[finding_laura]

thanks for your concern! I’m mid testing to see if there are any changes since my surgery almost 10 years ago. Waiting to review with doc. The public medical system grinds along slowly but it will get there. It’s the isolation that can get to you. And of course I’m not always a peach to my family living with me. I just keep praying that something will change. Staying gamble free. No interest in going online. I’ve often said I’m to instant gratification for that. I want to have the money in my grubby hands right away! Not to mention I think it is illegal here so how would I deposit my big win? LOL there goes that crazy gamble brain thinking! What big win? It would be played away long before the the cashout could happen. Take care, Laura

[finding_laura]

now that is a new one on me! Jack’s crack? lol Back is no better, sciatic nerve is being a total b*tch. I’m off work for a while now trying to get things to settle. Nothing much seems to help. Pain killers take the edge off but life is pretty uncomfortable in just about every position including sitting. Massage, Physio, the whole nine yards. Want to be able to sit long enough to have my coffee. I haven’t been gambling, I can’t drive and i have no money. So it hasn’t even been on my mind funny enough. But I know I should be more wary about when I do leave the house. Unfortunately right now it just feels like I’m surviving minute to minute. Congratulations on your grandson Kathryn! A new chapter in life is beginning. So glad you got your ban in place! You’ll have too many places for your money to go. Keep looking forward, you are doing awesome.
Laura

[finding_laura]

becoming a compulsive gambler is a good way to ensure that you feel pain. And that you can make sure you won’t find happiness. It’s a punishment. Did you feel like someone when you were making the big bets? before the desperation at losing set in? Gambling addiction can be as complex as any other addiction or mental health disorder or illness. And it sounds as if you know this. Like you are reaching a new bottom and want to turn this around. Chasing losses is a reason most go right back to gambling. And losing! Losing more. It sounds like some counseling might help? What about a GA meeting? Surrounding yourself with people who know what it feels like to be a gambling addict. And many who have turned their life around, to offer suggestions and hope. You are not a terrible person. You are a person with a terrible addiction/compulsion. It changes us, makes us different. Doing things we never thought of before in our wildest dreams. I hope you find the strength to keep looking for help. Post here, find other supports depending where you are. As a compulsive gambler there is only one way we can win. And that is to stop gambling. Take care and keep rambling! I think I just did a bit myself.

[finding_laura]

So true Vera! Pain, physical and emotional was never far away for me when I first started gambling. It was my big escape. A betraying bestie made friendship the last thing I wanted. And the convenient and accessible gambling gave me distraction that would fit into my schedule! I could go morning gambling when pain levels were lower. And with coffee and cigarette in hand the slot machines became my new best friend. But it is a false friend. One that only takes in the end for me. I am a CG and that is never going to change. Thanks for posting Vera. Take care, Laura

[finding_laura]

Still keeping out of trouble! Back is still out. Getting very depressed as no one understands what it’s like to have chronic back problems it seems. I look pretty normal so what’s the problem! Can’t even escape into sleep which used to be my place to get away from the pain. Now pain keeps me awake.

Hope you survived the Canteen Kathryn! LOL the picture taking sounds hilariously awful! Hope he doesn’t keep it!
Will pop by your thread! Laughter is the best medicine!

ODAAT

L

[finding_laura]

so sorry for not posting this past few weeks!! I actually had my back go out a couple weeks ago and haven’t been able to sit at at my computer for longer than a minute or two. I do have the GT ap loaded on my phone, but for some reason the forums are so small I can’t read them. No gambling, I haven’t had a choice. Can’t drive much either! No money also. Pain is a barrier at the moment as well! Take care everyone. Laura

[finding_laura]

My CG brain is coming up with all the required excuses. It wasn’t much i “borrowed without asking” stole. Only $55. But I know that it isn’t the amount that matters it’s what I’ve done. I’m sorry you haven’t been feeling well Vera. Thanks for thinking about me, and praying for me I’m sure. I hope your word in with the big fellow helps me, it sure can’t hurt.

Thanks Geordie for your tough love. Wanting to keep others from going down the same road. I know access to cash is an issue. So is lack of cash. I felt pressure to try and win some hahahaha (insert hysterical laughter here).

Today is a new day. Thinking about what i need to do. Tell someone who will monitor my spending. It is 6am, last post was done around 1am. And work today.

I am a little muddled this morning but reflecting,
Laura

[finding_laura]

I gambled. I sunk to a new low. I took extra money out of my son’s bank account when he gave me his card to get something done for him. I had to write that. Say it out loud. I was never this kind of person. The gambling is corrupting me and stealing who I am capable of being. I owe him some money and have tacked it on to the amount. I’m really ashamed of it all. I hate who I have become. Desperate. 🙁 🙁 As you say Kathryn, I am a CG, who did I think I was kidding? Stupid stupid stupid. Day 3

[finding_laura]

Thanks for sharing your analogy Charles! Makes sense. We need to keep working at it too, practicing, as any decent orchestra does. Have a good weekend Charles! Laura

[finding_laura]

Hi Sharins and welcome to the forum. It is never too early, nor can it ever be too late to start tackling this addiction. Once a person is hooked it can be difficult to break the habit but not impossible. Using many tools and methods we learn to live free from its grasp. I hope you find things to keep you occupied. Sometimes it’s hard to fill the free time or find hobbies that give us the same “thrill”. Keep at it and I’m sure you’ll find the right fit. Well done on putting in place steps to stop the craziness. It would only get worse.
Laura

[finding_laura]

It’s late and i’m tired but I can’t sleep. Money troubles. It’s terrible what this takes from us. Lost money represents lost time and opportunities that should have been spent with family. Or even on ourselves. Not the twisted way we reward ourselves with gambling as addicts. You’ve worked hard this week, you deserve a bit of time to throw away enough money to pay your bills for the next two weeks. Who needs to pay their bills? Stressed. I haven’t gambled. I have not enough money for what I need to pay now. three weeks today. I can do this. One day at a time. Laura

[finding_laura]

Many of us struggle for years with this addiction. And then sometimes, somehow, with the support we get from places like here and GA, something will click finally and recovery will catch hold. Something that stops the madness and lets us really look at the insanity of it all with that first bit of clarity. Very well done one your hard won first steps of recovery. You are attacking it from all sides this addiction! And that is how you beat it back and start to get back your life. I’m happy for you paying bills and saving for that nice vacation! Soooo much more rewarding. Well done. keep it up. Laura

[finding_laura]

thanks for coming by Vera and sharing your wisdom. I am here for support, but here too for myself somehow. But it is better with interaction i think. Keep working your recovery and you wont have to have another day 1 again. Mental gymnastics is a good description. I could wear myself out with the mind games. Today is day 18. Money is tight at the moment but I will not be tempted to try and multiply my money. Too often it has left me broke and with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Only itching like a bad case of hives to go back.

I was hoping to be around for group but i may have to go lay down.

stay strong,
Laura

[finding_laura]

boy did you say a mouthful! It sure is losing time and money and a good mood. Not only do we waste the time we spend gambling, we waste the time we spend thinking about gambling. Where to get the money, what lie or cover up to tell to get it, the time we spend thinking about the loss that just occurred. And then there is the time we spend thinking about where we can get more money to replace that money. Truly between that and fantasizing about the big jackpot we invest most of of waking thoughts to it really. Especially when deep in a gambling cycle with no room for anything else. I’m glad that you are having some good feelings. Gradually it gets easier. There will be bad days for sure, but it will get easier as time goes on. Have a great evening!

[finding_laura]

Good to hear Rua that you are still hear and that you are already starting to use things to help keep your mind off gambling, like spending time with people and doing activities other than gambling! We are all a little different but if you find watching sports tempting you at all you may have to not spend time watching at least in the beginning. It is one step at a time. It is about learning how to put in places the supports and barriers that you need to prevent you from gambling. Keep reading and posting. Education and awareness are powerful tools in the fight against this addiction. I was glad to see your post 🙂 Laura

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