[finding_laura]

Keep going Semaj,

your future depends on it! JacquesPaul post is a testament that our lives can depend on it in the end. Just for today I will not gamble. One day at a time!
Have a great day,
Laura

[finding_laura]

Thanks for your post Tina. I need to work on filling voids in as healthy a way possible.
I’ve been spending too much time sitting these days. GT is a healthy way of dealing with my addiction but not if I start putting everyone else’s recovery before my own recovery.
I have to balance my physical situation with gambling addiction recovery. And what is or isn’t working for someone else may not fit my specific situation. I know what worked for me. I know what I need to do to protect myself from the next bet as much as possible.
I remember there were times where I wanted to be able to gamble like a normal person. I didn’t want to stop. And any advice that suggested drastic steps that may interfere with that was not well received! After all I wasn’t as bad as most of the people here!
All I had to do was give it a little more time and I proved to myself that wasn’t true.
Today I will fill my recovery with positivity!
Laura

[finding_laura]

Hi Gigi,
just checking in to see how you are doing! Good to see you have put in place some barriers and also some accountability by having your friend monitor your bank account. goIU1992 has some really good advice! Scary to deal with but you can do this! Take care,
Laura

[finding_laura]

Hi Semaj, each time I hit a new low I would dwell on it. Until I had money again. And then I would chase those losses, forgetting about the fact that what I was doing was exactly how I got them. I’ve met a former lotto winner here. He gambled away his lotto win. Because really it’s the gambling that has us hooked. I guess my point is, each time we hit a new low we dwell on what we have lost. It represents things we could have bought or done or ways we could have stopped doing the crap job we don’t like or so many other options. But when we were stuffing it all in a slot machine or placing it on a number on line it i didn’t represent any of those things. If you keep going $10,000 would be but a small price to pay to be able to look at gambling addiction in your rear view mirror! It will mostly likely be so much more. So by not betting that next dollar just think how much you are saving! You didn’t chose to be an addict but you can chose recovery. Stay strong,
Laura

[finding_laura]

It is very hard in the beginning. Because it feels like our brain is stuck on a loop. Get money, get to establishment as fast as possible, gamble. In the beginning any frustration of this loop can cause urges or really cravings. Your brain is craving for that excitement or that stimulation and it only remembers one easy quick way of getting it!

But working on filling your gambling time with things that promote natural release of feel good chemicals, like jogging, walking, deep breathing, nature, playing sports, biking, meditation, yoga, tai chi, or any such thing will help.
Slowly over time you will start filling your time with healthy things like study and spending time with friends and family, promoting relationships that are the true meaning of life.

If you find yourself day dreaming about playing shake your head and change the mental picture! Do not dwell on it or play online for fun (no money). This will just keep the urges alive and we rather strangle and stamp them out!

You are making a very wise choice to deal with this now. It is a progressive condition and will just keep getting worse. Because it is a high functioning addiction (not likely to show like an alcohol or drug addiction) in the beginning, a lot of gamblers don’t admit to their problem until they have lost everything many many times and hit a financial brick wall. This could take years or decades!

So although you didn’t chose to have a gambling addiction you can chose recovery! Well done!

Laura

[finding_laura]

Hi Khurram, well done on banning! How are you finding the urges to go to the casino the past few days? Every time you get an urge just remind yourself you can’t go. You are banned. Can lawyer get disbarred for committing a crime? Can they arrest you if you get caught trying to go into a casino where your are banned? All things to think about.
Try and boost your endorphins and feel good chemicals by doing physical activities. Even walking out in the fresh air and sun light. Meditate. Anything you can thing of to help you get through the moods. Things will level out with time. Keep reminding yourself if you are having a bad day. Take care, Laura

[finding_laura]

Sometimes we can’t see the forest for the trees.

Liz, Geordie and I were discussing the loss of loved ones the other day. And how missing them can cause urges.

And Vera, mentioned on IDI’s thread about voids in our lives or in ourselves and i talked about using gambling to fill them.

I’ve had two light bulb moments in the past few days. Now my memory isn’t perfect, but I’ve back tracked the dates and it lines up. In January of 2015 a best friend of decades was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. They could only offer her time with treatment. I believe I started gambling in March of 2015 at the same time as she began chemotherapy. I watched a funny vibrant woman fade into a shell of herself subject to what I equate with medical torture. She was so sick and pumped full of drugs it was a nightmare to watch her suffer. She passed in December of that year, a couple weeks before Christmas. In February my father was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. The only blessings were that he was to weak for chemo and he only suffered for three months. We buried him in May of 2016. As much as it broke my heart it killed me just as much to watch my mum lose her partner of a half century.

So now I said I had two aha moments. The other. Well a few years before I lost my best friend to illness, I felt a void in a different way. One other than that left behind by the loss of loved ones.

My sister remarried and no longer spent hours with me every week. We used to spend hours together on weekends doing things with our kids or even just visiting. On the phone with each other at least a couple times a week. My very best friend. She just has different priorities now and I understand that. Kids are older and she’s the taxi driver, spends time with husband in the evenings etc. But it still left a big void.

At the same time my physical health was declining due to various medical issues. I wasn’t able to do a lot of activities. And after sitting at a computer at work all day I couldn’t do it at home too. I couldn’t travel much or spend time doing things like photography. This was also a loss and another void to be filled.

My gambling was sporadic but I think I knew as I was doing it that I was trying to relieve something. But now I see it wasn’t just losses I was trying to relieve it was also voids I was trying to fill.

I just can’t believe I didn’t see it, or I didn’t retain those reasons. It’s so hard to see things when your emotions are tied up in them I guess.

So that being said, I had a rare morning spent with my sister shopping. Got a good start on Christmas. Thank God I am still medically restricted from driving! No gambling. Need to work on putting that mental ban back in place. If I was gambling right now Christmas wouldn’t be a given as the gift money might end up in a slot machine. Never want to go back to October 28, 2009. The day my last cent of credit never mind actual money went into the slot machine. I think I spent the next two weeks thinking of all kinds of crazy schemes to make a lot of money. Some of them illegal.

I guess for me that was where I drew a line. I’ll consider myself lucky in that instance. If I would have been more nimble who knows.

Onward and upward!

ODAAT
Laura

[finding_laura]

Beautiful psalm Kin. The light of God is within you Monica. The homeless man you fed is witness that it shines from within you. You are a good decent person who deserves to sort this addiction out and have a good life! I think you are someone who gets pleasure and satisfaction out of helping others but your battery was depleted from being so sick and without a lot of support. I hope you can replenish yourself Monica. The world is all the better when you are shining brightly within it. Have a good day. Laura

[finding_laura]

We can fall far and and we can fall fast. Regrets are that regrets. Not things that can be changed. All we can do is try and make sure today is a good day. Like Jonny says “yesterday is gone and can’t be changed no matter how many times we think about it”. But today matters. There is still life in you today. Back to basics. Breathe! Walk! Meditate! Talk to people when you can. You will get through this anxiety. All your being is telling you that you are in danger! But it isn’t a danger you can physically fight except by doing the above mentioned things that may convince your body that you aren’t in danger physically. But you are in deep danger in all other ways. This addiction sucks us in, chews us up and spits us out. Fight the danger by going to counseling and joining a gambler’s anonymous group. Try the groups here as well and get support. I know you are feeling terrible now. But we can turn this completely around. Take care JacquesPaul

[finding_laura]

Hey Gigi,
well done on writing down your story. Tackling this early in your life is a wise decision.

Start by putting up as many barriers as you can so that you can’t access your money to gamble. Maybe open up a separate bank account that isn’t attached to a bank card. Transfer most of your money into that account after you pay your bills. Get rid of your credit card if you can (cut it up). Or give it to someone that you trust to hold for you. Sometimes having someone we trust know about our problem who can help us with our finances is a good barrier to gambling. It gives you time to think it through. To remember that you don’t gamble because of all the harm it will cause you.

When we stop gambling it is good to try and fill the time with other things if we can. Perhaps you need to talk to someone, a counselor who can help you work through some of the feelings.

Once we take steps to stop, and keep working on our recovery, the desire to gamble will ease, and eventually mostly go away. You will always have to be careful of the sleeping monster! But you can live a normal life!

[finding_laura]

Hi Tina,
are there any non profit or free reputable credit counseling services available in your area? I wouldn’t talk to the bank about gambling addiction. If you want to say anything to the bank I’d say you are dealing with health issues. I would gather all bills, open, take to credit counselor and see what your options are. Also, check with the Gamblers Anonymous people (you said they had a phone line you called? ). They may have some suggestions as well as many local groups can have a financial crisis meeting for a member. My group didn’t do these so I’m not sure what help they give. It may just be help opening and sorting bills and coming up with a short term plan as well as credit agency referal. They can’t sort your bills over the phone but they may have a referral for you and or some suggestions on what to tackle while you wait to see a credit counselor. It may seem overwhelming. But baby steps. One foot in front of the other. Just keep trying to make the next right decision. For all the grey you will find positives. This addiction must make you a more empathetic counselor. I think recovery will make you a more personally aware counselor. Not that you would ask for this experience. But it is yours now. I’m rooting for a happy ending 🙂
Laura

[finding_laura]

I hope you are getting some well needed rest! I’ve asked the support line to pass on my contact info. Please drop me a line. laura

[finding_laura]

((((. )))) are virtual hugs. Well bless him. Isn’t he the squatter? You’d think he’d share his food since you kept a roof over his head. Wish I could zap you a grocery card. I don’t like the sound of hunger pangs! Winding down for the night. Hope Pete is in a better mood tomorrow! Grrrr. L

[finding_laura]

Hi Tina,
I’m just on my way out but one quick thought for you. Telling others is as much to help you as to be in honest relationships. That being said, If telling your elderly parents and brother and sister may cause them great stress I wouldn’t be telling them. At least not now. Whether you can trust your partner to help you with your finances right now due to your uncertainty about the relationship, you’ll know more once you talk to him. It took me a long time to work up the nerve (first time round, still stewing myself this time). But I was full blown out of control. It got to the point where it didn’t matter whether he stayed or left when i broke the news. I knew I had to, to save myself if that makes any sense. I needed to throw myself into recovery, GA, GT, therapy. And I wasn’t going to be able to do that without him knowing. Not to mention we were going to lose our house! Funny how still in denial about that slight detail 🙂 You will decide for yourself. If or when it is appropriate to open up to family. In your case you aren’t likely to borrow from them. I warned one of my sisters. And i told her not to lend me any money no matter what! I had to protect her. My other sibling and mother and father supported me. But I felt horrible for what I had done 🙁 Anyway, now I’m rambling! Have to run. Have a good gamble free day. Well done on your free time and reaching out for the counselling. take care, Laura

[finding_laura]

The little things continue to make up a lot of my world. So grateful for all that I have but mostly for the people in my life.

(((( Monica))))

I have done a few posts above in response to specific topics so they didn’t post to the end of the thread.

Have a lovely evening
Laura

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