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Just checking in on my mate!
Hope all is good !
Missing your daily posts .
Onwards and upwards

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Hi Lizbeth
Great post .
The emergency fund will give you peace of mind.
Hope you are over the upset with your mum.
You have so many positive things in your life – you are doing great !

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HI Dave ,
It sounds like you are very stressed with everything .
You are feeling vulnerable right now and feel you might gamble .
I think you need to speak to a counsellor about all the strong feelings you have been having
.
I guess the first thing I should say is that nobody , not even you is responsible for you having a gambling addiction. If you have known you would have become addicted you would never have gambled – none of us would .
However , it is up to you to manage this addiction.

Your wife sounds very disrespectful towards you (although I realise I am only hearing one side ). There is never room for a mother in law in a marriage and if you don’t want to visit her then don’t . You can assert yourself and say no – you don’t owe anyone an explanation . It sounds like she has done a lot of damage in your marriage with her controlling behaviour – you didn’t marry her and she is not your relative!

You are entitled to a good life – it sounds like you are not getting support – but being ganged up on.you deserve respect as much as anyone else .
It sounds like you are difficulty asserting yourself- you allow your family and her family to basically bully you.
You are in control of your own destiny . You do not need anyone’s permission to live your life in the way you see fit .

You got mad at work- this often happens if we do not know how to assert ourselves – things build up and we lose it .

I think maybe you should do an assertiveness course – you deserve respect and your opinions are as valid as anyone else’s in the world .

Last thing – don’t escape by gambling – it will. Only make matters worse.

I hope this helps -you deserve a good life – a happy life – and a life with peace of mind !

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Monica ,
I think you live in the London Borough .
I have googled and there are lots of transport things which may apply to you- from the over 60s Oyster card , disability bus pass (think you said you are currently on disability – it might be worth dropping into citizens advice to check .

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Hi Monica
Can I ask – if you have recently turned 60 does that not entitle you to a free bus pass – or do I live in a much better part of the world ? That would give you such a lift – you travel the country for free ! Just think once the good weather comes that means libraries , free art galleries and museums – beautiful parks and gardens . You could even take a sandwich and head off to explore a little village .

I hope you are having a good day and have eaten !

It’s good that you watch tv you can learn from. I watch mindless escapism stuff (sound familiar lol?) – I am totally addicted to homelands at the moment -it’s kinda like gambling. – I have to watch every episode of every series and then when I get to the end I wonder why I spent so much time on it .

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Thank you Velvet and Laura for your very kind posts .

I think I confused things a little – I feel no harshness or impatience towards those who are struggling with gambling .
I really just want to offer them kindness and support _- I know how detrimental hard hitting words were to me .

I feel the world is a harsh place and I need to become harsh to endure it . I suddenly realise what an unimportant little cog I am in so many systems which I belong to .
What makes me unimportant is lack of money .
Money makes you important in this world – its that simple .

Now that sounds bitter .

I feel my harshness is coming from understanding that I am nothing .
I am a dispensable cog in a big machine which doesn’t care if it has to replace a part .

It sounds a bit mad – and maybe it is a bit mad – but as someone else has said – recovery Isn’t much fun.

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Thank you Micky .

Ok I think maybe I want new sofas in the DFS sale more than I want an emergency fund or to be debt free- I am the most indecisive person I know .

I have always been a happy optimistic person.
Today I feel a bitterness creeping in. I sometimes found that those in long term recovery could be very harsh – how many of us have been ‘afraid’ to write about relapses? How often did we feel kicked when we were down. Did it help ? For me it just drove me back to my escape .

Today I feel harsh and I am wondering is this what happens to everyone when reality kicks in . I feel I have been kicked around by the world and its systems just enough to find some softness inside me change to bitterness .

I cannot escape this – because the big win that was coming to sort my life out is no longer on its way – it’s no longer an option.

What I get in life is down to me.

If I had realised this many years ago, I would have worked harder in school, in college, in life . I would not have been the jolly one at work . I would have been a workaholic and I would have saved and saved .

I didn’t – so where do I go from now .
I need to prioritise – and maybe that new sofa is important.
It is important to have a home which so welcoming to others – it helps build friendships – but it also allows us to network and build contacts .

Somehow I have got everything all wrong .
It’s like a light switch has come on.

Presentation is everything in life – it gets you “in”. Whether it’s yourself and how you present yourself , or your home or your work . Anyone who feels that is shallow – welcome to the real world !

Some momentous change is happening inside me .
Yes there is bitterness – there is regret – but there is also a huge drive to do better . I am no longer happy to let the world and those in it dictate .

Yeah maybe I have just discovered motivation .

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Hi Micky
I hope today is a wonderful gamble free day for you .

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MIcky
I actually don’t think it is their role to write on the forums , but as Velvet says it is voluntary .
I think the forums are for us to support each other.
I may be wrong.
I have noticed that Velvet has written on several threads- which I think is very kind.

I think maybe MIcky you and I rely on this site as our main support and it was never really meant to be that .( sorry if I’m wrong )
It is working for me now – but I let pride and fear get in the way of seeking live help.
I let a few people throw me off course several times on this site . I got caught up in their drama and I had no one to discuss this with outside this site .

MIcky continue to focus on recovery .
That’s what’s important .

Remember you are still grieving and I have had enough grief to know that anger can be part of it.
It has been a hard week – your mum’s anniversary and this will have amplified the recent loss of your sister.
You are a very decent man – you are possibly my main supporter on here as I always have a post from you – when I think I am being completely ignored .

Stay strong Micky
Stay focused .
Don’t get distracted from the real purpose of this site .

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MIcky
Velvet has written to you a few times I think .
She is staff.
She writes to some people !
Keep strong Ps u are doing great!

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Great post Doofus – there is life after gambling and it’s a good life
Keep posting

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Lol – Monica
How about milk and cornflour and make white sauces with garlic or other herbs – you can probably tell I am not much of a cook! Or nice flavoured oils – a tiny drop on pasta .

There must be some people out there who can advise .

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Thank you Laura and Lizbeth
Forcing myself out of bed today and going to actually get stuff done .
Today is the start of week nine I think
.
Yesterday two letters arrived from casino sites .
I didn’t open them, but hubby was away last night and there is a way I can access online gambling (not my device ) and I was tempted to open the letters and use the free tenner or whatever is in them.
Instead I went to bed and I have woken up this morning still able to buy my GHD s- well I hope I can – there is a problem with my car !
I am currently working on my thousand pound emergency fund as recommended by Nick – I have a little cup of £2 coins which is building up really fast – I have some untouched child allowance . I have a little left over from my wages this month – it will be built up in a few months . It is also motivating me to get back to some eBay sales .
I think what the plan Nick outlined (Dave Ramsey) does is it gives you a reason to save or pay small amounts . When I look at my finances it seems so overwhelming I think what’s the point?
But when I think I have to save a thousand – no matter how long it takes it gives me a target .

Anyway week 9 starting (I think ) . Still gamble free.
Thanks for the support everyone

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Hi Monica
How are you doing today?
I notice many of those we have befriended have already stoped posting. I genuinely hope it is because they have found other support and have been gamble free. Sometimes I look back over the past threads and there were many who were here for a while and then disappeared or stopped posting .

I’m still here and think I will be forever. I have been trying groups across the weekend and nobody is on there – although I just missed Laura last night – it’s a shame groups are not on all the time then the “meeting place” would actually be of use as we could arrange to meet at certain times .

I hope you have a good day – I am forcing myself to get out of bed and get the day started – I think maybe forcing ourselves into a routine is the way to go.
When you get paid next how about spending a little on the basic range at Asda .
A giant bag of pasta , some tins of tomatoes and a few herbs would ensure you don’t go hungry. Throw is a few fish fingers or those giant bags of frozen meat . Yes it’s probably low quality but better than hunger .!
You can get some really cheap stuff – I remember getting shower gel for 11p
Hunger should not happen in this day and age in the uk but it does.

I really hope you get to eat something today .
Having no money is no fun.

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Hi Monica
I feel the support has waned somewhat too but it seems to go in cycles on here- we make friends but many disappear . Sometimes it is hard to come back if we relapse. When people have gambled they seem to get lots of support – it always wanes when we are gamble free.
It’s just the way it is.

I hope you are eating today .
I hope you are up and out .

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