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Hey Dave,
Pleasure chatting! I hope tomorrow night you will be posting you made it through the day!
Sometimes living within a small budget gives us less opportunity to gamble although i can understand it as a trigger. Anytime unexpected bills pop up i think i can win myself out of the situation. The only guarantee if i place that first bet is that it won’t be the last. And we know where that leads us!
I used to sit and play the local slot machines that had a max payout of $5000 and wished that I could win the lotto so that I would be well off enough to sit there and play all day every day if I wanted, which, who am i kidding, I most def wanted.
I woke up! I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in a lounge looking at spinning wheels. Getting sour as things go south! I’d probably have to move on to bigger locations and bets and be out in the street before you knew it.
I can’t believe i thought after nearly 6 years I should tempt that fate again!
One day at a time Dave, maybe not a lot of money is a good thing right now. Another barrier. What has been triggering you? Need some other support? GA? Maybe an addictions counselor.
One step at a time. Maybe join Shaun’s pledge. Keep posting.
Laura
I thought I was done posting for the day, bad back makes computer time limited, but wanted to stop by as I seen your post on another thread. Well done Mark! Isn’t it great how we can be grateful after all we’ve been through? We are more resilient than we think. If we keep working on things, making the next right choice, tomorrow will take care of itself. Making today gamble free is what matters. Hopefully things slow down for you a little as all work and no rest or relaxation can make you resentful. Keep at it Mark and Congrats.
Laurayes the facilitated or hosted groups are usually earlier in the day. Good place to get some extra advice. Have you talked to them on the help line here? They would likely be more expert in the resources available in your area.
I’ve heard it said gamcare tries to get a person to control their gambling as opposed to stopping but I don’t know if that is true or not. Any other members know?
I don’t think I could every control my gambling. I have failed that in more ways than i even want to review!
So glad you went to GP again. And that your family is involved. As much as we don’t want to be trouble to them, it is better than trouble and grief for not having the opportunity to help!
Keep posting!
LauraWhere I live the government owns and runs the gambling for the most part. So on one hand they want you to gamble a whole lot. On the other they offer some programs, which they advertise mostly in gambling establishments. A CG in full blown frenzy is going to stand in front of others entering help line number into their phone? They know only a few seek help and even fewer will recover, the rest are just collateral damage and a cash cow. Why do they need to raise money with slot machines anyway? At the government run casino they had an addictions counselor on site. But you don’t know who they are because they are not allowed to approach you and there is no sign or name tag on them. They just look like door attendants most of the time. But, once I decided i wanted help i looked them up in the phone book of all places, imagine! And i accessed specialized counseling. I decided that this addiction had just about taken everything that mattered from me. It is powerful. And I needed to throw whatever I could at it. Meetings, GA, GT, counseling, whatever it takes. It can be done.
It may be early days but seems like they are quite different days for you. Keep the momentum going as best you can. There may be days you feel you aren’t moving forward or growing but just holding ground and staying bet free during those times are a gain! Well done and Take care,
LauraGood decision Shaun! New ways, new healthier habits, helps us. WTG! NO GAMBLING TODAY for me today either!
I am thrilled to see your post and it is good to see you taking baby steps. No money = no gambling! I think there are cards you can buy that will allow you to buy things but not get cash off of them. Maybe you get a small amount loaded on a card or a small amount of cash for necessities. We have to know that we are NOT to be trusted when it comes to money. We steal from ourselves and our families in what we deprive them of. Handing over your debit card is a great start. Lock up your money as tight as you can.
We need to put as much effort into rescuing ourselves as we did into gambling. You can do this. Just keep doing the next right thing. It is probably something I’ve read in the GA material. Going to a meeting is a great idea. Give them a chance, find one that fits you. Insight and wisdom can be found in those rooms.
Right now you most likely need that job and the benefits they are providing. It may not be a trigger right now (and we could probably debate that) as you are gambling, but once you stop it may make it difficult to remain stopped. But again, baby steps, you will work it out. Can’t tackle it all at once.
Keep posting, we are here to support each other through this most difficult addiction. Well done in facing this.
LauraDrinking and gambling maybe makes you feel like a “bigshot”, your world shrinks and at it’s center is you calling the shots. One more drink, one more bet. And the establishment likely will cater to that… they want your money as we know. And maybe it makes you feel like you are able to control your world but not of us have control of the behaviour of others around us.
And afterwards the money is gone and all that is left is a hangover of the darkest proportions. Which makes us feel small, scared, less than others. With our deep dark secret making us feel vulnerable, crazy, desperate. No wonder you feel the way you feel Kin. When we are balanced, brain, body, mind it helps us to not feel less than others. And we have no need to try and be superior to others. Glad you are posting Kin.
Laura
take care,
lauraThere is something so healing about the sea. It makes you feel connected to nature and god and the bigger things in life. I live near the Ocean. I can see it in the distance and hear it some nights after a storm. I live in Canada so I have to make do with a few months of summer, but don’t know if I could ever live far from the ocean.
Who knows what difference a month or two can bring. Keep working on your recovery so you will be in better control no matter what the future holds. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies but it will definitely be the better for not gambling.
Laura
P.S. was lovely chatting yesterdaySounds like maybe you had a well known infatuation with sport gambling. Not funny but I was laughing at your description of the pin drop. My husband’s brother who would gamble on occasion started cutting himself off mid sentence around me if he began talking about it. Gee I think word spread through the family I had lost a pile and was an addict.
I can understand your fear. I think just as we developed into the addicted gambler, when we take away the gambling and start working on us, and filling our time in more valuable ways, we can change into a new person. The person you are now, is not the person you will be a year from now in recovery. And the experiences you have had will only add to the new you.
I’m not who i was before gambling began, nor who i was when in action. I would like to think I’m a new better version of me with more life experience and empathy towards my fellow man. I feel like I now value what is important ( to me anyway), family, good friendships, health, connection to nature etc
Well done on your progress! Keep at it, you are worth it!
Laura
You hate yourself. Yet you are here posting and made it to work. When I was at my rock bottom I even started considering break and enters and can you believe it kidnapping! I’m a middle aged disabled woman who worked a desk job most of her life. Point is, you say you hate yourself. And it seems you have truly hurt yourself. But you haven’t progressed to criminal activity as far as I know. Trust me, there is still more of you to lose! I think you need some serious addictions help. An in house rehab. Talk to the help line here when they open tomorrow. They are very familiar with programs in UK. You can do this. There is that kernel of strength within you that is reaching out. Do not do anything foolish. We can reverse our state of affairs over time, but we cannot reverse death and the pain it will cause our loved ones. Praying for you.
LauraI hope you get the care you need Jacques. Your life is irreplaceable. I don’t know if you can call it divine intervention but you are here to post once more. Hold on Jacques, hold on!
I pray the angels watch over you. Laura