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Hi Monica
Well done on going to the gym and Aqua aerobics.

It must be difficult to think of Pete moving on after so many years. Whatever decision you make about seeing Pete, please make it be about what’s best for Monica. I feel this is one of those times you should put yourself first. You owe no one anything but you do deserve happiness for you.
Xx

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Thanks Charles – the top 2%- even if it is accurate does not have to be a static figure.
With more and more support becoming available , this figure can rise .
Today I continue to be in the 2%.
Perhaps all the people on here seeking support make up this 2%.
I like that being in the top 2% makes something in my life which has been hugely negative into something really positive – an achievement of sorts .
I intend staying in the top 2% today.

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Having such a lovely weekend – took my mum for a meal yesterday (ouch financially ) and spent time with extended family. I spent the weekend with her and we didn’t visit a casino. That’s progress.
I am realising the things I have missed out on due to gambling – I sometimes think it is just my home and my appearance which has taken a hit but I realise I have missed out on all those connections to aunts, uncles and cousins which are part so much part of who I am . We share the same DNA- we get each other in a way friends never could – we share stories, habits and mannerisms which have passed down through centuries . We can joke about our family in a way that would be offensive if others did !

Money doesn’t matter until you don’t have it – then It cuts you off from so many of the things that enrich your life- which give you a sense of connectedness- which allow you to understand that you have a part to play and that part is valued my others .

Life feels good today despite the financial challenges I will face over the next few weeks .

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Great points Charles !

I am still in the top2% . Quite a struggle to stay there but I’m doing it !

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I think 50s are strange – I joined the club recently – still kinda stuck with kids who don’t really don’t want us – they just want our food, our money and a shoulder to cry on when things go wrong ! I kinda love the freedom so much however , I am questioning was I ever really maternal ? Lol.

My almost grown son lights up my life when he eventually appears home – so much better than the drudgery of playing trains and building Lego of the past !

I love that I can have a grown up space again – but I hate that often I am looking for somewhere to sit as the hordes of friends invade the house !

It is a great time of our lives and would be absolutely perfect if it wasn’t for middle age spread , creaky joints and ever deepening wrinkles.

As for men – attractiveness comes from within . Age is a great leveller – and it becomes more about grooming and confidence and less about nature – nothing saps our confidence like the sense of failure and the poverty that gambling brings .
! I can’t say I have noticed any difference in how men treat me – except the younger ones are more respectful and helpful!

To sum up – middle age spread and creaky joints can be aided by good diet and exercise (I know yawn!!). I’m not great with either but I guess this comes down to the practicing self care that should be part of our recovery .
Wrinkles – well there’s always Botox and a host of other solutions that may become more affordable if we work hard to maintain recovery .

So I guess the secret to living a wonderful 50’s lies in doing what we need to in order to stay gamble free!

… and now I need to start practicing all that I have preached !!

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I am getting by – it’s amazing how little you can live on.
Not feeling great – maybe too much sun, maybe stress or maybe time for my ten year doctor’s visit .

That’s about all .

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Vera it’s great to have you back and I applaud your bravery in telling your husband and getting his support .
Travelling at the moment so will write a longer reply later
Xx

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Thank you Steev and Kathryn for your thought provoking replies.
It’s years since I thought about clearing debts so Steev thank you for helping me refocus. I think it would be so good to have a debt reduction forum on here – it would be a new focus and while gambling related, it would be so much motivating than giving up something most of us really enjoy (as faulty as that sounds).
Kathryn it’s many years since brands were a thing for me ! Lol . You are doing really well and once you can pay your way you are doing great. Good and bad times will come but life is so much better without the stress of gambling losses.

I am being incredibly frugal ( it’s not much fun) but it has to be done. It feels kinda like when I was young and a bar of chocolate was a treat rather than something you could have anytime you wanted . Not much else to say .

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Hi Goodenough,
Great post and very honest.
I understand how this would put you off GA.

There was a woman in the f and f section of this site who used to have someone from GA report to her whether her ex attended meetings and whether he was gambling . It was a enough to completely put me off – even the fact she wrote about it on here was horrifying .

I drove miles to attend one where I wouldn’t be known but it was unsustainable .

I feel you are very strong and determined to go despite this person. I guess it matters a lot now when we are struggling , but it might not matter so much when we are living a good prosperous life. Will it matter if we attend a meeting to help us with our issues when people can see we are successful?

Keep strong !

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I have always lived above my means .
My first paycheque ran out before the end of the month ( I needed clothes , makeup and I wanted nice brands ).

My first loan came soon after my first paycheque – it was nice to have a little money in the bank. I didn’t really need t , I just wanted it . I liked that I could wake up on Saturday and maybe be in another country by Saturday night if I felt like it .

I have been working for 26 years and never once have I been out of debt . Sometimes I have taken a big loan, paid off the little ones , and then by the time the £30,000 was paid off I would have had a lot of new little ones .

I guess that’s why when I first started to gamble online , I was completely sucked in by a big win that would pay everything. I was overjoyed – but of course I couldn’t resist going back to make more … and that was the start of the crazy gambling.

I now find myself, possibly for the first time ever, in a situation where I have no where to go for money. I am forced to start taking things seriously. I can’t stop obsessing about money . Deep down I know this might be a good thing as I need to get my finances sorted.
The big win no longer seems like a reality – I am self banned from so many sites that I can only go onto rubbish ones which most likely wouldn’t pay out any win , never mind a big win.

I always thought I fell into the “women gamble for different reasons” category but reading this it looks like I fall into the “bigshot “ category after all.

It’s amazing how I could only wear Clarins and Lancôme makeup in the past and now any on-sale supermarket brand works just as well!
It’s equally amazing how ten years ago (pre- crazy gambling ) the only sofas I liked were Italian leather and a fortune , and recently I was able to find a perfectly gorgeous sofa on gumtree for a twentieth of the price !

I can’t turn the clock back – but I can change my future .

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Today I am in the top 2%!

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Hi Mav,
I could have written your last post .
It seems everyone we are on the verge of a good life we lose our way.
You are so right – keep fighting – it’s the only way !

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Today I realise finally that I am crazy.

What definition do I base my diagnosis on?

“Doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result”.

I have been gambling for a decade and yet somehow I convince myself that the result will be different next time .

I find myself back in the same old situation – waking up and my first thoughts are of money or lack of it .

I find myself going back yet again to the only place I can get a loan due to my appalling credit rating , and asking for enough to survive – it is humiliating but necessary .

It’s humiliating because it Is a work based scheme and the people who run it must whisper ! Beggars can’t be choosers I guess.

A decade ago I could have anything I wanted – now I scrape by with constant worry and stress .

What has changed for me since my recent posts? I guess I have stopped using support .

I have ignored advice .

But mostly somehow I am sure that one more deposit will win me my money back.

I feel sickened -i notice a pattern to my posts -payday and for a week I am so happy – then it kinda always falls flat as I gamble on some rubbish site that is probably completely illegal and won’t pay pay out even if I do win back and even if I managed to cash out .

I have had too many years of this .

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Hi Kathryn
What a great reason to not be here ! Fabulous nails sure beats hiding in shame .

I echo Charles words – in a pool with elephants sounds like an absolute dream. Recovery makes our dreams become reality .
Elephants never forget So they will remember you forever .

I still haven’t quite got there but I struggle along and do my best to do my best !

Thanks for sharing your fabulous experience .

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Hi Steev, I keep missing you in group .
Hope all is good with you and you are still enjoying your travels .

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