[finding_laura]

Love it! Have to run but will be back to post later! Have a great day 🙂

[finding_laura]

Another busy day today. Hubby is taking me into the city this morning to do some shopping. Our little tiny community grocery store is quite expensive. It’s time for a big stock up. Just one of the many blessing of not gambling. I don’t have to worry about money for food. It is in the bank where it should be!

Will try and do some posting later as well. But all this self improvement stuff takes time. Not to mention just the time it takes to be a regular human being.

Stay strong in your resolve. It does make a difference. Maybe only a little in the beginning. But it could save your life!

[finding_laura]

ahhh thank you IDI your post is very sweet. You challenge how I think as well. I think it is good for all of us to grow outside our own comfort zone. Somehow those got us where we are. Have a wonderful week.
Laura

[finding_laura]

I lost my post! My own fault, so speedy recreation..

My rock bottom was 8 years ago. Ready to lose the house, high interest loans to the hilt, bills all overdue, no heating oil and winter coming! My partner didn’t have a clue! I was financial caretaker. In four years I had taken what should have finally been our time to become more comfortable and instead we were dead broke.
What should have been the beginning of family travel became a time of scrimping and scrounging.
I had to come face to face with what I’d done and fess up to it. No other choice. It took a long time to dig out of the whole and that was only with some pretty drastic changes and intervention.

So IDI, in the beginning it was very slow. I started with what I could. De-cluttering. Cleaning, donating.

The bathroom was an easier room to tackle for me. It was in good shape except the toilet. Small room to paint so that was relatively inexpensive. Sometimes you can buy premixed paint in a pretty colour and it’s cheaper usually. A new shower curtain. New toilet. A few fresh new towels to finish it. For less than $250 I had new bathroom. But I picked at it. $50 for paint and supplies. Then the next month the toilet $120 (cheap but new and didn’t constantly plug)! And that leaves $80 for towels and shower curtain, new soap holder etc. I shop in discount shops and sometimes you can find cheap curtains. I found mine for $7 for the window in the bathroom.

I can’t remember exact time line but it was extremely slow in the beginning. I think the first thing i got rid of was these horrid 80’s coloured blinds that were dirty and dusty and long over due replacing in the kitchen, living room and bathroom. I replaced them with cheap white blinds but they were clean and all the slats were in one piece.

My sons rooms were painted, new curtains and bedding. They asked for their bedding as Christmas gifts I believe. Themed for their change in ages. Camo and Songebob. Long since out grown again.

It’s taken me the past three years to have the living room, kitchen, and hall painted. New curtains as well. Really paint is the best way to freshen a place that is cheap. Then add some new draperies. Panels from the big box stores aren’t expensive. I picked up a second hand table set and recovered the chairs for my kitchen. Bought a cheap couch set just three years ago on payments. $28 a month! Now paid. Was finally able to accessorize with throw pillows and some very reasonably priced art! $40 and family photos.

It wasn’t done in a day but I’m very happy with it.

So today was about enjoying how I’m feeling. Physically I’ve had a bit of a reprieve. Today I cooked a big supper and apple pie. And it all actually turned out! My clean kitchen is now a mess but that’s ok. Tomorrow is another day!

To busy for gambling today!

[finding_laura]

I think I’ve read that raising our children is the most important job in the world. I agree. Mine our grown and i know that my gambling had an impact on them. Thankfully most things didn’t have too long of a lasting impact. But others, well they went into making them. Children deserve our presence and awareness. Gambling makes us self involved, wrapped up in our own little world of hell eventually, and we are truly not paying full attention or awareness to everyday life not just our children! A lot of gambling moms that have managed to keep food on the table, roof over head etc feel perhaps the damage has been minimal so not such a big deal for their children. But I still remember moments of neglect (example: needing a hair cut longer that should) or distraction ( too worried about getting out to gamble than going to the park). Maybe not all the time but these things do have an affect, no matter how hard we try to shield them from our gambling.

We are human. We can’t change the past but we can change the present. Today.

And there are only so many hours in today! So try and be present in the day but not expect to “build rome in a day”

Well done on keeping your posting commitment! Not just one line I’m here to post either. Thought provoking, growing, learning posts!

Amazing IDI enjoy the day!

Laura

[finding_laura]

keep hanging in there sweet P, like you say it can take a while for the meds to kick in. I’ve been looking for you in group of and on, hoping to catch you. Middle of the night for you now. Know there is someone half way round the world thinking of you and praying things get brighter. Well done not gambling!
take care,
Laura

[finding_laura]

Welcome to the forum Marta!

well done on the steps you’ve taken so far. IDI’s advice about a gambling blocker for you phone is a good idea! It has helped lots of people overcome. If you can’t get to GA right now keep posting and reading here. It is a reminder of where it will take you. Have you talked to anyone here at the help desk? They might have some other counselling options for you in your area. You are right, it can take everything from you including your freedom, your sanity and your life! Stay strong,
Laura

[finding_laura]

Just checking in to say hi. Timeliness with the benefit is great, and imagine, food!

I’ve often heard there is no room for the new when we cling to the old. I dare say with Pete taking up space in your universe he may be blocking out some new? Good for you with planning to be on your own. Sounds like you are ready.

I hope today is positive for you. Anything that makes you feel better, music, a little treat when doing your shopping. Something just for you no matter how small.

take care,
Laura

[finding_laura]

loving your posts, but I’m going to have to go back to quick short burts lol. It takes me forever to write a long “thoughtful” post! oy my aching back lol

I wouldn’t buy myself new things for the house very often as I kept waiting for it to have some sort of priority with hubby. But it didn’t happen. During my recovery I began to sort out, clean out, freshen and update. In the beginning it was slow, because i didn’t have expendable money. Cheap clean blinds. A fresh coat of paint. Baby steps. But i learned that it was ok to make me and the things important to me a priority. I learned that if I wasn’t going to take care of me, no one else was.

Recovery is different than abstinence, there is no doubt! We were told the same things a hundred times. Was it how often it was said, was it how it was said, was it that reception for the message was open, were we just ready to hear it? I couldn’t tell someone how to make it finally click. But when it does it is life changing!

I did manage to go back and post a rather large post to the conversation re types of gamblers etc. My two cents worth.

Part of my past job was research. My poor home computer is filled with thousands of different bookmarks because i have to research everything personally as well. Just my nature!

Enjoy your lovely weekend

[finding_laura]

Omg IDI, Geordie, Monica, Vera, et al,

you are trying to make my lazy mental muscles get to work on a post worthy of this discussion! So here goes!

This State gambling help organization provides a breakdown of the people they’ve helped by escape vs action gamblers as well as by a whole host of different factors. Probably one of the pages you came across IDI.

http://www.azccg.org/Differences.html

Very interesting and in the end describes a broad group of people with all sorts of room for overlapping behaviours and reasons for gambling. And for all the differences, there are a lot of similarities especially in the end phase of gambling addiction.

And this is where I will make my comment re the f&f’s. I have often found that I identify as much with the f&f’s that are on the forum getting support as I do a fellow CG. Quite often they are a co dependant caretaker or at least a caretaker who isn’t having their needs met! Just wondering whether they should stay or go, much like most of the ladies that I know here who are in relationships. It’s rare that I’ve heard anyone say their partner is wonderful and gambling is having no affect on the relationship, no matter which side of the coin you are on. And the parents, well like most parents, I think they are just worried about their child’s future and trying to understand this baffling condition that has gotten a hold of them. Do they need tough love, do they need more love. Children can be a worry no matter the age.

Being a CG doesn’t make you evil and being an F&F doesn’t mean you will be a saint  either. Ha or a Martyr for that matter. lol Takes all kinds to make this big old world go round and as you said, we can’t paint everyone with the same brush. In most cases the F&F’s on the forum are sincere about understanding the addiction and getting support for themselves, but also for their partners. Now as far as our own personal F&F’s are concerned, well, mine wouldn’t be concerned enough about supporting me to be here. And as far as support for him, what would he need support for he would say, he’s not the one with the gambling problem! He’s very assured of himself in his comfort zone any way.

My GA group was made up with several escape male gamblers. There were also several male action gamblers (according to these definitions). And there were those which I honestly could not tell if they weren’t perhaps both at the same time. But every last one of them could say the smartest, most intelligent, kindest things. And I got something from every last one of them.

I too found sometimes the literature at GA to be contrary to me. A reading about how a CG used to be too big for their britches and big feeling about themselves when in action and learning to be more modest and in touch is perhaps not the best reading say for the a female CG married to the alcoholic bully who has trampled her self esteem. But I just look for any nugget in the reading, or if I express this feeling sometimes someone else has a different take.

After saying all of this I’m not sure if I’ve completely gotten off topic, but I definitely found the information about why I may be gambling, in black and white helped validate my feelings. And they are my feelings. Just as you and everyone here is allowed to have their feelings. Does this mean I cast type everyone or pigeon hole everyone? No. Because after all of I have written I haven’t even mentioned what a difference in personalities, or life circumstances, health conditions, past traumas or 100’s or maybe 1000’s of other things that make us all up differently. But so many of the tools that help a compulsive gambler helps all compulsive gamblers. To me that is the benefit of things like GA and GT. They provide an opportunity and a place to share the things that work! A software blocker can help all CG’s.

I’m glad that you and others have found the information that I posted in the links useful. I know I did. I also love the conversations and discussions that have somehow been created from your absolute right to digest it and post about it and discuss.

I am sure I have missed so many points but I need to now catch up again I think lol.

It was good to see you in Chat. Have a great weekend!
Laura

[finding_laura]

Good morning Monica,

I think that is what you need, a big dose of love. I ask for it in my marriage now and do get it to a certain degree. I find after being married for almost 30 years we continue to grow. Sometimes i’m asking the question whether to stay or to go still. But this time I won’t throw all my money in a slot machine!

I understand that you don’t want to be running to your boys all the time. But I don’t think they would like the idea of their mother starving and suffering. You have been tromped on hard by this addiction yet mama lion still protects her cubs. And it truly isn’t a state that you are going to stay in.
Baby steps. I always used to say that sometimes just hanging on and not losing ground is a step.

Priority #1 is Monica’s health.

I really liked IDI’s idea of taking your food stamps and picking up some staples if you can. You won’t be this way forever. Imagine how much courage it takes people every day to walk into a food bank. I think its the fear of being seen by someone we know going into a food bank. As gambling addicts i think we feel even worse because we know we had the resources to feed ourselves and we gambled them a way. We put ourselves in this position.
That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve the help any less!

Health is everything as I know you know. I am praying that you get what you need to feel better. With your strength I know you will tackle it all tooth and nail.

Be very kind to Monica today!

Laura

[finding_laura]

Hey Monica, just caught up the past few days.

You must be stressed beyond belief and feeling like total crap. Both your boys are working and doing well. Could they give you a little to help you with food at the moment? And cigarettes? I know it is hard to ask for help when you are used to helping. Don’t starve for pride!

I think perhaps Vera and I did it hit the nail on the head when saying we need to be needed and to do for others.

You need a care package and hug and maybe some medical attention. So wish I could help.

I hope this finally comes to a head for you. I think that will help the healing to start. I wonder if there is a natural treatment for your stomach problem? You are feeling so low at the moment. Your health i think is #1 priority. You can’t work or reinvent yourself if you are sick as a dog.

The care taker in me wants to run you a hot tub, make you a soup, get you a salve and stock your pantry.
God bless you Monica. Hang in there!
Laura

[finding_laura]

Hey IDI,

Sometimes when we stop gambling it’s like a stopper has been taken out of our bottle of emotions. For me it happened later in my recovery, i think it can be different for all of us.

I have just read back over your past three or four days of posts ( have a hard time keeping up with everyone!) and I would love to answer them one at a time so I will try and go back and post a few replies .

Let me say you just crack me up with laughter and admiration ! Would love to be having a coffee or a wine.

Your posts are honest and emotional. And we need to get those feelings out. I was able to get into free counselling within two weeks of stopping. She was specialized in addictions treatment but we spent as much time talking about my disfunctional relationship! Sometimes once things are viewed in the light of day and discussed there is a release. An acknowledgement of some things that maybe we are over emphasizing, and other times where we realize what we have been too tired or exhausted to face things that are terrible or hurtful or dissapointing. Big things!

In my relationship I am the score keeper and my husband can forget things quickly. Long sordid painful story which I will not air here!

Some women make a big decision about their relationship once they begin analyzing everything that made gambling the escape it was. Some stay, some go. No one but you knows the answer to that. I would suggest some quality counselling if you can find. They have the expertise and the confidentiality to help you explore your thoughts. Our emotions can really be all over the map!

I hope you have a relaxing evening with your son.

Take care,
Laura

[finding_laura]

Welcome to the forum!

I did it has given you lots of great advice! And if you take the time to look around the forum at other’s stories, talk to the advisors on the help desk, and try some group chats you will find more advice and tools to help you kick this addiction to the curb.
It may not mean anything but you talk about career losses like your gambling was an actual job. Perhaps start thinking of it in terms of an addiction not a career.
I’m not an online or sports gambler so I’m not as familiar with some of the tech talk. But I understand you can get software that blocks gambling sites on your computer and phone.
What about tying up that money that you have there to burn in one day?
It would be great to see a post from you saying your back before the week.
Take care,
Laura

[finding_laura]

New Beginnings,

Hey and glad you have found this place with understanding, support and guidance. I Did It has given you lots of great advice and sound suggestions.

Reach out to the chat desk and talk to the facilitators, join the groups, seek out counselling, read about the topic.

GA is an excellent support. The scary thing about addiction, it just gets worse! And you will likely find some of the stories extreme. But it is a slippery slope and knowing you have a problem now is an important insight.

No matter what, you know this place is here and that there is support for this. And nothing will make you forget that there is help.

Let us know how you are doing.
Laura

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