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Lizbeth,
It sounds to me like you have your priorities right – charity begins at home – you provide baby sitting services (yes I know it’s a pleasure !) to your family , you support an elderly mother (which isn’t always the easiest task) and you provide lovely fresh produce for your family .
If you can get by, why beat yourself up about work or volunteering outside the home?
I think sometimes we forget how much we already do.
If you absolutely need to work that is another matter entirely!

How about deciding to postpone the idea for six months and just enjoy and that you have achieved and achieve every day ? How about being kind to Lizbeth – and accepting that being with family and close friends is ok. Sometimes we just don’t need all those outsiders .

It just seems to me that you have come so far , overcome such obstacles that you could do worse things than take a little time to just congratulate Lizbeth and enjoy all you have achieved without the burden of work hanging over you .
Forgive me if I’m way off the mark .
Xx

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Hi Laura , it was good to catch up in chat. I also have that paranoia about being recognised so I never write too specifically. Today Iwoke up happy – In the past I wrote often about my jungle garden.

Earlier this year I was able to pay a man to do a few heavy jobs and remove some junk. In recent weeks we have been able to buy some electric machinery which will keep the garden tidy .

Yesterday my family were able to enjoy my actually quite beautiful garden- sure it needs a lot of work but it is quite large and secluded. The fact is has been a little wild in recent years means it is a hive of activity – a plethora of birds singing and feeding- how can sitting in the city feel like the middle of the country ?

I also have always had difficulty in knowing where to start in the garden but I seem to be able to make decisions at last – I am going to start with a nice BBQ area – after I fix the rotting deck ! I have discovered an unused area of the garden which has been cleared is the perfect area for Dining – it seems to catch the sun all day .

I realise I am going on a little – but this is quite a huge change for me-

I . My brain is clear enough to plan and prioritise

2. My brain is clear enough to care about the garden

3. I have a little money to spend on the garden

4, I am relaxed enough to enjoy the garden.

5. I am seeing the benefits of not gambling in one of the best nights my family has ever had – spent simply in our own back garden .

6. I feel content and happy and I have normal things to look forward  to !

Have to go – I’m off to price paving stones !!

Onwards and upwards !

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Hi Lizbeth – hope you are feeling safe with all those wild fires.
I love the sound of your garden- there is nothing so good as having your own fresh produce. Reading about it is making my mouth water !
I agree being gamble free is great – it also feels great when we come to the end of a debt- it helps us see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Life sounds pretty good for you !

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Angelina Jolie would be a good choice Monica! Your daughter’s dad sounds like the typical street angel -house devil . I have lived with one of those for my whole married life – until very recently when my son explained to me what it cost him.
It is pleasant now but I wonder how I could insist on better things for my son and accept such a horrible life for me .
( in retrospect I was wrong of course it was equally horrible for my son).
I admire you for having the courage to move on.
It is so good that your daughter didn’t repeat the cycle and I think that is completely down to you, and your strength. Once again the unsinkable Mrs Brown comes to mind .

I feel you didn’t have any choice Monica but to work- what was the alternative . Your own experience of growing up with little meant you knew and understood the difference money can make in young people ‘s lives. Only people who don’t know what it is like to go without have the privilege of being able to say money doesn’t matter – it is not materialist or escapist to work hard for your kids.
You did what you needed to do and in the end I guess juggling all those balls and feeling that you were never where you should be cost you .

You have done well Monica – you have raised kids who come to you with their problems (one of the joys of motherhood lol). You are a shining example of resilience and determination.

I am interested – is there any one person or group of people from your childhood/youth who believed in you and helped inspire that great belief you have in yourself ?

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Will try to make the 2 pm group !!

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Thank you for the encouraging posts Lizbeth , Monica and Laura .
Today I am pondering on how much my life has changed – the dreaded urges which distracted me from everything seem to have gone – it took them a long time and no doubt they would still be here is it wasn’t for the supplement I am took .

Laura wrote once about lowering your expectations- I guess it’s another form of acceptance .
I had huge expectations of everything – I could never get my kitchen done as I needed to wait til I could afford an amazing glazed extension and to get the garden outside the glass landscaped – I have watched too many rich people on tv shows!

I have let go of my expectations for just about everything except for treating people with respect and compassion . I expect to be treated that way and I expect to treat others like this !

The biggest change has been my family – I have a very happy family! I have had been very specific with people about how they must speak to each other ! Words damage! We don’t need people to point out our faults ( under the guise of telling it as it is , straight talking or any other self appointed authority) -we need people to invest in mirrors lol!

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Aw Monica , that is a huge worry for you- you are right – life never runs too smoothly. My prayers are with your daughter.

It good that you got something useful from your group -although I don’t think it was as simple as opening a box – you created the light . You persevered through the rough terrain – the mud , the stinging weeds and rocky climbs – you persevered no matter how much you felt like giving up , and you brought yourself to the lush pastures beyond .
You took the actions you needed to to get there Monica – you put yourself on a train to GM house when you could hardly afford to eat and were often in pain. You waded through the benefits system when you were ill in order to survive.

You took the uncomfortable action which would allow you to choose who to live with . You refused to accept that the foodbank would be part of your life – you set your expectations higher.
You applied for jobs a soon As you felt well enough to go to them. You didn’t take no for an answer when it came to your health .
And all the time you supported others both online and offline .

Monica, you have got through this through sheer willpower , resilience and determination- you never gave up on you ! We need people Like you running this country!

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Lisaan u
What has helped me is a supplement called NAC- I am
Currently taking Wellwoman max and ithas NAC- I found it hard to take in other forms . It does really stop those urges in their tracks !

Just something that helped me and felt I should pass it on.

Onwards n upwards xx

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Monica
I just missed you in chat so I popped over here and wow – how excited I am to read your post . Life is on the up Monica . I learn from you and I am taking on board what u say about more than one income stream.
It seems everything is falling into place – you will be living in a newly decorated minimalist home , you will be living with family and have more family time – you will have a good income , you will be doing a job you enjoy , your sister and mum are getting sorted out – could life be any better ?

No one deserves it more – enjoy it Monica !

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I am anxious about work today – sometimes I feel like a fraud and I feel people will see through this .
I am working with. a lot of agencies today and am feeling the pressure .
In the past this would have led to me going to work exhausted with the work scarcely done due to gambling all night for several days – today I am well slept and ready – but still anxious .

I wonder about these nerves – I work hard , support many others using my vast experience – and yet here I am nervous and anxious .
Life is so much better now – I can treat myself to a reward after work- maybe a new outfit if I chose ! It will be over in a few hours . Need to keep perspective and of course I am saying a big well done to me for not gambling. !

Onwards and upwards .

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Laura life is so much better without gambling. I remember trying to buy groceries to last a week for the same amount of money I spent today on an impulsive meal out (we all had worked late and kinda needed it).
I remember searching to find meat on offer and trying to make it last all week. I remember writing meal plans that were more about cost than nutrition. Do you remember the desperation when we realised the money was gone and then our minds going into overdrive trying find a way through it all.

Yes life is good right now but somehow your post reminded me of those desperate days – every day feels like a win now just knowing there is a little in the bank !

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Thanks Laura .
I have decided gamble free May and also alcohol free May.
Alcohol is starting to feel a little like the early days of gambling addiction- I say I won’t drink then I will just have one and next thing six hours have passed.
It’s that can’t stop once I start thing !
And then the guilt next day.
So for now I am having a month long detox.

Life is good – I am up very late as I have given myself extra work because I over indulged and have a deadline to meet !
But it’s done now and yes I will be tired tomorrow but I will survive – and at least there will be no hangover !

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Kin well done on not gambling .
The urge to gamble is unpredictable and I am so glad you fought it .
I

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You may have just heard this Monica but you have been living this message – even when things were really bad you supported others on here -today I am hurriedly logging in before work because I think it may be your first day back to work and wanted to wish you well. If not have a great day anyway .
Xx

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Hi Sherrie
Can I echo Maverick’s words .
You are a great person and you deserve a good life.
It would be nice to hear an update – good or bad .
Keep strong xx

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