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MY mate and I went walking along the beach this morning. It wAs lovely and we had a coffee afterwards .
She never mentioned bingo or slots because as I suspected I was the one who was interested in those things !

I hope this is the start of a new and deeper friendship for us .
I’ve walked three miles – not bad for someone as unfit as me.

I have this vague plan that once I get used to walking I will run little bits – Perhaps I am too old or too stiff but I think I would like to take part in some charity runs maybe in a year when if my fitness increases .
I am realising that being fit opens up a whole new world of activities and a whole new social scene .
Interestingly when I came home from the thee mile walk I got stuck into housework and have done a huge amount- so it’s true that exercise increases your energy.
I unpacked from my June holiday-u getting how bad things had gotten ? I cleared the dining room table for the first time since maybe Easter ? I also “parented” and stood my ground on a few issues . Changing mummy changes life for everyone lol.
I can happily declare that I am a full day gamble free since 4 am this morning . I feel differently. I feel hopeful. I feel good.

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Eraser it is so hard to stop and then when we the urges become even stronger – you have done it before – you will do it again.
I hope you get caught up in your bills and that the overtime helps

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Hi Laura ,
Sorry to read your health is poor at the moment but your post is upbeat and optimistic just the same . I hope you are feeling supported . All countries should have health care – it’s something we take for granted in the UK.
Post whenever you feel up to it and let them s know how things go – it would be nice to see you in a group sometime soon too although they now coincide with my ga meeting .
Thinking of you Laura

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Hi SJ
Looking forwArd to catching up with you and hearing about your trip

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Thanks Vera .
I also am gone up two sizes in a month – I know people forget to eat when they gamble – for me I graze mindlessly – I have just texted my “gambling friend ” and organised to do an early walk on the beach- In truth I am the one who always suggests gambling – so maybe this will be something we can do often.

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I am super tired tonight – from gambling half the night away and then having to rise for work.
That’s it over – the cards are chopped up – still have my phone tho -and have GA on Monday .
I have not spoken yet at GA – I want to wait til I can say the same as everyone else “I haven’t gambled since my last meeting “. Tempted to squeeze a meeting in at the weekend so I can say that – That’s just me – Trying to deceive the other GA members – I really can be unbelievably daft .

Despite all life is kinda good – I seem to be building deeper relationships with people I have known years –
I am feeling bad about a friend who I have taken a major step back from- we had little in common outside gambling. I still feel bad cos I guess I have hurt her .

That’s about it – nothing to report

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Hi Micky , Vera has given you good advice – I set up a repayment plan with all my credit cards-and I pay a little to them all monthly – I have cleared quite a few.
Sorry to hear you are feeling low – I am considering residential treatment – is that something that would interest you?
It sometimes feels like we work hard all week to barely survive .well done on coming clean- nobody understands more than the people on here .

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Very powerful poem Sean .

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Very powerful poem Sean .

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Hi trailrunner – we all know those cups of tea are the most expensive money can buy – I met someone who had trained to work in a casino. He said that in their training they were told hat their job is to make sure everyone goes home with their pay check left at the casino – think about it – how many of those workers want to meet you for a cup of tea outside the casino ?
It is hard when many family members gamble – I am in the Same situation. They would feel it was a waste of a night to go to a movie or for a meal – and yes they boast about their winnings too,. It is hard as you have to find a whole
New way of living and socialising but I think as you have joined here that is something you want to do .
I hope you find nice things to replace those chats with the arcade workers .you deserve to have your money to spend on you .

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Hi Monica ,
You say you are in the UK- I thought there was lots of debt advice and help available in UK e.g. stepchange and citizens advice . Has this not been helpful for you ? I found stepchange pretty useless I have to say .
U have been gamble free for a long time so well done . Don’t worry about replies – sometimes I want to reply to everyone and sometimes I can’t bring myself to post to others – I guess it is the way we are.
I feel you are a very kind person when I read you have been supporting others – I try to support others but in truth find when I need support my “friends” runs and hide under some self indulgent pretext or other . In truth I am more careful nowadays about who I give my time to .

Anyway rant over – remember put yourself completely first in beating this addiction. You deserve to be number one and you deserve all life has to offer .

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Thank P and Mark.
MArk I am so glad you understood what I was saying- I have said for years one size doesn’t fit all and sometimes if we are in recovery a while we can forget what the struggle is really like. Sometimes we may even perhaps become a little superior- we should all remember that whether we are gamble free twenty years or twenty seconds we are all the same distance away from our next bet (I get it at last Charles !)

So I guess the whole challenge is keeping that next bet from happening .
When you break it down like that it doesn’t seem such a big deal .
Today I am going to do what I should have done years ago – source a new phone . A basic “old lady” phone (haha). It’s true pride comes before a fall- I do kinda feel a bit proud of my phone – u will understand I haven’t had much decent stuff in recent years and the phone I could pay off monthly . I understand at last that there is no place for pride in recovery .
Whether it is pride at doing better than others , pride at acquiring stuff or pride that stops us seeking the help we need . I guess I suffer from pride in all the forms I mentioned.

It occurs to me that when we are in recovery we should be working On our character faults . I see little discussion on GT of our own character faults – maybe we have become so good at dishing out advice we forget the person who needs to be worked on most –MYSELF.

There’s my tuppence worth for this morning – I would love to say I feel great but I feel shame and guilt still- however I recognise that this also is a form of self indulgence – a kind of viictim “poor me ” mentality . This leads to dependent relationships and is best to avoid.
I cannot change the past – I can only change today

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How Mark , well done on the positive steps you have taken to control this horrible addiction. I was really chuffed to see you had posted in my thread – sometimes I just write my rambling thoughts and am not sure if others can make sense of them.
With regards to whether you want to stop gambling .

In truth most of us on here love gambling and I guess most of us don’t “want” to stop- but our lives have reached a stage where we can no longer maintain our habit which has become an addiction.
You know how you feel Mark and don’t let anyone else’s doubts or interpretion of your thread deter you from it . We all deserve to be free from the pain of addictive gambling .

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Thanks Charles , Micky and Kathryn.
It is strange but I like my thread a whole lot more recently .
I feel I can write openly and I look forward to the positive responses I am getting.
Maybe I have changed !
I might be overly sensitive but it nice when people pick up the positive aspects of my thread , and don’t post judgement on the more negative parts.
If a thread is to be honest it has to have warts and all- and we all know picking at warts makes them spread!

It had got to the stage where my thread dragged me down more than supported me .

Tonight I did something I haven’t done in along time – I did a self hypnosis session from u tube.
It was a 40 minute session and I woke up three hours later . The wake up call at the end never wakes me up – and I always am fast asleep a few minutes in- not sure if that’s normal but I have no urges tonight .
I am testing it a little but it seems too much hassle to get the laptop out.
Other nights it would not have been too much hassle to climb on the roof to get a laptop so I’m thinking this is a change . If anyone is interested I can post the link . It might be just for tonight but my brain is so happy to have a break from tHe constant urges.

Life in general is good – I am happy and still cannot believe the depth of really positive support and lack of critism I am finding at GA. It works for me . It feels like I have met with the kindest people who understand what it’s like to feel really vulnerable – and they handle my vulnerability with care .

I always knew that “advice “, “straight talking” , telling me the “things I don’t want to hear “, and criticism under any other guise dragged me down – maybe I have had enough of that in my life .
I have recently realised that for me that when I feel dragged down , I feel less than others – then I dream about how I will be “someone” when I get that big win and then I’m back in the cycle of gambling.

I think when I started my old thread with my list of rules , I knew I wants this to be somewhere I felt supported – and therein lies the difference with face to face meetings
Interpretation of the written word is as much about the mood of the reader as the writer. Without seeing each other’s faces it is difficult to decipher whether a person is letting off steam, being deeply nasty and bitter or just really Hurting when they write a negative post .
Yeah I’m sold on GA.

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Rainman , click support groups along the top of this page – this will lead you to the groups –they are on tomorrow evening – I just checked – the groups start at 7pm – be careful , some of them lock you out after fifteen mins to allow people to talk in private so get there in. the first fifteen mins – maybe see u there

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