[i-did-it]

What a great end to the year Lizbeth – I remember us both writing about how we followed the same pattern of relapsing, feeling horrible and starting again – just look at us now – gamble free and ready for Christmas and the New Year.

I hope your Christmas is wonderful xx

[i-did-it]

So thank you Kin also !

[i-did-it]

Thank you Steev, Monica and Seanraj,

Merry Christmas everyone,

Back at the start of September I didn’t know if I would make it to the residential treatment. The day before I still hadn’t booked my travel tickets due to lack of funds.

Christmas seemed like forever away- I really thought nothing could help me but decided to give it a go.

I sat there on the first day of the residential and the facilitators stated with confidence that we would stop gambling if we gave it our all- many others had succeeded!

I inwardly knew I would be the exception- nothing could stop me! I could hardly break away from an all- nighters to take the first online meeting at 11am. When it ended I went straight back to my online casino.

Yet, here I am three and a half months later and I am gamble free. There have been a few close calls but I have not gambled on anything at all.

This is huge for me – I haven’t really had any gamble- free time  in the last few years.

I guess my Christmas message to anyone who is struggling is to move out of your comfort zone and do whatever it takes to become gamble free- if I can stop, trust me, anyone can!

[i-did-it]

Hi Kathyrn
Welcome to the forums.
If gambling is causing you difficulties in your life perhaps you could consider stopping for a while and then deciding if you want to stay stopped . This is a decision that only you can make but we are all here to offer support whatever you decide.
X

[i-did-it]

Hi Injamea

I gambled compulsively for an entire decade, and looking back the things which kept me trapped in the cycle were shame and embarrassment. I was too embarrassed to seek the help I needed.

Reading your story I feel a very positive step for you would be to go and self-ban from all local casinos. Sure you will feel embarrassed at the time but you will also feel hugely relieved..

Most of us need barriers to help us stop – this is usually MAT- money, access, time .

A few thing I have done which might help you –
I ordered a new debit card and got someone else to open it and scratch off the back three numbers. I can still use it in shops but cannot gamble online.
I put gamban (gambling blocker) on my phone – I told myself for years I could not afford it and yet it has saved me thousands as I can not gamble online.
I speak to a counsellor almost every week to help me stay focused.
I also visit the groups on here – there are species groups for new members.

You can stop gambling -if I can anyone can. Make it impossible to gamble !
It takes a little time for our finances to recover but they will.

By the way you have not lost the chance to be a husband or father. You have simply put it on hold.
As for attractiveness – once we have money to spend on grooming and clothes it is amazing how attractive we become!
I have great hope for you and your future Injamea!

[i-did-it]

One of the best things about being gamble free is “choice”.
Sometimes it’s simple choices like shall I go out for breakfast or shall I cook?
It may be the choice to attend an event because we can afford to go and buy decent clothes to wear.
As time progresses, choice also progresses. We can choose to move home, to make overpayments to our mortgage or to take a fabulous holiday.

What I didn’t expect was “choice” when it comes to people. I find as I continue on my gamble-free journey, my sense of self worth is increasing.
This means I no longer require people in my life who choose to pull me down rather than build me up… and it is a choice – each time we pass judgment, each time we criticise, each time we feel we can dictate to others or decide their motives – each time we do these things we do them because we like the high that the temporary power gives us, we like the feeling of superiority and we like that we escape our own insecurities for a short while.
It is definitely a choice because helping others makes us feel just as good inside ! And it leaves us feeling good for longer.

I notice now that I am not giving these people my time or energy I have so much spare time to fill. It is time I will use to do things for me, to follow my dreams instead of wasting time trying to please those who cannot be pleased !

This has been a week of deep learning !

[i-did-it]

Thank for your post on my thread Vera.
I so agree with your dream analysis – that’s another thing thing we have in common – people always ask me to interpret their dreams!
I think the dream was motivated (is that the correct word ?) by my impending Christmas visit to my family. You know it’s always really difficult for me to resist the urge to go gambling with them and they make it even more difficult.

You also Have flicked the switch and I hope that you are looking forward to a gamble free Christmas x

[i-did-it]

Great post Charles.
Christmas has also caused me to reflect on the past decade when gambling took over my life.
For the past number of years ,Christmas was a struggle. My mind was frantic waiting on my pre -Christmas pay coming Into the bank – and Christmas shopping was all last minute.

This year I feel relaxed – I still have some shopping to do but I am looking forward to a relaxed day in town with enough money not only to cover Christmas but also to have an ok January . I will stop fora nice meal and maybe a glass of wine with hubby.

All the people I won’t see again until after Christmas have had their gifts and there was no excuse of accidentally leaving it at home on the hall table! (I don’t even have a hall table )

Life is really good next year and I know it will just get better.

[i-did-it]

Well done Seanraj

You have done so well – keep going !

[i-did-it]

Hi Ady,
I’m not sure if someone has mentioned this but you can get a free trial with Gamban which will give you a few weeks until
You can afford to buy it.

I remember often feeling gamban was too expensive and yet I had no difficulty finding the money to gamble once I got paid . It certainly has given me freedom.

I look after my own finances as do many people one here . I have however ordered a new bank card and had a friend scratch off the final three numbers at the back. This means I can no longer use the card online but it will still work in shops.

These are a few things which I hope will be helpful to put in place before you next get money . The feeling of having money in the bank is so much better than any feeling gambling ever gave us – it’s just a matter of getting past the first few paydays.

Keep strong Adi – the thoughts about money will subside and yes it takes great patience at the start but you can do it .

[i-did-it]

Fifteen weeks gamble free tomorrow.
Almost had a little money panic but got by without resorting to borrowing – I cut back a little and stayed calm. In the past a money worry would have sent me straight to an online casino!

Last night I dreamt that I was gambling – I had a handful of 50p coins and I was throwing them into the machine – I felt absolutely horrible – had that feeling we get when we know we have gone too far… and then I glanced in my bag and I had coins left and didn’t think I had lost after all- but found a square 2p which was. extremely rare and very valuable !

I woke up feeling extremely relieved that it was just a dream but also with a heightened awareness that I am only coin away from gambling !

Onwards and upwards!

[i-did-it]

Hi Steev,
Yes that all sounds so stressful – I guess unpredictability is part of travelling but that doesn’t make it easier . When I went to my last Residential there were flood and trains were delayed and I found in incredibly stressful. And that’s just an hour or two late !

What type of work do you think you will do Steev? You seem to be qualified in a lot of areas so you should be able to get really well paid work .

Have you moved apartment yet steev? Do you like your Christmas home ? Will you try make it festive ?

Hope to catch u in group soon – it feels like a while since you were there .

[i-did-it]

Lizbeth,
It doesn’t sound corny at all- you deserve to feel happy and you have worked hard to remain gamble free. It is good to have be prepared and not have the awful stress of past Christmases.
I hope you have the best Christmas ever xx

[i-did-it]

Hi Vera
Great post .
I hope you have a really great Christmas.
Xx

[i-did-it]

Hi superstar
Congratulations on your gamble free time and even more so on your gamble free life.
I hope you are looking forward to the best Christmas, knowing that your hard work and effort has made it so.
Keep posting.

[Author]

Posts