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Hi Sauchgirl,
That is a very wise way to think – none of us can afford to lose the money we do but we carry on regardless.
.Well done on recognising that this is no longer fun but has crossed the line to addiction.
Once we become addicted we will never win – this is really difficult to accept as the addicted part of our brain keeps telling us one big win will sort everything – I have had several big wins and lost the lot the lot because I simply could not stop.

I am stoppped now though and I am able to have all those things I thought I needed a big win for !

Keep strong and this horrible time will just become a distant memory .

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Hi Vera,
You have great energy – I wouldn’t know when I did a huge house clean last.
I am so pleased you are back and I hope you enjoy the show .
Xx

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Привет, Вера, у тебя огромная энергия – я бы не узнала, когда в последний раз убирала огромный дом. Я так рад, что вы вернулись, и надеюсь, вам понравится шоу. Хх

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Hi Jen
Hope to hear an update from you soon.

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Hi BSports,
You are making great progress – I think there is a lot of support in Canada – Gamtalk is based there and they could probably advise you – keep strong !

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Hi Craig ,
You are not selfish – you have an addiction !
What has helped me in my recovery is understanding how the addiction manages to override all my good intentions – and understanding that I am a good, lovable person who deserves compassion not criticism.

The addiction however is a sneaky, manipulative beast who will do everything to destroy us.

Please put blockers on all your internet devices (I use gamban) and join Gamstop if you are in the U.K.

Make it impossible to gamble in whatever way you need to .

In the meantime perhaps you could get a counsellor to help you understand more about this disease and how to overcome it .
Keep strong and know that you are not alone in this .

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A great post Vera -you show great strength of character and stamina. The biggest lesson I learned on the residential is to have compassion for myself – for that person inside who wants to do the right thing , who never chose this addiction but who carries the pain , shame and stress it has caused.

An exercise I found really helpful was writing a compassionate letter to myself – it had to be kind and it had to be gentle. When I read it aloud some time later I realised it was the first time I had ever shown myself compassion, kindness or gentleness.

You will beat this Vera. Do all the things that worked for you before and then maybe add a few extra. A good extra I have added is to order a new bank card and get someone else to open the envelope and scratch off last three numbers before I had a chance to see it .

Keep strong. You have got this!

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Отличный пост Вера – вы проявите большую силу характера и стойкость. Самый большой урок, который я извлек из жизни в приюте, – это сострадание к себе – к тому человеку внутри, который хочет поступать правильно, который никогда не выбирал эту зависимость, но который несет на себе боль, стыд и стресс, которые она вызвала. Я нашел действительно полезным упражнение – написать сочувственное письмо самому себе – оно должно быть добрым и нежным. Когда через некоторое время я прочитал это вслух, я понял, что впервые проявил к себе сострадание, доброту или мягкость. Ты победишь эту Веру. Сделайте все, что сработало для вас раньше, а затем, возможно, добавьте еще несколько. Я добавил еще одно хорошее дополнение: заказать новую банковскую карту и попросить кого-нибудь открыть конверт и стереть последние три цифры, прежде чем я смогу ее увидеть. Держись. У вас есть это!

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Thanks Vera for your kind post.
Today is the day you kick gambling out of your life and I know you will do it.
Just be kind to Vera – that wonderful person inside you who has been battered down by this addiction, but who has never been beaten by it.
Vera just for today …

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Today I am 12 weeks gamble free.

I was just about to to set off to the Gordon Moody residential and I hadn’t even booked my flight because I wasn’t sure I could afford it- yet I was able to gamble that night.

I remember my first online counselling session to help me prepare for the residential.

I was on holiday and had been up all night and was feeling quite annoyed that I had to stop gambling for an hour ( at 11am) to go to the session. I was on a winning streak so of course I didn’t need the help because I was going to keep winning and sort everything out! I have no idea what the weather was like.

Somehow I left my beloved gambling for an hour and did the session with the counsellor – it was the best thing I ever did because her support, and a real sense of I would be letting her down (she was so nice and easy to connect with ) ensured I turned up at the actual residential.

I am back in that same holiday spot this weekend, staying in the same bed. I have slept well, bought lots of coal for the open fire, just ate a huge breakfast while still in my brand new snuggly Pjs, and I am making the most of an unusual burst of sunshine. The air is fresh and I am getting huge lungfuls of it.

In case you are wondering – I lost my huge win and a huge amount of my wages chasing it.

Today there is no huge win – instead there is money I earned honestly in the bank !

Onwards and upwards !

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It has occurred to me that a huge part of recovery is appointments – doctor, dentist, counsellor, hair, beautician …
Not just going to appointments but making time in our schedule and valuing ourselves enough to do so!

Onwards and upwards !

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Hi BSports,

I have just read your thread and it sounds like you are being terribly hard on yourself. There is not one person in life who has not messed up and we are all just struggling through the ups and downs of life.
I guess what is hard for us to let go of is what could have been but we often fail to recognise it can still be . Debts don’t have to be paid in a year or two – they can drag on for ten quietly in the background while we enjoy a really good standard of living.
GA wasn’t for me for the possibly the same reasons as the man who annoyed you. I really only found some type of recovery when I started to have compassion for myself and started to see myself in a new positive light – calling myself a cg was unhelpful at best and felt like a self fulfilling prophesy. Having said that some people have managed to maintain a recovery through GA.
Counselling is a great move – I also find mindfulness really helpful in coping with the anxiety that gambling has left behind.
I also get the relationships thing – once we find recovery our relationships change -people in our lives have to readjust and now deal with the stronger, more assertive and gamble free us – the relationship is no longer about them picking up the pieces or playing the victim. They have a to find a new way of being with us if relationships / friendships are to survive .

You are doing amazingly well but please have compassion for yourself . Look inside yourself and really see the wonderful person that is in there- the person who despite being dealt the horrible blow of having this addiction still battles on bravely doing everything they can to beat this .
You deserve recovery !

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Well done silvi on all the action you have taken to deal with this horrible addiction.
Hope to see u in group again soon.

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Thank you Steev for your post.
I am on day 78. That’s over 11 weeks and this month there will be a little left over in my account when payday arrives.
I am going to put it away and get a good emergency fund behind me before I really tackle debts. For now minimum payments will do.

The one thing I am absolutely going to treat myself to is cosy pjs and slippers. Do others find that cosy nightwear ceased to become a priority?

My brain is getting clearer and motivation for the mundane things in life such as cleaning is increasing.

I have been having huge urges – not for gambling – but to return to church where I haven’t been for at least the past 5 years. I always loved when my Sunday revolved around Mass, followed by breakfast with friends/ family. It was good for my soul but also good for my wellbeing.

That’s about it – life is improving !

My old life is returning little by little.

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Hi Ryan
I’m sorry to read things are difficult for you right now. Resisting urges is very difficult – I use barriers to help me – So I have gamban on my phone and other internet devices, I ordered a new bank card and got someone to scratch the last three numbers off the back so I can’t use it online.

Another idea is to switch to a bank which will not allow gambling transactions like Monzo bank.

I hope this helps .
Stay strong – things get so much better when we stop..

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