[freedom49]

Yesterday was a terrible day, chased losses, won them back and then some, promptly gambled it all away. The cravings were all consuming and I gave into them, the spent almost the whole day on gambling sites. But, in spite of that, I feel like I’ve turned a corner. I decided enough is enough, I don’t want to be a slave to this torment anymore, I don’t want to be keeping secrets from my husband when he works hard to provide for us.
Today, I sold most of my tech and gadgets so that I only have my laptop and phone, both have blocking software which I can’t disable, plus I have removed 90% of my phone apps so that I am not constantly looking at my phone and trying to work out how I can bypass the GamBlock!
I was reading an article about reducing the functionality of your phone, by changing the colour scheme to grey it makes it less appealing to use. So all the distracting apps have gone; social media, email, news, games, weather. So far so good, its definitely helping not having my phone constantly in my hand, as that is where I would have done most of my gambling.
Tbh its a relief to have less tech around the home, I feel like a weight is being lifted off my shoulders and the money that I got for selling the tech can go to paying off some of the debt that I’ve got myself in.
I know the next few weeks are going to be a challenge and some days the cravings are going to be bad, but hopefully the changes that I am making will ease my situation.
Today is Day 1 of my recovery.

[freedom49]

After chatting on one of the groups last night I actually felt better and a bit more in control. That was until I started getting all jittery this afternoon. I managed to over-ride the gamban software on my phone and found a site that I haven’t banned myself from. As usual I convinced myself that ‘I’ll just do a tenner’, which for hours that was all I spent as I won a few times. Eventually the winnings ran out and I deposited more money, believing that I would win again.
Now the guilt and self loathing starts, I feel so stupid to get suckered again after such a positive start to the day.
I think some of it must be boredom, which combined with the cravings is a disaster.
I’m trying to keep positive, tomorrow I will try and be mindful that boredom lets the cravings in. If I can keep myself busy and occupied with other things maybe it will help.
My thoughts and best wishes are with you all.

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