[hannahb]

Hi all,

I would like to thank you for all the time you’ve all spent reading and writing replies. To be honest I think I just went through a denial stage again by putting it behind us. I now know that this was wrong.

To answer a questions that was raised, we do have happy times. But he spends far too much time on his phone, which I’ve pointed out to him.

But I’ve noticed now that he has a short temper with our children, snapping at them for acting like kids. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t allow it and put my foot down with his temper. He’s never hit them (if your wondering).

I don’t really have a lot of family I can talk to, my mum is fighting her own demons, but I do have a good friend. She knows what is going on and she talks through stuff with me. It’s just so hard explaining what i’m feeling.

He’s been gambling again for just over a month again and I had no inkling this time. I felt as though I should have noticed but I didn’t see the signs. He was doing so well!

We were on our way to the shops yesterday and he told me that he had been stupid again. I instantly knew he had been gambling then. Again I didn’t feel angry or disappointed. In a sick way I felt like laughing! Who does that? I didn’t shout, moan or berate him. I left it alone. I paid for the food shop (obviously) as he has gambled everything.

We got home and I decided to look through his banking app and could see that he was overdrawn. He just stood over me as I looked through his phone. This raised major alarm bells for me. I feel as though he’s maybe hiding more. I put his phone down and asked for his log in details and he asked me ‘why’

He says sorry and keeps hunching over but I don’t feel sorry for him. I know from reading other posts that we should try and be supportive and help them through tough times, I feel horrible writing this but I need to be honest, but I’ve been supportive and I don’t think it’s enough. Do CG’s always relapse?

He won’t seek help and I honestly don’t know what my next move is. I slept on the sofa last night and wondered what mine and the kids life would be like in 10 years time. Will we still be in debt? Will we ever have a family holiday? I know money is not everything, but I have always wanted to take the kids away but have never been able to afford it.

I don’t know how I’m going to pay for everything again. I feel stuck. He’s doing some overtime today and I don’t know what I’m going to say to him when he gets home. I can’t keep sweeping this under the rug. I know everyone will advise that I should get him to seek help, but I know he won’t.

I think he resents me sometimes for saying no to giving him money to pay his bills. It hurt when he called me ‘tight’ for wanting to keep what little money I had in my account for emergencies. I see the looks he gives me.

I’ve switched on my notifications now so I will know when you respond.

Thank you for taking the time to read my update.

[hannahb]

Thank you for your reply Velvet.

To be honest I believe my mum put him off of attending these types of groups as she is a recovering Alcoholic and attends AA regularly. I won’t lie and say I haven’t tried to get him to attend meetings, it’s hard for me as he works until 10pm and I have no sitter and I’m at work during the day. He freely admits he has a problem, he just blames it on the football season, but this I know is a lie – he’s been betting on the casino site too.

It’s hard at the moment – there is a big rift in our house and I have no idea how to fix it. I can’t really talk to him at the moment as I honestly don’t know what to say. What can I say that I haven’t said before? What can he promise and do that he hasn’t said and done before? Just more doubts.

He did apologise and assured me that he loved me this morning, which I accepted, but I can’t help the feeling that he’s only sorry that he’s been caught out again. I then decided to look at his phone banking, bad but necessary, and found that his friend sent him £1000 ‘sigh’. More money to pay back so he can’t help me with the debts from before.

I’m tired and I didn’t sleep well, I literally fell asleep at my desk at work, only just nodded off for a couple of seconds, but still. He’s told me to take his money every month, which we have done previously but it didn’t stick (probably my fault as I did not keep my foot down).

Still no signs of anger, it’s laughable really. I think back about all the times I’ve hit the roof after finding out about his slip ups and I just can’t find that emotion. Maybe I have hit that rock bottom.

I probably sound really cold in these posts but I do love him, I just hate what gambling is doing to us. Every time I keep saying one more chance, just one more. As I said previously, we are stuck in this messy cycle.

Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts and I’m sorry for the long post.

[hannahb]

Hi all,

I haven’t posted in a while as I thought things were turning around for us (my oh is a CG). Turns out I was very wrong. My oh has been gambling for years and it feels like we are in a cycle that won’t break.

He gambles all his money > I find out > I get upset > he gets upset and promises it won’t happen again > closes accounts > doesn’t gamble for a few months > then we at back to the beginning of the cycle again.

His bank statement came through the post yesterday and I decided to check it, 1000’s gambled away, obviously winnings plus his wages. The only difference this time is that I am not blood boiling angry, I’m not disappointed, I feel pretty numb to it actually – which is a first. Has this happened to anyone else? I don’t know who else to talk to and I can’t get to any meetings.

We have had the same conversations over and over again – I have separated our money and I do not give him money. He did send me his wages a few times but this stopped. He knows he has a problem, but he refuses to go to any meetings.

I’m just tired I guess and needed to write this down. It’s nice to hear from people who knows what going through this is like without ranting at me. I’m in two minds at the moment, I really don’t want to lose him but I don’t want me and the kids to spend the rest of our lives in debt and never have the money. I know no one can give me an answer but it would be nice just to talk to someone.

Hannah

[Author]

Posts