[Fritz]

Hi JansDad,
Thanks for the post. I understand your situation a lot better after reading this. If I were in your shoes, I would bit by bit drop every friend and acquaintance that has anything to do with gambling. Then I would rebuild a new set of friends and acquaintances bit by bit. Your life is immersed in gambling, from the sounds of it, so trying to stop would be an immense (maybe impossible) challenge every day if it were me. It would be very hard to get a foothold in non-gambling if you are subjected to it day in and day out, and if gambling propositions kept coming your way that appeared to be investment opportunities.

A drug addiction analogy would be living with a house full of drug dealers that offer to make you a lot of money by helping them with their deals, all the while passing bags of the drug you are addicted to back and forth under your nose day in and day out and flashing wads of cash. Even with Easy Way, there is no way you could make it through your recovery in that scenario. I don’t think your situation is much different.

Good Luck JansDad, I really wish you the best in trying to beat this gambling addiction, but I would strongly encourage you to remove yourself from all of the people and situations related to gambling that are currently in your life, because from the sounds of it, it is way too much to handle for any person to attempt a recovery. Peace.

[Fritz]

Hi Happy,
Gambling tries to rob you of confidence and self worth, but it is not the truth, it is just a mirage. Feel good about yourself, look at all the positives, count up all of your blessings, tell yourself you are great, because you are! Then go to your party and take it all in, be in the moment, enjoy the experience, listen and share from your heart. Don’t forget deep breathing! It helps so much to relax. When I deep breath, I repeat a positive phrase to myself, like “I am so blessed”, or “Life is good!” or “I am getting better every day”. Anything that feels right to you. Take care.

[Fritz]

Hi P,
It is a bit unfair to the Easy Way book to summarize the whole thing in a short journal post, but I will at least give you my perspective on it. Allen Carr is very specific in the book to say you must read the book from cover to cover before you can or should embark on your efforts to not gamble. He makes it clear that there are no shortcuts, and you can’t just read the punchline and really get it at a deep level. So with that caveat, here goes…

I have decided that gambling, smoking pot and drinking alcohol were all a problem for me, and I want to stop. That’s the first step. Allen then explains, point by point, each so called “benefit” of the behavior, or reason most people do it. He then systematically destroys each “benefit” as misinformation: brainwashing that the alcohol, tobacco, and gambling industries have used to make every user believe that their product is something good that you need. Advertising for these poisons is everywhere, and it covertly and overtly has hoodwinked everyone into believing that they offer benefits. Obviously if they can convince people that their product is an essential thing in your life, you will use it, right? For example, do you think alcohol tastes good? No! It tastes horrible! But we have been brainwashed to believe it tastes good, and if you say you think it tastes bad, people look at you like you are a wimp. All your friends believe it, so if you do not, suddenly you are an outsider, and you question your own logic. Wow, I guess I am wrong and they are right, so I better follow along and do the substance. You follow the herd, and use these harmful products just like the rest of modern society. If you gamble, smoke, drink alcohol, you will be popular, the life of every party, successful, rich, and life will be amazing. If you do not use their products, you will be dull, poor, an outcast, and your life will generally suck. You get the idea…

In reality, these hundred billion dollar industries offer poison and misery and generally just take a bunch of your productive time and money away. Do alcohol conglomerates have commercials about drunk loud obnoxious partiers that throw up on the floor and have a huge hangover the next day? No, that’s the dirty little secret that no one talks about. You hide it, because it doesn’t fit the advertising, so you must be doing it wrong. Same for smoking and gambling. Why are all the others such good drinkers and I always drink too much and feel crappy the next day? Why do so many people win at gambling but I always seem to lose? In reality many people feel crappy the next day, but nobody really talks about it. The real reason you feel crappy the next day is because it is poison. And of course everyone loses at gambling, only the house wins, but that of course is not advertised. The advertising glamorizes a poisonous substance that does nothing for my health or well being.

Alan destroys every supposed “benefit” of gambling, drinking and smoking. You begin to realize that you have been fooled for your whole life, the lightbulb comes on, and you have no desire whatsoever to ever do it again. In fact, you start realizing that I would be a complete fool to do any of those foolish things!

The second part of Allen’s strategy is to point out that this is a progressive disease and no one is immune to this. Once you are so far into it, you believe you need the substance (or the bet) to feel good. In reality after you have repeated the substance (or betting) many many times, he correctly points out that doing it again doesn’t make you feel good, it makes you feel less bad. Your brain tricks you into thinking the substance will make you feel good. In reality you are in a cycle of feeling bad due to a lack of it, and feeling less bad when you do it. That’s the addiction. By this time, you have forgotten what it feels like to feel normal, let alone actually feel good.

Whew! Long post. But that’s only part of it, you really need to read the Easy Way book to really understand it. All I can tell you is that I have a group of friends that get together every month to socialize, drink and smoke pot. In the past I have tried to use the will power method and not partake in the smoking and drinking part of our parties. And I have failed every time. Since Easy Way, I can party and have a great time with them, with no anxiety whatsoever while they smoke pot and drink, and I do not. I have lemonade and snacks, listen to music, get into philosophical discussions, and have a great time, but my desire for the pot and alcohol is completely gone. In fact, I watch them and think, “why do they feel a need to do that to have a good time?”.

[Fritz]

Good post Vera and a very stark reminder that despite promises to the contrary, relapses can and do happen. We must not let our guard down, ever.

Another thing I believe is that we must commit and vow never to gamble again. Without such a commitment, we are leaving the door open to gambling in the future. I have closed and locked that door, I refuse to leave any room for doubt. Of course we must be vigilant, but a stand must be made and if it is an absolute stand in our mind we have a much better shot at a gamble free future than if we tell ourselves that we might gamble sometime in the future. Just my humble approach for myself, not saying anything about what others should or shouldn’t do. I will march forward with this philosophy, and will continue to report my progress on GT, regardless of how successful I am or not. Honesty is the only policy for people struggling with addiction, faking it is what leads to failure. Cheers and wishing you all the best in life and recovery.

[Fritz]

Thanks for the comments. I think I read about Easy Way from Geordie, but you may have been the first to post about it. I hear what you are saying, but there is a LOT of group think that has gone into everything you are saying. For example, what is a compulsive gambler? What is the exact definition? What is a non-gambler? What is the exact definition? The answer is, there is no definition. Even GA says there is no definition, and only you can determine if you are a compulsive gambler or not! How scientific or exact is that really? You say that your wife is a non-gambler, but GA states that gambling is a progressive illness, so in their definition, is there really any such thing as a non-gambler? Hmmm, seems like a paradox to me.

And yet everyone that participates in GA it is told they need to believe their materials unquestioningly. In fact, GA tells us and implies in all of their materials that you must believe and implement everything they say exactly as they say it. Why? Because they say it has worked for countless others and nothing else has worked, so by deduction you must use their method for any chance of recovery. I question their logic, because they have no scientific or medical basis for anything they say. Others believe it, and that is their choice if it works for them.

GA promotes a theory that we are powerless. That only a belief in a higher power gives us the least bit of hope in controlling this disease. That is an assumption, and again if it works for you, then great. All I am saying is that it is not the only way, and there may be other better ways of gamblers getting their life back under control.

The bottom line is, whatever works is what you should be doing. I am doing something that is working exceedingly well for me, which is great. It may not be for everyone.

I knew I would be criticized for my post, it’s ok, I expected it. But I stand by it. Of course I can’t say with 100% certainty that I will never gamble again, but in my mind, I am a non-gambler now, and having that mindset empowers me to take control and responsibility for my own actions.

Easy Way is not a miracle cure, it is just a different mindset. And in our society, unfortunately because GA is so pervasive and is trusted to be the only way, people get very defensive about any competing method.

[Fritz]

After easy way and with my new thinking and understanding, I really can’t relate to the thought of wanting to gamble anymore. I don’t want to appear smug and superior, believe me that is absolutely not my intent. I am humble and only hope to share what is working for me, that it may help others.

When you realize that something you used to think gave you something valuable in return, has actually nothing valuable to give you, then it’s really hard to “unlearn” it and go back to the former way of thinking. I have learned that gambling offers not one helpful thing in solving my problems, and in fact has created most of my problems. I believe this to my core, and that is the key to my now being a non-gambler.

It’s great for me, because I know I will never gamble again. I am ecstatic about it! But I know that others here will think that I am delusional about never gambling again, and that’s unfortunate. I don’t want to appear boastful or overconfident, and I know that my way of thinking does not fit the mold of how a recovery is “supposed to” work. I just happen to believe that the easy way is the surest way to a complete recovery, and it runs quite counter to the GA method.

You see, we as gamblers trained ourselves to believe that gambling is the way to solve our problems. Have a disagreement with a loved one and get upset? Escape to gambling for comfort and calm. Disappointed about a job loss? Gambling will provide the solace you need and help you forget for a time. Facing a large unexpected bill this month? Gambling will help you win enough to take care of it and relieve the pressure. Feeling bored, lonely, or a bit down in the dumps? Gambling will correct all of these problems instantly. For every problem in life, we have convinced ourselves that gambling is the one and only solution.

However after a string of gambling losses and binging has made it quite obvious that we need to get this problem under control, we stop cold turkey. We make vows and promises, and muster all the will power we can. We go to GA and confess our sins. We pray and ask for divine intervention. Gut it out “just for today”. Then repeat this same struggle,day after day. And be forced to believe that our brain is ” addictive”, we have an incurable disease, and we will be addicts for the rest of our lives? What makes us all believe that the GA method is the only way to control this addiction? Because they tell us it is the only way, and we don’t know of any other options! And we are desperate for any help!

But deep down we know that the urges will come roaring back, and it scares us to know that the cycle is very likely to repeat. Even if it doesn’t, we have mental struggles and it is all we can do to keep the monster held back in a corner of our mind, and pray that it doesn’t come storming out to unleash it’s wrath yet again.

There is a better way. The easy way. When stress, problems, disagreements and other misfortunes strike, I get no urge to gamble whatsoever. It’s gone completely. It’s impossible for me to explain it fully here, all I can say is read the book, and read it again after a week or two. It will change your perspective. Cheers!

[Fritz]

Thank you for the excellent reply. And I will extend your gracious offer to my wife, it may do her some good.

After reading the text above that I wrote yesterday and that you quoted, I realize that sometimes my thoughts don’t translate into the correct written words very well. You are 100% correct, I should not be pissed off, and in fact I am not. It is more of a regret that it took so long for the veil to be removed from my eyes. For CG’s, gambling is like the devil in the Bible that tempts Jesus three times, promising all of the worlds riches for free, but in exchange for our soul. Jesus exposed the devil for the fraud he is, and we need to expose gambling for the fraud that it is as recovering addicts.

[Fritz]

Off to work, no time to post but was reading your thread and wanted to tell you I am proud to see your progress, Mav. Really good stuff. Keep up the great work!

[Fritz]

We all are here for a reason, right? 🙂 I have had the same thing happen too, coming across a post that really helps me with what I am dealing with that particular moment. It’s great we are all here for each other, sharing experiences, through struggles and triumphs, and most of all help each other along toward another gamble free day and a brighter tomorrow!

[Fritz]

I still haven’t gambled, drank, smoked pot at all. It’s good. I am finding that when work is very stressful for me, like it is right now, I tend to get anxious. Duh, right? So I have been checking my breathing, and it is shallow, and my chest is all tense, which is not good. So I need to do some deep breathing, some light exercise, watch some comedy on tv, and do the things that truly get me in a relaxed state. That’s called listening to your body, and I am learning how to do it now.

In the past, I would let this situation build up a lot, and actually make it worse by doing adrenaline inducing activities like video games. And of course drink and smoke to try and smother out those anxious feelings. And then, if I could get the chance I would escape and gamble with the false thought that it would erase the anxious feelings too. I know now that every last thing I thought gambling would help me with (reducing stress, give me a happy feeling, get to hang out with a bunch of “friends”, get a thrill) all were false. Even the getting a thrill part. What I get from the gambling is a rush of adrenaline due to fear, after really thinking about it. If I had a huge bet out, and a big win or loss depended on the next card the dealer flipped over, my heart would race, because I was scared! It was only a relief if I won! Now that is a really demented and masochistic form of excitement! Gambling is a huge CAUSE of stress, not a relief of stress. Just a few examples of the complete perversion of truth that we are brainwashed to believe as gamblers.

The more I think about it, the more pissed off I get about how much of a fool I was to ever believe that gambling is anything good! It’s all a load of crap, and I fell for it for sooooo long. Oh well, live and learn, and never again to gamble shall I go.

[Fritz]

I can relate to your comments about your kids feeling kind of distant and almost like new acquaintances. It really is like getting to know your family all over again in a way. For me there was a lot of awkwardness and resentment that built up over a period of time due to my absence and the stress/pain it caused my wife and kids. The trust was completely broken. I have had my daughter scream she hates me straight to my face on more than one occasion as I was beginning my recovery and yes it hurt very badly. But I had hurt them very badly too, so I really had it coming.

But it has gotten progressively better after a rocky period. It is a wound that takes time to heal. I just need to accept that and make things the best I can from now forward. Making amends is a very important part of our recovery. It hurts as sometimes I felt rejected as I was trying to be good, helpful and loving, but when those times came, I told myself that my actions created this situation in the first place, so I need to accept it and keep trying, day by day to make things right.

The machines are not your friend, but they do help you avoid/postpone the hard work that is necessary to rebuild relationships. You will find that putting that hard work in will pay great dividends in increasing your own genuine happiness in the long run. Gambling happiness (a win) is fake, is temporary, and will lead to greater unhappiness 100% of the time.

It sounds like you are feeling a lot of pain and anxiety at this time, and I hope you can take some small solace in the idea that it will get better if you keep working at it. Take care.

[Fritz]

Я могу относиться к вашим комментариям о том, что ваши дети чувствуют себя отстраненными и почти как новые знакомства. Это действительно похоже на то, чтобы заново узнать свою семью. Для меня было много неловкости и негодования, которые накапливались в течение определенного периода времени из-за моего отсутствия и стресса / боли, который он причинил моей жене и детям. Доверие было полностью сломлено. Моя дочь не раз кричала, что ненавидит меня прямо в лицо, когда я начинал выздоравливать, и да, это было очень больно. Но я тоже очень сильно их обидел, так что я действительно ждал этого. Но после тяжелого периода ситуация стала постепенно улучшаться. Это рана, которая требует времени, чтобы зажить. Мне просто нужно принять это и с этого момента делать все, что в моих силах. Исправление – очень важная часть нашего выздоровления. Это больно, потому что иногда я чувствовал себя отвергнутым, поскольку я пытался быть хорошим, полезным и любящим, но когда эти времена подошли, я сказал себе, что мои действия в первую очередь создали эту ситуацию, поэтому мне нужно принять это и продолжать попытки, день днем, чтобы все исправить. Машины вам не друзья, но они помогают избежать / отложить тяжелую работу, необходимую для восстановления отношений. Вы обнаружите, что упорный труд принесет большие дивиденды в увеличении вашего истинного счастья в долгосрочной перспективе. Счастье от азартных игр (выигрыш) фальшиво, носит временный характер и в 100% случаев ведет к еще большему несчастью. Похоже, в это время вы чувствуете сильную боль и беспокойство, и я надеюсь, что вы почувствуете небольшое утешение в мысли, что все станет лучше, если вы продолжите работать над этим. Заботиться.

[Fritz]

Just read through your recent posts and I wanted to give you a shout out for some really great thoughts you have shared. The fact that you had a really bad day, but managed to stay gambling free that day anyway. In the past it was so easy for me to give in when I thought life was giving me the shaft, like somehow I deserved to gamble because of my misfortune. Maybe once upon a time you would have had the same inclination. So great to see you stay strong and understand that life will dish out some bad days along with the good, and we just need to accept it and move forward with hope for a better one tomorrow.

[Fritz]

If it’s feeling like a battle then there are two opposing viewpoints in your head. One saying I want to gamble and one saying I shouldn’t, right? Think about the side saying I want to gamble. Why do you feel that way? Write down all of the positive aspects of gambling and test each one. In the end they are all false, but you will need to reach that conclusion on your own. Until then you will be using the willpower method of quitting, which means you will have to struggle with a constant inner conflict of wanting to gamble but not allowing yourself to gamble. It is a very hard way to live. I tried this for a long time with poor results. You can go along time without gambling but continue feeling deprived of something you think is important and good, so the desire and urges never stop. Consequently peace is elusive. This is just my experience, take it or leave it of course. This thinking comes from the Easy Way, it clicked for me, maybe it will click for you too. I wish you all the best in your recovery.

[Fritz]

Just wanted to say thanks to the community here and to those running this website for helping me along with my recovery. I have a month in now since my last bet and I feel a lot better. I agree with Vera though, I don’t put much credence in number of days gamble free. It’s more about moving in a positive direction and learning how to leave my gambling past behind. It’s more about improving myself as a person. I am working on listening to myself, and being honest with myself and my family. I am learning how to relax and be happy and content with how things are. It’s amazing how gambling can destroy your self worth, it really takes time to repair. So I am grateful that these things are coming back to me, despite my setback a month ago. Cheers everyone!

[Author]

Posts