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Obrigado pela sua resposta Monica. Hoje estou com uma ressaca de vinho tinto – encontro online com amigos. Foi bom na época – não tão bom agora. Fiz uma regra que só bebo uma vez por semana durante o bloqueio porque é muito fácil tornar-se um hábito diário, especialmente quando não sou obrigado a dirigir na manhã seguinte. Eu poderia revisar isso e reduzir ainda mais. Sempre preciso lembrar que tenho uma natureza viciante e preciso monitorar muitas áreas da minha vida onde o vício pode se tornar um problema. Estou me sentindo muito feliz por dentro – é difícil de explicar, mas joguei fora os velhos pensamentos e comportamentos que costumavam me arrastar para baixo. Parece que sou capaz de processar “perturbações” muito rapidamente agora e seguir em frente. Estou percebendo comportamentos e como me apresento. Eu parei de tentar resgatar o mundo (que de alguma forma eu senti que era o meu trabalho, quer eles sentissem que precisavam ser resgatados ou não! Lol). Estou me expondo com a confiança de quem gosta de si mesma e acredita que é simpática. Eu estou indo bem!

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Ahi Seanraj
It’s good to read such a positive post – life is going really well for you!
Your health and finances are on track and you are an inspiration to others.

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Hi Steev, this is a good move – it gives you a bit of security during this current crisis. You might find here are some good places to visit on your doorstep.
My mother always says about “stuff” – if you haven’t needed it for past few years you don’t need it now- she practices what she preaches – I find it more difficult to follow this advice.

Yes I think you have recovery sussed!

Q. What makes a good recovery ?
A. Action

The action might be different for each of us but we all need to take action especially to close those last tiny doors we leave open just in case.

Delighted to see you posting !
Talk soon.

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There is an online support called SMART recovery which some might find useful during lockdown.
It can be accessed at

About Our Organisation

Their philosophy is as follows :

People make a choice to engage in addictive behaviours and can make a choice to stop.
Everyone has the power of choice and can choose to change unhelpful or harmful behaviours.
People are not their behaviours, so stigmatising language like ‘addict’ and ‘alcoholic’ is not used.
People seeking recovery are empowered to choose what works best for them from a ‘tool box’ of methods demonstrated in meetings and also available online and in manuals.
Participants are free to engage with any other services or mutual-aid groups which they find helpful; there is no one path to recovery.
Once a healthy, positive and balanced lifestyle is achieved participants are free to move on and pursue other goals in life. Some may choose to volunteer and train to become Meeting Facilitators.

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Hi Relapseeking
I just remembered there is another online support which I have used in the past – at that time I didn’t think there was a group out there matched my way of thinking. This is online support called SMART recovery. Here is their philosophy which I think supports all we have learned through research and experience.

Our Philosophy
People make a choice to engage in addictive behaviours and can make a choice to stop.
Everyone has the power of choice and can choose to change unhelpful or harmful behaviours.
People are not their behaviours, so stigmatising language like ‘addict’ and ‘alcoholic’ is not used.
People seeking recovery are empowered to choose what works best for them from a ‘tool box’ of methods demonstrated in meetings and also available online and in manuals.
Participants are free to engage with any other services or mutual-aid groups which they find helpful; there is no one path to recovery.
Once a healthy, positive and balanced lifestyle is achieved participants are free to move on and pursue other goals in life. Some may choose to volunteer and train to become Meeting Facilitators.

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Monica,
Im so sorry to read all that has been going on with you – I got a bit of a hammering on the threads (no idea why) and found myself uninterested in reading for a few days.

It is incredibly strong of you to tell your son to move out. It is the right decision. It also is sending him a strong message for other relationships in his life. It’s a good lesson.

We all did the best we could as parents – none of us are perfect and none of us have perfect lives- but we did our best at the time.

I’m sorry you feel so drained. It does seem like you have been cramped into your bedroom for too long and that’s not healthy for you. Your relationship is your decision and Pete brings you happiness and it’s about you ! The parent-child relationship is all about the child (until we become really feeble). We have been through some terrible times with our addiction Monica and we need to make our futures about us – although we can still help those around us.

Keep strong – a little comfort eating won’t hurt – treat yourself with compassion and spoil yourself a little.
This too will pass – maybe the universe is making room for someone else to move in?

Xxx

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Hvala na objavi RG, Da, moramo uzeti u obzir financijske implikacije za našu budućnost. Sjećate li se knjige Tajna? Trenutno ga gledam po malo svaku večer prije nego što zaspim. Nalazi se na Netflixu. To mi nekako mijenja mišljenje, iako nisam siguran da se razmišljanjem o nečemu to može dogoditi. Da je tako, prije nekoliko godina osvojio bih jedan od onih super jackpotova jer sam desetljeće razmišljao o malo čemu drugom. Ipak, pomaže mi razmišljati o tome što želim. Puno lutam bez pravog smjera. Morao sam izaći iz kuće na neki posao, i da budem iskren, to mi je uklonilo monotoniju – na poslu sam imao vrlo socijalno distanciranu kavu s prijateljima – vikali smo jedno s drugim preko sobe, ali je ipak bilo lijepo izaći i upoznati ljude. Život je u redu – užasno mi nedostaje čistačica, kuća mi je potpuno izmakla kontroli, ali danas ću početi rano i sama obaviti posao – reći ću sebi da uživam u tome haha. To je tajna! To je otprilike to – probudile su me ptice. Ne smatram ovo dosadnim kao prije. Počeo sam voditi unutarnji dijalog između svog unutarnjeg roditelja i djeteta. Razmaženo dijete dominira predugo. Zvuči ludo, ali sada kažem djetetu da na vrijeme ide u krevet – život je bolji s dovoljno sna. Kažem joj da je dovoljna jedna čokoladica (umjesto šest). Govorim joj da ustane i obavi kućanske poslove (u ovom slučaju malo nerado). Čini se da radi ili ću izgubiti klikere tijekom zaključavanja. Ok unutrašnje dijete – dosta je govora, idi obavi posao! lol pričamo uskoro!

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Thanks for your post RG,
Yes we have to consider the financial implications for our futures.

Do you remember that book The Secret ? I am currently watching a little bit of it every night before I go to sleep. It is on Netflix.
It’s kinda changing my mindset although I’m not sure that thinking about something makes it happen. If it did I would have won one of those super jackpots years ago for I thought about little else for a decade.

It is helping me though to think about what I want. I drift a lot with no real direction.

I have had to leave the house for some work and to be honest it has taken the monotony away – I had a very socially distanced coffee with friends at work – we yelled across a room at each other but it was still nice to get out and meet people.

Life is ok – I am missing my cleaner terribly, the house is getting completely out of hand but today I’m going to start early and do the work myself – I am going to tell myself I am enjoying it haha. That’s the secret!

That’s about it – the birds woke me . I don’t find this as annoying as I used to. I have started having internal dialogues between my inner parent and child. The spoilt child has dominated for too long . It sounds crazy but now I tell the child to go to bed in time – life is better with enough sleep. I tell her one chocolate bar is enough (instead of six). I tell her get up and do housework( she’s a little reluctant on this one ). It seems to work or else I am losing my marbles during lockdown.

Ok inner child – that’s enough talk, go do some work ! lol
Talk soon!

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Bedankt voor je bericht RG, Ja, we moeten rekening houden met de financiële implicaties voor onze toekomst. Herinner je je dat boek Het Geheim nog? Ik kijk er momenteel elke avond een beetje naar voordat ik ga slapen. Het staat op Netflix. Het verandert mijn manier van denken een beetje, hoewel ik niet zeker weet of het denken aan iets ervoor zorgt dat het gebeurt. Als dat zo was, had ik jaren geleden een van die super jackpots gewonnen, want ik dacht tien jaar lang aan weinig anders. Het helpt me echter om na te denken over wat ik wil. Ik dwaal veel af zonder echte richting. Ik moest het huis uit voor wat werk en om eerlijk te zijn heeft het de eentonigheid weggenomen – ik had een zeer sociaal afstandelijke koffie met vrienden op het werk – we schreeuwden door een kamer naar elkaar, maar het was nog steeds leuk om eruit te komen en mensen ontmoeten. Het leven is ok – ik mis mijn schoonmaker vreselijk, het huis loopt helemaal uit de hand maar vandaag ga ik vroeg beginnen en het werk zelf doen – ik ga mezelf vertellen dat ik ervan geniet haha. Dat is het geheim! Dat is het zo'n beetje – de vogels maakten me wakker. Ik vind dit niet meer zo vervelend als vroeger. Ik ben begonnen met interne dialogen tussen mijn innerlijke ouder en kind. Het verwende kind heeft te lang gedomineerd. Het klinkt gek, maar nu zeg ik het kind om op tijd naar bed te gaan – het leven is beter met voldoende slaap. Ik vertel haar dat één chocoladereep genoeg is (in plaats van zes). Ik zeg haar dat ze moet opstaan en het huishouden moet doen (ze is hier een beetje terughoudend in). Het lijkt te werken, anders verlies ik mijn knikkers tijdens de lockdown. Ok innerlijk kind – dat is genoeg gepraat, ga wat werk doen! lol Spreek snel!

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Obrigado pela sua postagem RG, Sim, temos que considerar as implicações financeiras para o nosso futuro. Você se lembra daquele livro O Segredo? No momento, estou assistindo um pouco disso todas as noites antes de dormir. Está no Netflix. Isso está mudando minha mentalidade, embora eu não tenha certeza de que pensar em algo faz com que isso aconteça. Se tivesse, teria ganhado um daqueles super jackpots anos atrás, pois não pensei em outra coisa por uma década. Mas está me ajudando a pensar no que quero. Eu vagueio muito sem uma direção real. Tive de sair de casa para trabalhar e, para ser honesto, isso acabou com a monotonia – tomei um café socialmente distanciado com os amigos do trabalho – gritamos um para o outro em um cômodo, mas mesmo assim foi bom sair e conhecer pessoas. A vida está bem – estou com saudades da minha faxineira terrivelmente, a casa está ficando completamente fora de controle, mas hoje vou começar cedo e fazer o trabalho sozinha – vou dizer a mim mesma que estou gostando haha. Esse é o segredo! É sobre isso – os pássaros me acordaram. Não acho isso tão chato quanto antes. Comecei a ter diálogos internos entre meu pai interior e meu filho. A criança mimada dominou por muito tempo. Parece loucura, mas agora digo à criança para ir para a cama a tempo – a vida é melhor com sono suficiente. Eu digo a ela que uma barra de chocolate é o suficiente (em vez de seis). Eu digo para ela se levantar e fazer as tarefas domésticas (ela está um pouco relutante nesse caso). Parece funcionar, ou então estou perdendo minhas bolinhas durante o bloqueio. Ok, criança interior – já chega de conversa, vá trabalhar! rsrs Fale logo!

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Hi Relapseking,  

GA is only one road  to recovery- I was in a similar situation and when I eventually made it to GA I absolutely hated it.

There is no one route to recovery.

My mum also has a gambling addiction and although I would give her anything, I would not trust her with my money.

However, as Steev has rightly said we do need to take actions to stop gambling – this sounds rich coming from me as I had every  excuse in the book as to why I couldn’t !

I will tell you some of the things which helped me to become gamble free.

I got Gamban for my phone – it blocks all gambling sites on internet devices.

I cancelled my bank cards , ordered new ones , got someone else to open envelope and scratch off last three numbers before giving it to me. Our addicted brains will memorise the number almost immediately so we need someone else to help.

These two barriers prevent me from gambling – even when willpower alone doesn’t!

Hope this helps!

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I’m laughing because i wanted to knit something for my son to keep – an heirloom if you like.

One and a half legs of Postman Pat sat on my upper  stair for 16 years until I finally decided he was probably too old for it lol!

We have actually had  far more fun and laughter out of the memory of the unfinished project  than if I had completed it.  It has become one of those things that we fall about laughing at – not sure why …

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Yes I agree with all you have said Vera!
My virus was a particularly virulent strain.
It was resistant to many treatments but eventually I found one that would make it dormant !

I am so happy you are getting a break from it all- you deserve it Vera ! You know best what works for you.
My mental barriers need a lot of reinforcement! Lol!

Keep safe x

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Hi Monica,
I forgot that living in a big city means travelling on packed trains. That’s a huge worry after lockdown.
Reading your last post I am amazed that you are thinking of moving and changing your life – not thinking of – planning to!

I keep wondering if I should move -but I’m afraid to leave my job. Your bravery really gives you great freedom.

I don’t think our world will ever be the same. It’s starting to feel like lockdown will go on forever.

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Yes Meghna ,
I can appreciate that – I am going back a decade – we didn’t have the same understanding of addiction we do now. I used to feel bashed a lot back then and that’s why your post resonated with me.
It’s not that people meant to upset me – it was somehow instead of telling me what I needed to do (I probably wasn’t ready to hear anyway ), I found some posts made me feel worse and hopeless.
Gambling is a most horrible addiction – it has taken me over a decade to come out from under it. In the end I needed very intensive treatment – I still have on-going therapy.

I am in no position to judge or criticise anyone who has had a relapse – I am just grateful it’s not me this time.
We are all only one bad decision away from a relapse- a devastating, crushing relapse .

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