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Hi Dave -day one means you are in the up- for some people stopping is instant- they go to one ga meeting or counselling session and they are stopped- for others it’s a process-we are all different but we can all get there. If day ones become less frequent – that’s progress. Life isn’t black and white . Hang in there – u will get there

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Hi C21,
Debt can seem unsurmountable but there are agencies out here which help you for free- Step Change is one.

Perhaps if you speak to these in the morning you feel will more positive as you will have taken action to help sort things . I believe that there is a solution to every debt – just sometimes we need help finding it.
You could also ring gamcare who can organise free counselling for you .
C21 – I know only too well how easily this addiction can drag us down but you have inner strength you don’t realise- you have handled this problem for a considerable length of time on your own- now it’s time to reach out and let others help you .
Keep posting- you have everything to live for – you are a good person as it obvious from how you are trying to protect your family from this .

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Thank you Mav and Lizbeth – your posts have really lifted me -and here I am once again writing my thoughts on my thread .

I called this post “please don’t rain on my parade”
When I’m doing well I don’t want your “buts” under the guise of support
I don’t want your “howevers” under the guise of challenging me
I don’t want your “my way only ” under the guise of helping me
I don’t want your superiority because you made it

This is my recovery – it’s about me
This is my recovery – it’s not about how wonderful you are
This is my recovery – it’s not about how great your life is
This is my recovery- it’s about building me up not shooting me down
This is my recovery – I want positivity – keep your negativity for someone who wants it
This is my recovery – let me enjoy it without your putdowns
This is my recovery – let me live it without your judgement
This is my recovery – mine mine mine

This is my recovery – if you feel the need to tarnish it – perhaps u aren’t working your own steps as well as you think u are !

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I love this post Mav -it really appeals to the analytical part of my brain . Your thinking is very clear – you know exactly what happens when you gamble .
I especially love your formula for a happy life.

I admire how despite the struggle in your brain, you carry on with looking after your kids , fixing them breakfast- it seems to me that the more “normal ” things we do, the more “normal” our view of gambling becomes .

Thank you for your post on my thread – it has really helped me .

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Hi ungambled.
What a fantastic post and how kind of you to take the time to share your success with us – please ignore anyone who is sceptical of what worked for you- if it’s working for you keep doing it – I really believe with this (as most illnesses) it’s not a case of one size fits all.
Everyone who shares what worked for them gives hope and strategies to others .
I think medication could possibly be the answer for many especially as this addiction upsets the brain chemistry – also there has been research by prestigious universities which supports that certain supplements can decrease urges to gamble- again it’s not a case of one size fits all but definitely your post will help some people on here – perhaps those who have tried other things but they have not worked for them.

Keep posting – please keep us up to date with your journey – it really is helpful to read about the success of others .

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“I don’t like having my thoughts from maybe last October quoted back at me so someone can score a point ”

I have not had your experience about too close to the bone – so I cannot comment .

Vera I think sometimes we all need to face up to stuff .
However , support is meant to be support .
We should not feel judged – we should feel supported.

Often I feel I can’t write openly on my thread because of that judgement – so i guess if it’s not honest what’s the point in writing it. An example – I would not claim to have a perfect marriage but we work at it , we are still together and as the years roll by we have a depth of connection that others may not get but we get it! I find I have to defend my marriage in groups because of maybe something I wrote months ago on my thread, perhaps during a blip ( and most “real” relationships have blips ) . I say something about my husband in group and someone accuses me of giving them mixed messages about my marriage because Of my thread – I think my marriage is really none of your business and if u are so focused on mine It sets huge alarm bells off as to the state of your own-!! there’s a lot more to being honest in a marriage than whether someone gambles or not !!

I understand others may have had very different experiences- others may not have had the experience of feeling judged rather than supported .

So I guess yes , I have felt my thread has been used to prove me to be a liar in groups ! If they had been called “judgment groups ” rather than support groups I probably would have avoided them !! This is my experience and as such is it valid for me !

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How are things going Jonny?

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HI Coaster- what a great thread to read first thing in the morning- very upbeat and motivating.
I am sooo happy to read of your success.
-don’t let anyone burst your bubble or knock you off the course you are now on.
Some people truly believe that their way is the only way and don’t realise the damage their negativity can do .
Keep doing everything you are doing and enjoy the great life you are building !

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So glad u made it to group JX- u are doing ok u know-
nHope u feel are feeling better –
nU will get to know people on here and that wil be a great source of support for u – people who have been there and know how hard it can be
nKeep strong !

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HI JX,
nFirstly well done on not gambling for four and a half months – that’s really brilliant . You messed up but u didn’t kill anyone! You are working hard to put things right .
nJust hang in there and look after yourself .
n
nWe all make mistakes – I am sure your partner had made some too in his life.
nDon’t be too hard on yourself – keep working on your recovery.
nYou might find the support groups useful -they are on in the evenings and you get to chat to others who have made similar mistakes.
nYou could maybe reach out to one of your partner’s family – sounds like you got in very well with them and I’m sure they too knwo what it’s like to make a mistake !

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Thank u for noticing Vera.
Honestly sometimes it feels like I am
encouraged to write a thread and then it is used to as a stick to beat me with
Posts are my thoughts on a particular day
They are not “the gospel according to I-did-it”
I don’t like having my thoughts from maybe last October quoted back at me so someone can score a point – as how I feel about many things changes
I may not feel the same the next day /hour never mind months later

And I just wanted to write and treat this like a diary rather than something for people to pick apart or analyse or use to prove me wrong or to prove me a liar !

So yes I have decided no thread for 2017 for me!

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Just been reading some of your thread 3raser- first u have not lost those 14 days – u have learned from them that you can do this –
Second – u can stop – if u honestly cut off all access to gambling u will have no choice but stop
Third -once we stop we quickly feel Normal again-
Fourth – you are an honest person- it’s time to be honest with yourself about the doors u leave open to gamble

I promise you if you do everything possible to cut off gambling from yourself and that might mean handing ALL your money to someone else to manage – u will stop immediately – u also will feel better almost immediately .

None of us can do this on our own- but now of us are alone

Sometimes shame or embarrassment stops us reaching out for help .

You will stop 3raser- your honesty on your thread gives me great hope for you .
You will stop and you deserve a good life –
Please understand u may never be free from this addiction but u can be free from it’s control

I am writing this because I found it so hard to stop- I find it immensely difficult to stay stopped – but I love the life I have now after a short while.
Yes it’s shallow but I love that I have nice clothes and my hair nicely coloured .
Every day u are stopped , treat yourself to something to train your brain to the benefits of being stopped !
I sometimes go for an m and s hot chocolate wi cream.

You got to an amazing 14 days – maybe next time it will be 21 – maybe next time It will be forever –

Don’t give up now when u are on the way to a great recovery .
As Vera says lock down there accounts -put a gambling blocker on all ur internet devices , hand over control of your money to some one else .

I had to do all of the above and invest £10 on a phone hat allowed calls and texts and nothing else .

Sorry if This sounds like a lecture – I guess I have been there too often – but I know that recovery is possible and u can do it as u have proven .

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Great post Charles – I had a great Christmas and am looking to the new year – I find myself a little overwhelmed with invitations at this time of year – it might sound silly but I always feel I am letting someone down .
On the plus side I have a comfortable amount of money at my disposal, I have savings which I have ensured I cannot touch – and yet I find it a struggle to stay gamble free – and I find myself often feeling fearful of what the future might bring . I know I really can’t hold a credit or debit card – that might be forever ! I know I can’t do online banking – that might be forever . I know the urge will always resurface – that might be forever . I know I sometimes feel powerless to resist – that might be forever .
What I can do is make it impossible for me to gamble. I can make my barriers so high I cannot gamble. If I decide to leave a door open I have to accept that this is my addicted brain planning for a future gamble .

I feel for my friends on here who are really struggling – especially those who feel they have run out of energy to try again.

Life does get better – a lot better! An example is I had forgotten about letters and calls from credit card companies until someone brought it up in group – this removes a lot of stress .

We are all different – Charles you like to shop well in advance -what I loved about this Christmas was i could go out just before Christmas and do all my shopping because I didn’t have to search for bargains ! I love shopping close to Christmas and dropping into a nice old pub for dinner – I had forgotten how good that was .

So the new year will bring good and bad – it is highly improbable that I will no longer have urges to gamble – I just need to make sure I cannot act I those urges .

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Ah MIcky – u are feeling a bit low – no I don’t think death will bring u peace – how cud u have peace looking at ur little lad breaking his heart .
This is u Micky – brush yourself down . Make a plan . And work your way up .
I think xmas is the hardest time of year – keep strong .

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As any post that ever hints on anything less than perfection in f and f usually is . But here’s my tuppence worth and I hope people who feel as insulted by the generalisations in this thread as I do get to read it :

Well it’s true you can’t put your mind into he head of a “cg”

For example – I love Christmas and enjoy it every year .
I also feel full of love every Christmas ( and all year long)
I never once thought my family would be better off without me -I am the glue which holds everything together – I am the mother- maybe not as perfect as some would claim to be , but a loving mother nonetheless

Maybe the in laws and cousins feel it’s time to stop targeting the “cg” and see the good in them? Interestingly the people who can see the good are the people who know him/ her best. – not some Inlaw great uncles !They may not be in denial they may just think enough’s enough- let the poor person have a Christmas where they are not shamed , where they are allowed to feel connected and included and from which they don’t wAnt to escape ?. It’s not a matter of denial- it’s more a matter of not jumping on the bandwagon.

. Why would a “loved one ” wish to have everyone pick on the “cg”? Is that not ganging up and bullying ? We all have good in us if people can get off their pedestal long enough to see it. Maybe this is a huge cultural difference but when people are invited to my home there is an understanding that they will show respect for all members of my family and if they don’t show this – they will be shown the door !

How would uncle Fred possibly know the family business and if he was going to be rude to a member of the family why would he be invited ? Makes no sense to me . It sound like it is his arrogance that is making everyone uncomfortable !

Maybe it’s just me but this reads like a very big axe is grinding and I feel generalisations based perhaps on personal experience or even that of some others are unhelpful and discouraging.
If you wish to use labels then yes I am a “cg” but definitely none of the above applies to me – I’m not saying it applies to no one – but I find the generalisations in this post very insulting and discouraging . Vera wrote a very good post about connectiveness and recovery – might be worth people popping over to read it .

We would all like the perfect family and sorry if I am bursting anyone’s bubble – it does not exist – maybe it’s time to let go of the quest for perfection and work on making what we have as great as we can make it ?

I am so happy I live with my Lovely supportive family where we are allowed to make mistakes and recover from them in a private environment . Maybe thats why I recovered ?

And finally – not all cgs have stolen !!

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