[GamAnon26032]

I started gambling in September 2014. I last gambled in late November. During my last visit to the casino I lost over £1,000 via an electronic screen linked to one of the roulette tables, having been £300-400 up on three occasions during the evening I played. Eight days prior to that, I lost £1,600 on the roulette tables, despite recovering from being behind on a bad evening and getting up to £2,500, but ended up returning it to the casino through ever higher stake bets before leaving. A common factor on both evenings was alcohol, and underlying stress, which when combined with gambling, gave me – while I had chips to play – a “don’t give a shit attitude” and some sort of happiness or satisfaction. My feelings toward what I did at the casino, and what I lost, could not have been more different the next morning. Anxiety, depression, a very low, dark feeling descended and was difficult to shake off for days each time. However, a few days later thoughts turn to gambling again, either myself or watching others do it online. Gambling somehow alleviates the depression, temporarily. This is the pattern of gambling that has defined my day-to-day life over the past few months and periodically over the last four years. Whether it be through online gambling or by visiting a casino, I have lost approximately £30,000 in a little over 4 years. More than just money, over the past four years, I have lost a sense of self, of my narrative and who I was before I gambled, and what I could have been. I have lost trust and confidence in myself. I’m selfish and argumentative. I’ve lost a sense of the big picture and empathy for others; instead, I’ve become self-absorbed and obsessed with gambling.

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