[i-did-it]

Bedankt Velvet, ik denk dat deze verslaving me heeft gevonden – om eerlijk te zijn, het voelt alsof het mijn hele leven heeft gesudderd – maar het was zeker klaar om over te koken toen de kans zich voordeed. Deze huidige crisis met corona doet me twijfelen aan de toekomst – ik ben zo dankbaar dat ik geen koopjes probeer op lege schappen. Ik ben zo dankbaar dat ik een beetje geld achter me heb. Ik ben ook bang voor hoe onze wereld er over vier maanden uitziet. Ik kan me alleen concentreren op vandaag en mijn best doen voor vandaag.

[i-did-it]

Hi Ruthus
Steev has given you down very good advice.
You have a gambling addiction- you didn’t ask for it – and it’s horrible to feel driven to gamble when you really just want a normal life.

Steev is right – focus on not gambling but also on you. Have compassion for the person who has been trapped in this horrible gambling cycle, frightened of other finding out , trying to stop and trying to hide it, trying to win and devastated by losses, struggling to make ends meet while all the time deceived my the empty promise of a big win.

Have compassion for yourself and treat yourself with kindness . Accept all the help you can get and focus completely on stoping gambling – others things will fall back into place once you have the addiction under control.

Well done on seeking help and stay strong – you have a whole community here to support you x

[i-did-it]

Hi Meghna
Thank you for your post on my thread.

Firstly you didn’t relapse so please do not treat what happened as a relapse.

You understand that you have an addiction to gambling and that at times will-power alone isn’t enough.
You put barriers in place and your barriers held up .

You should be so proud of yourself.

You made this happen!

You sent a very strong message to the addiction that even during moments of weakness it can’t get you !

Well done Meghna – this is what barriers are for !

[i-did-it]

Thank you Vera.
I guess when we were young and had our lives ahead of us, we didn’t dream about giving as good as we get!
We didn’t dream about it because who would chose a living decades of their life battling constantly to avoid being crushed.

For me the battle is almost over – one way or another.
I have self-sacrificed for too many years and the manipulation no longer triggers my guilt.
I have little to feel guilty about – I spent some money . I worked hard my whole married life and yes I have have made mistakes. However the biggest mistake was choosing the wrong escape – I chose gambling when I should have just chosen me !!

[i-did-it]

Merci Véra. Je suppose que lorsque nous étions jeunes et que nous avions la vie devant nous, nous ne rêvions pas de donner autant que possible ! Nous n'en rêvions pas car qui choisirait de vivre des décennies de sa vie en se battant sans cesse pour éviter d'être écrasé. Pour moi, la bataille est presque terminée – d'une manière ou d'une autre. Je me suis sacrifié pendant trop d'années et la manipulation ne déclenche plus ma culpabilité. J'ai peu de raisons de me sentir coupable – j'ai dépensé de l'argent. J'ai travaillé dur toute ma vie de couple et oui j'ai fait des erreurs. Cependant, la plus grosse erreur a été de choisir la mauvaise échappatoire – j'ai choisi le jeu alors que j'aurais dû me choisir !!

[i-did-it]

Благодаря ти Вера Предполагам, че когато бяхме млади и животът ни беше пред нас, не сме мечтали да даваме толкова добре, колкото получаваме! Не сме мечтали за това, защото кой би избрал десетилетия от живота си в непрекъсната борба, за да не бъде смазан. За мен битката е почти приключила – по един или друг начин. Аз се жертвах твърде много години и манипулацията вече не предизвиква моята вина. Няма какво да се чувствам виновен – похарчих малко пари. Работих усилено през целия си брачен живот и да, допускал съм грешки. Най -голямата грешка обаче беше избора на грешно бягство – избрах хазарта, когато трябваше току -що да избера мен !!

[i-did-it]

Takk Vera. Jeg antar at da vi var unge og hadde livet foran oss, drømte vi ikke om å gi så godt vi får! Vi drømte ikke om det fordi hvem ville valgt et tiår i livet som kjempet hele tiden for å unngå å bli knust. For meg er kampen nesten over – på en eller annen måte. Jeg har selv ofret for mange år, og manipulasjonen utløser ikke lenger skyldfølelsen min. Jeg har lite å føle skyld over – jeg brukte litt penger. Jeg jobbet hardt hele gifte livet, og ja, jeg har gjort feil. Den største feilen var imidlertid å velge feil rømning – jeg valgte pengespill da jeg bare skulle valgt meg !!

[i-did-it]

Bedankt Vera. Ik denk dat toen we jong waren en ons leven nog voor ons hadden, we er niet van droomden om zo goed te geven als we krijgen! We hebben er niet over gedroomd, want wie zou ervoor kiezen om tientallen jaren van zijn leven te leven door constant te vechten om niet verpletterd te worden. Voor mij is de strijd bijna gestreden – op de een of andere manier. Ik heb mezelf te veel jaren opgeofferd en de manipulatie veroorzaakt niet langer mijn schuldgevoel. Ik heb weinig om me schuldig over te voelen – ik heb wat geld uitgegeven. Ik heb mijn hele huwelijksleven hard gewerkt en ja, ik heb fouten gemaakt. De grootste fout was echter het kiezen van de verkeerde ontsnapping – ik koos voor gokken terwijl ik gewoon mezelf had moeten kiezen !!

[i-did-it]

Thank you for your post on my thread Vera.
I sense something new in you – I’m not sure I can quite name it, but perhaps an understanding that we all deserve a little compassion from ourselves and from others.

Let go of the people who are an effort, who blow hot and cold, who let you or put you down.

We deserve peace and the best life we can live for as long as we are here x.

[i-did-it]

Thank you steev and Seanraj for your positive posts.

Steev you are so right – we cannot tackle anything else while we are lost to gambling addiction.

What’s new in my life ? I now have a cleaner who comes for a few hours a week while I’m at work . I arrive home to a clean house and I can focus on other things like cooking nice meals and sorting out messy areas. It’s just nice that the house work isn’t hanging over me ! Himself isn’t most pleased but I offered to pay him the same rate to do it and strangely he didn’t seem that keen!

I love this new me !!

[i-did-it]

Merci Steev et Seanraj pour vos messages positifs. Steev, vous avez tellement raison – nous ne pouvons pas nous attaquer à autre chose tant que nous sommes perdus dans la dépendance au jeu. Quoi de neuf dans ma vie ? J'ai maintenant une femme de ménage qui vient quelques heures par semaine pendant que je suis au travail. J'arrive à la maison dans une maison propre et je peux me concentrer sur d'autres choses comme cuisiner de bons repas et trier les zones en désordre. C'est juste bien que le travail de la maison ne pèse pas sur moi ! Lui-même n'est pas très content mais je lui ai proposé de lui payer le même tarif pour le faire et étrangement il n'avait pas l'air si enthousiaste ! J'adore ce nouveau moi !!

[i-did-it]

Благодаря ти steev и Seanraj за положителните ти публикации. Стив, толкова си прав – не можем да се справим с нищо друго, докато сме загубени от пристрастяването към хазарта. Какво ново в живота ми? Сега имам чистачка, която идва за няколко часа седмично, докато съм на работа. Пристигам у дома в чиста къща и мога да се съсредоточа върху други неща, като готвене на хубави ястия и подреждане на разхвърляни зони. Хубаво е, че домашната работа не виси над мен! Самият той не е най -доволен, но аз му предложих да му платя същата ставка, за да го направи и странно, че той не изглеждаше толкова запален! Обичам това ново аз !!

[i-did-it]

Takk steev og Seanraj for dine positive innlegg. Steev du har så rett – vi kan ikke takle noe annet mens vi går tapt for spilleavhengighet. Hva er nytt i livet mitt? Jeg har nå en renholder som kommer noen timer i uken mens jeg er på jobb. Jeg kommer hjem til et rent hus, og jeg kan fokusere på andre ting som å lage gode måltider og sortere ut rotete områder. Det er bare hyggelig at husarbeidet ikke henger over meg! Selv er han ikke mest fornøyd, men jeg tilbød å betale ham den samme prisen for å gjøre det, og merkelig virket han ikke så ivrig! Jeg elsker denne nye meg !!

[i-did-it]

Bedankt steev en Seanraj voor jullie positieve berichten. Steev je hebt zo gelijk – we kunnen niets anders aanpakken terwijl we verloren zijn aan gokverslaving. Wat is er nieuw in mijn leven? Ik heb nu een schoonmaker die een paar uur per week komt terwijl ik aan het werk ben. Ik kom thuis in een schoon huis en kan me concentreren op andere dingen, zoals het koken van lekkere maaltijden en het opruimen van rommelige ruimtes. Het is gewoon fijn dat het huiswerk niet boven mij hangt! Hijzelf is er niet zo blij mee, maar ik bood aan hem hetzelfde tarief te betalen om het te doen en vreemd genoeg leek hij niet zo enthousiast! Ik hou van deze nieuwe ik!!

[i-did-it]

Today I am still as full of gratitude to be gamble-free. I am still really happy to have money in the bank (not a lot this month but I can eat !).
Today there is also something new … I can see things with clarity .

We can try to blame ourselves and our gambling addiction on everything which goes wrong in our lives. We can blame ourselves for our relationships being less than perfect.

In truth many of us are escaping from something- whether it’s memories , trauma or very controlling people in our lives – people who could decide at any moment that they want to bring joy into our lives instead of being on their own agenda. Their own agenda means controlling and thinking they know best !

The difference between gambling and not gambling is that we can clearly see things for how they are. Our sight has come into focus.

I now have had almost a week of the latest “moodswing” – the one where someone else chooses to be in a mood and criticises all day long for weeks on end.

It starts as soon as they wake up and I am awoken, regardless of the hour , because of the urgent need to ask me a mundane question about the dog or the heating or criticise something I did less than perfectly !

It then continues throughout the day – I’m lazy, on my phone too much (they never put theirs down), selfish , the world revolves around me , I don’t care about my child, I don’t put the groceries away properly, I’m careless, the house is a mess, I’m a gypsy, I’m stupid, if I had brains I would be dangerous and it goes on and on all day long.

It’s the continuity which makes it seem normal.

I guess when I was younger there were interludes when I was also pretty and there was a sense of pride to be with me.
Unfortunately, the years and ageing have wiped away these nicer interludes!

Despite all I must have always had some sense of self worth because I take it all with a pinch of salt … or do I? I know I gambled for a long time. Was it to escape?

So today I have decided no more ! This person can sort himself out or I will sort the relationship myself! I deserve better – I deserve to either have the peace of being alone or the joy and positive companionship of being in a relationship.

I do not deserve to be a pawn in someone else’s months’ long moods.

People get too hung up on in sickness and in health and forget about the love, honour and respect !

It’s kinda like gambling -one day you just know it’s time to say “no more”!

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