees in different areas, hold a good job… I love all these things .

Maybe I don’t have a single passion.

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How Monica
Just been catching up on your thread – so sorry to hear about Pete’s sister. So devastating.

What diet are you on Monica ? Is it dairy free? Sorry it’s while since we chatted and I have middle age memory!

I haven’t been on here so much – I have been doing the smart programme – it is so much better for me than the 12 steps. The more I learn the more I think Monica and I could have designed this course – it’s like all the conclusions, thoughts, outlooks and ideas we have had about gambling addiction built into a course with added CBT tools .

I hope we get a good catch up in chat soon. My boy is doing exams at the moment so I am trying to support him by being available to talk and he usually chooses to do so when he should be going to bed – the joys …

I really treasure the times we have chatted and I know you have been a huge part of my recovery xx

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For the first time ever I have a thread which I want to read back over .
Each time I post I feel really motivated.
When I read back over my thread I recapture that motivation.

Motivation is what drives me forward , not reliving past losses.
I definitely respond better to the carrot than the stick.

Life is good xx

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Hi Lizbeth
Thank you for your support on my thread – it’s been ages since I’ve caught up with my friends on here – Been so focused on my own recovery which is going well.

Your garden sounds so beautiful – I didn’t realise that you only took up gardening six years ago . You certainly seem to have learned a lot .

I visited Berlin recently and I developed a huge thirst to learn more about history – this is after finding it boring for years – we grow and change I guess – but I am absolutely so impressed that you learned about the history of your town – I think I would like to something like that too.

I hope all is going well with you and you enjoy your daughters visit xx

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thank you RG.

Today I learned that a great new world has opened up to me – a world with few limitations.
If I can dream It i can do it .

I am excited about my new future – I am excited about all the new things that are coming into my life .
I have so much to look forward to.

In the past I only ever thought about gambling or not gambling. Now I’m thinking where will I go what will I do ?
Sure it will take a little time but it’s all ahead of me.

The world is my oyster!

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Hi Hada
Just catching up on your Thread.
I so get what u mean about being safe with cash .
We are forever being advised not to take cash out with us when in truth we couldn’t do too much damage even if we did but a few scratch cards .
Nothing quite compares to online gambling – the speed , the amount you can bet , the amount you can win and how quickly you can lose .
I haven’t cashed out in years no matter how much I won.
Sometimes I wonder should we just lift all our money out of the bank and go back to old fashioned bill paying in person at the bank. I would be so much richer if I did .

Well done on the great start you have made to your recovery – the debts will soon go down !
Hope to catch u in chat soon.

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Hi Steev , thank you for sharing .
When I read the sadnesses you have known I feel so privileged.
You have had so much pain in your life and yet you are resilient -you not only managed to sustain your recovery , are currently living out a lifelong dream but you also take the time to support others .

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