Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Hey Jonny,
something we have in common. Our backs. I had previous major back surgery, never quite recovered fully. Now 10 years later I’m waiting for another one. Strange but I have found some of the coping strategies for pain and gambling are interchangeable. Yet in some instances our physical condition can prevent us from using coping strategies. I’d love to go for an hour walk or hike for the afternoon, but for a while I couldn’t make it across my kitchen. Now I feel blessed for 15 minute walks in a little forest by my home.
Recovery from gambling has to be top of mind as we destroy all when we gamble. But if you can improve your physical lot and release some feel good chemicals I’m sure it would do nothing but help both.
Congrats on the new job. Take care of yourself. Stress release too, meditation or tai chi maybe. The American Arthritis Foundation puts out a DVD Tai Chi for arthritis. It ensures its a safe form of Tai Chi for someone with lots of bone issues. lol there I go, hard not to slip into sharing mode.
Keep up the awesome work!
Lauraawesome post Johnny! I was pretty much MIA on this site for much of the past year so have missed your struggles. But at the same time I see your name since I’ve come back, responding to those who are opening a thread, reaching out, and you let them know they weren’t alone. You earned your 315 days, by doing it one day at a time. Congratulations!
Was it Ken L used to say that too Vera? Dwelling on what someone else thinks about you or seeking revenge in your mind etc is allowing someone else to “rent space in your head”. And that “what someone else thinks of you is none of your business”. Both pieces of advice that help me when I start dwelling. Sorry to butt in at this spot in the thread but wanted to say such a spot on way of putting things Vera. ” Our common goal is to stop gambling, our individual goal is to maintain our own recovery”.
Good morning Monica, I can only imagine how you feel this morning.
The GA definition of insanity springs to mind. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. From what you say Pete has always been lacking in the area of emotional support and acknowledging distress. And unfortunately that hasn’t really changed in the past 6 years. So for now the person you supported for years is probably giving all he is capable of. Sad, but no surprise. Yet often we are surprised. I had someone say to me recently, he’s been relatively the same for all these years, and you are expecting something different? Yes he has changed some, but at his core is the same person, someone who moves through life being the centre of his selfish world. And our sons, well, we protect them, shield them from the truth. Minimize things. So no surprise they aren’t running to the rescue. You could be here saying ohhhh i phone them every day and leave messages how terrible i am and no one even calls.
Cosmic justice, I thought it should be so. Tit for a tat, karma, what goes around comes around. Ha, usually not fast enough for me when i feel someone deserves it, and when it does happen we usually aren’t around to get to watch. I have lots of “far out” ideas on the concept of god, and spirituality, and i’m not sure i could even put them all into words. In my mind god gave us free will to muck about on this planet. That means he will not interfere. I feel in the end our life on this planet will be but a blink of an eye filled with lessons just the same. Life sure isn’t fair. But for some reason this is the one we have. I am by no means minimizing the amount of pain and suffering that people go through. I just hope that in the end all will be clear and the method to the madness will be revealed.
I admire your resolve and i know that eventually you will turn a corner. And if anyone deserves it Monica you do. I just hope you don’t have to wait much longer for you good karma to come back to you.Hey Lilo,
first thing we have to do is stop the bleeding. How can you prevent yourself from spending bill money again? If you can stop the loss of money that should be going other places then eventually you will be able to pull yourself out. What kind of barriers can you put in place? Will you have money left off your cheque that should go for gas and food? Would your friend come with you while you put gas in your tank and do a quick order of groceries? We have to put effort into breaking the cycle. Counseling or GA? Please get some support. Counseling may help you work through your relationship issues. Hope you keep posting Lilo! Take careWell done on not gambling today Dave! Any ideas on what will make life better? Some of the best things in life are free. You say you’re protected but you still caused damage. Time to wake up and ditch the indifference! Glad to see your post 🙂 Laura
None for me either, yesterday or today. Good days!
(((( Monica )))) you need for someone to wrap their arms around you and say they are there for you. Even just to hold your hand as you go through this.
I don’t have advice. I’m the last person to give it to you. I don’t know enough about your specifics or your system there. It must be horrible to feel so alone in this. A lot of us couldn’t stop til we hit the financial brick wall. But you are facing such terrible consequences all alone it hardly seems fair. I feel your pain 🙁 and frankly feel quite useless that I don’t have something to say that will help. Some magic cure that will refund you all the money you ever spent. But we know that won’t ever happen. Something has to give though or you are going to have a nervous break down. If you aren’t already having one. Wish I was around the corner instead of around the world. I’m so glad that Vera and I did it and 3raser have been around. Just hang in there.
And maybe step work is a bit intense for you right now. You guys have been setting a blistering pace. On top of everything you have going on right now. Maybe a little slower. And I’ve always understood they don’t have to be in a row necessarily. I’ve cried in GA, seen it often actually. It’s more often a woman, and seeing as GA is more men, you may feel like no one does.
As far as Step Change, well it won’t hurt to talk to them and hear what they have to say. Maybe they can help negotiate time for you. It’s in the best interest of your creditors to let you recover and use your education. If they bankrupt you they aren’t going to get much if anything. What you are going through is terrifying and I’m sorry again that you have to do it alone. But know that we are all here rooting for you to pull through this. Take care, Laura
Hey Tina,
you will do it when you are ready. Well done on four weeks! I think addictions counseling is a very bright note. Even counselors are allowed to have problems. We are all a little blind when it comes to our own lives. Emotions tend to do that to us i think. I’m glad we can help each other in our recovery journeys! Take care, LauraHi Dazed and Confused,
well done on posting your story to the forum. You are right, if you keep going as you are, losing it all will be inevitable! You need to tie up that money as fast as you can. Do you have a family member that you can trust to help you? Hold on to it or block your use of it somehow until maybe you can get it locked up tight in an investment or something. Getting help to address your addiction will be important if you ever want to be able to use money like a normal person. To us money isn’t to be used as money it is tokens to gamble with! Please look into Gamblers Anonymous. Talk with someone on the chat line here at this site. They often have good advice on resources for your particular area or may be able to provide some through the site. Counseling may be helpful, it helped me a lot in the beginning. Please keep posting. I hope you are able to put the breaks on and safeguard your inheritance and your pay cheques. Take care,
LauraHi 3raser,
Seems most governments these days are only after money!Sounds like the perfect fit of a counselor. You are facing your addiction face on in many ways. I was very lucky as well. My counselor was very well educated in gambling addiction but at the same time she made me as comfortable as sitting down with a very close girlfriend. She gave me lots of food for thought and homework sometimes!
I knew I needed help when i hit the financial brick wall. That is a turning point for a lot of us. I had borrowed every possible amount i could in my name and based on my job. Some loans were extremely high interest. I had been borrowing to pay bills and gamble. I was going to lose house. Hubby had hardly a clue. And i had to tell him. I was an absolute wreck. That’s when it hit me hard and I couldn’t deny or deflect that i had a problem. That was bottom. That was like a reality strike. With a big sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Don’t ever want to go back there again! So thanks for being here too and telling your story. By doing so you are reminding me of what it was like.
How’s things at work going? Does it give you urges if they are talking about betting? Hope things are going ok!
LauraHi Becca, sorry to hear the state this gambling addiction has left you in. I have been in nearly the same position. And find myself keeping secrets once again. I am asking the following question, do you want to stop gambling? For yourself, for you own health and sanity? If your husband leaves do you see yourself as a gambler or a gambler in recovery?
Six months can be a long time for a CG. You will be surprised at the changes that can take place one day at a time. If you get through today without a bet and work on yourself and your recovery, then you just repeat! Maybe if he sees you have really honestly worked on it his decision will change. But if it doesn’t you will be stronger and in a better place to live a gamble free life.
Try using all the tools you can. GA, this place, some sort of counselling, and having someone handle all of your income so that you can’t just gamble it. If you are in the UK and it would be an option, the link Harry shared sounds bang on to what a lot of women need.
Don’t lose all hope Becca. It can be done, one day at time.take care,
LauraHey Monkey and welcome to the forum.
Could I ask how long it was since you last gambled? Prior to starting again? Were you attending GA or going to counseling?
I too had to fess up to my partner. I took care of OUR money and had left us an inch away from bankruptcy. I kept looking for any solution to deal with my debt that wouldn’t involve coming clean! Finally my gambling drove me to a place where I knew I had to stop! Whether in my relationship or out of it. If he chose to leave me because I had an addiction, then that would be on him. In the end I had to do exactly what Vera is saying. I told him I needed to talk to him about something important. And then I told him I have a really bad gambling problem. And that we owed a lot of money as a result. Your partner will respond how he will. And he will have many emotions of his own to process. In a way its as bad as cheating on them really. It is scary as hell to deal with this but it is really your own sanity that is at stake. Maybe start taking measures. Go to a GA meeting if any available or addictions counselling. Show him that you are taking action! All the best!
LauraHi Monica,
I pray things soon shift for you too! I’m soo sorry that you are in the situation you are in. That is why this is such a deadly addiction. We don’t stop until we are totally destitute. I couldn’t borrow another cent when i stopped. My only saving grace was I was on disability at the time and that cheque kept coming. Oh that and my mother and father. They took all of my debt and refinanced it at low interest. I was able to make payments that were manageable. I’m still paying off gambling debt today. Until we get back on our feet we can accept the help of our family. One year I had no money for Christmas. For other reasons pre gambling. I tried to find small meaningful things. Like a can of cashews for someone who loved them. And then I found a bunch of catalogues and cut out pictures of what I wanted to buy them and made hand made cards. Everyone had a good laugh. Your family is reaching out. They wouldn’t want to lose you and your presence is their gift. Sorry so short of a post but hubby is wanting my pc. Take care of yourself Monica, you are working so hard on your recovery.
Laura
just seen this now Monica!
just wanted to let you know! I truly can’t recall anything specific. You have every right to go and I apologize if I was inappropriate 🙁 Wish I knew what it was but would rather not discuss here so will have to be dropped.