[frankie06]

Hello please can i get some advice about coping with another partner’s stress and anger. I get really anxious and i know it isnt good for me. Do people have any ways that they can cope with their moaning and saying all the time they are sick of it when he loses. I hate the environment he brings with the addiction.
My father has a mental illness and has high moods and really low moods and i’m trying to care about him.
Thanks
Frankie

[frankie06]

Hi shaun,
Thanks for replying,
When i came home on friday evening after going shopping i found his bank card cut up! We couldn’t talk to each other in the day because i was still angry the fact he gambled all his money. He told me what happened, he was invited to a poker night where he only put £20 stake in and wom quite a bit from that but on the way home he went to the casino and that’s where he lost his winnings. On top of that he had money on his card and gambled what was left online.
After all of that happened i went shopping and the next day he’s told me the same story that he loves me and our son and doesnt need anything else that hes sorry and i can be in control of his money but i told him i dont want to be cause that causes arguments between us.
Hes asked me to order him a replacement debit card and i said whats the point doing that cause u will end up cutting that up but he said he doesnt want to see it so he cant add his details online but when he gets into relapse mode he doesnt think of the consequence.
Anyway amid all of this drama ive decided to get help for myself and registered with ARA.
I have asked him twice if he will get help and he said yes both times but as yet im not aware of him doing anything to get help he said he has no choice now but to get help….
Regarding the numbers on the fridge he did ring the gordon moody place and they emailed back asking to ring them again but i dont think he did… at least he has rang them but i know he needs to make more of an effort on his part.
Thanks again for replying
Frankie

[frankie06]

Hi caribbean blue,
Thank you for replying back.
It’s 5am right now he came back from a friend’s poker night not long ago. I woke to him punching the wall and constantly saying ive lost it all i never listen to her and now its all gone.
He got paid thursday evening, he paid me the bills to my account straight away and then he had around £300 left. He bought his son a toy car and i bidded on ebay for a ps4 hes wanted for months but he still blamed me for doing that. If i didnt that £140 would sure be down the drain as well.
Sat in the lounge writing this so angry and pissed off. I want to give him an ultimatum of getting help or we are finished but i know he wont. What do i do now. I feel like a trapped person and i want to be happy and healthy for my son but i cant seem to act normal anymore because of this addiction its eating away at me. I cant get ahead and another birthday next week which wont be celebrated properly…not even a card from him to me and his son.
7 years which i look back on and hate now.
Please someone reply with suggestions.
Thanks
F

[frankie06]

He gets paid on friday and i usually transfer the bill money to my account to pay bills. I’m still doing this but hes asked for his banking details so he can log in. He says its his and before i dont give it him but this causes arguments so ive given him the details now.
I would like to get counselling or join gamanon but how do i find out where there is one near me?
I just hope he wants to go and buy me and our son birthday presents once he is paid but i don’t think that we are his priority anymore. I’ve lost a lot of respect for him. He isnt honest with me much and lies a lot i think its a matter of time before i decide ive had enough.
Thanks for your reply and take care

[frankie06]

Hi caribbean blue,

My cg bf is exactly the same but when i say no to lending money he threatens me that he will leave and not give me any money for bills. This gets me really upset all of the time. I’m on egg shell with him all the time. I don’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth due to him texting me and saying he will stop that we will get through this together….two days later asking to borrow money and saying he has a new addiction of playing poker which is really the same thing, gambling!!!
I got my hopes up a lot and he did at one point call gordon moody but they rang back to say for him to call back but e never did and so he carries on….
I honestly dont know how long i can keep living through this as well as my son.
I wanted another child as well a sibling for my son but i wonder if i could cope with the stress and mood swings from him. I have wanted marriage for a long time but keep going over in my mind is that a wise decision?
I cant seem to get forward its a losing battle and im stuck in it.
Thinking of u and when you feel down remember you are not alone.
Frankie

[frankie06]

Thanks for the reply he just keeps saying i control everything and ive banned him from online gambling but he is saying he is starting to play poker now on his phone. That he will go to play poker with hhis friends once a week saying its better than gambling online. After everything he told me last week that he is going to stop the gambling and get through it he is full of shit and blames me from trying to hold back his wage when i can just so it can last a bit.
All i do is walk on egg shells i dont know how his mood will be and i dont enjoy being with him now. It’s constant gambling and he makes excuses for everything.
He gets paid friday and i suggested to meet him after work to get our son some bday presents he is 3 in a few weeks time and its also my birthday a few days later and he bit my head off saying why do i always want to sepnd money as soon as i get paid?
I’m just feeling lost and fed up

[frankie06]

Luckily my partner bought a ps4 with the money he got a few days ago. Then he took the last bit of money and said hes going out for a bit. I wasnt born yesterday and straight away i knew where he was going and my heart sank a little bit. After everything we spoke about regarding the gambling and how much he wanted to stop, i feel betrayed and pushed aside.
He won money this time came back and brought lunch. Then it was only 3/4 hours later hes going out again. Came back pissed off and asking to borrow £20. He must have found another gambling site to go on and i can feel our relationship crumbling.
Any opinions and thoughts are appreciated.
Thanks
Frankie

[frankie06]

Hi Velvet,
Im here writing in flood of tears,
We had a great few days since he lost £180 online on monday, claiming hes had enough and he wants me to ban him from all the sites. Then he got paid today the day was going really well from the morning, had a nice meal together Thursday evening as our son was staying over his nans and we went swimming as a family the next day. This didnt last long as today he got paid from one job and got more than he expected so planned on buying a ps4 but didnt have enough so tonight he asked for £10 on his card from his wages and ive said no. So hes told me i cant have control of his money and im not getting a penny next week when he gets his monthly wage for bills.
He said you dont expect me to quit just like that? I said no but if u were serious about everything you said monday you would be trying to quit… he said he didnt tell me to ban him from the online sites…must be imagining it.
I feel like a complete idiot and we are going round in circles.
Im just going to put the £200 he has from his wage on his card and let him deal with his problem because im so exhausted after 7 years of this happening every month.

[frankie06]

Hi velvet,
Thank you for your reply i really appreciate it.

I’m glad he made contact to the Gordon Moody association. I left numbers on the fridge for him and he made contact a long time before he said he was going to. The only itching problem i have is he hasnt yet, as far as i know rang the number back to arrange proper help and not sure if he will. Should i ask him or just leave it?
I’m really proud of him contacting them and they might not have answered his call and left an email saying that i just hope he does something about the email and arranges help.
I need to keep peace with him and make sure he is happy and in a non argumentative environment otherwise he may go back go his ways.
It’s suh a hard and unclear future! I’m not at all a patient person either but i know i need to try to be.

Thanks so much for your support and everyone elses.
Kind regards
Frankie

[frankie06]

Also an update-
I found an email from a woman at the gordon moody association on his email stating she tried calling the number he left and she couldnt get through, and if he wants to progress to the next stage hes to call her on the number she left.
I asked him twice just out of interest if he had seen the email and didnt say anything to me so should i just leave it coz i dont want to pressure him or let him feel pressured if he doesnt want to talk about it. He must have rang her and left his number with her.
Should i ask if he cancelled the debit card like he said he would?
Thanks

[frankie06]

Thanks Geordie18,
Permalink Submitted by frankie06 on Mon, 08/07/2017 – 17:13
Thanks Geordie18,

He appologised for his actions today about this morning and said it wont happen again. He has lost too much and is cancelling his card and leaving me in control of his money, said i never listen to you but i must now. i messaged him back saying Im not negative with u and the only way i can be by ur side and we get through this together is when you decide to get help and change your life for the better. It’s affecting our relationship together, u need to ask yourself do u want to carry on losing £1000’s a year or do you want to get help and be the best dad and partner u can be. Only u can change ur life It’s like living on a rollercoaster your moods r up and down all the time. Your the only one who can call and get help not me, as much as i want you to get help it has to be u doing it. Love u too but i dont kno how much more i can take if u carry on this way xxx hes agreed to put a ban on his phone and devices but hes asked what if i want to look at the scores online? And check it? So i dont think hes serious about it.

What site or app is good to get for samsung phone.

Thanks

Frankie

[frankie06]

Thanks Geordie18,
He appologised for his actions today about this morning and said it wont happen again. He has lost too much and is cancelling his card and leaving me in control of his money, said i never listen to you but i must now. i messaged him back saying Im not negative with u and the only way i can be by ur side and we get through this together is when you decide to get help and change your life for the better. It’s affecting our relationship together, u need to ask yourself do u want to carry on losing £1000’s a year or do you want to get help and be the best dad and partner u can be. Only u can change ur life It’s like living on a rollercoaster your moods r up and down all the time. Your the only one who can call and get help not me, as much as i want you to get help it has to be u doing it. Love u too but i dont kno how much more i can take if u carry on this way xxx hes agreed to put a ban on his phone and devices but hes asked what if i want to look at the scores online? And check it? So i dont think hes serious about it.
What site or app is good to get for samsung phone.
Thanks
Frankie

[frankie06]

Hi Shaun,
Thanks for replying so quick, i just feel hopeless, i’ve suggested going out to the cinema or just for food but he constantly blames me for wanting to spend money.
I said to him at least come out for me, he complains the relationship is dead but he doesn’t want to try or suggest to do things so what does he expect??
I’ve been lost in his web for about 7 years now. He kept his addiction secret for a year but by then i’d fallen in love with him. I’m 27 hes 30. He’s been gambling for 12 years or longer. We have a son together who’s 3 in 2 weeks and its my birthday end of August.
I’m not even expecting a card because he’s never had money to buy us anything.
In your experience of gambling do you think if i printed out phone numbers he could call for help it would make a difference or to show i’m trying to sway him to get some sort of help?
I don’t want to throw him out again because he will hold it against me and make it about me when really its about his addiction.
Hope to hear your suggestions
Thanks
Frankie

[frankie06]

Thank you so much for your reply,
At 6am this morning he woke up before his alarm and had gambled the money he won £180 online. He told me it was pending the cash out to his debit card but he obviously didn’t do this.
I need to know how to tell him we wont be in a happy relationship with each other until he himself gets the help to get rid of this addiction…. can i say it like that or will it threaten him? I’m not saying ill throw u out if u dont get help because i understand its not about what i want. We did argue a few weeks ago and i told him to go but i took him back because i dont think i was ready to leave him and i got really depressed.
I’ve been paying for petrol and fags every week and hes owing me money every week because he will do his monthly wage.
I also have a 3 year old son and do not want it to affect him at all!
Shall i print out numbers he could call if and when he decides to get help?
Kind regards
Frankie

[frankie06]

Please suggest how i can help my boyfriend get help. He gambled £180 that he won online and its all gone. He got up at 6am just to play it. He blames himself n was swearing in the shower at himself.
How can i protect myself as well? Do you know how to ban gambling sites online?
Thanks, i really appreciate your comments and i havent received a reply in a few days since i’ve posted.
Frankie

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