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Hi Monica
I hope all is well with your health .
Xx

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Hi LastPush
Well done on your decision to seek help. It helps me to remember I have a choice in any behaviour I do. So I have a choice to get washed, to get out and do stuff , do earn money and yes to gamble.
At times the urges to gamble can be so strong it feels like we don’t have a choice – but we always do. Just some choices are much harder to follow through on.

It sounds like you are making a lot of good behavioural choices right now !

Keep strong .

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Something has changed for me – I wish I could bottle it , describe it or even hold it .

I am really happy.

I gambled a week ago, and I lost more than I should have , but I also chose to stop.

I think maybe now that I am owning my behavioural choices rather than blaming an addiction, a demon or other external force,I no longer feel like a victim in the world .

My life no longer feels outside my control. Today I can chose to gamble or not , and today I will also have to live with that choice.

I have also somehow deepened so many friendships – I have had money to go for a drink or a coffee! I have also been available mentally and physically .

I have started on the no longer dreaded house – and as I sit on my “new to me“ couch I think of Laura somewhere in the world who has inspired so much.

Life is so nice right now – simple but nice – I am happy !

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CHarles .
All I know is that when I try to stop completely the urges become overwhelming and I cannot sustain it .

When I allow myself a lottery and and again I can stay gamble free for quite a while .

That’s just it – I am not you and you are not me ! (No offence intended ).
We are all on our own journey And I have to do what works best for me.

Progress not perfection !

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Thank you Steev.
In all honesty I just find it too hard to give up all gambling – eventually it feels like my head will explode, I have a huge blow out and I’m worse off than before I started. I am, however, more in control of lottery or anything that is not a slot machine . I wish I didn’t feel so drawn to gambling. I wish I could just decide never to gamble again. However this is who I am , and abstinence has never worked for me !

I went shopping yesterday (to a cheap shop) and bought new clothes – I pushed the boat out and got cheap jewellery to go with each outfit ! I feel so nice in my new clothes .

What did I learn?
I learnt that when I get new clothes it has a knock on effect on my whole life! I feel happy when I wear them!
I can dump old tatty clothes which means less clutter in my home which also lifts my spirits .
I feel hope that the “days of want” are over.
I feel hope that there will be lots of nice things coming into my life – nice things and good times !
I can look forward to meeting up with friends and family and not think I have nothing to wear !
I take more of an interest in my health and fitness .
I feel more self pride.
Perhaps you cannot judge a book by the cover , but a good cover certainly helps a book to belong on any bookshelf!

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Ps despite your loss xx

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Hi Monica,
I must be shallow also cos I would be totally the same – attraction is attraction and it is deeper than poop coloured trousers and something no one has quite managed to explain- thanks for making me laugh !

I am so sorry to hear about Pete’s sister. Xx

I love to read about your shopping – I bought some new clothes yesterday also – very cheap but nice and crisp and new! Our money is better spent on us than on casinos !

Steev is wise – maybe they are desperate for business -and don’t realise how they come across.

Hope u are having a great weekend xx

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Hi Monica,
I must be shallow also cos I would be totally the same – attraction is attraction and it is deeper than poop coloured trousers and something no one has quite managed to explain- thanks for making me laugh !

I am so sorry to hear about Pete’s sister. Xx

I love to read about your shopping – I bought some new clothes yesterday also – very cheap but nice and crisp and new! Our money is better spent on us than on casinos !

Steev is wise – maybe they are desperate for business -and don’t realise how they come across.

Hope u are having a great weekend xx

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Bonjour Steev!
I did French at school, can’t string a sentence together now but it always amazes me when I go to France that the words and even a few phrases reappear from some deep and long forgotten part of my brain.

I hope you are having a great time!
vous êtes vivre le rêve

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Hi Vera
Thank you for your post on my thread.
I hope it’s getting a little easier.
I will try make it to chat tonight – saw your name there last night but must have just missed you.
Be kind to yourself xx

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God forgives us everything Vera , just much harder to forgive ourselves. Things will get better .

In desperation I went to SMART last month and it seems to help. Have I gambled since starting there ? Yes I have but my thinking has changed somewhat and I am making healthier choices about my behaviours.

A new behaviour for example is on payday I put a few hundred in my son’s account. I feel it is better going towards his college fund and it leaves me without spare cash!

Yesterday I had a hangover (party one) and it was only my barriers that stopped me from gambling.

So I have now learned that while I don’t really feel tempted to gamble when I am drinking , I do not make healthy behavioural choices when I have a hangover. Barriers will probably always be part of my life.

A casino owes me £100. It would come in so handy right now.
I have to send in proof of ID etc but it seems impossible to self exclude from this casino or to even set limits . I have decided to gift them the £100 as I can no longer play there without sending in the required documentation.
It will be the cheapest £100 I ever got from a casino as cash-backs usually cost me a fortune .

Anyone else think like this ? “I didn’t win because the slots knew it was a cash back but the next deposit will be my own money so I am sure to win on it”.

And so the chase begins …

What has been hugely helpful for me is getting past the idea that I am an addict – it somehow makes me powerless to stop. It makes me a victim. It makes it kinda ok to have slips.

I now realise that when I gamble it’s a behaviour I choose to indulge in. I choose to put money which could be going to my family into some fatcat’s pocket. I choose to leave myself without. It is my choice so I must live with the results of that choice. In a strange way it has stopped me beating myself up about it because I know it is also my choice to change my behaviours .

Progress not perfection… I feel happy !

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Hi Vera
Hope to see u in chat soon for a good catch up .
In the meantime sending you lots of love xx

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Hi Berta , you have such a lot going on- Keep strong .
I feel your pain worrying about your daughter – we spend their whole childhood worrying and somehow they pull through .

Be extra kind to yourself – if you feel like doing house work – do it . If not give yourself permission to lie on the sofa with your book.
Trust me the housework won’t go anywhere so you aren’t missing out on it !

Xx

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Yeah my first ever sporting achievement !
I won MAY !!
Gonna buy myself a medal !!!

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thank you Meghna , Berta and RG for your posts .it is nice to connect in chat .

Berta your advice is so good – I Think I will treat myself to some power tools !

Steev, I think your idea to look up free interior design courses is inspired – I am going to do that right now .

What is good is that instead of watching programmes on how to do your home – I am actually doing it !

I kinda feel u all “get “ me ! I would rather fit a kitchen than wash a single dish in that kitchen !!

Thanks for your support everyone – I am doing better than I remember feeling in years . Xx

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