[howanan]

Tuesday afternoon…. a big snow storm is heading our way. yuk
I really haven’t had any urges to gamble, but sometimes out of the blue it dos just pop up in my thoughts. I’m able to tell myself that I just don’t have the money to throw away. My husband had to quit his job. He was mentally and physically unable to work. We’re hoping in six months he can get rehired. But his MRI came out good. Thank God.
I’ve resigned myself to stay home on the weekends. We used to pack a bag and head for the casino on Friday evenings after work, coming home Sundays. And I don’t miss that at all! It is so comfortable to just sit home on Friday evenings with my husband. I read and he watches tv. What a turn around. But a good one. Even though there is alot going on in my life right now, I still have a peace inside me. It is so good not to have that self condemnation that comes from gambling.
That’s a terrible feeling I have no desire to feel ever again.
Nancy

[howanan]

It’s Friday afternoon. Husband and I have been waiting all day for the phone to ring. Two weeks ago the doctor found a nodule on his soft pallet. He had a 2 hour MRI yesterday at John Hopkins. We’re waiting for the results.

I gambled once in December. I knew what I was doing, but I did it anyway. Thinking I could handle it. Not… I was so upset with myself. I was a good week or two before I could start to feel better. This was my first and only gamble in 8 months. There was nothing good about it. I have no plans or thoughts of doing it again. I just can not gamble. It makes me feel too bad.
There is too much other stuff going on in my life right now, I can’t and won’t let gambling complicate it.
I have too much to be thankful for and too much to loose…..

[howanan]

After work yesterday, I went to my son’s house. I took a plate of homemade cookies and some Clementines to my two granddaughters. On the way home, I had to pass one of the gambling places I “used” to go to. I thought, what the heck I could just go in there, spend 50.00 then leave. What a good talking to I gave myself. There is no way you would leave after loosing $50.00. You would continue to play trying to recoup the first $50.00. You can take that $50.00 and buy something or pay a bill. Well, it worked… I drove right past there with no more thoughts od stopping there.

There is so much stress during the holidays. And a good friend and co-worker passed away this morning. All these things are triggers that I have to look for. If I can identify them, I can manage them. No gambling will not help with the sorrow or the stress. We all know, it only makes it worse. So, I will go home from work today and know there will be no gambling.

[howanan]

It’s a rainy, foggy, cold Tuesday afternoon here. brrrrr
I just heard bad news about an employee that I worked with here that had just retired.

My “old self” would have taken this as an excuse to find a slot machine and drown my sorrow. What a weak person that was.
I hope I never resort to that behavior again.

Every now and then I still have the urges. But I have learned not to voice them. If I don’t mention gambling to my husband, he doesn’t ask me to go. So I fight my own battles mentally. I find myself spending less time wrestling the urge to gamble.
I know, it felt so good to purchase all my Christmas presents with cash and not a credit card. There are so many pluses to not gambling. Peace of mind being one of them.
Merry Christmas

[howanan]

Yesterday I went to court with my son. He and his wife were getting a divorce. She left him 3 years ago, one month after he had his leg amputated. She left him with no money and no resources to get any – other then me helping. Now over 3 years later, she wants half of everything he had acquired after she left.
They finally settled out of court and are divorced. But she got quite alot for her adultry and desertion. Now just thinking about this would have brought on all my gambling urges. I would go sit in front of a slot machine and loose myself for a couple of hours (oh yes, loosing my money as well). But the truth is, I did not have one urge! I was going to go Christmas shopping, but the weather was too bad. So I just went home and got myself a hot cup of tea.

What a wonderful, peaceful feeling that was. I still have all my Christmas shopping money …… (smile).
Sometimes I reflect back to my “gambling” days. I don’t remember any positive feeling during that time. Most of the time, I put all thoughts of the past out of mind. It really is painful to think back to what a “fool” I was and how easy it would be to get right back in that position. I like my life much better now even with all the worries and concerns. There is one less to add to the mix.

Like I said earlier, I’m not counting days, or months. I don’t know the actual day I last gambled. It doesn’t matter. It’s better for me to just keep all thoughts of gambling out of my mind. There are too many other things in life for me to enjoy.

Nancy

[howanan]

It’s early Sunday morning and I am feeling blessed. I didn’t have any urges yesterday at all. woo hoo. You know thinking back, I only get the urges while drving in the truck with my husband. I don’t get them at home or if I’m driving alone. The reason for this. Habit. Yes habit. I only went gambling with my husband and he always drove there. Thankfully, I am able to ignore the urges and not mention them to my husband. Soon we are home andy the urges are gone.
Another memorial thing (to me) is that as soon as I stopped gambling, I started going to church with my son. It’s so true that you have to fill the void that was your gambling time.
Guess I’ll get a cup of tea and read the morning paper before Church.
Don’t give up hope, don’t give up on yourself.
Nancy

[howanan]

It’s early Saturday morning. I have been up and busy making soup, washing clothes, and ordering Christmas gifts on line. I can’t help but to look back at other Saturday mornings. Mornings when I was stressed and near tears because I played the slots for hours the night before. This morning I have no guilt, no stress, and no gambling debt. What a relief and a difference 6 months have made. Yes, every now and then I get the urge to go gambling. I try to squash the urges. Sometimes that is not all that easy, so I do my best to ignore them and not react to them. And it works! Within a half hour, I am grateful I am not sitting at a machine throwing away my hard earned money. While the urges are rolling around in my head, I keep thinking of other things I can do instead.

Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving. We decided to go to Cracker Barrel for dinner. It was really nice, but it would have been better if my husband could have been with us. He didn’t want to go because he still can not eat.

Hope everyone has a gamble free day………Nancy

[howanan]

Hi P… I’m so glad you are posting again.    I’ve tried not to think about gambling at all.  It seemed the more I fought the urges, the more I gave into them.  Stay strong ……………..Nancy

[howanan]

Bettie,  Hope you will be feeling better soon.  Are you on antibiotics?  Do you work weekends?  If not make sure you stay home and get plenty of rest.  Nancy

[howanan]

Hi Bettie,  Thanks for stopping in on my thread.  Yeah, I know what you mean, some mornings I just don’t want to get up.  I’m okay once I get up and started though.  Have a great day at work Bettie……..Take care…Nancy

[howanan]

Hi Bettie,  I am glad to read you are doing so well.  I know how it is to hate your job.  I hated my job at the bank.   The girls there were so much younger than me and very critical.  Even the manager.  When I finally had enough, I called my husband (I was in the bank parking lot) and asked him what he thought about me quitting.  He said for me to do whatever I thought was best and not to worry.  Now I have never quit a job before I had another one.  But I did it this time.  I quit on a Tuesday.  On Wednesday morning I emailed a company that I had sent in a resume previously.  The manager called me and asked if I could come in for an interview.  Well, to make a long story short, I started working there the following Tuesday.  It would have been sooner, but they did a criminal investigation and urine test.  This job pays $2.50 and hour more with great benefits.  And best of all no selling products.  It is 6 miles from my house and I just love it.  So Bettie, don’t be afraid to send out those resumes.
Nancy

[howanan]

Great Job Bettie… We all know how hard that was………….Nancy

[howanan]

Bettie,  You probably feel that any friend is better then none.  Someone to talk to, etc.  It took my over 25 years to stop my friendship with my friend.  I finally realized that I was the friend and she was the user.  I haven’t heard from her since June.  While writing out Christmas cards yesterday, I was undecided whether to send her one.  But I am.  She lives alone and her adult children seldom visit her or give her Christmas or Birthday presents.  But, I don’t want that friendship back.  I am better off without that kind of friendship.  Do I miss her.  Yep, but I don’t miss being used.
Like everyone else said, you are good person with low self-esteem.  Work on that, learn to love yourself just as you are.  Don’t be available for your friend everytime he decides he wants to see you.  Find something else to do even if it is just going to the library or book store.  You don’t really need him, he needs you.
Wishing you a very special day …….Nancy

[howanan]

Hi Bettie,  If your "so called" friend thinks like that then this person is not a friend.  A friend will encourage you not put you down.  At least you had the car and was giving that person a lift. You are not a looser.  You have an addiction that you are putting to rest.  Don’t let this negativity get you down.  The first thing to fighting this addiction is to love yourself.  Hope you have a happy day……………Nancy

[howanan]

Hi Larry,   I just wanted you to know that the post you made on P’s thread about the fruits of the spirit really struck a cord with me.  I have studied that scripture before, but for some reason it has been heavy on my heart after reading your post.  I too have "The Daily Bread" and read that page the same evening.  I also went on GotQuestions.org and asked about the fruits of the spirit.  I am meditating on this subject this week and hopefully much longer. 
Thanks Larry …. Nancy

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