[gustav101]

And I am doing this for me, it may sound selfish, but I have to do it for me to make the life of my loved ones better.

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Nice Dark! Keep them coming. You are still in control of your ship and you know where the final destination needs to be.

[gustav101]

Day 11 – I joined GA and accepted to be part of this community, hearing the struggles and the heartaches of others, makes me realize that we all have so much to live for. It’s not easy for one of us, but as a community we can help each other, to change the behavior. I truly feel blessed for 11 days, 11 days I didn’t think I can do. Yes live is full of curve balls, whether in addiction or out of addictions, but it is our decisions how we face it. I want to live without lies and manipulation from my side. It’s a one day at a time, and if it gets real hard, it’s one hour at a time. I have to live in the moments and cherish what I have today.

[gustav101]

Today is day 6, I joined a GA meeting for the very first time this week, it was wonderful and I’m in acceptance that I am sick, that I can’t gamble responsible and that I am the captain of my ship. So far this week is not very great, I had to borrow money just to survive and I am feeling so ashamed of this. The trust is completely broken between me and my partner, as I lied to her, and I understand where she is coming from. I setup goals, simple ones for now and so far I am marking them off day by day, I need to build good habits in order not to think about gambling. The feeling of being a loser is still with me, and I am sure it will clear with time. One day at a time. I am planning to join another GA meeting this evening as I find a lot of inspiration with this meetings, and learning more that I was able to learn on my own. It is OK not to be OK, and I have to accept that.

[gustav101]

Thanks Dark, I am definitely going to hand all extra money to my partner in the coming months.

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Yes yes, that looks like a good number Dark!! Keep it up, weldone on the payments you made and the money you’ve put away. Keep it up.

[gustav101]

And there it is, on day 72 I gave in. I crumbled, I lost all the money I had disposal to. I don’t know how I am going to survive this month.

Everything feels foggy… I’m dazed and don’t have answers on questions… WHY AM I LIKE THIS???

[gustav101]

Hey Dark, you have got this!! One day at a time my friend! you are stronger than you think. Don’t give the temptation what it wants, give yourself what you want. Stop thinking about getting the money back, think of it as a investment gone wrong. I have faith that you will win, I had this faith from the beginning when I joined here and you were my biggest inspiration to all of this.

[gustav101]

Day #49 – What a great feeling. Everyday is a battle to get the thoughts out of my head, it is getting easier, but the thoughts still remain, on how to make back the money I have lost. The pain is still there but it is getting better with every day. I am now at 3.27% of my target of 1500 days gambling/ trading free. It is not easy, but I know I can push through. Motivated not to start from day 0 again. Hopefully I can push on to day 100 and it feel better.

[gustav101]

Day 13 – Tomorrow will be a 2 week mark.

I am keeping myself busy, and I am learning new skills. I am finding more time to do my things, and it is great.

I do still get the thoughts about what if, I can win, and I immediately tell myself that I do not want to start from day zero again.

Things will look better when I am day 100 and then 200. It is just a constant reminder to not go back to day zero. I am 0.80% of my 1500 day target. I will win and I will conquer this!

[gustav101]

congrats risingpheonix! This is awesome and very motivational, keep it up, and you are correct – you will conquer this!

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DE! Well done on the 1 month mark! Can’t wait until I post my one month milestone.

It is awesome that you managed to push this far again.

risingphoenix, i believe this is the best approach one can take, I also have a huge sheet I took the time to setup, I marked it with 1500 days, and every morning I go to the sheet, and start of marking my previous day as done. Then I start my current day with some thoughts and emotions and plans of what I want to achieve today, then on another sheet I marked out 1500 and keep a % of completion to 1500 days, I know it will take more than 1500 days, and we have to work at this every day, this is just motivation to return to a normal life again.

[gustav101]

Today is day #9 – I got my salary and paid back all the money I budgeted for, for this month. I am keeping my mind busy with work, and I challenged myself to learn a programming language (python) I have been busy with for 6 days and it feels like it doing the job to keep my mind distracted. I have made peace with the money I have lost, and acknowledged that I will take the long walk to freedom, and pay off my debt one month at a time, I made myself sheets and tracking my progress. Every day I am one step closer to my goal, and I simply don’t want to start from day zero again, it just simply isn’t worth it. A lot of people on this platform is a big inspiration to me, and I want to thank all of you for your stories and guidance that you share. I am doing this for me. I feel great as I don’t have to watch the “charts” all day, and I find time to things that I wanted to do 2 years ago. It is a great feeling and everyday, I am great full that I have a second chance to turn my wrongs into rights.

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Hi Ashamed, How is it going? Holding strong?

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Hi Don,
Thank you very much, I already started reading though the Forum, and I am very glad to see I am not the only one. This helps a lot.

Dark Energy, I read your Journals 3 times already (please don’t think I’m a stalker) LOL
You are amazing me with your post and the way I can see how far you have progressed from where you started. The amount of effort you are putting behind all of this is astounding. you are one of the people that inspires me to make this work.

I do not thik I can win money, I had my changes where I was able to create winning up to a point where I can be debt free, then when I reach that point, I just want a little bit more, there is no target for that little bit more, and then I lose it all again. It is the same cycle over and over, it doesn’t change, even when I convince myself I am going to stick to a plan, it doesn’t work.

I made a call to stop as I already lost way more than I intended when I started, it got out of control so quickly, now when I sit back and think of what I could have done with my losses, it breaks my heart. But I am here today on day 3 GF, last night I came clean to my girlfriend, as she knew there was more going on with me, so she hammered me for answers, until I cracked, this morning I feel ashamed and it feels as I might slipping into a depression state of mind. One thing that does work is the meditation exercises on the GT App.

Lets win today, so we can take on the battle tomorrow to grow even stronger. One day at a time. “What you do today can improve all your tomorrows”

[Author]

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