[gvralls]

Thanks for scaring the crap out of me! I need that. Nguyen probably already knows about everything you just said.

I get the feeling it’s a time bomb. She could be the perfect partner for months or years even. Then one day digs in and gambles for hours, gets credit cards, gambles more, forges my name, gambles more…

I should stick to buying her airline tickets and expensive French lotions that she’s always rubbing into her silken skin. God she’s gorgeous. Did I tell you that? Ha ha. I’m not a fool yet. We’ve had the best of times thus far.

Thank you again.

[gvralls]

Thanks. For all the warnings, as well as the comments about my own issues.

Let’s assume she moves in with me. Even, we get married. If we married I’d have a rock solid legal agreement to ensure my assets are mine from the date of union.

How does she ruin me financially? I’m naive in some respects. Does she apply for credit? Steal my debit card? How does she take money that’s in my name?

[gvralls]

I think the internet often elicits more sensational and extreme comments. Perhaps Nguyen deserves the harsh criticism. She is, after all, a bona fide CG who had her life destroyed by gambling. But let me say a few things more. I am very thankful you ask me to keep posting. Your comments are highly appreciated.

The Good
Nguyen is gorgeous. I realize that my fascination with her physical beauty reveals my shallow desires. She has movie star looks, simply unbelievable at her age. Great body. Perfect smile. You get the picture.

Her family. Nice people. One child has an extraordinary qualification, and is advancing toward a specialty that will pay very well. He calls her and loves his mom. Great kid.

Another child lives nearby and has kids if his own and a lovely wife. They visit her all the time and love her to pieces. I’ve met them. Wonderful young family. Her son did mention early on, in no uncertain terms, that gambling ruined his mom’s life.

She doesn’t seem like a gold digger, per se. She’s told me about rich old farts that will giver her all the financial security she could ever want. She’s got a lot of friends in the hairdressing business, and I’ve come to learn that hairdressers are on the scout for single guys with money, then make introductions. Nguyen has been set up with wealthy guys and she doesn’t like their looks, so she says. She insists that she can always survive financially in her profession. She wants a man that’s got youthful looks and who she can be proud to be in public with. She says she’s very picky. I tend to think she’s telling me the truth. I’m a few years younger than her, and fit. Frankly we do look like a great couple on the surface.

Nguyen is very affectionate. I’m a bit weak in that regard. My 20 year marriage was to a friendly person who didn’t care much about her looks, and never held my hand, let alone enjoyed romance or kissing or even leaving the home.

Nguyen can cook huge meals efficiently using her head not a cookbook. Her food beats fine restaurants. She loves to cook. My wife of 20 years was a bad cook.

Nguyen loves to travel. She’s in great shape and we roan around like kids. Whereas my ex would rarely leave home. With Nguyen I get to see the world with a beautiful woman I love.

For all my suspicions that she’s a bit too experienced sexually, I’ve tested myself after our 6 week overseas love fest. She’s free of any std and swears that she hasn’t screwed around much because she’s picky. I tend to believe her on that. I felt ashamed but snooped around her online activity quite a bit. She’s not some easy slut. Perhaps a lot of CG are not promiscuous? In any case, I feel safe with her and prefer to keep it going.

The Bad
I’ve caught her telling lies. Of course. She seems to be a really quick thinker who can make things up like a professional. I’ve called her a professional liar, in a certain non confrontational context. I have a keen insight. I’ve told her to stop making stories up as if to play me like a game of poker. She knows I’m no fool.

Menopausal. You used that term. I’m very turned off by her hot and cold switch. She can become a super bitch without much notice. She tells me that she never stays mad for long. She often loses her cool and gets very mean, even cruel. Verbally abusive. She promptly says she’s sorry and only says it because she loves me. I don’t care for this at all! She stopped getting her period about seven years ago. Are a lot of women her age, unbalanced due to hormones or what? I’ve told her that I can’t take it, and young women don’t act like her. She seems to know I’m right. She has an uncontrollable side but it’s purely verbal abuse, and almost always when we are apart. On the phone. Not really fighting when we are together.

Gambling. She’s pretty bad. She says she gave it up before, and wants to quit. She wants me to keep her in check, by controlling our money and keeping her casino expenditures in the $100 – $200 range. Not $1000s like she blew before.

Travels. I have plenty of time on my hands, with employees running a company and various rental income. I set aside about $40,000 for travels, in January. I spent $12,000 or so. Big deal. Not a lot, at my age I want to enjoy life. I’m planning to take her to UK in coming weeks. I was educated at a British university about 30 years ago. I’d love to take her back. What harm could that be?

Well, you asked me to keep posting.

Any feedback is highly appreciated. Thanks.

There may be spelling/ word errors, as my phone spell check often picks the wrong word.

[gvralls]

I really wonder if the whole thing is a setup manipulation.

I read warnings here and want to get out right away, but she is after all a real person with family support and everything is perfect except for that one glaring asterisk CG.

The business investing is not likely but she knows everything about that line of business, and others in her community with less wherewithall are doing well. She works for them, obviously her gambling gets in the way of getting a new business off the ground.

Thanks again.

[gvralls]

Thank you for politely telling it like it is

Nguyen says “I don’t need that” regarding casinos and doesn’t seem to desire them. She’s said she loves me and among the reasons are that I am not a gambler.

She is an emotional junkyard dog. Can be brutal with her words. I’ve thought it might be hormones. Im a bit vulnerable because my previous spouse was friendly but had zero romantic nature, and got fat. Nguyen is smoking hot and loves to hold hands.

She’s very personable and the business she knows so well can be bought for $75k. Not going to drain me at all, and I don’t think she’d fail.

When we traveled for 8 weeks I really got to know her. It’s hard to say if she’s manipulating. I haven’t lost much by being with her, it’s been nice. I just can’t go forward without really being cautious of the gambling.

[gvralls]

Nguyen has debt on a car and I think about $10k to a tax authority, which is paid monthly. Not too severe. Initially I thought she could owe some sketchy gangster types due to gambling but I don’t think so.

I care about her so very much. Maybe there’s a compulsion among those who fall in love with gamblers, to get fixated on helping them. Not sure why but I love her even though I probably should find someone else who isn’t 30 years into a casino addiction.

The guarded side of me, my gut instinct in fact, is telling me that she’s manipulating me to get her hooks onto my assets. But she likely knows I wouldn’t fall for any scheme that drains me financially. Given her past, I would be extra vigilant to keep what I have in my name. She does desire to open her own business, with my backing, but she’s a hard worker and knows how to earn. Not a huge risk there in the big picture. She also suggests that I always hold the money not her.

She tends to talk and act in ways that demonstrate her number one concern is herself. Not a giver when it comes to emotional support, but on other things like cooking and sensual affection she can’t be beat. I doubt I’ll ever have that with someone else. Perhaps that’s all part of her plan. Who knows.

[gvralls]

Hi. Appreciate your response. You’re probably right about the people who own stores and homes, and gamble at the same time (apparently daily) are living on borrowed time.

Nguyen told me she doesn’t want to go into casinos, that is why she had herself banned. But she has spoken excitedly about going to Vegas or casinos near my home, which is out of the boundaries of where she banned herself.

I think her addiction caused enormous problems for her financially, which is particularly painful because at one time she had loads of money. She had gold, diamonds, pocket loads of cash, helped her family with $50k loans here and there (those family members used the money and are prospering). At one point she left an infant daughter in the care of a friend and went on some sort of 3 month binge with one of the gamblers I mentioned above. I know she regrets many things but through it all her kids are actually doing very well and love her dearly. One of her kids has an incredible professional status that I won’t mention but it’s something that one has to study for 12 years to attain. Sometimes the worst parenting ironically is an impetus for kids to thrive.

Nguyen is in a low spot but tries to keep good spirits. She and I share laughs, I know I’m really good for her and she cherishes me for more than just to take and get a chance to wiggle back into a gambling scenario. Who knows. I’m planning to take her along on two big trips overseas in May and again in July. I really feel like my life is a lot better with her, but as you said the boundaries need to be in place. She is well flagged as you said.

I really really appreciate the comments here. Thank you.

[gvralls]

Thanks a lot Lily for your very thoughtful and kind response.

I do need to back away. Not sure how far back, but this forum is a great resource to help me understand what im getting myself into.

Ok I just spent two days with Nguyen. Here are some thoughts, if a bit controversial. I’ll share them anyway.

I told Nguyen that I’d read stories online shared by loved ones of gamblers. The common thread of the CG putting gambling as their First Love. The fact that CG only care about themselves. They hurt all people around them, but don’t care. They only focus on themselves. I said Nguyen I see this behavior in you. I saw it during our travels, and I see it now. I think she agreed, it’s a good point.

Nguyen already banned herself from all casinos n her area. They took her picture as part of a program to let people opt out.

At her nail salon they gamble small money all the time, Among themselves at break.

She disagrees that CG are always broke. In her community of Vietnamese, there are raging CG who own homes, and successful companies. I wonder if there is a cultural angle on this. Perhaps those of European ancestry, like myself, are particularly inclined to overstep all sensible reason when it comes to gambling, yet Asians lose control too but are better able to keep it in check.

[gvralls]

“On a positive note , perhaps, in meeting you, your GF has found an opportunity to turn her life around.”

Thanks for that quote. I have a cousin with severe alcoholism and nothing could stop him. When I met Nguyen and figured out her addiction to gambling soon after, my attitude was that I couldn’t deal with it and we would be doomed for the long term because I couldn’t stop anybody else’s addiction.

She does work really long hours to make money for gambling. The funny thing is if you’re married to a CG that just means you suffer on both ends. At one end the workaholic isn’t home spending special moments together. A the other end, all the earnings from the long hours are squandered sitting at a zombie table waiting for the next random card.

Through our travels I never spoke to her in any type of demeaning terms. I wanted to be the one person in her life that didn’t beg her to stop gambling. I know her entire family has tried and tried and tried (so I’ve been told). That theme runs common here in this forum, as I’ve read several threads.

There seems to be no way for CG to stop, no possible way for them to have any money saved, ever.

She doesn’t use online gambling. Thankfully she’s someone that doesn’t look at her smart phone much at all.

Nguyen does, however, take take take and she thinks of herself first. I noticed that early on, and I see other commenters mentioning the same thing. The CG ruins the lives of those around him/her, then hits rock bottom only to focus all conversation around their problems not what they’ve caused others to suffer. It’s a dastardly addiction.

I’ll see her tonight and plan to mention all I’ve read here, and prepared to be a “tough love” person at this point.

Thanks for your kind comments.

[gvralls]

It’s a relatively new relationship but I don’t see it going long term given the gambling. I suppose I could end it right now, tell her that I can’t move forward with a gambler, but at this stage of my life I want to travel and enjoy some of the money I saved up. I can’t think of a better person to go with. She’s not tied down to work, a wonderful companion, and traveling alone is no fun at all. I’m planning to take her to Japan for a few weeks and hike Mt Fuji, a trip I’ve always dreamed of. Then if all goes as I hope it does, additional travel to other countries in SE Asia through summer and fall.

She could be scheming to manipulate me in order to support her gambling addiction, but it doesn’t seem that way because on overseas travel we aren’t visiting casinos. She could be along with me to get a free ride and see the world, but “so what”. It doesn’t cost much extra for two, given we share the hotel etc.

Perhaps I’m the one manipulating the entire relationship, but I think it works for both of us.

One question: given her long history of losing money in casinos, and choosing two rampant gambling addicts to live with in former relationships, as well as the fact that she’s dragging me along into casinos now — is there any chance (no pun intended) that she can settle down with me and not lose thousands of dollars in a casino again? According to her, there was a two year period, not long ago, when she didn’t go to casino. She also says that casinos are simply fun entertainment and if I am with her she’ll swear to keep her losses at $200. Funny that because a few weeks ago she’d lost $100 and I said let’s go. She said just $100 more “I can win it back”. I said ok then watched her put $200 on the table (which she lost).

She has a type of “honesty oath” with me, such that she won’t lie if I ask her a question or make a statement. Whenever I’ve mentioned that her gambling is a big concern to me, rather than refute it she just seems to agree. As if she knows she can’t control it.

When I was married for 20 years, my wife always contributed to the finances. I appreciated that, though my wife gained weight, didn’t take care of herself or the house, and never wanted to leave the house. I get the impression that Nguyen, who takes really good care of herself and keeps a clean home, loves adventure, and would work and gamble away her own paycheck, never buying anything for our shared expenses. Perhaps I can find someone who fits every desire. In the meantime I’m content to be with Nguyen despite this raging compulsion to gamble.

[gvralls]

Thanks, I really enjoyed reading your response. She is probably a raving CG. I often wondered why she could go BACK to the place with such enthusiasm after being wrecked financially in the same venue. You must be right about the mind being able to erase bad memories. She’s told me about the $1000 limit on her debit card, the times she left feeling stupid after losing it all, only to go back again and again. It’s the stories I’ve heard about her ex, Darren, that really cause worry because it proves there is zero limit to the lows one can go in order to support the habit. On par with a meth addict. And her ex Frank was apparently in charge of designing complicated engine parts, got paid well into six figures for years, but routinely lost $10,000 a night and now lives in a car, ailing health and zero funds after pawning his last few possessions.

She’s told me many times that if we are together she wants all of the money under my name. I suppose that is one way for her to limit the damage, which apparently she knows is beyond her control.

Nguyen is a very hard worker and has owned several very profitable enterprises, and today has zero to show for it. Her looks are on the level of being a movie star, one wonders how Mother Nature could bestow on one person perfect eyes, nose, lips, teeth, ears, arms, breasts, legs, the whole package. At 5’4″ and 110 lbs, and as I write this she’s in the gym exercising. She doesn’t like restaurants because a quick trip to the supermarket and 30 minutes in the kitchen she can whip together a meal that would stun the tastebuds of anyone. In bed, she lives up to every expectation.

I plan to keep traveling with her. On the road she’s the most wonderful companion in every respect, and keeps an wise eye on finances.

One thing I notice is that when she loses at the card table she’s always blaming it on someone. “the other guy at the table didn’t know how to play! he held at 13 when the dealer showed a queen, that was his 6 that gave the dealer a 20 to beat my 19”. It’s always someone else’s fault due to some convoluted conspiracy otherwise she’d have walked out a winner.

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