[finding_laura]

hey AVFC goed gedaan op twee weken 🙂 je hebt een aantal goede veranderingen aangebracht en het gevoel dat je helderder denkt na een paar weken weg. Ik raad je aan om steeds wijzigingen door te voeren. Heb je een softwareblokkering op je telefoon? naast het uitsluiten van de sites? Het kost maar een seconde van zwakte, of zelfs maar een minuut om afgeleid te zijn en niet te beseffen dat je gokvrij blijft. Ik moest in het begin ook de controle over mijn geld opgeven. Ik kon de verleiding gewoon niet weerstaan. Ik hoop dat we snel van Hammo horen, want jullie twee leken zo'n goede steun voor elkaar. Ik ben een terugkerend lid die bijna 6 jaar clean-time had. En op een dag hield ik mezelf gewoon niet tegen. Hoewel het met de tijd gemakkelijker wordt, worden onze hersenen duidelijker, het kan in een geval opnieuw worden geactiveerd. Onthoud dat dit alles van je kan nemen en blijf sterk! Laura

[finding_laura]

Hei, AVFC hästi tehtud kahel nädalal 🙂 olete teinud mõningaid häid muudatusi ja tunnete, et mõtlete pärast paari nädala möödumist selgemaks. Soovitan teil muudatusi jätkata. Kas teie telefonis on tarkvara blokeerija? lisaks saitidelt väljajätmisele? See võtab vaid ühe sekundi nõrkust või isegi minuti, kui olete hajameelne ja ei tea, kuidas hasartmänge vabaks jääda. Samuti pidin alguses loobuma oma raha kontrollimisest. Ma lihtsalt ei suutnud kiusatust eitada. Loodan, et kuuleme Hammost niipea, kui teie kaks tundusid üksteisele nii heaks toeks. Olen tagasipöördunud liige, kellel oli peaaegu 6 aastat puhast aega. Ja siis ühel päeval ma lihtsalt ei peatanud ennast. Kuigi ajaga muutub see lihtsamaks, saavad meie ajud selgemaks, kuid seda saab ühel juhul uuesti käivitada. Pidage meeles, et kõik see võib teie käest võtta ja olge tugev! Laura

[finding_laura]

Здравейте, AVFC, добре направено за две седмици 🙂 Направихте някои добри промени и чувствате, че мислите по -ясно след няколко седмици. Предлагам ви да продължите да правите промени. Имате ли софтуерен блокер на телефона си? в допълнение към изключването от сайтовете? Отнема само една секунда слабост, или дори само минута, когато сте разсеяни и не осъзнавате, че не можете да играете хазарт. Също така в началото трябваше да се откажа от контрола върху парите си. Просто не можех да отрека изкушението. Надявам се скоро да се чуем с Хамо, когато двамата изглеждахте толкова добра подкрепа един за друг. Аз съм завръщащ се член, който имаше почти 6 години чисто време. И тогава един ден просто не се спрях. Въпреки че с времето става по -лесно, мозъкът ни става по -ясен, той може да бъде рестартиран в даден случай. Не забравяйте, че всичко това може да ви отнеме и останете силни! Лора

[finding_laura]

hei AVFC bagus untuk dua minggu 🙂 Anda telah membuat beberapa perubahan yang baik dan merasa Anda berpikir lebih jernih setelah beberapa minggu lagi. Saya sarankan Anda terus membuat perubahan. Apakah Anda memiliki pemblokir perangkat lunak di ponsel Anda? selain mengecualikan dari situs? Hanya butuh satu detik kelemahan, atau bahkan hanya satu menit terganggu dan tidak sadar untuk tetap bebas berjudi. Saya juga harus melepaskan kendali atas uang saya pada awalnya. Sepertinya aku tidak bisa menyangkal godaan itu. Saya harap kami segera mendengar kabar dari Hammo karena Anda berdua tampak sangat mendukung satu sama lain. Saya anggota kembali yang memiliki waktu bersih hampir 6 tahun. Dan kemudian suatu hari saya tidak menahan diri. Meskipun semakin mudah seiring waktu, otak kita menjadi lebih jernih, itu dapat dipicu kembali dalam sekejap. Ingat semua ini dapat mengambil dari Anda dan tetap kuat! Laura

[finding_laura]

hei AVFC godt gjort på to uker 🙂 du har gjort noen gode endringer og føler at du tenker klarere etter et par uker unna. Jeg vil foreslå at du fortsetter å gjøre endringer. Har du en programvareblokkering på telefonen? i tillegg til å ekskludere fra nettstedene? Det tar bare et sekund med svakhet, eller til og med bare et minutt med å bli distrahert og uvitende om å forbli spillfri. Jeg måtte også gi opp kontrollen over pengene mine i begynnelsen. Jeg kunne bare ikke nekte fristelsen. Jeg håper vi hører fra Hammo snart da dere to virket så god støtte for hverandre. Jeg er et tilbakevendende medlem som hadde nesten 6 års ren tid i. Og så en dag stoppet jeg meg ikke. Selv om det blir lettere med tiden, blir hjernen vår klarere, den kan i noen tilfeller retrigges. Husk alt dette kan ta fra deg og vær sterk! Laura

[finding_laura]

Hola, AVFC bien hecho en dos semanas 🙂 has hecho algunos cambios buenos y sientes que estás pensando con más claridad después de un par de semanas. Te sugiero que sigas haciendo cambios. ¿Tiene un bloqueador de software en su teléfono? además de excluir de los sitios? Solo toma un segundo de debilidad, o incluso solo un minuto de distracción y no ser consciente de mantenerse libre de apuestas. También tuve que ceder el control de mi dinero al principio. Parecía que no podía negar la tentación. Espero tener noticias de Hammo pronto, ya que ustedes dos parecían un buen apoyo el uno para el otro. Soy un miembro que regresa y tenía casi 6 años de tiempo limpio. Y luego, un día, simplemente no me detuve. Aunque se vuelve más fácil con el tiempo, nuestro cerebro se aclara, se puede reactivar en una instancia. ¡Recuerda que todo esto te puede quitar y mantente fuerte! Laura

[finding_laura]

So I did it’s post about being grateful for the little things really got me to thinking. I do try and be grateful for the little things in life. Right now I could be bitter and sulk that my lump sums will almost exclusively go to cover debt. But on the other hand it will be great to be almost debt free. I will be at a point where there will be some money for savings. I’m thinking I will open a tax free savings account under my husbands bank account. That way if I want any money out of it for anything I will have to ask him. If I get behind on my regular bills that will cause problems as well. Risking having the electricity shut off is another barrier. There is part of me that just doesn’t have the appetite to do it all over again. They high interest loans, begging to family for financial help, total humiliation. I have to convince myself (remind myself) depending which brain i’m using, that this will be the end result. Gambling = downhill spiral into the gutter for me. PERIOD. I was doing a little more touch up painting. Took a break to have a coffee and see if anyone was around in group this morning. Quiet again. I’m hoping to finish up my painting today. Then get hubby to scrub the floor for me. It’s all coming together finally. Again something I can be grateful for. Most of the time I’m so busy being frustrated that things aren’t getting accomplished fast enough. Sun is shining, spring is coming, and I haven’t touched a slot machine in 9 days. Counting isn’t good for some, for me I think I almost need to. I’m enjoying a long Easter weekend. Hoppy Easter everyone,
Laura

[finding_laura]

I know what you mean about being grateful for the little things (to us) which would be so big to so many. That’s not to minimize your own challenges which are of most importance to you 🙂 Enjoy the happy days I-did-it. Thanks for posting your update, it made me feel happy for you. Now I’ll go do my post as well. Happy Easter weekend Laura

[finding_laura]

You are so right. Gambling isn’t the solution. It is usually the cause of so much grief and a good part of our problems. Because whatever problems we have, gambling just makes them all so much worse. It doesn’t just waste all or our money, it wastes so much of our time. We can’t ever get it back, we can only just make sure we don’t give this addiction any more of our precious time and money. Do you have anyone that can help you with your money that you really trust? I had my mom watch my accounts and I’d give her all my receipts so she’d know I wasn’t doing cash back or returning items for cash. It made a huge difference as i found money itself a trigger. Just touching bills for the longest time was a trigger. Just something to think on 🙂
Laura

[finding_laura]

Thanks Geordie, I definitely had some thoughts, but I just couldn’t fit it in without missing something on my list and then having to justify to hubby. Between that and my thoughts of here and how I have been feeling were enough to get me through safe. I also didn’t have much money to access which helped. I hope I’ve found my mojo too. Because I don’t want to go back to the hell I created before. Yes when I stopped before, my husband and others were a big factor in my decision, but I also didn’t want to be the person I had become. Whether my husband or family supported me or not. It was easier with their help, I gave complete control of my money away, which got me through some tough times. But it was me that ultimately made the choice to stop looking for ways to gamble. Once I got the devil out of my system some anyway. In the beginning I don’t know if I could have controlled myself long or not. I’m rambling now I think! I took time to have a longgg nap after supper. Now I’ll be up til three am Liz! But I know I need to do things for myself. I like to treat myself to fresh flowers now and again. As soon as I have a decent pay I’ll get myself a nice bouquet. Take care everyone, made it through another gamble free day. That is 8 days for me. ODAAT

Laura

[finding_laura]

Hi Fishface,

well done on confiding in some people close to you. I always felt like i was living a double life. It feels so good in one sense not to hide things even if we were feeling terrible about the gambling. You’ve put in place so many of the important steps! Stay aware, as when you least expect it the urge will strike. Take care and have a great gamble free day, Laura

[finding_laura]

Great step I did it! You blocked the software! How are you doing with the free time and the urges? Finding anything positive to fill any of that time? I hope you are coping well. Have great gamble free day! Laura

[finding_laura]

bummer! My post i made yesterday isn’t here. I must not have hit enter or something. So I’ll say some of it again! Thank-you Vera for your post! It was very insightful, made me think more about paying myself back. It may be a little at a time but an incentive for something better. Friends of ours have asked us to go south next winter to a resort. Money put in the slots could be money towards a trip. Just another small reason not to gamble on top of all the big important ones. I need to remember how desperate i once was. So very desperate. Suicidal. Thinking all kinds of crazy things to get money to cover up what I had done. I mean things like thinking about kidnapping, break and enter. I’m a middle aged career woman who has physical disabilities. Not your typical criminal. But at the time, when I was at the bottom of the huge gambling pit of despair I had created, these thoughts seemed almost normal. My thought process is pretty normal these days, but slowly there has been some warping due to the dabbling in gambling I’ve been doing. We desperately needed a new set of tires for the truck. In two months I gambled away enough to buy them. I normalized this, justified it in my mind at the time. Thank god I have been only able to sneak here and there for very minimal amounts of time or I might have put the house at risk AGAIN! I need to become reinvested in my recovery, my sanity. So yesterday i posted that I was going to the city. I had tried to convince hubby to come so i wouldn’t be able to go gambling. He didn’t want to come. So, I made a list that would take me enough time that i wouldn’t be able to squeak in a trip. I had to be home by 3 with the fixings for supper, hubby was cooking. I didn’t gamble. Today will be a safe day, home for the day and I don’t gamble at the local venues, too many people would talk. I am going to try and take some time for myself today. I deserve it. ODAAT
Laura

[finding_laura]

so i was wondering why i am here now. I was staring at the screen trying to decide if i even wanted to be here making an effort to re integrate GT and the other commitments of trying to recover my gambling sobriety. And am I willing to be honest with myself. To say the things that come to mind. Anonymity has always been a big thing with me. Being found out to be a CG was terrible! And it was shared by my husband with his parents. Who then chose to share it with other family members before. I was so humiliated at what I had done. And he had only said a little of what I had done really. It just wasn’t their place to share. And then I found out his aunt had gone to his parents before about how much she had seen my car outside the local gambling venue. Again, the truth. So turns out it was the truth that I was humiliated by. I didn’t like my reputation tarnished. Another to be pitied. Hooked by the machines. It was so painful having that truth shown into the light. And here I am, had 6 years of sobriety. And have been throwing that away. Because no matter the reason or where i put blame it’s me that makes the choice to gamble. To take hard earned money and waste it when there have been so many places it could have gone over the past two years. I believe I read a few times on Vera’s thread about her plan. I think it is time to make a plan of my own.

Today I did not gamble.

[finding_laura]

thank you Velvet very much for you post. I have read it a few times but never had the time to really let it sink in, digest a bit. Found a little bit of quiet time to reflect. I know gambling free Laura was a lot happier. I could give you a lot of reasons why i continue to dip my toe in the water of temptation. Money is tight which get’s the CG brain thinking it could maybe just win some money. I’ve been using it as a bit of a pressure release, which never works I know. When you lose, which is guaranteed to happen, it just adds another layer of pressure. And then there is always the “reward”. It’s your birthday, you’ve had a tough few months, you deserve it.
I will not gamble today. And that is the commitment I can make right now.

I am busy doing a little bit of painting in my little home office. I’m going to be spending a little more time working from home. I’ve had a bit of time off of work and am really pacing myself. If I want things done I have to do them myself quite often. Which rather annoys me! I need to turn those feelings around. Make peace with them or express them.
Time to get moving and get a little more done.

Have a gamble free day,
Laura

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