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I’m glad you will be off work for a little bit and are getting some medical help as well. Try not to think too far ahead. Right now it sounds as though a plan will be developed to help you. Maybe some more counseling or a rehab program. You did not get to this point over night and it will take time to sort it out. You are doing what you can right now.
I know what it feels like to be so depressed I could not work or even call my doctors office for help. When functioning takes more effort that I could seem to manage. Right now your job is to fight to stay on this earth and to take all help given to you. Your life is precious and it can be used for good. But you firstly need to work on rebuilding you. Stay strong, we are with you.
Good evening Monica,
sorry you are feeling under the weather today. It’s hard for one to get work ready when they can’t afford the non toxic medicine they need. I’d love to see the look on some of these work coaches faces if people went in dragging IV poles and being pushed in hospital beds. But quite often they are only doing what they are being made do and don’t agree with it themselves behind closed doors. Stress and anxiety can aggravate your stomach, but I’m sure poor diet can as well. And having a sore stomach before a meeting would give anyone anxiety and stress as to whether they can make it etc.
Happy Birthday Monica, you survived this addiction to blow out another candle. Something would not let you keep going. You are here. You may be down but you are not out! I hope you can spend part of that birthday money on some food that you get to eat (Paws off Pete!). As hard as you’ve been knocked about you are still worrying about everyone else. Your mom, other people dealing with poverty level benefits, even Pete and the dog. I know they are hanging on just outside the fringes of this post lol.
I hope you are able to find some more inspirational shows and treat or two. I wouldn’t call it two steps back, I’d say one step forward, and hold!
LauraGood to hear Dave! Vera has a way with words. Haven’t met a CG yet who kept going and ended up with less debt. How you feeling today?
LauraThanks for taking the time to care and write to this post Geordie. And Jonny, before you get upset with what Geordie is saying I suggest you take a long hard look at what he is saying. Big relapses in the past and leaving yourself access to a lot of money right now is leaving a big back door open. Something may be different this time, and our mental barrier can be the most important one, but if for any minute that system fails you you will want protection from yourself.
Laura
Hi Jonny,
I would say that finding recovery after 20 plus years of hard core gambling makes you an example. Most of us didn’t find recovery right away either. I had friends say to me they were worried. A husband who thought I had a problem, even when i was hiding the best part of it from him. And a Father who followed me to a gambling establishment before. None of those things made me want to stop! I wished i could gamble without problems but I didn’t want to stop! Who knows what it will be for each of us.
I can understand everything you say about your back and past surgeries. People just don’t understand unless they’ve lived it. It’s not just a little back ache. I have sciatic nerve damage from first injury and/or spine surgery that was mostly sensory, all kinds of cutting and burning sensations among others! Some motor issues but not severe. I needed surgery after years of of not knowing I had broken facet joints. Surgeon could only tell me it may have been as result of something born with or could have been from a accident I had when young. This cause further conditions over time such as ruptured disc and another that I can’t pronounce. I had back problems for years, but they had been difficult to diagnose due to doctors making diagnosis of arthritis based on talking to me only and idiot GP not wanting to order xrays for years even when i was in a lot of pain. So I had fusion surgery to correct the whole mess about ten years ago. Anyway, long and short, one fusion usually leads to another! So here I am with another bad joint. I was in excruciating pain from mass that was pressing on my spinal cord but it has shrunk some so have a little relief. I’ve also had other surgery, not back, but it affected my back’s stability. So here I am biding my time. There is a surgical backlog. But at least I feel good enough to be here posting about recovery. So when I can drive again (can’t due to hopefully temporary motor issues in my leg) I won’t catch myself by surprise and run to the nearest slot machine! The best you can do with back problems is see a good physio for a safe exercise plan. A strong core, and good weight maintenance will go a long way. Therapeutic massage can also help with pain and help keep you moving. Make sure they are top people. You don’t want just anybody messing about with your physical self.
I felt much the same about counseling. It had to be someone whom I had a good rapport with and who had dealt with addictions, especially gambling. It helped me immensely and I think it was a part of the success formula for me.
Have you started the new job? hope all is going well. Hold your head high. You have overcome. Keep putting in place all that you have learned and you will remain the new and improved Jonny.
take care,
LauraI’ve been missing you in group P! We usually manage to bump into each other for coffee but not for quite a while. And for some reason I have been missing your posts too 🙁
I am so thrilled to see you feeling a little better. I’ve dealt with depression long before I was a CG. I understand a lot of what you say, just maybe not to the extent you’ve dealt with this time. But I had dark days in which I cried and cried and cried and was not capable of much at all. You must be so proud of yourself to have not given in to gambling. Maybe you get urges when you feel better because you equate feeling good and gambling in your mind? Never know I guess.
Your summer must be coming? Your happy time of year. The days here are getting so short. Dark by 5pm and stays that way til almost 7 the next morning. Dreary.
Hope you are enjoying your day. I’m so glad you’ve had Vera and IDI to help you along your journey. I remember Alice, and all the names you mentioned the other day, on someone’s thread. And there were a whole lot more. We can only hope that they have gone on to live a full gamble free life and not returned to a life of gambling. I don’t think it could ever be healthy for us again.
take care sweet P
Laura
Hi No More, I am glad that you have found this forum. I don’t know how we can fool ourselves so badly, all to satisfy our need to gamble. We never get back what we lose. And if by some miracle we win what we’ve lost and can square things up it won’t remain. The same madness drives us back again. And we will play til we lose it all.
You are very lucky that your wife is willing to give you another chance to clean up your problem. Have you been able to access addictions counseling of any kind? Not sure where you are from and what is available there. Look over the resource section here. Maybe talk to the people on that chat line. Sometimes email counseling or telephone counseling can be arranged. You need to start developing tools and supports. Also, you should no longer have access to the money. Nobodies including your own. You’ve proven over and and over again that you can be trusted with money. Let your wife take over control of the funds. Or take care of it together. No more secrets. It takes a long time before we can have a responsible relationship with money.
Keep posting, I think your original post got lost in a lot of traffic on the forum.
take care,
LauraAs Jonny says,
you have a to be grateful for. You don’t want to be a burden to your loved ones. But giving up and dying will give them the burden of grief. They will wonder what more they could have done, where they went wrong, how they could save you.If you have nothing but your life and your family support, no job, no money, poor mental health, you can come back from all of those things. Medication for depression usually takes six weeks to fully kick in. And that is if the medication being tried will work for you. It can be a trial and error thing. Can you take a sick leave from your job? Would your GP put you off even though he’s a jerk? People need support when they are going through depression and often need to be away from work where it is just too difficult to function. Please don’t give up !!! Find that fight in you to get the help you need. Get well! That is what you can do to thank your family for their help.
LauraHi Johnny,
I leave Vera to comment on whether it was intended as a joke or not. I took it as someone who was rewarding himself for doing well at his recovery and making up for a little lost time and wardrobe! It feels good to make ourselves feel good.
For many, if they just manage to abstain from gambling but never really address underlying issues, they will move on to something else. Compulsive shopping, for some is a possibility, but unless you are buying things to hoard I’d say you are ok! lol As far as the penny stocks, I remember when you were talking about investing, a little alarm went off for me as I remembered a few fellows here that were obsessed with it and spent every minute watching things go up and down and losing it all. But we must be cautious what we say and how we say it. As you say, not everyone who invests is a compulsive stock player.
So please enjoy your gains, your new clothes, your sense of following through, and your peace of mind! As a returning member, I can only say be cautious what you leave available.
As far as my back I had lumbar spinal fusion that fused from L4 to S1 with hardware. I had one disc removed completely as it was totally destroyed. I am having another back surgery to fuse up to L3. The disc is ok but it’s the joint that is gone. I was left with nerve damage the last time and am having bad problems with my right leg this time as well. Pain was unbearable but has recently eased so I’m counting my blessings. Something I try to do every day.
Once recovery sticks for us it can be easy to lose patience with those that don’t seem to get it, or put in place necessary tools. But how many times before was that us? Thanks for the posting you do. It means the world to those just hanging in there. And now you are the example 🙂 Have a great day and enjoy the new job.
LauraHI Tina,
I know it is such a struggle to say those words that are going to change your relationship forever. Maybe end it. Charles is right, better that he hear it from you then find out another way. You have been in denial this past two years that your gambling addiction was gone. Once a CG always a CG. Just like an alcoholic. Having to be repeatedly bailed out by family was a sure sign that you were a gambling addict. It’s not because we don’t have enough money, it’s not because life has more stresses for us than others, we are just hooked and always will be!
I am not unsympathetic, trust me, I had to do it once, and I should be doing it again! I’ve been dabbling again. More controlled as you would say as I have many barriers in place. It’s been over four months since my last bet but I feel i have to be on top of this every day!
I pray you find the strength that you need to tell your partner. You may need more intensive face to face counseling if possible in addition to the GA counseling. Attack this from all points possible.
Our lives would surely have been different if we hadn’t discovered gambling. But that’s not reality. We did. What would you tell a client if they said this about their drug or alcohol addiction?
Keep fighting Tina, you can get through this a better, stronger person.
LauraHi Jonny, hope you find my new replies i posted above! I think that’s awesome that you bought new clothes and were able to spend money as it should be spent. To buy things and services etc. Not as tokens for gambling, a means to an end. I would cheap out on everything from the meat for supper to clothes or outings. Really, when you think, boring is good. It means you aren’t in a stressful turmoil over your latest gambling failure. I was on my way to post a boring entry on my thread about going out for a while to visit with friends. If you want excitement maybe take up sky diving? Just keep plodding along when it comes to your gamble free time. Boring is good! Laura
There is a new program for women being put on by Gordon Moody House, I seen it in a link on someone else’s thread. It sounded more geared to women. Is there any women only GA meetings at all? There used to be a facilitated group here that was for women only. It was of great benefit. Cathy was facilitator for longest time and she was very good. I think IDI’s idea of taking on more practical things is good advice and I’ m happy to see something enjoyable on your list like going to visit your daughter. Right now you need to feel supported. You get that where you can. This is all about you. If I come across that link again I will post it for you. I’m out with hubby to see friends tonight. Just a short outing but i’m looking forward. Normal life. I cherish it.
hugs,
Laura