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Craig welcome to the site . It appears to me that you have tried lots of things on your own but you need a little extra support . This may be really difficult to accept bbt having someone control/ monitor your money may be really helpful for you . It might add some accountability. Worth a try . Try also visiting the support groups on here . I find them really good .

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Aw Mav, I am so sorry to read that you have such sadnesses In Your life . Well done by staying strong and not gambling . I know how hard it is not to wish to escape sadness.

16 days is really good . I think those first weeks are so difficult . Take care .

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HI Micky,what a great post!
You are so right.
In fact Ithink in recovery there is no such thing as a normal day anymore . Every day is a wonderful gift for which we are so grateful. We probably appreciate little things in life more than most.
We are blessed.

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Hi Wisefox, I am sorry to hear you are feeling so bad . It’s time to use the serenity prayer . There are things u cannot change but must accept like losing your licence , losing your money and losing your car.

You messed up ! That’s makes you like every other person who uses this forum Including me . It’s the most horrible feeling in the world but it will pass.

Next part of the prayer – please find the courage to get out of bed. Get outside in the fresh air. Get yourself a cup of coffee and start to plan what u can do. There is something particularly indulgent about drinking coffee outside in the air. It kinda lifts the spirits .

One thing you can do is stop gambling . You know This because you have done it before . Let go the losses . Put into place what u need to .

There will be jobs going – not very glamorous ones maybe but you can work a lot of hours and make enough to get yourself on the road with a car again. U can do it . U are an intelligent resourceful person.

Let it go Wisefox and think what u can change and dig deep and find the courage to do what you need to do .

I will be praying the serenity prayer for you .

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Hi Mav, well done on 11 days. I know you are very short on cash right now Mav but I think it would be great medicine for you , regardless of debt or commitments if you buy yourself something really nice on pay day. I’m thinking great shoes you can see every time you look down, or a small TV or radio u can use everyday or even a George Foreman or fancy coffe e maker you can on sale for about 30-40. Make it something u will use often but wud never buy for yourself (or never feel you deserve)
This was important for me at the start .(for me it was necklaces and clothes!).
I feel kinda great when I used my posh (and very much reduced coffeemaker).i love how my house smells like coffee shop before work.. Do you know I still hesitate, sometimes for days over the four quid to buy the pods for it. Four quid was less than one spin when I gambled.
The point I’m making I guess is that we can keep telling ourselves we are worth it or we deserve it , but unless we change other behaviours and attitudes towards ourselves , we are not really living like we believe it . Yes we need to look after others in our life , but we need to be good to ourselves too sometimes

I guess it’s Like that fake it til we make it kind of thinking .

So pleased Mav .your days are building up . Now let’s build Mav up!

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Hi Katherine , im sorry to hear you are upset but I know only too well that upset is easier to deal with when our minds are not frantic trying to survive after gambling .
Life has really fallen into place for you and I love the Positive vibe of your thread .
Hope the tea and early night helps!
Xx

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Hi Mav, that was a generous gesture . It speaks volumes about you . Hope the flu gets better soon

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Hi Micky, how are things? Been a while since u posted so I hope all is going well for u !

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Hi Hopeful. You are very welcome and that was a great and honest opening post . You are right ! People can stop and do stop. I stopped!
I wish there was an instant solution. My stopping coincided with a major bully leaving my life. In fact I shut off all people who made me feel less good about myself and that included those who did it openly and those who did it under the guise of “helping”, “supporting” and “challenging” me. I never attended GA. I could imagine nothing worse for me . BUt I stopped and stayed stopped .

I Believe GM house will be exactly what you need . I hope you get a chance to move on from your unstable childhood and realise that you are as valuable as any other human on this planet . There is not a single person worth more than you .

YOu say you can’t hold on to money – well spend it . Spend it on you . What this did for me was it trained my brain to realise that I was worth spending money on and that money can be enjoyed in other ways. Buy yourself a nice meal or a new warm coat . Or even big thick snuggly socks . U will be no worse off than when you gamble it !

I have never been homeless and I can’t imagine how difficult it must be. I find myself wondering if you are replicating your childhood in a way when your home was taken from you because of your mothers illness .

I truly believe you will stop gambling . I predict you will go in to do great things and discover that life can be beautiful for you.
You deserve the very best in life . You have a lot to offer . You are for example a very good writer . Please believe that you deserve a home and a happy life .
Here’s a link I liked . It reminded me of your story a little .

http://m.cambridge-news.co.uk/quit-gambling-got-life/story-22751348-detail/story.html

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Hi Hope, I feel Velvet makes a really good point . The support should be for you on your own thread. When this is compromised it will No longer fulfil its purpose for you. You start to write knowing others are reading and analysing your every word.
I still try to read everyday about gambling . I found these stories . You Might find them encouraging .
Maybe your son would like to read them.. For me buying new things was a huge motivator similar to the lady in one of the links , but maybe that’s a “girl” thing.
http://behappytips.com/quit-gambling-addiction-cold-turkey/

http://m.cambridge-news.co.uk/quit-gambling-got-life/story-22751348-detail/story.html

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Hi LL, it is torture and i have been tortured so often. However I Learned that once we stop everything , including our heads, becomes normal really fast.

Try to ride out the horrible hangover . LIke all hangovers it will fade . I so feel for you but you know you have the power within you to make sure this is your last ever torture by this demon.

LL have you got barriers in place . Can you add to them?

It is difficult. And no matter how often we tell ourselves next time will be different, we will withdraw when we are up we just don’t!
I think that’s the thing that really makes us different to non addicted gamblers . We cannot accept a loss but neither can we accept a win! I stopped . You can too. Here’s a few of my strategies .. I hope they help you .
So u want to chase your loss-you can still chase it in a weeks time. Try telling yourself you don’t need to chase it today .
If you have any money left treat yourself to something nice to mark the start of your new attitude to money and how you will use it . (My first buy was sparkly sandals )

instead of fantasising about the wonderful gift you will buy your girlfriend when you win- go out and buy her something small. A hand in the bush …

If u are skint try this next time you get a few bob.

I found these kind of things helped me enjoy other things money can do for me .

I hope this helps you a little . You have a future , a really great one . Grab it !

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Hi Hope , I have training in the area of suicide prevention so I couldn’t ignore your post . I should also have said if you feel your son is very vulnerable please see your GP. Praying for you .

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Hi Hope ,
I hope you don’t mind my writing on your thread. I am a mother who has been to hell and back with worry about my son for very different reasons but I do understand sleepless nights, worrying , watching, fearing ,hoping , praying, anxiety and being unable to switch off from it .. At times it feels that my personal happiness is still connected by an uncut umbilical cord to that of my son. Therefore I have empathy for you .
I hope my post will give you hope . I’m not sure why I developed a gambling disorder but I did ( my personal preference is to describe it as a disorder- it makes it smaller than defining myself as a cg etc) – perhaps my mind could no longer cope with the constant worry . However , I am free now, happy and building a very nice life . I had to write and tell you people do recover and get their life back . I hope my story will give you hope . I am happy .
People describe this addiction/ disorder as selfish and yes my behaviour must have seemed very selfish but really I wasn’t a selfish person. I hurt myself as much as anyone else . My biggest emotion was shame followed by guilt. I think gambling disorder must be like OCD. It shouts louder than anything else in Your brain or anything else in your life.

I tried everything and in truth end I got there .
I used a supplement called NAC which has been researched and helps many with gambling disorder .
I took a broad supplement to include as many minerals and vitamins as I could find (expensive but worth it )
I was thinking heal the body and the mind will follow .
I attended online group support
I handed over ( well truthfully it was taken from me ) control of my money to someone else.
I immediately started to treat myself to nice things/ treats despite a lack of funds and I really think this was the most important thing for me . I started to enjoy other things like a meal out or a new necklace and get pleasure from them.
I refused to allow anyone put me down or make me feel small. I had made mistakes but who hasn’t . I guess I forgave myself .

If you asked me what would I advise? I would meet my son at the atm / bank on payday and ask him for the money for the food (every lunch) the train tickets and his lodgings which you provided for the previous month. I would not give him the opportunity to not pay his way ! It wil help u feel Less used and give him some sense of pride that he is paying his wAy. If you feel he won’t turn up at the bank , wait at his work and go to the bank with him!

I would ask him to also pay for the socialising he has done with his friends . You wil probably always be a month behind but u might as well have it as his habit.

If you wish to write to him I would simply write something like I love you and because of that I want u to return to paying your wages into my account because you will feel better when you know you have money behind you. People often say money can’t buy you happiness, but they are only the people who have not experienced life without money !

I would aknowledge that yes life is a battle right now but he will never have to battle alone . he does sound very vulnerable right now so it is important to make him feel needed and valued . Even small comments like it lifts my heart when I hear the door and know it’s you.

I don’t mean to scare you but if you feel he is suicidal it is a good idea to ask him very directly if this is the case .
Then he may need different specialised help.

I would avoid saying anything that make him feel worse right now like saying how this impacts on you etc.

I know you are weary . I know how much of your life this had consumed but I believe your boy will recover. I believe you are his greatest medicine in his recovery and I know you are a caring marvellous mum.

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Hi Kathryn, thank you for your post on my thread. I like your thread too. I love to bag a bargain so your top sounds great . I love that feeling of normality too. I loved how you signed off your old thread. I tended to always sign mine of in a huff lol

Being gamble free is amazing and I love how you are really LIVING a gamble free life

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Hi Micky, you are so right in what you say about targets . Even meeting small targets like a ten minute walk , or eating our five a day give us a sense of achievement .
I hope life is going great for you

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