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Hey P,
as you described how you felt at the time of your last relapse, oh my G, that was how I felt after I had relapsed for 9 months, although I don’t know if I was really in a recovery, more of a surgery imposed hiatus. When I went back it was with a vengeance. I felt all those feelings during that. All of them, feeling insane, suicidal, worthless, ugh. And to see Kathryn’s post to you, about time missed with children. I can try and kid myself but I did miss time with my kids. We can say oh I don’t gamble unless they are at a friends or their dads or day care or whatever. But the messed up parent they get to spend time with, the robot with the smile as you describe, robs them too 🙁 So I’m thrilled that you posted your thoughts, from a to z, it helped you, me, and I’m sure a lot more who read it. Post away my lovely “crazy” friend! xo have a great day, LauraI’m sure you will. Nothing like being a big kid again 🙂 Take care ((( Carole ))) – Laura
Unfortunately I have to get ready for work or this would be a very long post. When I came home from work on Tuesday I was feeling just foul. I wanted to rant and complain and put it down in words. I came to GT to update my thread about how I was feeling when I started to read yours. From start to finish. It took me about two and a half hours. By the time I had finished my imagined slight that I was feeling so sour about wasn’t important any more. To me change is one of the scariest things to think about let alone do when it comes to relationships. I’ve heard it said that everything we want is on the other side of fear, we just need to take a deep breath and get through it. Here you are Carole, stepping through the fear to make the life you want. The one that resonates with your soul. Pretty darn brave. I hope you feel better today. There is a product called Emergen C, it comes in boxes of little packets. Recommended by naturopaths. It may give your immune system a boost. Enjoy Disney, I wish I could do it all again! Laura
for posting this. I will print and keep. A good reminder at any time in life … take care
I woke up this morning feeling grateful for all that I have: a husband who surprised me with a tidy house when I got home from work Friday and a relatively lazy Saturday morning to enjoy it.
sorry for the feeling of sadness P. I noticed that you started feeling the feelings when you had urges. Perfectly normal I think to grieve for what gambling did to our lives and the consequences we continue to face. Feel the feelings and letting them go… feelings are just that and we can move on to new feelings in a moment. I hope I’m not coming across as trying to over simplify or make small your feelings of sadness. No one should feel sad all the time. Maybe talk to your counsellor about what you feel is an underlying state of sadness. I think sometimes that it’s the most kind and sensitive people who get overwhelmed with feelings. After all there is so much going on in the world around us. I’ve also struggled with feelings and anxiety that was almost paralysing when I think back on it. I’ve developed better coping mechanisms over the years and been able to move forward quite a bit, I don’t get quite so overwhelmed. Stay strong, keep working on you lovely! Hopefully the morning finds your clouds have passed and the sun is beaming! xo
Hi Meg and welcome to this forum. It is a great place to get started for sure and to get support from a group who knows what it is like to have this addiction. I found this site almost six years ago now and it helped me tremendously! Wonderful people here 🙂 Keep posting!
take care,
LauraVery proud of you Cat for all of the growth over this past year. One day at a time you built your year of recovery with your hard work and willingness to grow and change. It makes me fuzzy inside to share in your success! A milestone gives us an opportunity to pause and look back at the progress we’ve made. Stringing together our one day at at times. Thanks for sticking around GT Cat and sharing your daily thoughts with us. I wish you continued recovery, ODAAT of course. xo Laura
Had a lot of “aha” moments for me Cat. I have been stagnating. I haven’t been working my recovery. I haven’t been working on me of late. Time to refocus. On the up side I have very slowly and painfully been managing to tackle my decluttering. I make a list, not with the expectation that I’ll do it all, but that I’ll try and tick off a few things. Sometimes I don’t get back to the list for a day or two or week or two but slowly things are getting done. I used to just freeze up at the thought of all that had to be done and then I did nothing. Thanks for sharing once again Cat! Have a great day 🙂
This was the place that helped me to learn all about compulsive gambling and that I was not alone in this. That I had people in my corner who didn’t loathe me because I had gambled away nearly everything. People that had been there, had years of gambling sobriety under their belt and could offer support and advice or people who had just hit their personal rock bottom like I and were just starting to work through their recovery. And all stages in between. The understanding and HOPE that life can be different is irreplaceable. Put measures in place to protect your money and restrict your access to spending money. Removing the means to gamble can help to cut down on the urges as you first stop. I gave up control of my money for quite some time. I also started counselling with a counsellor who specialized in gambling addiction. I attended GA meetings and I used this site daily if not hourly or more! It was my life line in a dark time. The great thing is that everyone can find a combination of measures that work for them. Just keep working on it and hope you settle in 🙂
LauraLOL Cat, what a great post! Wish I could train with you for a marathon 🙂 Thanks for sharing your thoughts on where you are in recovery, and what it can be all about. I think it was Harry and my CG counsellor I used to see, that said to me.. “that the gambling addiction is only 10 percent of the problem”. The tip of the ice burg that shows. The remainder or majority of the problem lies underneath the surface. As we deal with the gambling addiction we begin to work on those other issues beneath the surface. I myself think it will be a life long effort. The great thing is that gambling recovery has given me a lot of the tools that I need to work on those other issues. We are all growing through our recovery processes. Keep up the great work Cat and thank-you for your very very insightful posts. Have a great day! Laura
I can relate to how you are feeling. Not easy to do what we need to when we ourselves are dealing with so much. It shows how strong you really are. It’s understandable to want an escape. And that’s what gambling was. We just didn’t know we were escaping to hell! Now you need a new escape. Your movie, your walk, your GA meeting. You time. Make it a priority, make you a priority. Without you your little family would be lost. See if you can carve out a little bit of me time. Tough but you are important too! I used to have a lot of insomnia too so can relate to how you are feeling. Now my pain medications make me sleep. Not a good way to have to cure insomnia but it turned out to be a wonderful side affect. I love being able to sleep when my pain isn’t keeping me awake. I hope this post finds you in dreamland. xo Laura