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Hi Tina ,
Thank you for your support on my thread .
I have just read through yours in full- although we have met in the groups
Tina I never could bring myself to be honest with my husband .
I was doing so well in recovery – when hubby and child were going away – they left an “un-blocked” laptop behind . I wanted to say please take that with you and lock in the car boot at the airport . I l couldn’t Bring myself to and reasoned I would be ok. I was for a short while and then I wasn’t – I gambled . It wasn’t a shattering amount ( I have not lost a shattering amount in over two years which is good – although I have sometimes left myself short – I put this down to my continuing to use this site – although I find the groups so much more helpful than the forums ) . However I was completely gutted by my loss – not the money- but the loss of the days I had been counting.- I shared it in several groups and got great support from most People-. I am back on the wagon again.
Here is one of many occasions where honesty would have saved me a lot of grief .

I am not advising you do what I do by any means – (not telling. Your partner ) but I have managed to pay off a lot of debt – I Have done this by depriving myself of the lovely clothes and make up I used to buy- hairdos are cheap, not great and certainly not regular. I haven’t had a manicure or pedicure in years . I am pale and interesting wi rather than spray tanned – you get the drift? … But I have managed to pay off a lot of debt !

For me , I think my husband wouldn’t leave and even if he did I would survive – more than survive – on my own . It wouldn’t be my biggest worry – my huge worry would be that he would tell other people – like maybe go to gamanon, or tell his family. .
If he did he wouldn’t have to worry about leaving – I would leave him.
My biggest fear always has been people knowing – and even on here if anything threatens my anonymity i shake like a leaf
This would threaten my mental well being more than any gambling .

I think maybe you could start looking at the debt and ways to deal with it as telling. Your partner seems to be a stumbling block for you – I so get that – it is the same for me .
Charles gave you excellent advice that actions speak louder than words . If you already have a plan in place and are actively dealing with your debt it might be that you find it easier to tell your partner .

I hope you find my post helpful -of course the right thing to do is to tell your partner – but as it seems to be difficult for you right now – maybe focus on getting plans in place .
Just my tuppence worth for my experience

As for the suicidal thoughts- I get them Every time I gamble and every time I wake up with a hangover – don’t get me wrong I’m nowhere near suicidal – it’s just the fleeting thoughts come – maybe they come to lots of People who never say .
But we are here and we are seeking the support we need , and maybe will always need – we are ok!
Hope this. helps

[i-did-it]

So pleased to read that post Micky- life can be so difficult and can hit us hard at times .
You have suffered a huge loss but w wall have to earn a living .
I remember how difficult it was to return to work after my dad’s sudden death -I think once you get the first day over you it gets easier. I wasn’t gambling then thank God .
Please be careful – two traumatic losses too close together catapulted me into an addiction I never thought I would have –
Please be careful and be kind and to yourself – we can be more vulnerable than we realise .

Stay positive and keep posting

[i-did-it]

I kinda had this mad idea you could become a student – and get a student loan – some courses have big bursaries … and you are exempt from council tax- if you drop out u still have to pay back the loan – but I think only when u can afford to?

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Hi Monica – I can’t find it now either – I could have been mistaken by I was sure it said Windsor – I will check again.

Monica – lets swap places – I want you to pretend I am the one asking your advice about these issues and tell me what u would want me to do – I am asking you to do this because I feel you are so kind to others you would go out of your way to find a solution. How would you get me to stop prison proceedings?
Tell me step by step what I should do ? I am not a criminal but a strong woman o who lost a lot through illness and developed an addiction during a very stressful time in my life .
What would you advise me to do ?

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They are called at Vincent de Paul .
I think they are based in Windsor and somewhere else . Xx

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Monica ,
I googled them.
They have a Specific gambling service .
This might be good – you go to them -so no uncomfortable home visits – they offer counselling and other support – only trained people there – no volunteers allowed !!!

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Hi SJ,
You are still working hard at your recovery and keeping up lots of support.
Well done on your ur Facebook slots- I played them before and I also find them addictive.
It’s nice that you are posting again!

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Wow jonnhy – huge congratulations on sustaining your recovery .

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Hi Monica ,
Great chat
And I just so “get you”
Like I said on chat yes I would go for my child but for myself I would rather starve .
I guess I have heard bad stories about these organisations that has put me off – that doesn’t mean every person in the group is like that of course . Just I know so many in these organisations I know I could never avail of them. So many individuals who tell everyone that they volunteer for Xxx !

I understand now about the food banks ! Got it !

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Hi P,
Great post . You have had crazy urges but unlike me you abstained .
When I slipped I didn’t even have urges – just the opportunity unexpectedly arose and I went into automatic pilot .
I was worried to tell you as I was aware you were having strong urges – but in retrospect I underestimated your strength .
You have shown great determination in the face of such strong urges . Well done my friend! Keep sharing – your posts make so much sense.

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How much do you have to pay for month to keep them
Off your back ?

I don’t really understand why society punishes the vulnerable- Monica – please don’t think like that – come to group and we will talk.

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Monica, I was driving to work this morning and I suddenly realised – no urges !
First time in ages and ages.
And I thought about our chat last night and how we discussed all kinds of forbidden things like favourite slots , wins and losses and I realised these are the conversations I need to be having – not avoiding .
Avoiding things doesn’t make them go away .
Thank you and I hope the chat helped you also.
You are a very wise person with great insight .
Ps my other thread closed – don’t feel like starting new one – has taken too much out of me .

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Hi Laura ,
My other thread is now closed and I don’t feel like opening a new one – however I just wanted to check in with you .

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Hi Monica,
Thanks for your post on my thread .
I am going to need support to get over GT by the looks of things .
That is so brilliant – HRT to cure gambling – I wonder has anyone tried it or noticed .

I am going to have to google to see if there is any research on habits And HRT- I mite not post the results however- !!!!!!!’
I left my warm work , got in my warm car , went into my warm house , grabbed my warm dog and went for a walk on a freezing mountain . I think I have frostbite – my legs were sore with the cold ! I didn’t realise how cold it is .
I too would Buy a house beside harrods – if they moved harrods to Spain . Lol.
Enjoy your soup n cheese – yum !

.

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I remember that feeling Laura – when I felt other people were worse than me .
I still think that sometimes but it doesn’t really matter – we just need to make he best life we can for ourselves and gambling our money is certainly not the way to do that .
Was nice chatting earlier!

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