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Hi Monica ,
Yes it was an interesting debate but I felt at times some
Of the replies were misleading in attributing some of the things I wrote I was thinking about to the researcher .

That was an interesting conversation with your son. It seems your children are all weighing in to help . You have raised a kind family – I think kind mothers raise kind families – so take well earned credit . It is so good he wants you to chat with his girlfriend – how proud is this boy of his mum ?

Are you feeling more happy and hopeful Monica ?

Considering I wrote only a few hours ago that I was going to try and go it without support I have been writing a lot on here.
My thoughts seem to be all over the place !

By the way thank you for your respectful replies on my thread – especially when you had a difference in opinion . You have great communication skills.

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Khurram , it was nice speaking to you in group last night and I am so glad you have decided to start a thread on here .
Things to remember is everyone can stop gambling – every one of us !

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Jacques – just keep in mind that whatever your circumstances that even if at times u feel u don’t value ur own life – others do – think about your daughter – she loves you regardless of how you feel or what you have done – more than that – she needs you .
.it might be a good idea to get some help for these strong feelings Jaques.
I am so glad you came back here and posted – I read your thread all the time
Please get the help you need – u are valuable on here and with your family .

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Hi Laura ,
I agree with what you say about voids – and it occurs to me that that void can be caused by something we never even had – like a relationship that fails to meet our needs creating a void of support .

You have had so much trauma – it’s little wonder you needed to escape – it’s so good that you are now in a place where you afford things – that piece of land would be some achievement.

I am grateful for your many posts to me – always encouraging and never judgemental. I go through phases with posting and am kinda having a dry spell right now .

It is nice to spend time with family – no one quite gets us like our own.
You post gives hope to all those struggling with this addiction .

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Hi Monica ,
So sorry to hear you are hungry – as Laura says that is not good for you health or well being .
I hope the chocolate biscuits helped.
Pete sounds controlling (is this an f&f trait I find myself asking) but to be controlling with food is a step too far .
Laura is right – he is a squatter – and without u he would have no address to even get benefits . I pity anyone who is in a situation where their f&f has the upper hand – not nice .
Maybe that’s why many people with addiction have to lie – to avoid the superior behaviours of the f&f in their life. I guess it s only food he is withholding – I have read in the forums about f&f withholding access to children and worse !

I too would like to get ur email – it would be nice to say some things in private .

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Hi DIno .
did u manage to make any money to send to your son.
You were here before and you got your life back on track.
When you make your next lot of money purchase a gambling blocker for your computer – and then work non stop !
It is so hard when the monkey is in your back but maybe read back over your old thread and follow the thought processes from before .
Keep strong

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I am blown away by your abilities Monica-
In awe-

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Monica ,
I have been going through a dry spell with posting- there is no pressure – sometimes it seems we have so much to say and other times it’s hard to think of anything – that’s ok!

I don’t really know much about depression but it seems to me that yours is enforced by your circumstances – I see a lady who when she has a few quid is motivated to go and get nice food and cook nice meals . That sounds like depression caused by lack of funds
Have you given any more thought to living with your daughter – cud she hold off on rent and give u a chance to build up some funds to kick start your life ? If you no longer need a deposit could your son still give you the money .
It seems to me you have A few options – I am guessing you are like me – a bit of money in your pocket lifts your mood.

Sorry i know depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain so if I’m way off please forgive me!

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Hi Monica,
I hope you are feeling lots better and the day has improved .
I wonder if something is moving in my stars because a huge stress has just vanished -I feel light and free- we never know when things will just turn around – but I guess we have always to be taking steps in the right direction .

Hope today is going great for you.

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You are speaking my language Jonny ! I love new clothes ! Don’t u just feel the best when u wear new clothes !

Hope the work is going well – u got promoted and I kinda got demoted – I think that should be my new name “demoted “- it kinda described my whole life in a single word

Great to hear you sounding so upbeat ! Now what clothes did u buy ?

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Hi Monica,
I have to say GA doesn’t really do it for me either – I find It place where men stroke their own ego – either by being a straight person and “telling it as it is ” (in other words lacking diplomacy but possessing arrogance in abundance )by being the worse gambler there and hence the greatest “recoverer” (big shot), by being the most spiritual and inflicting poetry on everyone else to show it, by being the “organiser” and authoritively and loudly keeping everyone else in line , by being the rebel who seeks to over throw the organiser, and mostly I find the people who really need to be heard are simply tolerated – it actually reminds me of a men’s club rather than a recovery programme. I don’t think anyone has mentioned steps at mine so yours does sound better.
I get where u are at – I have never felt worse. When I feel low I get bitter – you have probably noticed that (poor Ga Men just got it ).
Monica the harsh truth is that we inflicted this pain on ourselves – however we did not choose to be addicts – you are right – why did God inflict this on us and not some of the people I work with ? is this my karma ? Why not inflict this on criminals who hurt other people ?
Life is not fair – God allows Criminals to live lives of luxury – we make a mistake and we are punished for years.
Yeah I’m getting angry too – but anger kinda motivates me – I will not lie down under this-
Have u any of that product you were going to sell- can u start doing that ? You could maybe make a few hundred in the run up to Christmas ? ( the bailiff can’t touch cash he doesn’t know about )!I have just started selling everything I can see on eBay .
We might be alone – but we are formidable women- we just lost our way for a while .

I think it be would be good to go to chat – i am a great believer in having a plan – a plan gives us hope and let’s us see some kind of progress in the future – perhaps a group of us could work on a “Plan of hope and action” for you .
Does that sound daft ? I sound like the Tony Robbins of GT.

I think Laura is right- she u are focused on surviving day to day with little money – It is probably not the best time to start work on emotional issues that make you feel low . This time is maybe a good time to sort more practical issues .

I hope this post helps Monica and I hope I am not sounding like I am lecturing you . I think I am talking to myself as much as you.

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Hi Dave ,
When gambling becomes an addiction all it brings is guilt, pain and what ifs.
Well done on trying again to stop .it is really hard to stop by many on here hAve done it .
Instead of gambling try posting on here – even if it’s twenty times a day .

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Monica , come to group at ten and chat – It might help to talk things through – Laura always tells me that emotions are all over the place as the brain chemicals settle down – you are going through such a hard time right now .

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So sorry you are feeling so much pain – you are right to skip GA if it not working for you – i didn’t know that sponsors were meant to discuss emotions and stuff (unless they are qualified counsellors ), but sounds like a nice person.

It is hard to keep praying when you feel no answer is coming – I find the same thing .
I can’t offer you any advice – but just know you have friends on here .

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Hi Laura , I know exactly what you mean – for most people a beautiful sunset is so uplifting – for me it reminds me of a slot machine- same goes for castles , cars , pyramids and don’t even mention fruit .

It’s amazing how deeply we have been hypnotised by these machines – but we are aware now and we have barriers to stop us –
A great post Laura

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