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Hi Cathy
I decided to come over and check out your thread.
It seems to have been some time since you posted so I hope all is going well with you and your son.
Xx

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Lizbeth
You will beat this
I don’t know where those urges come from but they seek only to bring pain and ruination .
We have had put pain and ruination behind us and are now building the lives we deserve .

Stay strong Lizbeth – maybe tell us more about that road trip you talked about a few weeks ago.

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Thank you Monica and Laura – Last day of May and I’m starting a new thread – the title on this one reminds me too much of the old pacts on here which I never liked rather than the journal I intended it to be. I don’t want or need a pact  with anyone – I’m doing this for me because I deserve a good life as much as anyone else. And it is getting a little easier. Monica wrote something somewhere about earning big money and I have decided that is what  I need to do I need a second income stream and I need to be better paid for the amount of work that I do . I am no longer happy to advise / clean up messes after people who bring home salaries far greater than mine . I am going to get to where I need to be !

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Hi I just missed you both last night and another person. I feel that the times set are very limiting . In the past you could use the meeting place or your thread and arrange to meet people . Now if you miss the limited time slots (all of which are too late for people who work next day in the UK) you don’t get the opportunity to chat. Yes it has been most unsatisfactory in recent years .

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Well done Monica – I kinda still feel a sense of loss…

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Thank you Laura and Monica
Laura you are so right – no big decisions.
In truth I don’t think I am capable of making any decision .
It takes me years to chose wallpaper- or make the slightest change to my house .
I think this comes from the years of money being scarce – I am worried about making a mistake.
Today I am feeling impatient for the things I want.
I want them sooner than I can save so I am going to start selling off all the junk in my house
It will also mean a good declutter over he next month or so .

I have a lot do major expenses this month so will have to be very frugal . I am thinking of investing an hour before work each day on creating ads for the junk !

I will report back how I get on !

Feels like I’m taking control!

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Hi Laura

Sorry I missed you and Monica in chat .
I did check in and intended going back but got distracted .

It sounds like you had a wonderful time with family .
Talk soon
Xx

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Thank you Laura .

I am thinking of moving home – to where Im from I was just earlier today imagining the life I would have – and then I read your post and it feels like a sign! I have no family near me and I miss having that extended family life. I have lots of friends but it’s different !

I signed up to Gamstop- after several attempts I actually managed to register -I honestly felt a sense of loss when my registration came through. Now a few hours later I feel a new sense of freedom . I feel I can do anything I put my mind to . The monkey is off my back !
I am going to keep my gambling blockers for now – you can’t be too safe .

So today kinda feels like the start of my life ! I know people celebrate anniversaries of their first GA meeting but this kinda feels like a landmark for me . 27th May 2018 . I am registered until 27/5/ 23. I wonder how life will have changed by then- will I be getting ready to retire ? Will I still be in a financial mess? In a strange way it had given me a date to work towards!

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Hi Monica
It’s nice that you have a friend who truly understands this addiction . The GA I went to was all men and I didn’t fancy meeting up with any of them ! I swear they expected me to make the tea haha- but wouldn’t allow me to carry a chair . They behaved differently because I was there – stoping often to apologise to the lady in the room for their language etc.

I don’t see myself as a compulsive gambler – I see myself as a good person who is unfortunate enough to have a gambling addiction. I don’t have to qualify that I am a human not should anyone else !
However the meetings themselves are helping you – and that is the important thing .

No electriticy – what a pain! Probably a simple fuse if they are only gone in parts of the house . My year old washing machine has broken for the second time – my mother always told me never buy hotpoint – I won’t ever again! It is such a pain !

Soon all petes stuff will be gone and you will have a beautiful clutter free space !

Onwards and upwards Monica

Ps I got joined up to Gamstop!

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I did it !
I got registered .
They seem to only accept one email address even though they ask for several
.
You need to put a space in your post code .

After that u need to keep trying dozens of times and eventually something kicks in with their system.
It seems more often than not it bypasses the system and bounces back .

It is strange – I feel a mixture of relief and loss !
Crazy brain doesn’t like it !

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Monica
This is such a powerful post.
I am not going dissect or analyse it except to say it is a measure of the person you are that your son can confide in you with such confidence and with the knowledge that you will “get” what he is saying without judgement .

Working with families I realise we all do our best how ever that best looks to others . Addiction, trauma , past relationships and adverse childhood experiences- all these things get in the way but we all do our best regardless.
We beat ourselves up when we deem that our best is not good enough .

Your strong faith and love for your family has sustained you through some really tough times . You have come through the worse and better times are ahead of you
Xx

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Someone said try on phone -even worse .

I have lived at same address for decades and they cannot identify me – I have had same phone number for almost 20 years and they can’t identify me .

I reckon I would have set up a better website myself with a book on websites to guide me .

Frustrating – most mostly disappointing .

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I have found the same – it’s as if they are trying to discourage People from signing up- I guess lots of money has been thrown at this – which seems like another great waste !

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Hey Rayman
Onwards and upwArds .

Don’t fear hold you back – feel the fear and do it anyway !
You are not alone – the forums are kinda quiet right now – always seem to be this time of year – but even when we don’t get time to post we read .

Keep really strong !
It will be so worth it

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Hey Rayman
Onwards and upwArds .

Don’t fear hold you back – feel the fear and do it anyway !
You are not alone – the forums are kinda quiet right now – always seem to be this time of year – but even when we don’t get time to post we read .

Keep really strong !
It will be so worth it

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