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Thank you P for your encouragement. I guess I am slower at getting there than most – but I do try to brush myself down, get up and try again as soon as I can. I try not to let a slip turn into a full relapse. Harry advised me one time on the helpline that a slip isn’t a full relapse and i have always tried to remember that .
I hAd it all set up with a “friend” to go to GA last week but in the end they didn’t want me there with them – and rather than be honest about it they picked an argument – we live and learn . This way I suppose they can pretend to themselves that they are right (as always). I have no idea what they were even arguing about but I have taken a big step back from them. I need to surround myself with people who are helpful to my recovery . I guess I learned that recovery is really a journey that we need to travel alone and we really shouldn’t depend on anyone .

I know you get a lot from GA. P, but I can imagine nothing worse for me – I find all that sharing stuff hard – and yes I also find the judgement of others hard too . However despite that I am going to try make it to a meeting soon – I guess you can’t knock it until you’ve tried it.

I’m so glad to read how well you are doing . I think about how people talk about working on our character flaws and I can’t imagine you have any – you are one of the kindest , most supportive people on here – your posts lift my day and fill with encouragement, determination and hope .
It’s day 8 for me p – I’m not going to remember days ( it kept deleting the c o u n t word ?) but somehow the never ending urges have subsided -i think the early nights help- I guess it’s difficult to achieve anything when we are constantly tired and I did most of my gambling at night when the rest of the family was asleep.

Keep well and thank you as always for your support .

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I guess Geordie I would prefer if people had something to say they were forthright and wrote it on my thread just as you did today – that I respect – like most people I imagine, I don’t like reading other people’s threads and finding my faults referenced there . I have had some bad experiences on here – hence the rules I set on my old thread which allowed me the space to get back to feeling comfortable posting. You will notice I no longer use that thread .

On the bright side I have had a gamble free week (encouraged by your post Geordie ), I have got past my issue with posting after a couple of years (again encouraged by your post) and i think I might have discovered the secret to happiness – early nights !! I am going to bed at 9.30 and waking up naturally around six and I feel like a new person.

Yes last weekend I got past my gambling blocker so yes I will have to get rid of the iphone – in fact I got past it in a way which means I will unlikely ever be able to own a smartphone again. That is an absolutely huge deal to me – I guess I’m addicted to my phone also – the iPhone was one of the few ‘things’I ever really desired – mostly cos I can do so much work on it . I adore watching Netflix on there but of course if I maintain my gamble free time I can easily afford a tv for my bedroom. I love to use my step counter but I guess if I’m gamble free I can afford a fit bit – I love my iBooks . It’s not that is important to me to have an iPhone it’s that I really love the apps on there . Despite my gambling and my desire to win I am not really materialistic – maybe that’s why I keep playing and never cash out . It won’t bother me to have a simpler phone .

Contrary to what you perceive from my thread Geordie I really appreciate your straight talking – you are so right about the phone – and even though I kinda thought that somewhere it is really helpful to read it in black and white – constructive criticism is always welcome and constructive advice is always helpful .

Finally, yes once again you have made me feel better about the post on the other thread – it is not my problem what others write – it is 100% their problem and I am not going to waste another moment of my life worrying about it . I always try to live my life by the rule “live and let live”, and I need to remember the “live” bit !

Thank you for taking the time to write me Geordie – you have a way with words that helps me see things clearer – sometimes I get bogged down and distracted from the real purpose of my thread – to help me in recovery .

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You know Paul , I am writing this as the person who has never been able to come clean – who has never been able to be honest for all kinds of reasons including the one you mention. I am also the person who is on week one again.
Just something to think about … from someone who is most unqualified to offer you advice but hope you find my posts supportive nonetheless .

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Hi Paul , I have be honest and say while I have had periods of abstinence I have never really done it ! I struggle and I convince myself I can win. It never do – Ido well for a while and then return to the days of hell. I know everything I should do but somehow always convince myself that next time will be different – that I will win , that I will withdraw –

I would advise you attend Charles groups where you will get good advice – it will also help pick you up and give you hope for the future . You will also get advice from members who are doing well in recovery .

I hope this helps Paul – I guess really it depends how much you want recovery .

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Hi Paul, well done on taking steps to address your addiction. Self excluding and seeking support are very positive steps. It is so easy to slip back into old ways . The addiction tells us we will only lose one tenner and then stop…half an hour later our credit card is maxed out. Keep using support Paul.

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Hi Dabbers it was nice to meet you in group recently . You are making great progress. Well done on your honesty in Telling your husband. This addiction is horrible but you reached a year before and you seem to be very determined to stop . I truly believe you will .

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I realise I have had the most horrendous jet lag for several days now – I crossed a lot of time zones last week but at last I am feeling a little better ! . I feel better after sleeping for half the day .

I like to read other threads – it helps me and allows me to support others . I have to admit I go through dry spells when I can’t seem to write and other times I can’t seem to stop .

I notice some people write all over other people’s threads ( I can be like that at times ) while rarely posting on their own.

I find it “disconcerting ” and ” off putting” to find my thread referenced in a negative way on the thread of another person… there is certainly not a plank in my eye when it comes to reading what is written in black and white .

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Thank you Geordie and Charles – I appreciate both your replies.
I think I am slowly getting back to me – I am still feeling fragile – I think that’s the word that best describes it . I feel like I could easily break. I think others notice it whether they realise it or not – I find in work people are going out of their way to be kind and helpful and I sense in their tone they can see I’m fragile . I guess they know I’m not myself right now.

I have a worry – one which I can’t write about on here – one I should have faced but instead escaped into gambling . I love my child so dearly – he is my life – and yet sometimes I wonder if I’m strong enough to cope with the worries children bring . I am finding it more difficult to pull it together and keep going – full time mother / full time work outside the home . I look around and I see my shortcomings everywhere .
When I post now it make me cry.

Worries come and go in life I guess – our ability to cope changes but we get there – what I can clearly see is that escaping to gambling is akin to pouring petrol on a burning house . It can only make things worse.

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P can you believe I went looking for your thread earlier – congratulations – I am so pleased for you- you deserve recovery – proud of you girl!

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Micky , your positive posts give me a great lift also and keep me hopeful

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Geordie , that is a lovely comforting post – I had a brilliant holiday – and probably the best Summer ever – I will tell u more about it if we come across each other in a group.
Im not sure I have ever been gamble free – well not in recent years – but i have made progress- I have savings , debts are reduced and gambling incidents have also been greatly reduced . Recently however I feel I am falling back to old ways . At times I am amazed by how clever I can be – I have found a very complex method of getting round my gambling blocker (which I pay for )- and yet at how stupid I can be – I still think I will lose a tenner and stop and why pay for a blocker and then try get round it – hardly the actions of an intelligent person.

Thank you for writing so kindly , respectfully and considerately towards how fragile I feel right now . I feel I am good at giving encouraging support. I try to help people look forward and see a good future but when I make a mistake it feels like people think it will help me to kick me when I’m down. It doesn’t help – it just makes me want to stop “support”. In fact I came on here right now to close my account and your post has really helped me .
At this stage I have probably heard everything I need to hear in terms of what I should do – but I feel encouraged that you say no one is doomed to a life of gambling .
You are right – it doesn’t matter if someone laughs or enjoys my struggle – none of us have perfect lives . I am hesitant to post as I explained in my deleted post . I have tried to explain this for a couple of years now and no one gets it- I’m not sure if you really get that this been a real difficulty for me but somehow your post has reduced that fear .

So how Do i feel right now Geordie ?
I feel I will never stop gambling
I feel afraid .
I feel a fraud
I feel I am the worse mother in the world
I feel the future is bleak
I feel trapped
I feel I really have no one to talk to about my struggles
I feel too fragile for the interrogations which never help me
I feel too fragile for the “straight talk” which feels like I am being physically punched
I worry this addiction will eventually be the end of me

But mostly I feel totally alone with this because I am unable to access support which might help me . I am unable because I am the way I am .

I want support to be somewhere I feel I can open up and say this happened , this is how I feel – please help me see a better future , one which gives me hope .
Your post did that for me today – so thank you .

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MIcky so nice to read you are in relationship – recovery is about more than abstinence . Keep doing what works for you- remember you deserve the very best life has to offer .

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Glad to have u back Micky- I’m kinda on a break myself !

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Glad to have u back Micky- I’m kinda on a break myself !

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Omg if this is true my life would become so perfect !
Will this cover all those sites from other countries too- the problem I have with betfilter is that it only blocks one device although it has been brilliant having it in my phone .
Thank you for letting us know about Gamstop

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