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Began Month #4 with the behavior change. Thought I would be further ahead with some of the debt resolutions. Very disappointing to see such little progress and still a mountain of stress. I can understand the return to **** when you look at the insignificant amount saved when NOT engaged in the action. I will just have to believe that at some point when all of the big ones are done, that the smaller ones are easy. This is not my idea of fun but I’m sure that some day, I’ll look back and know the refrain was better for me (than the potential regret). Tough Tough Tough day to force the sensible thoughts. I could go on full tilt right now and throw more salt on the wounds. But I won’t. I refuse to.

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I like that you’re loving yourself Lynn. If we replace fear with confidence and we replace disgust with LOVE then we’re 2 steps closer to peace. I predict that "peace" is a great place to be. Here’s a toast to the new abode!  Cheers. 
Ed (not Mr. the horse)

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Like your list mate. This motivates me to draft my "10 Commandments" too. I think I’ll take it a step further and say that the only way I would ever break the 10th commandment is if I broke the other 9 commandments 1st. So unless I want to jump out of an airplane, eat a papaya sandwich, drink a straight shot of Gin, Rob a bank, stick a needle in my arm and break 4 additional commandments then the 10th is off limits. Kinda makes a casino visit a little less desirable and total recovery more manageable.  Peace!

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As usual, a great post with LOTS of COMMON SENSE and sensability. You nailed it. This really is "IT" in a nutshell:
"I know there will be up’s and down’s ahead. I am not going to be complacent about the problem I have. I know that this is it. I must spend the rest of my life ‘not doing something’. So be it. There are lots of thing I will ‘not do’. I’ll never smoke, do *****, jump out of a plane, run a marathon, bullfight, see the north or south pole. So I’ll just add ‘gamble’ to that list. Again, I’m sorry for those of you that do chose some of these things on the list. (except those of you that fight bulls!)"
I feel the same way and rambled on in Linnie’s thread about things I just flat out wouldn’t do that aren’t nearly as harmful and painful as the (g). So what is so freakin’ special about this addiction that makes us ignore all of the consequences, pain, grief and sorrow that soon follows?  I know EXACTLY how I would think, act, react and speak as someone was trying to convince me that I should jump out of a plane that was hovering 10,000 feet above the earth.
I would not jump, plain and simple.  The only way I would leave the plane with some colorful, silky material packed neatly in a backpack is if (and only if) I passed out from fear and you pushed me out of the plane with the rip cord already pulled. And there better be some people on the ground to catch me in one of those portable trampoline thingys. And I better be intoxicated. With some mild muscle relaxers in tow. And I prefer to land in some soft sand in an area without trees or water.
But I was ok with losing everything to feed the addiction. Skydiving would have been much easier. I think it only lasts a few minutes instead of years. I doubt I would do it more than once. Strange huh? Once would be enough and then on to the next item on my bucket list. I would only wear a speedo to a public beach once. I would never put a needle in my arm. I only drank cherry vodka once. The pain was so great that it was a life-long reminder of what "not to do" when deciding to get drunk.
I would never ***** a car, rob a bank, walk across hot coals in Hawaii, sell Amway products or enter a hot-dog eating contest.
I too want to add this addiction to the list of things that I refuse to do. Ever again. Not ******** days, weeks or months – just want the ridiculous thoughts of "what ifs" to go way forever. There can’t be anymore "what ifs" !!!
How you doin?
 

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