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I am so sorry to hear of your trouble. It is awful when you are out of control and so remorseful. Is there any way you can get someone to take control of your finances for a while? When it is such an ingrained habit you really need some help or it is quite likely to continue. Also try the helpline here, and group chats, they are great. You are not alone, take care and hang on, have faith.
Hi Gov,
Sucks being sick, hope you are getting better!So glad you are thinking of your son and saving up for him, that is wonderful! I have two children. I have come to the understanding that it is all about now, and working toward a better future for them. I refuse to get sucked into regret anymore. I can and will be a positive influence and force for them in their future lives from this day forward. Period. I think about this every day, and although I don’t always succeed at it, I recognize where I am not hitting the mark, and try again. I have realized that my purpose on this planet is to teach them and show them by example how to live. I was such a bad example for a long time, but that doesn’t matter now. What matters is today.
Good job having the courage to continue to stay gamble free. Don’t let the adverts and texts bug you, just delete them and keep going with your day. You are totally on the right track, you are on to their games and ploys, they don’t suck you in anymore. Here’s to our future lives without gambling getting in the way of our right to pursue happiness!
Glad to see you are going to stick with this motley crew, haha! I have had the same distraught feeling of letting myself and everyone else down by lapsing, and it really is the worst. But knowing so many understand and are willing to forgive is a very powerful force. Believe me, I understand and I don’t hold it against you a bit, in fact it gives me a great feeling just knowing that you haven’t thrown in the towel. I know you would do the same for me if I stumble. That’s how it is with us.
Recovery truly is a process, it takes time. I don’t count it against anyone for slipping, because I have been trying and sometimes failing for the last 4+ years now. The key is I am still trying each day. I read from your posts that you are still trying too, and that’s what’s important.
We are hard on ourselves, sometimes too hard. We desperately want to get well and there is a hopelessness that comes with a lapse. A fear that maybe we will never be well again. But time heals that pain, and time helps us reconsider those dark thoughts.
Best of luck on the job opportunity. And I am so glad you chose to stay!
Hi Angie, funny how it can be so hard to figure out what to do with ourselves. Its great that you are thinking of doing something non destructive, but I understand its not the easiest thing to figure out the question, what now?
Iknow It is hard to reach out, to take a chance, but maybe try a GA meeting and talk with one of the members? Or perhaps you have a hobby or talent or interest you haven’t tried out for a while? Not sure if you have Meetup online where you are to join a group of some kind. After gambling so long I have found it hard to break the pattern and try something new as well.
Anyway, its great you are thinking about it, something good is bound to come about if you keep looking and keep trying.
Hi Mav, after reading your posts and seeing how stuck you are, I thought you might benefit from a book I have read. I may have posted about it before on my journal page. It is called “a spiritual renegades guide to the good life” by Lama Marut. It has helped me get unstuck from my regret and remorse.
The book has a lot of great points, but something that has stuck with me is that we can only achieve true happiness when we make it our goal to make those around us happy. It is amazing how when I started doing things purposely to help my wife and kids, and others in my relationship circles, I dwelled on my regret much less than before because I didn’t have the time to! This has a double effect, because the people around you will respond with smiles and appreciation, positive feedback! It also is a way to make amends.
I hope you try the book, and I hope you can move forward soon.
Good job reaching out for some help. You can and will escape the madness if you put your mind to it and use the support available to you. Try to focus on the now, redirect your thoughts to your recovery efforts if they drift back to your past gambling episodes or thoughts of remorse.
It is important not to worry about the lost money, we actually don’t need that much to survive anyway. Focus on acceptance first. Accept that you have a problem and that you can never gamble again. Accept that the money lost is gone forever and that trying to win it back is the worst thing you could do. Focus on being honest with yourself and those around you. Take it a day at a time, and know that the pain will ease with time gamble free, just try to be patient. It will sting and hurt for a while but it gets better.
One of the biggest lessons I have learned through my addiction is that relationships are paramount. I became obsessed with money (recovering what i lost) and sacrificed my relationships for a long time because of it. I became obsessed and couldn’t think of anything else. I was depressed and lost interest in life. I now have come to realize that the losses are meaningless in the context of my life and what I am here for. Once I was able to let go of my monetary losses and focus on living my life from now forward with a clean slate, things started getting a lot better.
I hope that this will happen to you too. I hope you will recover without going through more gambling episodes and more pain. But even if you relapse, remember that there is always another chance, and don’t ever give up. All the best to you.
Good of you to share this experience of playing the machine for the customer while he went to the toilet. Hard to say if it is progress or regression in recovery. I have no idea, but what I do know is that it is great you chose to share the experience rather than hide it.
It always takes guts to put stuff like this out there, because some may choose to call you out, or express a judgment. I would never do that. I believe we all have our own path to follow and it is our right and choice alone to figure out what we should do along the way.
The important thing is to reflect on our own actions and decide on our own what to do next, without being controlled by anything or anyone other than ourselves. Cheers and excellent work on your recovery so far. It’s great that you post each day, I get a lot out of reading your posts, hope you keep it up!
Took my wife and sister out to a wonderful 3 course meal tonight. So nice to say, “my treat!” and genuinely be glad to provide them with something enjoyable and good. Felt great! Couldn’t have had that satisfied and joyful experience had I been gambling.
Welcome to this site, I hope you find it as rewarding as I have found it to be. Good that you are taking a stand and taking action to recover and focus on your family. Also great you are feeling positive. It really is a positive thing to stop gambling and move forward with a new way of life. We need to remember that no matter the awful stuff in our past, the glass is not half empty, it is more than half full! We have our whole lives ahead of us, and we are resilient, resourceful, and can do amazing things if we set our minds to it.
I read your post on I_Maverick’s thread and I agree with you that it is a travesty how governments are turning more and more to gambling to fund operations. It is also happening in the USA. What is even worse, gambling disproportionately affects the poor and middle class. Guess who buys the most lottery tickets? Guess which gambling game has the worst odds? Gambling should be illegal, but we all know that is not going to happen. We are likely to continue to see more rather than less, and that is disappointing. But I shouldn’t bring politics into this, it really is beside the point anyway.
The point is we need to stop gambling, and we need to do whatever it takes to stay away from gambling in order to have a better life. If they blast us with adverts, then I guess we should shut off the television and radio and walk the dog or work on the garden, or volunteer, or whatever other fun productive things we can think of! Best of luck to you and keep posting!