[Fritz]

What a drag waiting around when you could be doing something, anything for yourself but instead have to kill t!me at work.

I find myself getting annoyed all the time when things are “supposed to” go a certain way but do not. I try to remember that life is never predictable and I need to not !et circumstances bring me down,but I suck at that.

Anyway, hang in there, I continue to be amazed at your commitment to recovery.

[Fritz]

Curious what you all think about this. I believe that for us compulsive gamblers, the value of currency that is won betting is worth almost nothing compared to the money earned doing work. It isn’t real, it is very much like monopoly money. When you win, it justifies playing more, because, after all, you didn’t work for it, its a windfall, right? Might as well give it another go. One reason why we walk away empty handed most times. We view it as a lottery ticket, especially when we have lost so much over a long period of time. We think we have nothing to lose, may as well go for broke, so we end up broke. We feel we need to go for the “hail Mary” every time because we know how far below par we are and feel that small wins won’t make up for it. Rinse, repeat. It is truly a downward spiral.

It is a silly game, one we will never win, so what is the point? A silly game with such horrific consequences. A game where WE get played. How ironic! Games are supposed to be fun! With this knowledge, I can choose to spend my time on games that actually are fun! Here’s to leaving gambling behind, forgetting that score, and living a good life with a good future.

[Fritz]

It is a very good thing you are doing recognizing thisis a problem early on in your life. You are being honest and upfront with yourself and that’s a great start. We all know this is a progressive disease. Its not about the amounts, it’s about the control it exerts over your mind. Trust me, if you let this go on, the amounts will grow. As you have found even something that is “free” can trigger the need to gamble progressively more and more.

So good on you for reaching out for help. Don’t be embarrassed at all, it is a real problem that affects tens of millions worldwide, young and old. The quicker you get help, the less pain you will go through. I resisted help for years and it cost me very dearly. I hope you choose a different, better path for your life.

[Fritz]

It’s great to read your thread and especially how you are having the “what it leads to” discussion with your self before the gambling monster takes over. In the end, what is the result? We know that over time, no matter how “lucky” we are initially, that the house always wins, and it’s not even close.

Then there is the psychological damage it inflicts. Feeling that we must go back after a winning or losing session. Having every other thought and idea and well intentioned plan be pushed to the side so that we can get back to our addiction.

Good on you for thinking it through each time and making the right decision for 45 days in a row. It’s a huge temptation I’m sure working where you do. On the other hand maybe seeing so many people blow so much money every day after giving it up yourself perhaps gives you a new perspective?

Anyway, awesome job, you are an inspiration.

[Fritz]

Thanks Happy, your encouragement and kindness help me a lot! It’s really great to have this forum. A safe place where people that “know how it is” can help each other to recover.

I tend to be a perfectionist so it’s good to hear some feedback that maybe my expectations are a bit high and I should just relax and be patient with my daughter.

Have a great half free weekend!

[Fritz]

I can feel relaxed!
I can feel free!
I can look my wife in the eyes guilt free!
I can sleep better!
I can feel happier!

[Fritz]

I am feeling better and better about my family relationships. It’s a slow healing process , especially with my kids. They are 16 and 19 now, and for the better part of their lives, I was a mess. Kids are “show me” not “tell me”. I knew I was setting a horrible example, and that made me feel really guilty. I made empty promises. They came to expect that I would fail again, because hopes had been dashed too many times. It hurt them, and it hurt me. It used to bug me that I had this responsibility to set a good example. I resented it I guess. I wanted my freedom to be as good or bad as I felt like, not someone they thought I should be. I was rebelling, I was selfish.

I have been trying to quit for over 4 years now, and I have slipped up 5 or 6 times over that span. Each time regretting it and vowing not to go back. But more importantly I have vowed to strengthen my relationship with my wife and kids.

I used to jump to conclusions a lot and usually found fault in them at nearly every encounter. There was always something wrong. I have put a lot of effort into fixing these character flaws lately. I listen more. I remember that kids are not perfect and that is OK. I try to let their mistakes go sometimes, and try to remember to praise them. I try to give them ideas without dictating, and share my experiences without lecturing so much. It is starting to pay off, my son has a better attitude and is trying hard to make it in college now. He is more positive about the future. My daughter is taking longer to warm up to me, but I see progress,and we do have good conversation sometimes. And I am feeling better about my role as a family leader and role model. I don’t care so much about my success but really want to show my kids I care about their success and happiness in life. I am trying to be more about them and less about me. I also want to show them I can recover and fight through a big life problem like gambling and come out a better person. I want them to learn that they can do the same if life deals them a big challenge, because at some point it will and I want them to be ready.

Life is good! I just need to remember the good stuff and discard the rest. Accentuate the positive, right? It is way too easy for me to wallow in the negative past if I let it happen. Onward and upward!

[Fritz]

Very good point about filling the void. If we don’t, gambling has a way of dominating our thoughts and demanding our attention, which can lead to falling into the trap again.

It is good to try and remember what we did pre-gambling that we enjoyed, or perhaps pick up a new hobby. Walking is easy and cheap, and helps me to sort things out in my mind. All good things when trying to recover. I have dusted off my bicycle and done a few rides. I will also be trying to grow a few vegetables this summer.

Hope you get hooked on something positive and fun!

[Fritz]

It’s a great habit that you have to come back every day and check in. I can’t imagine working in a place with gambling machines, that must be really tough. I admire your resolve to stay gamble free. It never stops with just one bet, and it always leads to disaster for us doesn’t it? I have gotten to thinking about the point of it all and what I would be trying to achieve by betting again. I know that I will never win what I lost, and I know the house always wins, so it has really taken the thrill of trying away from me. I guess I am finally learning. Learning but forever vigilant! I am pulling for you, it’s great to see your success!

[Fritz]

It’s good that you have found this site, there are many people just like you and me on here that are fighting against an insidious debilitating disease called gambling. Take it a day at a time, use all the resources you can and find someone you can trust to manage your money for a while until you are stronger in recovery. Try GA meetings, they help. Also try the chat and group features of this site. You are not alone, take heart that you can get better with time and work.

[Fritz]

Anxiety is a big problem for me, and I now realize I gambled to relieve it (as well as drink and smoke pot). I have been grinding my teeth for years and wear a mouth guard at night, but unfortunately my teeth are really suffering from all the abuse now and it is painful to chew, and my gums have receded to the point that I can’t have anything too cold or hot without pain. My dentist has said these problems are from grinding teeth, and i know this is my bodies way of trying to release the stress. I don’t want to lose my teeth at an early age, but if this continues I know I will. I go to sleep anxious many times and know that I won’t be sleeping well and sure enough I wake up feeling anxious and not rested at all. My chest is tight, I have jaw tightness, slight headache and feel exhausted. This is demoralizing and makes it hard to face the day with any enthusiasm. I know that my job makes me anxious quite a bit. My old gambling self ignored this problem. My new self is working on understanding what behaviors may make it better or worse and adjust accordingly.

So far I noticed one thing that is makng it worse. I have an automated email sent to me every day from craigslist telling me about used cars for sale. I set this up because I am searching for a car for my daughter. However, this has become a way for me to think my own 2003 Volvo is not good enough, so I have begun searching for a new car for myself. I have learned that I have a very hard time being calm when I start believing something about my situation is not good enough or unsatisfactory or needs to change. I convince myself that my old Volvo has too many rattles, smells of smoke from the prior owner, and take offense when my kids criticize it. I need to upgrade! I can afford it, so why not? Wouldn’t a BMW be more fun to drive? My mind goes to work and I begin searching for a replacement car relentlessly. How much should I spend? What mileage is OK? What model? Big or small? Sedan or SUV? And on and on my mind goes, day after day. It’s ridiculous, I know. My Volvo works fine, gets me around reliably and does the job.

What should I do? Recognize the stress this is causing, and stop looking at cars! Tell myself how happy I am with my old Volvo. Realize that a new car won’t make me a happier person. Realize it’s just a thing, and things are good, but should not tie me up emotionally. The main thing is to be happy with how things are, right now, today! —– my blessings, and redirect my thoughts of desire towards what I already have! I need to work on this relentlessly, until it becomes second nature. I know it will increase my happiness, and help me sleep better. May even save my teeth! 🙂

[Fritz]

Hi Adam, just wondering if you have thought about sharing a flat with someone for a time so you will be able to put more savings away to help you reach your goal of buying your own place some day? I realize you would need to have the dreaded talk with your folks, but my experience is that “the conversation” takes a huge burden off. Your parents will still be your parents after they know your dirty secret, and they will still love you. You may get a lecture or some angry words, but it will pass fairly quickly, i believe. Once they understand the situation they may decide its best to sell the place when your brother moves out. They will understand that you will need some cheaper accommodations until you get your savings built up. They will be happy in seeing you owning your mistakes and trying to make amends. Staying in a place you can’t afford is very stressful, and could lead to relapse because your old gambling personality may come back to overpower your new personality by saying “the only way for you to get out of this pickle is with a big win”.

The conversation will need to happen sometime, right? Why not have it today and slay that dragon? Recovery is hard. It requires vulnerability. It requires admitting we made huge mistakes to the people we least want to disappoint. But after some initial discomfort, the results are a deep sense of happiness and inner peace.

All the best to you in your journey.

[Fritz]

Hi Mav,

I am so sad to see that you are harming yourself. I hope you will see a doctor about this, it is obvious that this gambling addiction is too big for you to handle at this moment. I think you may need assistance beyond GA and this forum.

As for videos of poker, STOP! Do not use YouTube for anything gambling related, it is a massive trigger to watch others do what you are trying desperately to pull yourself away from. It is the same as going to a casino and looking over a poker player’s shoulder during a game. It will pull you right back in, so please do not do that anymore!

As for the constant self loathing and fixation on the past, you need to let go. I know, easier said than done. I spent about 2 years hating myself intensely. I thought about everything I had lost, every day, and nearly every minute of every day. It was absolutely horrible, and debilitating. I don’t want to go over it here in any detail, it will just bring you down. Suffice it to say that I understand how you feel now and went through those same feelings. I know from personal experience that it IS possible to recover and move forward, although it takes a lot of time and a lot of patience and a lot of work on your part. You will need to learn to forgive yourself. That is a huge hurdle, but you must work on it. Say it to yourself every day: I forgive myself! Even if you don’t believe it right now, trust me, it will help you. Once you forgive yourself, you can begin to love yourself again. When you love yourself, you begin to do things that demonstrate your love for your family. Then your life can begin an upward spiral of redemption, happiness and joy, reversing the downward spiral you find yourself in now. This has been my experience, and I am a much happier person now. My happiness is beginning to reflect into my kids and my wife now. It’s a great feeling, and I never would have thought this improvement possible 2-3 years ago. Yes I have had a few relapses over the past 4 years, but I am a much stronger person now, and I am much more confident in my recovery.

Each and everything you do every day, you must now weigh it carefully with this test: Is this thinking or action I am taking positive or negative for my recovery? If it is negative for your recovery, immediately stop doing it, and refocus on something else. This takes some really deliberate thinking on your part, almost like you are looking over your own shoulder and judging every aspect of what you are doing. Slow down, analyze each action, each thought, and weigh it with this simple “positive or negative for my recovery” test. I’m telling you, it worked for me and I think it will help you too.

I am pulling for you Mav, and I know everyone else on here at GT is too. Keep trying, don’t give up. Remember, money is replaceable, loving relationships are worth more than all the gold or currency in the world. Money is just the stuff you use to keep food on the table and a roof over your head so that you can be with your loved ones and live your life. In truth, we can live and be very happy with very little money.

Focus on being honest and show your family that you are trying. Take it day by day and slowly but surely you will see progress. Progress not perfection, right? 🙂 Take care.

[Fritz]

I am doing well, understanding who I am more than ever I think. That doesn’t mean everything is perfect, far from it! I do suffer from anxiety, probably always will, and I work in a high stress job, not a great combination! But through Easy Way and a lot of soul searching and honest assessment, I have come to realize that gambling, smoking pot, and alcohol were my choices to manage all of my stress, and decided that it was worth an experiment to remove those so called stress managers and try to use some other healthier stress management techniques. So far what I have found is that I am still anxious and stressed some of the time, but at other times I feel more relaxed. I am learning that this is just normal for the human experience, and my expectations were too high before. I am learning acceptance, in other words. Side benefits include better relationships, more self respect, a feeling that I can manage my life on my own, without need of so called crutches. I have also come to understand and truly believe that gambling, pot and alcohol offer me no benefits whatsoever, and are very costly in terms of health degradation, anxiety, reduced self worth, and hopelessness. Experiment successful! So on I go with a greater sense of well being, peace of mind, and hope. I have gained the knowledge that leaving gambling behind is the best thing I have ever done for myself and my family.

Hope you are doing better. If not take solace in the fact that it can and will get better if gambling is removed from your life. It takes time and patience though, and of course discipline and a plan of action each day. Cheers!

[Fritz]

“Discipline is the Bridge between Goals and Accomplishment.”
-Jim Rohn

I like this quote. I think sometimes we as compulsive gamblers think that accomplishment in life comes easier for everyone else than for us, because we have a “special” problem. But really everyone that lives on this planet has to be disciplined every day to actually accomplish good things in our lives. Otherwise we end up with a bunch of unfulfilled goals and excuses for why they never happened.

No Excuses! I am disciplined today, and I am taking actions to make my goals become a reality! I am not sitting around waiting and hoping my goals will accomplish themselves. I refuse to feel sorry for myself or waste time regretting the past. My old compulsive gambling self believed my dreams could come true with no work involved on my part. Big money would just drop in my lap if I gambled successfully. That is flawed thinking and I know now that you only get the good things out of life if you put the hard work in every day. I am not unique, we all have troubles, obstacles and difficulties, gamblers and non-gamblers alike. We can choose to get up and do good work anyway, or we can choose to roll over and go back to sleep until 2pm. It’s our choice!

[Author]

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