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Hi Monica, that must be a little stressful for sure. I know money pressures always made me want to gamble.
You could always let her know that you are having some money pressures of your own right now. If she is wasting a lot of her money on scratch offs etc is it your place to bail her out? Tell her if it is something urgent to check back later but for her to expect you to bail her out of her entire situation is unrealistic. You have children that need some help sometimes as well not to mention a savings sock or nest egg for in between jobs is a necessity for you with your insecure work situation. And as you said, you’d like to take a little time off work yourself. Recovery for me was a lot about the B words. Boundaries is one of them. Setting boundaries with people can be difficult but sometimes is needed for our mental health and addictions recovery. You are very kind to your family. But now you need to take care of you. Have a good day in work tomorrow.
Laurasorry I was late, I’m in chat now
So sorry for the bad news in your life. Cancer takes such a toll today. As you know so well. I have lost friends and family to the illness. Not a wonder we tried to to hide from it all when we became tired of it.
I’ve often thought of writing a book! Again is it my personality looking for a quick fix. Write a book or win a jackpot. But I think it is also due to our ability to communicate and confer feelings and a state of being.
Hope you are enjoying your weekend. Time to relax. Try and rejuvinate a little.
I’m hanging out in chat. Quiet. I spent all day yesterday tackling my paperwork. My goal is to have it all done this weekend. Pretty ambitious but I have to push at it. Tired of it hanging over my head. Hopefully I’ll be in group tonight at 10.
Hope your granddaughter has a nice birthday.
Laura
It is really good to read that you are moving forward. It IS so hard. We are losing our feel good fix and our gamble brain (that’s what I call the part of our brain that just wants what it wants!) is not happy. But that part of our brain doesn’t worry about silly things like keeping our money for important things like food and shelter. And it can get down right angry!
Here is a link I like to share with people as I think the information provided can be an invaluable tool. I have never read the book that is advertised but found the free tips helped me to understand why I was feeling the way I was when I stopped gambling. My gambling addictions counselor said yes these symptoms do apply do gambling addiction as well.
https://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/post-acute-withdrawal.htm
Never give up. There is always more we can do or learn to beat this.
Laura
Still with us Jules? How are you doing? Laura
Hi Meme,
welcome to the forum and good to see your update. Sometimes posts get by so don’t be afraid to post often and look for support!
I have always valued honesty so i found it very hard to realize that I wasn’t trustworthy anymore and that my husband had every right to feel that way about me. But, I am happy to report that over time you can recovery his faith in you.
Being lonely can definitely be a trigger. Gambling was developed after all to be an exciting distraction and it can distract from a lot of feelings and emotions. Are there some activities you can take up that would get you out and about more with others? Socializing is important if you feel lonely. Rekindle old friendships. Try and think of things to do to fill your time. We can’t just take away the gambling. There are many parts to a successful recovery. Keep working at it and well done on your brave steps so far.
LauraYou manager will likely grow tired of advances? Most would. I hope gambling won’t cost you this job. It takes everything that is important to us. As your son grows older and he sees you repeating the same hurtful behaviour it may cost you him as well. Can you reach out for mental health support through your doctor? This is a serious addiction as I don’t have to tell you. I’m afraid what this may cost you. When you are sick and tired of feeling sick and tired I believe is the expression. Please get more help.
LauraIt is so disappointing when we keep going back. We repeatedly hurt ourselves. And our loved ones. It can seem hopeless. Somehow you need to break the cycle. Can you cancel the cash access on your credit cards? Can you get access to gambling addictions counseling? Can you go to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting? We can have a good life still. But it helps to have support to beat this. What about talking to someone on the helpline here on Monday. Maybe they can help you find some resources in your area. I’m sorry you have a rough few weeks ahead. Maybe write about how you are feeling every day in your journal to help you get through this. You are not the only person with this problem. Hang in there. Laura
Great to read the good news Liz! September may be tight but it is one month! Hopefully you can squeeze out a couple more of your little sales and enjoy a few more veggies from the garden. You are sounding hopeful about the future. You dug in, you did what you had to, you worked through it.
When I did a vision board I had read suggestions that you try and break things down into feelings as well. For example, often people put luxury items or money or other wealth related things. But often perhaps we are looking for is things like “choices, security, comfort, beauty” etc. So then really look at how we would get some of those things in a non material way. It was said this could help bring more meaning to a vision board.
Enjoy your granddaughter. Blessings need to be soaked up and dwelt on!
Have a lovely weekend Liz.
LauraThe harm we cause ourselves gambling becomes the nightmare many of us were trying escape from with gambling. You are correct. You have to be on board with helping yourself. And that it means no more bailouts. The only way to stop getting in deeper is to stop digging the hole. Eventually you will run out of credit with creditors and good will with family and friends. And the hole may seem inescapable. Reach out to someone in your life that you trust who can help you with financial accountability. When our gambling brain takes over it’s safer with blocks in place. Follow up with your counselor. Check out a support group. And yes put that mental ban in place. I don’t gamble anymore. Take care, Laura
How do you have access to money to gamble Stay?
I wouldn’t keep enough money on me to place a bet unless it was to buy something. And I needed to hand in a receipt. I asked for it to be that way. I heard it could help and honestly nothing else had. I had lost everything for my family. Everything. There was no more and’s or if’s or then’s. My partner told me the same thing. And I believed him.
At any time that you struggle with urges or the addiction reach out. Someone will have some advice. Talk to someone on the help line. Tell them you can’t get into the groups. I always have to scroll down the page to support groups available and then click on the purple “check all the support groups” button. Then I have to click on purple “view as list” button. If a group is open it will show in a list. English groups are listed as “open group”
Laura
Costs a lot of money to be a put together woman these days. Especially I find when health issues prevent a person from doing their own spa “treatments” and self care. Size 2 you can buy stuff off the clearance rack to cut costs. Average sized or plus sized women can spend a little more to dress for work. Especially if fluctuating in size like I can. But I guess we have to try and figure out how to stretch our thin wardrobes out and make them look the best they can. Because we want to feel put together anyway. Some pretty new scarves? Next time you feel like treating yourself. For the best grandma. xo Laura
Good to see an update. Side effects suck. But in most case they will ease off with a bit of time. Hang in there. Laura xo
So great to read this update and sorry I missed your recent posts. Glad you had some support from IDI and Monica since you gambled.
I’m thrilled that your counseling appointment went well. Sometimes it can take a couple attempts to find a good fit in a counselor so to know right away is a plus. There are a lot of tools we can use to beat this. My gambling addictions counselor is right there at the top for me. She helped me work through some tough issues and helped me make good use of the other tools i learned along the way from all sources. Gambler’s anonymous, here, and other online supports. Keep working at it. Do not accept a setback as the end of your story. There is much more to life than gambling. Wishing you much success.
Laura