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Thank you Berta for such a thoughtful reply. I think one of the mistakes I made in the past was to think relapses are inevitable – they are not !

They are a choice we make on some level to give in to an urge to gamble. I feel that once we realise this is for life – there is no more gambling for us ever – not even a one off lottery ticket- once we truly accept we cannot gamble – then we become free of this.

I had a very bad reaction to nuts once and guess what? I now check labels and menus and I go to all kinds of bother to make sure another nut never crosses my lips.

I have started to do the same with gambling – it is an allergy I have to avoid.

73 days since I gambled on anything at all. 73 days of carefully and mindfully considering how to stay gamble free each day.73 days of following advice and doing the things that work for me . 73 days of knowing and believing that gambling is behind me forever !

There is nothing inevitable about a relapse ! And I am never giving up this freedom.

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Thank you for your kind reply Beem.

As much as I found it unhelpful and demotivating to write about my slips and relapses in the past, I find it very motivating to write about when things are going well.

I have, however, noticed a few new triggers this weekend.

The first was when someone wrote on their thread about clearing debt with their winnings – the addiction lost no time in nudging me to do likewise.

The second was really unusual – my friend and I were being really silly and trying to get the perfect selfie. When I open my photos now a full screen comes up of almost the same photo and strange though it sounds, it looks like the jackpot win on one of those picture slots. It really made me yearn for that particular slot machine which is one of my very favourites – my addiction never misses an opportunity to tempt me.

Having said all that, I am really happy today sitting in work in my lovely new top, with my hair straightened with my lovely new straighteners and no gambling hangover or shame!

Gambling always made me feel dirty, today I feel clean!

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I have had the best weekend. Two great nights spent with friends and family filled with fizz and cocktails, food and fun.
The difference just a little money makes!

I have had meals with family and no longer have to hide away and avoid people .
I bought a few new, very cheap clothes and I felt nice. I think I have quite a good eye for choosing stuff that doesn’t look too cheap
I will never have to wear tatty clothes again, so I bagged lots and took to the recycling centre, so my house feels better.

Having said all that I will have to be frugal for the rest of the month. I might have got a little carried away…

Life is on the up and I’m loving it !

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That truly is the best way to start the new year Amber!
Keep working at it !

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Congratulations Meghna on your pregnancy and of course in your gamble free time.
You are doing really well and you can look forward to the new arrival without the stress of gambling in your life .

Stay strong xx

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Thank you everyone
Berta and Kathryn I have replied on your threads.

RG I just missed you in group the other night. I think the battering we take from gambling eventually beats us down.

Many people have a lot of stuff going on in their lives, but having a gambling addiction on top can really push us over the edge.

We need to be extra kind and compassionate towards ourselves. We are good people who have developed an unasked for addiction.

We need to treat ourselves with the same compassion as we would treat others who develop a serious illness . We certainly wouldn’t blame them, or judge them but we would have an expectation that they would follow the advice they are given to get well again.

RG keep strong – this addiction has battered me for a long time but a short residential treatment has really helped – would that be something you could consider ?

Do whatever it takes but please look after yourself xx

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Hi Kathryn
I liken our age to the teen years when we are uncertain about everything. The past life we have built seems to be slipping though our fingers as our children need us less and less and quite honestly we know they can fully survive without us.

The future we had looked forward to and planned for had changed to a planning for financial security when we can no longer work.
We find ourselves wondering will our homes continue to meet our needs in the next decade or two, as we being to experience twinges of stiffness and aches in joints which were previously supple.
Retirement is becoming something quite real looming in front of us and we look on all the choices we have made with hindsight and wonder did we make the right ones, and is it too late to reinvent ourselves and start again?

I’m sure it’s the same for the “significant other” in our lives.

Whatever you decide Kathryn you deserve the very best life has to offer! There is no right or wrong – there is just what makes you happy !

Take care my friend and post again soon xx

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Lizbeth,
May I echo RG’s words about your strengths and attributes as a person, a mother, grandmother and daughter. Your ability to love and give is boundless.
I am so sorry to hear you are going through such a stressful and painful time. I will be praying that the results are what you hope to hear. It is a small blessing at this time that you don’t have the added stress of gambling in your life, and this is down to your hard work and the efforts you have made.

My Prayer and thoughts are with you Lisbeth
Take the best care you can of you during this uncertain time
XX

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Hi Berta
I have been on these forums for a decade and occasionally something new is written which makes me think.

I love how you described the searching for miserable bargains for ourselves to wear while simultaneously doing max bets with our money as the two opposite ends of a spectrum. It is indeed crazy how gambling pushes us to live at these two opposite ends of a money spectrum.

Taking your analogy further we live at two opposite ends of an emotional spectrum also – the high of a win , the low of having lost it all.

Our relationship spectrum – the fantasy of what we will do for and with others with the big win versus the reality of withdrawing from people to hide from the reality of what we have done.

I guess when we think about it in terms of a spectrum, gambling addiction never allows us to just sit in the middle – just to have peace and ordinariness in our lives.

I love posts which make me think and yours on my thread certainly has – this morning I am going to relish the little things I can do well when I sit in the middle of the spectrum like cleaning my kitchen, because when I am looking after these little things I know I am really in recovery!

Thank you Berta xx

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Wow Berta,
I am so impressed – that was so brave of you to go and self-ban. It is much more difficult to do so face-to-face – this is a huge step forward in your recovery .
You are not back to day one , by the way . Day one Berta didn’t go and face the embarrassment of self banning at a local gaming centre .
You are making amazing progress – you had a slip and you are back on track.

Keep strong and keep working on those new brain connections – the old gambling ones will always be there but they will weaken with time
So proud of you
Xx

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Hi Joyce
Thank you for sharing your story.
It is so easy for this addiction to take over our lives without us realising. It is incredibly difficult to stop once we realise we have an addiction so a massive well done to you for quitting .

It sounds like you are filling your time productively and really making the most of your gamble free life .

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Monica – that sounds like complete bliss,
Enjoy it xx

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Hej steev Detta gjorde mycket bra läsning och jag kan identifiera mig med så mycket av det du har skrivit. Jag ska kolla in den boken du föreslog.

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Hi steev
This made very good reading and I can identify with so much of what you have written.
I am going to check out that book you suggested .

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Sorry Berta ,
Sherrie is posting about something we discussed in chat. It is not the same issue.

I have often deleted posts and even threads in the past .
Sometimes I hate when I read back (I try not to) and sometimes just knowing that a thread is there recording my “failings” is very demotivating and detrimental to me.
I’m sure others do this too.
People come back again when they want to post again .

RG thank you for your post on my thread – this didn’t come easy to me. I attended a short residential treatment but still it can be a struggle sometimes not to get distracted – and without strong barriers it only takes a brief distraction before we are back to square one .
Keep strong RG – you’ve got this !

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