[Fritz]

You will make more money in the future, that is not what is important. What is important is recognizing that the most important people in your life are your wife and daughter. Forgive yourself first. If you completely forgive yourself, there is no incentive to make back what you have lost. It won’t matter anymore. This takes time. I have been trying to forgive myself for the last 5 years and I think I am finally there. Your family will forgive you but it will take time to earn back their trust. It won’t happen in a day or a week. People trust actions not words, so take actions to prevent the gambling from happening. Give ALL money and control of your money to your wife. This was the first major step that I took that really helped me. Self exclusion from all gambling venues is a MUST. Take away all access to $$$ and all access to casinos. This will give you the best chance to fight this and will show your wife you are serious.

Once you have taken those steps, join a group meeting such as GA and participate often. This helps a great deal as well.

Keep posting and know that there is hope, but only if you take action.

[Fritz]

Letting go is so hard. Being at peace with things that are not going your way has always been a personal struggle for me. For example, I am growing a garden, and my tomato plants that I have put many hours of work into are suddenly all dying. My first inclination is to say “screw gardening, I’m done with this crap!”

I feel it on an emotional level, like something has been stolen from me. It hurts. Yes, this may be a silly example, but it applies to all kinds of situations in life. It’s not fair after all of that work that I have put in to have a complete failure. Fairness in life is fickle. Sometimes it seems everything works out or balances out, and other times it seems so completely out of whack.

Acceptance is key. I accept that things will be great sometimes and crappy other times. I need to keep reminding myself.

I saw a good TED video today on being curious and mindful when stress causes bad habit urges. Reflect on what I am actually feeling as the situation unfolds. This can help me reprogram my mind.

http://www.ted.com/playlists/353/talks_to_help_practice_patienc?utm_campaign=social&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=t.co&utm_content=playlist&utm_term=social-science

Not sure if it’s ok to post this or not, hope I am not breaking a rule.

No gambling since 2/17/15 for me, that is 16 months today!

[Fritz]

Learning something new can have a positive impact in recovery. I am learning more and more about gardening and how to make a really productive healthy soil with materials that are free and easily available. It’s fun and helps me feel like I am working toward something through all the seasons through soil preparation, growing, harvesting, composting, etc.

It’s just one example. I as a gambler became very (by definition I suppose) compulsive. I guess I was a bit obsessive too, because I really focused on a very narrow range of things nearly all the time.

I also do yoga and I am working toward building a habit out of it but I’m not there yet. I am beginning to understand better that life is not pass/fail. It’s a process. Sometimes I stick to my plan and sometimes I don’t, but I am still working on it and am not a failure for not doing yoga every day. Or put another way, I am a success for doing it some days.

Learning things and forming new, more positive habits can do a really good job of occupying most all of my time. Then there isn’t time to gamble (or time to think about gambling). It’s working for me and I am now more than 13 months gamble free.

[Fritz]

I would suggest you continue to talk about it with your mom, maybe through those discussions she will decide it’s time to make a change. You are the one setting a good example for her to hopefully follow. Try to stay positive, you’re doing great.

[Fritz]

I appreciate it! I still have so much to work on mentally. It is a continuing journey. Sometimes I feel I am just barely hanging on. Why do I feel a need to hang on in the first place? Hahaha, good question.

Through my recovery I need to remember to ride the waves of life, or let the waves travel through me, not cling to the last wave only to be smashed by the next one. I guess it is my lack of control over situations that bothers me. This causes anxiety. Then I self medicate to numb that anxiety. Gambling is/was one of my self medication “tools”.

My goal is to let go, but I still struggle with it a lot. All I want is some peace of mind! Maybe peace of mind ironically only comes when I can acknowledge and accept that there truly is nor ever will be complete peace. And that’s ok.

[Fritz]

Although the pain must be very intense today, as Vera noted you have several things still in your favor right now, focus on those positive things. Try focusing on what you have, not what you have lost.

You have a strong realization that gambling is completely off limits now. That is good. It takes some people longer than others to understand this deeply and completely. You are not alone by a long stretch in having relapsed. As time goes by our brain can play tricks on us making us believe we are no longer a compulsive gambler. Each day we need to stay vigilant and know that even one bet will ruin us.

It is so good that you have posted about this, I hope you will continue to post and put in place the necessary protections to minimize the potential for a future relapse.

You may want to try reading “The Easy Way”, it helped me to realize that I am not depriving myself by not gambling. I used to feel like something valuable was being taken away by abstaining from gambling, but no longer. This book really taught me a new way of thinking, and it has been very helpful.

Remember you are not defined by your gambling addiction. It is a treatable disease that you are suffering from, and you will get better!

[Fritz]

I feel kind of crappy today, sick with a cold. Can’t think of anything to do, so pretty much wasted the day today. Fog brain. Not gambling though!

[Fritz]

I know how you feel. I have a wife and two kids and believe me I thought I had lost them. Such despair and hopelessness. I stayed in bed many days. Home “sick” from work due to all night gambling and drinking binges. Lying to them to the point they hated me. I couldn’t understand who I was anymore and neither could they. Shame and self loathing, etc…..

There is no magic bullet to suddenly make everything fine again. It takes a lot of time and work to rebuild their trust. Words don’t mean much, it’s actions that do. The money is secondary. It’s the trust that must be rebuilt. There is always time to turn things around but it takes unwavering commitment to admit defeat and to doing everything in your power to stay away from gambling. This includes giving up all control of money. Let someone else do that for you for atime. The first step is coming clean and admitting that you have a problem aND asking for help. It’s humiliating but it must be done. Keep moving forward in a positive direction aND remember you are a good person with a terrible addiction. Don’t give up!

[Fritz]

Congrats on starting a new life, Makingachange! It’s a huge step, and one that you should be proud of. I thought I would point you to a book called “The Easy Way to Stop Gambling” by Allen Carr. Please give it a try, in addition to the other great suggestions. No, I do not make any commission for pushing this book. I just think it is a huge help in understanding and defeating gambling. I am an engineer, so I think logically. The book may work better for some personalities than others I guess, but for me, it really clicked and was a huge contributor to me being gamble free for just over a year now.

My other suggestion is in addition to the blocks suggested above, get someone you trust to handle your money for a while, if that is at all possible. This disease will mess with your mind so badly that it is really just best to take the pressure off of yourself for a while. Just take a weekly allowance, the bare minimum for expenses you have. I resisted this for a long time, and it cost me a lot of money, and a lot of grief and despair. I did not want to stoop to that level because “I could handle it”. I couldn’t. I had to check my ego at the door to the house of recovery.

GA is great, both to listen to other experiences and also to vent your own thoughts and feelings.

After some time goes by, the urges and dreams will grow farther apart.

All the best to you as you embark on your journey of recovery.

[Fritz]

I did disappear for a long while without posting, but I still always think of all of the wonderful people on this site. Maybe I just ran out of things to say for a while. Anyway, just now going through some of your thread, and wow, what a transformational year it has been for you! You seem so much more accepting of your life and your situation. It also seems like the whole ordeal has helped you dig down beneath all of the layers to discover what is really going on. That is huge. I’m genuinely so happy for you and all that you have achieved! You are an inspiration to me.
Fritz

[Fritz]

Last year at this time I was headed to the airport to pick up my wife from her annual trip overseas to visit her parents. I was an emotional wreck, having just been on a gambling binge after 9 or so months gamble free. I was near suicidal, just really down and out, feeling like a complete failure. After putting my wife through so many trials and tribulations over the years, and seemingly having pulled it together for 9 months, it all came rushing back, and here I was at day 2 again feeling defeated. Total humiliation.

Well, I am off to pick up my wife at the airport again today after her annual trip. It will feel so good to look her in the eyes and tell her I love her and honestly say that I have not gambled. I have access to money and credit, but chose not to gamble each day she was away. I feel balanced, relaxed, more confident, and much more comfortable with who I am.

There is hope. Don’t give up, even after relapses. It takes work! Giving up gambling and fighting through addiction feels like an insurmountable challenge sometimes. I have found that by breaking it down day by day, hour by hour and minute by minute, and doing whatever it takes in each of those time increments to not gamble is the key. I found that I needed to give up access to money, I had to reach out and talk with someone that I trust, I had to rely on others to help me through it. When I got the addiction out in the open, it lost a lot of its power over me. I journaled. I attended GA meetings. I explored what is bothering me deep inside and really worked on resolving those issues. Gambling addiction is typically a symptom of underlying psychological issues that need attention and resolution.

It takes time and work, but it is possible to get well and have a happy life. Like one of my mentors always said, sometimes bad things happen in life- adding gambling to them will always make them worse, never better.

[Fritz]

Excellent points. Valuable lessons and insight. You are so right, it’s not the worst place to be at all. Thanks for the feedback, and I hope you are doing well.

[Fritz]

Thanks Charles. Rewards and celebrations are great- an important part of life. Gambling in any form is NEVER a reward or a celebration for me, and never will be. I know to my core that to go back to gambling in any form would be like going back to a form of prison. I’ve been there, I did my time, and I am free now. I never, ever want to go back, and fortunately it is within my power to decide each day not to.

I do remember some of those types of tempting thoughts in years past, that niggle, that little devil on my shoulder whispering in my ear, whatever you want to call it. I remember it very clearly, because it drew me back and I felt powerless against it. At this point in my recovery that niggle just isn’t there anymore. No secret hidden desire whatsoever. I am grateful for that.

[Fritz]

It has been a great while since I have posted. I check in every now and then, and today I had the urge to actually post because it’s a big milestone for me. I makes me feel great. Yes, it is one day at a time. But when you can say you circled the entire sun without gambling? That’s pretty cool.

I just want to tell everyone that I absolutely love and appreciate gamblingtherapy.org because it saved my life. A year ago I was ready to end it all. Reading others stories, their struggles, their victories, their setbacks, and how they were feeling and coping with this horrific disease we share, it made think things through, and that maybe there was hope after all. And writing down my thoughts and actually thinking about what I was feeling and translating that into words is a powerful thing.

So cheers to the wonderful people that host this website! And cheers to all that are honestly and actively working to end gambling in their lives! It takes a lot of effort. And a lot of perseverance.

I am going to check in more. I admit I have kind of drifted away, and that’s not good. I think it is my minds mechanism of blocking out bad memories or something. It’s important for me to remember, to rejuvenate my recovery, and to try and help others if I can.

[Fritz]

I often have overblown bad situations and turned to gamble because I easily became fatalistic and over dramatic. In my recovery I have learned to quietly say to myself “it’s OK” when bad things happen. It’s another version of “don’t sweat the small stuff” but short and sweet. Realizing the relative insignificance of most things and keeping them in perspective keeps me grounded and more able to get through life’s speed bumps.

I found that gambling occurred a lot when I had said “F@#$ it, I don’t care anymore, I’ve had it! So I have worked on not getting to that boiling point when negative things come up. Kind of a preventative medicine if you will.

Here’s to living life in proper perspective, I am so lucky to be on this planet right now and know in my heart that I am here for a reason.

[Author]

Posts