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Well done Monica – that has triggered me in the past .
Your dinner sounds great. I hope the good nutrition lifted your spirits . I just missed you in a late chat last night.
Maybe catch you in chat later ?

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Great update Jonnhy .
So glad things are going well.

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Lizbeth,
Just as I have identified people putting me down is a trigger for me I think maybe worrying is a trigger for you . Could you on some level want a big win to get your family away from danger ? Or perhaps you just want to escape the worrying for a little while.
I feel gutted for you and I don’t suppose any amount of advice is going to tell you anything you don’t already know . Just be kind to yourself Lizbeth – forgive yourself And try to move on .
You are not horrible or useless – and you are a great role model of love and caring, for your children – which is the best kind of role model any of us can hope to be

Remember each of us are so much more than a stupid addiction xx

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Hi Lizbeth,
Those are rather huge worries you have Lizbeth . I probably should know but do you see a counsellor – that is a lot to carry on your own.
Of course none of this might happen – your daughter is an adult but could you speak to her about it all. Could her ex have come off drugs while in jail? I think asking a few questions might help .
Well done on setting a good example xx

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Thank you Monica – yes there is something going on – but I think I focus on the wrong priorities in life .

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The is the start of week six – I dont think I have made it this far before , completely gamble free. Thank you everyone for the support .
I have decided I need to start accepting that the situation I find myself in now , and many of the missed opportunities are my own fault.
Shabbily dressed people who drag themselves to work after two hours sleep do not get promoted . Life has given me so many opportunities but I have never been in a place to take advantage of them- well not in the past decade. People who are distracted by debt and getting by do not look relaxed and confident in meetings.

The thing is I do not need to be promoted – I need to be happy!
Happiness is evading me right now . I need a life plan.

So today I am up and washed – I am getting that hair cut and I am buying some new clothes . I want to do like the days of old and throw 500 worth of clothes on a card without a thought – but I can’t . It may not seem like much of a talent but nobody could build a capsule wardrobe like me! Lol! Today I am going to be all about the capsule wardrobe – navy I think ! ( omg I spend a day in bed and find my inner bimbo)

I feel guilty about taking me time and yet no one even notices or cares if I am here . Today is about me ! Well most of it …

Week six here I come .

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Thank you Monica and Laura ,
In the end I didn’t get my hair cut.
In the end I never got out of bed today.
I think I am hitting that funny part of withdrawal – or perhaps I feel I have nothing to get up for .
The things that made my life feel important are being pulled from under me- and there is very little left behind.
There really ain’t much good about getting older .

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Hi Laura ,
So wonderful to hear from you .
Yes I am missing your wisdom greatly too.
I so hope you are pain free soon .
Keep strong xx

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Hi Laura – get well soon – wish we could send you flowers.

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Thank you Monica ,Lizbeth and Nick.

Five weeks today – start week 6 tomorrow

The urges have died down except for the urge to do the lottery.
The big win fantasies haven’t . I find myself thinking about the big win a lot – every time anything happens which makes me feel small – I want to escape , which I have realised is a lot of the time.

My recovery is going well despite this – I find this is a safe space now and I can concentrate on recovery rather than defending myself . Makes me wonder could I have done this years ago ? I guess all of us could if some small factor was tweaked.

My flu is getting better -or maybe it hasn’t really taken off yet. I think a variety of really good and diverse fruit, homemade soups and good food has made a huge difference – for anyone who says money cannot buy happiness – they have never been without money !

Today I hope to drag myself to the hairdresser and get a long over due trim. My relationship with money is changing because in the past I would have had a colour and treatment also – and then bought a variety of really expensive products to go – mostly all on credit card ! Yeh I have been a fool!

That’s about it for now – thank you for your posts – I really appreciate them .

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Hi Nick,
This is a forum where you post what you feel, how life is going for you and what’s happening .
I found your post about your girlfriend ‘s gift very honest and you should not feel the need to delete it. It was honest and opened up a discussion and has got everybody who read it thinking.

For me I have been trying for too long to stop gambling to risk it. I have always been weak in my recovery. People can say this is about honesty , but I know of many people who have been totally honest and still continue to relapse for years. For others , once they are honest they find recovery .

I know of people who are immensely relieved when they open up and I know of people who dearly wish they could go back and ignore the advice to be honest . I am so glad I have never allowed myself to be talked into total honesty – I met a dear friend on here who did and has regretted it ever since. It served as a grim warning to me.

There is no magic cure- you will know this from reading and chatting on here – not barriers , not honesty, not giving up control of money . This is a lifelong progressive illness.

I do however like the analogy that Charles uses- addiction is like a sleeping bear- if you poke it with a stick it will wake up.

Keep strong !

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Hey Monica,
Just read your post on Lizbeth’s thread about believing things will be ok.
Look at this weekend – you health has improved a little, your son has put a few quid in your bank , you are getting a yummy Sunday lunch ( ask for a doggy bag if u can only eat small amounts and have another yummy lunch on Monday ) and best of all you will spend time with your grandchildren.
You have done a lot of things right Monica – you have children who do their best to rally round you and who want you in their children’s’ lives .
The other stuff will get better .
Hope you have a great weekend .

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Thank you Lizbeth and Micky,
I did it!
I have had a gamble free January and February is a short month ! I can do it again.
I have flu – I feel horrible – and I am the worse patient. I am too impatient for flu and I absolutely hate missing work- so hoping home remedies work.
I have a fridge stocked with good food , have homemade soup in the pot and I am so happy that I don’t have a gambling hangover to add to my symptoms .
Life is ok -I have plans , hopes and savings towards that long dreamed of kitchen. I am so sure it will happen I am going to start getting quotes – just so I have an idea of how long I have to save for .
So here’s to a free February and to continued positive support !

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How SJ,
That is a sad but hopeful post .
It made me think I don’t want to be remembered as someone who got there in the end – makes me all the more determined to get there now .
I guess none of us know how much we touch the lives of others – that man seems to have touched a lot of lives .

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Aw Monica ,
I hope you are feeling better today .
Life has being most Unkind to you and I’m not sure anything I say will help – just letting you know I’m here if u want to chat .
Would there be anything is Neal’s yard that might help?

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