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Hugs Monica ,
Your post reveals a lot of the pain you have been feeling / felt .
Going to Stepchange is a very positive step- once the debt collectors are off our backs we can start to look forward .
It will give you a bit of space from the money worries .
I am so glad you are availing of all the support that is available . In a while you might be able to get someone to look at your skill set and you might find there is a great well paid job out there .
Keep taking one day at a time Monica – Leave your worries in God’s hands -you have inner resources you have never dreamt you had.
The only way is up Monica and you are climbing!

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So it’s almost bedtime and I am finding that writing on my thread is really helping me. I have always went through phases with writing – writing and deleting posts.
Sometimes I cannot bear to read back .

GT has seen me through some very dark times- I have seen many people come and go – some I know have found recovery – some are still struggling with relapses, but the support has been a constant in my life for many a year – I’m not sure where I would have been without this site . Charles even stayed online with me until I was physically standing in my first GA meeting a I has been too terrified to go for years- that’s going beyond the call of duty and that really is support.

When I wake up tomorrow I will be on day seven . It has been an easy week to achieve – something has changed inside my brain. Posting several times a day has helped and I guess GA must be a huge factor also – it feels like it was the missing link .

I also think I have realised that we can depend on no one for for our recovery except ourselves – sure people can encourage us , advise us, guide us and even rescue us financially – but recovery is down to each individual and how badly they want it .
I have had some urges but mostly when ads come up on tv- I notice they add new casinos all the time. They have not been the unbearable urges of the past .

I was worried about refusing requests to bingo and no one has suggested It – I have went for long walks , coffee and even a KFC but no one has suggested gambling – so my “gambling buddy” has quickly become my “buddy” and I was actually the only person who wanted to gamble .

Lastly I am resolute in not allowing other people’s issues to bring me down no matter how cleverly they try to implicate me in them . I am not allowing game players to infect me with their games .
I can see clearly now the rain had gone and I like my life where it is today and I like the future I can see .
Nite nite all.

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I agree totally Vera –
This addiction has to be completely Starved .
There can be no half measures.

I can’t say anyone has told me anything I didn’t want to hear – but to be honest I have heard most of it for years- it was just I guess I didn’t act on it .

I’m not sure I have ever had my ego stroked – maybe by my husband when he was wooing me lol- I’m not even really sure what that means in terms of gambling addiction. I have had people encourage me and people make me feel I could never do it. If encouragement is stroking my ego I will take it every time . It helps me a lot .

I have worked hard my whole adult ,even on weekends and holidays as a teen. I have also always done the best I could by my child at any time although I completely recognise that that best would have been so much better if I had not been gambling .
You are spot on about our perception being flawed – after almost a week I can see things so much more clearly for what they are and I’m sure that is apparent in my posts

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Day 6 is here – it’s so long since I enjoyed any kind of freedom from gambling I can hardly believe day 6 is here.
When I say freedom I don’t just mean abstaining – I mean freedom from the constant urges. It’s like P describes – the switch has flicked .
In all honesty I’m not sure it because of anything I have done – however I am
Trying to keep that switch in the off position by not gambling at all-
When In the past I “stopped” gambling , it really meant I stopped online slots – I still went to bingo, bought lottery tickets and did anything that wasn’t online.
This time I have stopped all gambling
And right now I feel it’s Not worth taking a chance and sinking back into the nightmare of the last several years.
I am very mindful of people who would sabotage my recovery – even under the guise of helping me . I now stop and ask myself what their motive is . I have learned to be more assertive and call them
Out on their ****shit even if the negativity is in the guise of a “helpful ” question.
When
We are doing well we need people cheering in our corner , willing us on – not putting buts in our way.
I think the biggest change I have made is my attitude towards such
support – I can see now that having a negative person “supporting ” me was akin to looking in the mirror every day and saying to myself – “you will never stop. You don’t have it in you”.

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Hi kin, how’s things ? I have missed your posts recently

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Hi johny,
I’m never quite sure which thread to reply on but well done on your gamble free time

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Hi Rainman,
Hope you are feeling somewhat better

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Hi Justine
If only you knew how familiar that story is. It feels like casinos deliberately delay paying out because the know that in a few days they won’t have to.
I think the first and most important thing is accepting that Is gone and it’s not coming back. Once you do this, it takes away the urge to chase losses by throwing more money after it.
Then follow all the advice you have been given.

If you are working part time could you ring and cancel your card, and pop into the bank when you need money ?

Really the secret is to cut off money or access, or better still both.
With regards to support. I am quite like you . I don’t really like the idea a of a counsellor . I couldn’t bear the thoughts if GA- I have been to a few meetings now (never spoken though) and it has been really nice . It took me several years to pick up the courage to go .

I hope this helps and well done on seeking support.

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Hi Melpit
Jappy has given you some very good advice . Put something in Place before Friday so you cannot act on those urges even if you want to.
A good thing Charles advised me to do is to post your cards to yourself so that u have no access to cash on payday.
Mite be worth a try

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A massive well done Mark on battling though those urges and achieving a week without gambling . We all know how difficult it is . Well done also on attending GA and looking for the support of others.

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Just about to go to bed – when I wake up it will be day 6 . Feeling hopeful and determined .

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I have just opened an email from a casino – this is a new one on me.
Some casino I signed up to ages ago did not email me to say I had a bonus but that I was being fined because my account has been inactive for so long .
I am wondering if this is even legal and if it would fall within licensing law .
Of course if they wish to take me to court for the money I wish them luck – the judge might decide they owe me money .
Onwards and upwards

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Thank you Monica and King -I will listen to those beats tonight.
So I have reached day 5 – a bit disappointed I have missed GA this week as I was unwell- it is going really well- the urges have subsided and I feel so hopeful and determined .
I am using a lot of online support . I am writing here often and I am not allowing anyone to burst my bubble .
I once read the Celestine prophesy and it changed the way I allow people to treat me . It describes control dramas and I realised that I was often the “interrogator” with my son- asking questions which I thought were meant to lead him to a place of understanding or enlightenment . Of course I now understand it just was a way of putting him down and deflating him. I was acting superior but because I phrased it in a question I felt it was less threatening – in face it was worse because it put him on the spot .
In my own life I dodge such interrogations now – it is a way of putting me down, deflating me , adding a yes you are doing well… BUT

I would encourage you everyone to Google the control dramas – there is the poor me , the interrogator, the aloof and the intimidator – I am sure we have all been on the receiving end of one or other and most of us have been one of other from time to time.

Once you see the drama at play it had little power over you .
Writing is definitely helping me right now – sorry if I ramble but after all it is my thread !

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Hi King, it doesn’t matter really how we break the habit so long as we break it . I have found that although i think of gambling less when I cannot gamble , the moment the opportunity arises I am back there – sometimes even knowing that I will be able to gamble soon and the whole fantasy of the big win starts

I have dabbled in eBay too- mostly when I have gambled a lot and really need the money . It is fun and in truth almost as addictive as gambling but without the aftermath.
KINg you probably know but barriers are really important in staying stopped – these can be blocking software on your laptop, cutting off access to cards and money , or as you have found a physical barrier (also getting banned form online and land based casinos and betting shops .
Please make sure you have some barriers in place to help you stay stopped – this addiction brings nothing but heart ache and once you have this addiction you will never be able to gamble normally again

You are young – you have a whole happy life ahead of you – don’t let one little habit spoil it for you
.
Stay strong and have a great day .

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Thank u P- no urges tonight just happy I made it through day 4- hope to have another good day tomoro !

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