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Hi Monica – I’m not sure if you have been already but if not why not head over to yet support groups – Charles is holding a new members group right now.
Can u send a link for that Christian best thing.
Glad to read u are feeling more upbeat

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Well done trailrunner – first days are the hardest – some people do relapse but then again others never do . Day four for me too so we can ***** our days together .

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Day 4 – in the zone – feeling good!
Writing about the urge really helped -half way through week one and feeling positive .
Instead of thinking constantly about gambling, I am having an occasional urge – that I can deal with easily.
I will not gamble today

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Read above

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I am watching tv and thinking when I wake up tomorrow I will be on day 4- when next thing an ad comes up for a new casino . Arghh – and I’m thinking maybe and then I thought try writing about the urge – see if that works so here I am
It’s not going to happen tonight- I am making it to day 4 which starts at 4 am-

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Monica I know what you mean .
I couldn’t see the big shot mentality in me either- but then I realised that the big win fantasy always involved a huge car which would let people know how well I had done(lol) so I guess have it in there somewhere . Interestingly this fantasy has led me to having the oldest car of anyone I know.

I hope you have a good day despite all- and I hope you get a nice meal . Have you some money coming to you ?

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Hi P so sorry to read you have been having a difficult time- it. Sounds like you have developed many strategies to cope with bad days . You continue to inspire me -not only because you have successfully controlled this most horrendous addiction, but also because you face each day with courage , always striving to do your best for your family and ever supportive of friends .
When things are bad, you listen , you understand and you give hope – when things are good you cheer us on .
I hope things are getting a little easier for you P.
Treat yourself with the same kindness you show all of us .

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Thank u P – I was writing when your message came in and missed it- I keep thinking of you and what u say about a switch flipping -it’s so true – and I have no idea why or how it flips but I am so glad it has- hope all is good with you . I really appreciate your post. You have been a good friend to me through e thick and thin.

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Thank u Monica for ur post – thats day two done. I am feeling really positive – woke up and first thought is to get out for a walk- I feel I have had a real mind shift –
I was promised a cash-back by a casino online. It kept the addiction so alive – it also made me feel i had money coming and I spent on the strength of it . I sat in ga and I went to groups here all the time knowing I couldn’t stop til I got my cash back- it really hooked me but of course that was the whole purpose of it .

When it was time to get it, they were so reluctant to hand it over, and when they did it was bonus money that had to be played 40 times and not a cash back at all.
However, it was enough to rope me in- and get me to part with a lot of money. It also was illuminating – every time we hand money over to any casino we are being “cheated” as the odds are stacked against us. As people with a gambling addiction we are cheating ourselves because even if we win we will never cash out or keep our money cashed out for very long.

More than that – we are cheating ourselves out of everything we could and should have in life – including our peace of mind!

I have set up a direct debit for savings – I am working extra hours now and would like something to show for it- because I am so scared that direct debit will bounce it has made me want to be extra careful with my money . Who would have thought saving could be so motivating ?

That’s about it – feeling really positive about the future

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Three and a half hours off achieving day 2 and I desperately want to gamble – here’s how it goes…
Everyone’s asleep – I discovered by accident that I can bypass the wifi house filter and my phone gambling blocker by using Some other technology

So now my pay is in bank and suddenly I have this brain wave- I should gamble because I have just thought of a fool proof way to win-well I mean a low risk way to win,
I just have to go downstairs and I’m set up for the night .
It doesn’t hold the same attraction for me today however- maybe because I had exercise , did some housework , or got badly burned recently – I don’t know but I think I am going to make day 2.
It’s been a while since I actively chose to make even day one.
I know I will get lots of advice about barriers but can u understand that I have reached a stAge with this addiction where no barrier can stop me?
It is like Vera says- it has to be mindset for me!
So relieved I am feeling like this – the morning would be so dreadful if my money was all gone.
I would have to go through a whole month with no money and nowhere to get any.
Even if I had by some miracle, manAged to cash out I would still be worried sick that the casino wouldn’t pay out.
Instead of all the worry on two hours sleep, I will wake up fresh- put on the lovely roast dinner I bought and have a family day .
Glad I thought it through tonight

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Hi johnny , I notice you give a lot of people encouragement on here so I thought I would just stop by and offer you a little. Well done on your gamble free time and resisting the draw of the big win to overcome your disappointment at your contract ending .
I like your description of satan sitting on your shoulder and that he’s a liar and a hater !
Keep doing what you are doing !

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Hi King ,
You are never to young or too old to develop an addiction – well done on taking action to stop gambling. I look forward to reading more about how you have achieved a year – I have never done that despite trying for 8 years . Keep posting

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Don’t beat yourself up Monica – we all do what we have to do- we all do our best at the time – again there is no right or wrong – I empathise with your difficult childhood -it must be very difficult for you to look back on – it is a wonderful gift to be able to forgive .
I also love my work- I sometimes feel it is the place I feel happiest and most fulfilled – doesn’t make me a bad person.
Maybe it’s because we make a real difference in what we do.

Don’t look back and have regrets – look back and be proud you raised your children, put food on the table and gave them the independence to live their own lives – sound like you achieved what we all want for our kids!
I think you underestimate yourself and all you have achieved Monica !

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Monica ,
I think our children don’t really see us as anything other than mum- someone they can run home to . I know I never saw my own mother as a person in her own right until I was in my thirties and had a child of my own. She was someone who was meant to be always interested in me and whose whole life revolved about me .
That doesn’t mean for a minute that our children don’t care. Your contact with your children sounds about right to me- if there is a right or wrong .
I know you feel low right now Monica but staying gamble free will help you – if you wanted to come to chat later let me know and we could talk some more

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Hi Monica ,
I had a similar experience on line when I felt under attack by members of f and f on this site – one made amends when I explained how much it was damaging me – I know she didn’t mean to hurt me -the other in my opinion continues to be so self absorbed sh does not have the capacity to realise how she may damage others . I felt unsupported by staff at the time as it felt the sympathy all went to those the other forum .-whether they were in the right or not – thats how I felt then and looking back my feeling haven’t changed .
It affected me hugely and I felt I couldn’t post honestly for years . As this was the only support I was using it meant I had little support .

I totally get therefore how you would have blubbered all day – I cried for days at the time.
A very insightful person (Geordie ) posted a very non judgemental post on my thread about a month ago. I’m not sure how he did it but he made me see things in a new light and I am back using the support and yes it is really starting to help . (Maybe you could check out his post on my thread)

I guess the purpose of this long winded post is to let you know that I get it. .it is difficult to understand the impact of online bullying unless you have experienced it. I am glad the person posted an apology – this will help you regain trust .

You deserve support not, put downs – and sometimes straight talking and put downs without being able to see facial expressions and hear tone can be hard to distinguish online .
Stay strong Monicau- you deserve this recovery and remember you don’t have to be strong all the time- it is ok to be emotional and accept the support of others . Xx

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