[finding_laura]

So true Vera! Guess we need to pick those thousand flowers to add to our boquet! Nothing says we have to stick to Daisies or Roses 🙂 ok a litle metaphor crazy maybe but it’s true. We don’t need stay with the pale version of life gambling has left us with. Over time we can become more rounded again. Thanks for the post! Laura

[finding_laura]

Thanks IDI, Monica And P for posting.

What you say is true. I had a lot of great days racked up until i started gambling again and I have had more since I stopped.

My day one, of my long stretch was horrible. My world was going to come crashing in and there was nothing i could do to stop it. Nothing it seemed anyway. I was in so much pain from the hurt I was going to cause and the mess that I had made that it hurt to b-r-e-a-t-h. I pecked out a sad message into the darkness. I wanted to hide. Waiting for a reply seemed an eternity. I would check and check my thread and read others. I was so scared and sick to my stomach. Time seemed to stand still.

It was a full couple of agonizing weeks later before I told my husband that if we didn’t get financial help we were going to lose our home or have to file for bankruptcy.
I was trolling this site for friendly advice the entire time. Thankfully I found a lot of that at the time and i have received the rewards of that every since.

I had just shy of 6 years of gamble free living. It was not easy to come back from the brink or maybe the bottom of the pit. But I did. I paid my debts. I made amends. I made things better for my kids. There was a lot of progress in that time.

I have not lost the benefit of those years YET. The patterns are still ingrained. I am not missing gambling and other than using this forum I don’t think of it often.

I need to work hard at reinforcing the lessons I’ve already learned and continuing on the path of recovery as I am worth it.

I need my current abstinence due to illness to be recovery.

Laura

[finding_laura]

Welcome to the forum

Reading and writing here is a good way to fill in time! Much better than placing bets for a Compulsive Gambler.

I have been where you are. Totally unable to control myself and my urges to bet. The story may be slightly different but it is always the same in the end.

I was wasting money hand over fist that I was borrowing at high interest rates all the while playing like I had a great handle on our finances. I was within one inch of filing for bankruptcy and possibly losing my home. And my husband had no idea it was that bad. He told me later he definitely had suspicions but he didn’t really know how bad. Wanted to know when i was going to tell him, when the bankers were at the door of the house?

Sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do to stop. Sometimes we have to ask others for help because we have shown ourselves over and over that we really can’t be trusted with the money.

Would it be possible for your husband to look after the finances for a while? What about locking away some of that money into an account YOU can’t access without his signature too? When I first stopped, I had to ask my accountant mother to monitor my bank account and spending. I had to provide all receipts and was only allowed access to money for groceries and gas. I was a 39 year old married woman. I felt terrible for what I had done to my family and I was willing to do anything to straighten things out. My husband wasn’t good with numbers etc, so that mean finding someone to make ME accountable.

Are there any GA meetings near you? Having that face to face support can be a life line.

Try looking at the groups here as well. I’m sure others will also have suggestions and you will find many others by reading the forum.

On a side note, I hope that is a fake name you are using or you may wish to have it changed!

take care,
Laura

[finding_laura]

Good morning for me P, late at night for you.

I’m so happy you are treading away in the waves and not succumbing to the urges. I remember us discussing all the different ways we could come up with to keep you put even if it was for just another hour. I will never forget our laugh over suggestion you throw all pants but your pajamas in the washer so you’d have nothing to wear out to gamble. I’m really proud that you’ve got this time and the chance for the urges to calm somewhat. You fought tooth and nail for this.

Mental health issues , especially ones that touch us our whole lives, are tough. If we were walking around with an obvious difficult physical ailment we get sympathy. Not so with mental health issues as there is nothing to see. People think you can shake it off. I hope you continue to get the support you need. Sunny days ahead!

When we talk about how we want to be our pre-gambling selves, I guess most of us think of all the positive things, the good qualities, that we had. Now the trick is to try and find the good things within us again but losing some of the bad things that helped our addiction to develop in the first place. Oh and not to mention all the bad qualities we can newly develop because of the addiction. Gotta work on losing those too!

GA helps a lot with that part of recovery. It frames some of the problems we have for discussion and support from others who have been to hell and back and maybe also have some insight.
One of the toughest things to do is look at a piece of advice we don’t like, and determine whether we don’t like it because it hit a nerve, such as it is valid when we do some self searching, or is it a bunch of gobble d gook, and it’s fair to ignore it. I remember an expression. Take the best and leave the rest. As soon as I’m up for a meeting I will be going.

Hope you are reading this in the am and had yourself a good night. Enjoy your cuppa!
Laura

[finding_laura]

Who knows when we will hear something or read something that we’ve heard or seen many times before but for some reason this time it clicks. We each know the struggle for recovery is real. It is good to read your post and see so many fellow CG’s offering support. We just want to see each other live a life without the suffering this addiction brings. Keep posting or pacting or whatever helps you from day to day.
take care,
Laura

[finding_laura]

Thanks everyone for your support. Considering I really was through the ringer 8 years ago as a result of my gambling I cannot understand why I would start again. Other than
I did not stay engaged with my recovery. I ask myself why. It may sound silly, but I hit a point where I didn’t feel like I belonged here. Like I was too recovered. Like my life had gotten too mundane for those struggling in the depths of despair and to whom I probably sounded like a broken record with my tips. Sounds strange to me now. But at the time I felt alone again that was just how i felt. The site had gone through some major changes and I lost access to some long time supportive members, group admins and chat slots that had been part of the routine.

I stopped going to Ga meetings because I was too busy, tired or sore from recurring physical problems while trying to maintain my income.

At home I was back to being caretaker, homemaker, chaffeur, breadwinner, financial planner, and all round last place when it came to having my needs met.

Does it sound like a sad story and a big old bunch of excuses?

Probably, but once again I was trying to fill something that was missing and using gambling as a coping mechanism. Hey I didn’t say it was a good one or a smart one. But I think that is what it was.

Thankfully I haven’t done my family the same financial damage, I have some barriers in place that I didn’t remove. And I have more I need to put in place. I always hesitate to post a statement like that. Because it almost sounds smug, like I came out the winner this time. Which I know isn’t the case. I realize how easy it was to throw away my other hard won gain like integrity and trust.

So I’m taking advice from others that are here, like me, just one bet away , and I’m going to try and journal again for me, without worrying what others might think. I realize I have a lot of growing to do.

Happy Halloween!
Laura

[finding_laura]

You both have been journeying together and your support for one another has been amazing. It can be a connection that you will never forget. Face to face GA meetings can also give us a connection to people who know what we are going through. That sense of belonging can be important.

For a long time we have been filling our lives with gambling. Whether actually in action or thinking about gambling and or the damage it has caused. For me that was almost every waking hour when I was in action and for a while after. When we first remove gambling from our lives we are left with a big black hole. Finding support through the darkness is grounding. I’m glad you two found each other’s support, the support from other members and GA.

Well done on your continued self reflection as you move forward.

I honestly thing that a lot of women gamble uncontrollably as a way to “reward” themselves and harm others at the same time. We turn our hurt and anger inwards at ourselves because we don’t want to hurt others directly, even the very person or persons who are hurting us. I started gambling to reward me and punish my husband. He wasn’t going to get half of my hard earned money if we separated. I was also instantly hooked. But that is another story.

Now time to move my creaky bones!
Laura

[finding_laura]

Hi Monica,

so happy to hear you had a nice meal with your son and grand kids. Reconnecting with family is important wherever possible when it is done in a healthy way.

I’ve often thought about the cycle of behaviour that gets passed from generation to generation. There is hope that things can and will change as you pointed out in your post about your grandson. There is also hope that your son is discussing these things at a much younger age. Hopefully healing at a younger age. I have a history of abuse in my family. Each generation has gotten better at working on this. My sons couldn’t claim emotional or physical abuse I don’t think but that doesn’t mean they don’t have baggage from being raised by me!

One of my favourite quotes is from Maya Angelou “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

I hear a lot of hope in this post!

Laura

[finding_laura]

Hi Monica,
I’ve been reading your thread word for word since yesterday evening. My time that I can sit at a computer has been increasing thanks to feeling a little better the past couple weeks. Your gambling and thread here remind me so much of me in that I was in so much pain and so much needed the support of the community here. I wish I had been here for you in the beginning as I know what that feels like and I’m sorry for that. I have asked GT about my old thread I had for my first four years of recovery after I hit my rock bottom. I too had to work so that my bottom did not have a trap door. I think you would find hope in my progress. In knowing that there can be life after gambling and that it takes time to come back from the brink of total despair. The impatience to be recovered is a common theme I think. I hope to finish reading your thread tomorrow but for tonight I am done. Unless I get a burst later and manage to get back up for the last group of the day. You have a tenacity in you that didn’t give up even when you felt you were talking to yourself here. You have been through the ringer for your gamble free time and have been facing many demons. The moods swings will continue but is good to know the sun can shine again. I’m glad you are seeing glimpse of the pregambling Monica you know and love. take care,
Laura

[finding_laura]

Hi Monica,

sorry, I was reading your post for the first time, and forgot to check group for a few minutes. My sound isn’t working so I don’t hear when someone comes in. Sorry I missed you!

[finding_laura]

I’ve had a bit of an improvement on the physical side of things. A bit of a respite from the pain. I’ve been taking advantage of it and doing things with friends. The small things that we take for granted are the important things. A coffee or short sight seeing drive with a friend. Lunch with my sister. When I was in action I didn’t have time or money for those things. They didn’t hold my interest. I wanted to be alone to gamble. I don’t want to fall back into that TRAP! Today I will not gamble.

[finding_laura]

Glad you are enjoying your weekend away! Moods swings are part of recovery I believe as our thoughts try and return to normal. Looking forward to fixing up your home for you and also so you can socialize are positive things. Sometimes we can become inpatient, wanting to have all those things and qualities we ignored while gambling. I think rewards and things to look forward to are reasonable, as long as we are also taking care of responsibilities and not just swapping one addiction for another (some people can also be or become shop aholics). It’s also important that we don’t swing too much the other way. Depriving ourselves of things and outings as punishment for what we’ve done. That can quickly lead back to gambling. It’s almost like we have to investigate our own motives.
Well done IDI, I’m so happy FOR you. And the changes we all see happening here on your thread. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Laura

[finding_laura]

Better late than never?

Hi IDI, sorry just posting this today! Last night got hectic and I had medical details to take care of this morning.

These bookmarks are things that I was referencing back in 2012 and probably earlier, this PC only goes back to 2012. I was surprised I had them still. Benefit of being a packrat. The info is updated and they still work.

I like how addiction is defined here (they do include gambling addiction part way down the page) : https://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/

here they talk about withdrawal and symptoms that can last up to two years from when we stop gambling:
https://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/post-acute-withdrawal.htm It also has coping strategies!

This site talks alot about different types or groups of gamblers. I’m not saying we all fit in a box, or that a specific description fits us all, but I did get some insight about myself. http://www.azccg.org/

I also looked for something that confirms gambling addiction is like a physical addiction as that is what I understood from my gambling addictions counsellor and articles etc I’ve read. I think this one here is pretty up to date (2015) http://www.brainfacts.org/diseases-and-disorders/addiction/2015/gambling-addiction-and-the-brain

I always used to say knowledge is power. If my addiction is something I can describe and has a reality or substance to it then it is also something I can overcome using tools and methods that are available to all addicts.

I threw everything I had into it, recovery. Thank-you for reminding me. Sorry to overwhelm with links. Well done on your four weeks! Number five started 🙂
take care,
Laura

[finding_laura]

Hi Dottie,
welcome to the forum. I feel your pain. I’ve been there before. All of us have. And yet somehow, if we don’t act to make changes, the pain of losing that money and what it could have represented will fade. And with forgetting we do it over and over again. As I’m sure you have probably had some bad experiences before. They say gambling addiction is a progressive disease or problem. It will only get worse with time if left unchecked. Trusting someone with your secret can be a big step. It is understandable to be cautious. It takes a big person or maybe the right person to see that gambling is a serious problem and that we can’t just STOP. Or we would have stopped long ago. Coming here is a good step. You receive support and good advice. Johnny is right. No money = no gambling. Maybe tying up savings into an account you can’t touch without two signatures or in an investment you can’t cash out. Addiction counselling was a big help to me. There is usually so much more under the surface that needs to be addressed. Try some of the support groups here, particularly the daytime sessions that are hosted. And although they sound scary, face to face GA meetings are extremely beneficial for so many. Keep journalling, that helps too!
take care,
Laura

[finding_laura]

Hi Rok,

I’m a woman in late 40’s, have 2 almost grown sons, and also had nearly 6 years of recovery/abstinence. When I look back the last three years were abstinence only. I went back to normal life (I had only gambled for a total of 4 years prior to this). I didn’t attend meetings or use websites. I knew I wasn’t cured, but it wasn’t on my mind anymore. Now I see the mistake in that. I’ve been gambling sporadically for two years now. I’ve not told my husband about my return to gambling. Only a close GA friend knows. He had swore he’d leave me if he caught me gambling again. Not sure I’m ready for that.
So all of that to say “I hear you” and understand where you are coming from. I’m glad to read that you have been checking in and that you haven’t been gambling.
I don’t know much about sport betting so I’m not sure how you can block yourself but maybe someone in the community who is familiar can give you some suggestions. Have you thought of some ways to restrict your access to money so you don’t cause destruction? Have you thought of going to a meeting? I”m thinking I will go back to GA once my medical situation improves. I hope you are finding some resources and support.
take care,
Laura

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