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Love how you describe who we are and why we are on this earth. Very close to my thoughts on that topic as well. This won’t define you in totality. But this period of your life will add to who you are. And pity help the gov when you are firing on all cylinders!
LauraGreat post Monica. That looks like a whole bunch of steps! I think you just did a little sprint even 🙂 You asked me how long. We are each in our own situation. But i would say when you look back after the next hundred days you will be amazed. I think I finally felt good and at a happy place in myself about a year into recovery. But it was gradual. Try not think too far ahead. The days will come. And financially you will recover faster than me once you are back to work. Health first, then the sky is the limit!
have a good day, pamper yourself however you can!
LauraHi Monica,
What were you saying about wise women? Look in the mirror!I’d say you are pretty spot on. And not to keep stirring this pot but here is what I will add. I personally don’t think Geordie is coming from a place of needing or wanting to be right. I think he is coming from the a place where his gut is telling him he is right and he only wants to save others from the further damage they may cause themselves. But we can’t save everyone! I totally agree that it should have been addressed as a gentle correction on the thread where the suggestion was made. Both men believes themselves totally. Only time will tell. And I’m willing to let time tell. You can’t force recovery on someone. No matter how many times we fall and no matter how much we want to save people from further pain. Sometimes we just have to let things be and take their course. That has been part of all our journey’s. Peace everyone!
LauraGood eye Vera! I don’t think I know what a troll looks like!
Hey Jonny, funny co incidence. I posted my last response before you posted about changing the subject and somehow I think it may have still made a little sense!
In my case one of my barriers that keeps me under control is I live in a small place where I easily run into family and friends at gambling establishments. The fear of someone telling my husband and possibly breaking up my marriage was a big barrier. I think I got lazy about recovery. It wasn’t that I was cured, I knew I wasn’t. But regular life takes back over. I stopped going to GA meetings, the long drive bothered my back a lot. I didn’t replace it. I didn’t feel CG enough to fit in here. Sounds a bit stupid but it was like it just wasn’t a part of my life anymore. We do rely on places like this more in the beginning. But then we do move on. Some of my old self crept back in. Some old the unhappiness returned. I’m back working on things, and trying to take some of my own advice! In my case I don’t have tons of extra money so I just try and keep what I do have tied up. I talk a lot about our money to my husband so he has an idea of what we should have so he’ll notice if i’m going astray. I should just tell him again but frankly am being a big chicken. So I don’t think my barriers will work so much in your case, but try and keep recovery in mind and work on it always. You know more about manipulating finances so only you would know if would be able to tie your money up in accounts or investments that you cant just pull out of the atm. Most times if you have the opportunity to think you won’t do it.
Have a great day Jonny
and P.S. Monica thanks for your vote of confidence, not sure I deserve all that but thanks!
just a couple quick notes. I’m sure you will know whether taking a break is good for you or not.
I am fond of Geordie but I will validate some feelings for you. I too found Geordie’s post attacking. That was the description that came to my mind when I first read it. I thought some of his words poorly chosen and his questioning excessive. Those who earn very high incomes can often pull themselves out of the gambling debt much more quickly than those with limited income.
I thought there was absolutely nothing wrong with your purchasing new clothes, I thought it was a very healthy reward for doing well in your recovery.
I understand what you mean about handling your own money eventually and dealing with your own finances. I too went back to handling money within a year of stopping gambling. I had a pretty healthy recovery for I’d say several years. And kept going for a couple more on autopilot. But I did go back again. This doesn’t mean you will be like me. But sometimes we are willing to take from ourselves but not do anything criminal like take from our boss. I do hope you never gamble again the rest of your life.
Peace JonnyHey Jonny,
I hope you realize that my concern for you sitting on large sums comes from a place of exactly that. Concern. Many a time a CG who is moving along on their recovery road can have a total curve ball come at them. Good to have protections for those moments. A mental ban is the best ban but never hurts to keep barriers in place as much as possible. You are a valuable member here, as is everyone.
I can see both points of view and hope that you both realize you both had some valid thoughts! I will not discuss another person without them being a part of the conversation! That was not your transgression. And I’m not inviting comment about it. I totally hate conflict and honestly feel both of you could have behaved better. But I am not perfect either!
In the end if you know you are being honest then you have nothing to prove. This is your thread and you’ve found support here as well as provided so much support to others.
I’m wishing you a good gamble free day.
take care!
LauraAw thanks Monica. Very sweet. I’d say you can include yourself in that group. Hope you enjoy your outing tomorrow. Time for me to hit the hay! – L
Hi M6,
It feels almost hypnotic at the time it is going on. Now I don’t even enjoy it anymore so don’t know why it still tempts me. I usually agonize the whole time stressing and worrying because I know I am going to lose. Even if I win, I will go back again as soon as possible and lose. You aren’t a pathetic loser. You have developed an addiction to gambling. You didn’t plan this, aspire to this or wish for this. One of the things that keeps us going back is “chasing our losses”. We want our money back! But the best thing you can do is grieve for it and accept it as gone. Money spent on an expensive lesson. Then if you can have someone help you with your money for a while, to keep you accountable, it will help when you have urges to gamble. I’m glad you posted. You are not alone in the struggle. Post more when you have the chance. Take care,
LauraHey Lilo,
hopefully they will be patient with you a little bit longer. At least you had the money to fix the jeep! Here’s hoping the gym is open and you get to blow off some steam. Were you able to look the suggestions Liz made about the pay day loans? Hang in there, we didn’t make the mess in a day and it won’t be cleaned up in a day. Frustrating but we need to learn a little patience. take care,
LauraLovely to see your post Maverick. You know where to come when times are low. I’ve lost special people in my life over the past couple years. It shouldn’t have been there time to go. Loss of our loved ones is difficult to bear 🙁 I’m sorry for your losses. The ones that *****. I hope the dark days pass quickly. Take care Mav,
LauraHey Monica,
one foot in front of the other. When we think the journey is too long or too hard, we just need to put one foot in front of the other. Little bits of progress here and there. You are hugely generous, otherwise you wouldn’t have devoted any energy (of which you don’t have an overabundance) to helping a cause, even a worthy one. Proud of you M! No need to solve everything or make a decision tonight. You’ve done some heavy lifting today! Hope you get a good night sleep. Take care,
Laurabump bump girlfriend. There are lots of people that would love an update. But know you are serving as an example with your thread! We can pick ourselves up from low places. Talk soon,
LauraHi Tina,
popping in to see how you are doing.
Why me? From my time in GA and here and other places, and reading, I would say there are probably as many reasons as people. But, there are some things I’ve noticed drive gamblers into Compulsive gamblers. I’d say we are more suceptible right from the start because of how we are wired. Add to that the Billions of dollars that goes into research and development on how to make games more addicting. Gambling addiction lights up the same place in the brain as drug addiction. http://www.metronews.ca/news/vancouver/2017/01/03/gambling-triggers-same-brain-region-as-drug-addiction.html and that sets the backdrop.
Now sometimes it’s triggered by past child abuse or sex assault, death of a loved one, break up of a marriage, illness, disability, physical pain, emotional pain, trauma, or betrayal. Some of us it is a combination of so many of the above and or something else yet unmentioned.
The good thing is that even if we aren’t sure why we started gambling, the steps we can take to stop are the same. We can find a financial support person who helps us by keeping our money safe. In the beginning it’s like leaving an addict in possession of their poison when we want to handle our own money. A small amount of spending money is best in the beginning. We can find emotional support in the form of counseling, GA meetings or other fellowship group such as a church addictions group. Being able to be truthful with those in our life about what is going on with our recovery also helps. Places like this forum is invaluable. It’s good that you’ve taken a couple days from work to regroup. Mental health days. Admitting we have a problem is the first step in dealing with it. Take care,
Laura