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Hi Monica
Thank you for your post on my thread . It is nice to read that you have good times despite the debt.
Pete is a great constant in your life and it always lifts you when you spend time with him. Sometimes kids forget that us mums need a life outside them – I guess we did too good a job making them feel valued and important to us.
Life sounds good Monica!Hi Kin
None of us can see the future ,but God can and He has planned for each of us to live the life He has chosen for us .
Perhaps there will be a time when we can see what is ahead but for now it is enough to know that we are fulfilling His purpose.
There so greatness in the ordinary -every morning we wake up and take a breath – that is indeed a miracle .
Keep strong Kin – God will reveal his Plan for you in His time.Vera it is true – when we take our eye off the ball we self destruct. Do you know what it is that you took your eye off ? Did u stop using support, did you let your barriers slip , did you allow yourself to think “just once”, did you let the “big win” actually win, were you in an emotional crisis and beyond caring or was there another reason?
I know these reasons because relapse has been a pattern in my life for a decade. To be honest mostly it hasn’t even been relapse – it has been desperately trying to cling to a few days recovery .
No one can recover as spectacularly as you Vera – you have done it before and you will do it again. You are a hugely determined person.
I’m thinking maybe you could go to those meetings and mix with people who are focused on staying stopped? Talking about it out loud reinforces it in our brains.
You deserve a peaceful life Vera . Xx
Thank you Kin – I replied on your thread.
Hi Kin, thank you for your lovely post to me on Vera’s thread . Your unexpected but much appreciated compliment has really helped me to notice the progress I am making .
We can only write the words that are in our hearts at any time – sometimes those words do not read as we intended and sometimes what is in our hearts does not show us in a good light.
I have never heard of the 12 promises before but it was really helpful to read and notice how many of them are starting to happen in my life. Of course it is early days and I am still impatient for number 10 , financial security, to happen.Hope you have a great day in recovery Kin.
Hi Vera No one can rescue us from this but many can help us . I shied away from help in the past for many reasons.
Sometimes it was simply that the help which was available wasn’t the right help for me. It was so far removed from my thinking it felt like trying to put a square peg in a round hole. I tried and it just didn’t fit and no amount of tweaking could make it fit .
Sometimes I felt I wasn’t as worthy of the help as others, that I should be able to stop on my own, that my problem wasn’t as severe as that of other people and I shouldn’t take their place on rehab or that “it” was just “in me”.
Sometimes I felt above or that I was too good for rehab – that is for people much “worse” than me.
Sometimes I wanted to go but life got in the way – how could I leave my family, my work? Or I allowed life to get in the way ?
Sometimes I worried about people finding out( well all the time actually). It was my great friend on here who always said “we are only as sick as our secrets” and of course she was right!!
Sometimes I was just plain stubborn because someone had pushed my buttons ( this hasn’t happened to me in face to face interaction which is what I needed).
Sometimes I felt unheard when I tried to explain that what I had tried wasn’t working.
Sometimes I was too scared to admit the truth to those close to me (I always was in awe of your honesty). I have been amazed how a little honesty and vulnerability can open and heal a relationship.
Sometimes I felt it wouldn’t matter what I tried I would never stop anyway . I didn’t have the capability within me .
Sometimes I didn’t want to stop because I absolutely knew the big win was just around the corner and of course I was so unique and special that it would come to me .
There was so many reasons why I couldn’t/ wouldn’t access the help I needed – they were all really valid to me at the time.
I have learned however that each of us is worthy of a life free from this horrible curse and that includes me. It includes you too Vera.
So while we cannot be rescued we can reach out and get help. I hope you are reaching out and getting the help that is right for you.
It is so nice to see you posting again Vera xx.
In chat
Hi Monica
You have so many positives in your life – it is lovely that your granddaughter drops by and Pete is a great friend.
I know you have sought debt advice but now that you have earnings have you considered seeing a good debt lawyer- I know my experience with step change was that they used a computer program , entered my information and came up with really useless advice that didn’t suit my situation . I don’t think he person I dealt could do anything more than read the results the computer threw up!Perhaps you have done this already.
I hope whatever decision you make gives you relief from the worry of it all
XxHi Steev,
Sorry I got cut off in group tonight .
I have been reading some other threads and you are such an asset on here – always giving the right advice in just the right way.
Talk soon.Hi Gemma
That’s a great decision you made today and even better that you followed up with action .
I look forward to reading about your gamble free lifeWell done Antoine.
It is great to read how you have embraced improving all areas of your life. Thank you for sharing .Hi Monica
I don’t post very much at the moment (doesn’t seem to be right forum for me just now) but I do read your thread. You have completely turned your life around and I am so glad to read that your health has improved. I really appreciated the times you were there for me in chat and on my thread when I was struggling.
I am sure you often feel overwhelmed by your financial situation – well done on reaching out for help.
You talk about changing your job. You are happy where you are and your enjoy the work. I guess the question is how much extra will you need to earn to make a significant difference to your debt? There is something about routine and certainty that makes life more manageable. Will the the difference in salary have a huge impact on your finances or could you be switching debt stress to work stress?
You are so right about family – they are what life is all about . As I progress in my recovery I am starting to feel again and that feeling of love and being wanted is replacing whatever it was that gambling gave me .
You have had many great experiences and you will have many more -m – I think perhaps once the decision of how to proceed with your financial situation is made you will feel a huge sense of relief .( regardless of what that decision is ).
What would you advise me to do if I was in your situation ? Remember to treat yourself with the same kindness. Something I found very helpful was writing a kind letter to myself . Could you write to yourself as a dear friend and gently advise about this situation? Would you insist your dear friend pays every penny back because she made a mistake in life or would you encourage another solution?I hope you find my post helpful Monica – you deserve to Be free of this financial burden and to enjoy the life you have worked so hard to rebuild . I hope we meet in group soon x
Hi jayxray
Try to make it impossible to gamble – set barriers high – I find when I know I cannot gamble the urges lessen . I have joined Gamstop, put the blocker gamban on my phone and had someone else scratch off the final three digits on the bank of new bank cards ( which I ordered).
It is helping me- perhaps It might help you .