[finding_laura]

thanks for your prayers and thoughts everyone. Quick note to say i haven’t continued gambling. Crazy busy this week between medical appointments and work. Not sure how I’m going to make it through! No room or time to gamble. No urges either. Not avoiding everyone just no time for posting this week. I’ll try and catch up on the weekend. One day at a time xo

[finding_laura]

Hey Monica, I started a post earlier today. I waited in chat on my own for quite a while and then got distracted. Lost the post along the way.

So, Amazing what difference a few days can make. No way to sugar coat it, I gambled. A couple of times last week after work. Just stupidity. Credit cards have been creeping up and starting to get worried. I didn’t put up much of a fight with the thoughts.

I want to think I have reinforced the lesson that it isn’t worth it. I can never gamble in a controlled manner. I will never “get ahead” gambling. It won’t solve one thing in my life and only create more problems. The damage is minimal so now is the time to remember where this took me before.

Think I’ll sign out of group early and go rest up for work tomorrow. Pray for strength for me. Take care,
Laura

[finding_laura]

Really proud of you Monica. I’m in group but no one around this evening. Wish you a peaceful week in work. Great getting out and having a laugh. I was out Friday evening having a rare good night. Work is taking a bit out of me but I’m managing. The other job opportunity wouldn’t wait a week and let you have a vacation? IBS flare ups are awful. I haven’t had one in years thankfully or not like I used to have anyway. Keep taking care of your self. I find financial pressures are piling up a little. Gave me urges. I caved in. Just being stupid. I know better. I refuse to let this turn into a full blow relapse. I Miss catching up with the girls. Take care xo

[finding_laura]

Thanks so much for your posts. I hear you Kin and your point of view. So many ways to look at things. I Just found when I was too strict with too many things I would have a blow out. Like trying to hold everything in until the pressure gets too much. But we are each dealing with our own personalities, addictions, situations etc. What is for one is not necessarily for all!

IDI I think my clutter got so out of control because of physical health problems and my addiction. As well as lack of support around the house. Then add some reno’s to the mix without things being properly moved or sorted and my basement level became instant chaos or so it seemed. I have a lady coming today to help me do some more sorting clearing and cleaning.

Work is going ok. Spinal cord damage and sitting too long is resulting in wicked muscle cramps in my legs. Will be medicated today. I may make the 11pm London time group tonight but forgive me if I’m sleeping!

I was thinking a little earlier that it would have been 9 years gamble free the end of the month if I wouldn’t have gone slightly off the rails for a while. Thank heavens for barriers as it kept the financial damage to a minimum. In that time I’ve managed to improve my credit. That new car I always wanted, I have it. On payments but I can make them. A cleaning lady, I have one. Travel? Well as much as I could I have. All the things we are trying to win would be just as likely if we stopped gambling and invested all that time into ourselves.

Keep your eye on the real prize. A gamble free, satisfying and productive life.

take care,
Laura

[finding_laura]

Hi Drake, welcome to the forum. 97 days gamble free after the horror you have been through is an accomplishment. I would encourage you to find as many sources of support that you can as you work through this and put it behind you. Counseling, GA, this site and other’s like it, a close family member or friend.
Having your wife take care of your finances would likely be a big help now that you are ready to stop. Again it would be a tool to help you if you have a weaker moment. I can’t tell you what to tell your wife. The one night relationship that is long over would only hurt her to hear about. Why bother I would say. This is from a wife who has had it done to her. The torment it would cause her isn’t worth it now. The gambling is something she needs to protect herself from. Much as you need to. Knowing what she is dealing with could help you both. She will likely feel almost cheated on with all the secrecy around gambling and being lied to. I told my husband and surprisingly once he was over the shock he understood. His knowing has helped me as a barrier to my gambling. It also helped me start over again as an honest person. I too was strictly honest before gambling. But when I started gambling my honesty began to crumble. I did big damage in a short period of time in so many way. It was nearly 9 years ago that I changed my life. Keep the faith. Work hard. You can too. Thanks for sharing your story.

take care,
Laura

[finding_laura]

Dear Kin.  Thank you for your reply on my thread. I will continue reading yours further but wanted to stop and comment here.  The decisions to hand your money over to someone you strust who is strong enough and wise enough to deal with any demands you may make is a big step.  It was one that helped me greatly.I guess my comments about shades of gray relate to not having life be all or nothing.  For me I found if I tried to deprive myself of too many things  at once it would set me off, set me up for a relapse.  I could not do it all at once.  It meant losing weight at a slower pace to not feel that way. But I had to find that balance in the middle.  I had to learn not to be all or nothing when it came to everything good in life.  I still struggle sometimes.  I think it will be a life time effort.

I feel we have been put here to learn and to draw on a world that was designed to respond to us. God wanted us to succeed in our journey and created a world where what we think and wish for comes into our path.  There are also mysterious signs i’ve seen in my life that make me a believer. Keep focusing on your honourable goals and intentions.  Build your barriers higher.  Resolve your mind. You know what to do.  You can do this.  Wanting to do better for your family is great, but don’t forget to do it for you.  Praying for blessing for you.  

Laura

[finding_laura]

Hey Liz,
good news on the little loan. Takes the edge off the financial stress. Now family stress is a whole different kettle of fish. The first thought that flashed into my head was to just say you can’t do dinner this year. With a big period on the end. Why do you have to stress over dinner for everyone? Like you said, buffet? Dinner at your sisters place? Dinner with just your two girls and their family at your daughter’s place. Pot luck. There are so many ways to say stuff it mom! You don’t deserve to always carry the stress. And if she is going to be mad and mean all the time anyway you may as well give her something to really complain about! This is me sticking up for a friend who needs to take care of herself. A mother is supposed to be a protector, a lifter up, a positive influence. Don’t let her make you feel less than who you are. Hope you feel better soon Liz. Adjusting to medications or finding the right one can be difficult some time as it is only trial and error, they aren’t really sure what each of us is lacking or which medication may help. One day at a time is a mantra for more than the gambling aspect of our lives. Take care Liz xo

[finding_laura]

Good morning Craig. I’m so glad to catch up on your thread and read of all your successes. There are many steps to the success of a recovery I believe. Being here every day posting, especially in those early days is a sign you are committed. Another little step or change may be to look at how easy it was for your subconscious to check the odds and scores. I’m not a sport gambler so wouldn’t understand how you are doing this. On tv? on your phone? on certain sites? emails you receive? I guess my thoughts are how can you interrupt the process if your subconscious starts to lead you down that path. Recovery is a lot about replacing old habits with new. I hope you are enjoying your weekend. Please know that the steps you are making now will have such a huge impact on your life. What do you have planned for your weekend that won’t involve triggers and old habits? Keep going Craig you are doing awesome! Thanks for all your support. Laura

[finding_laura]

sorry to hear of your lapse Kin. Good to see you getting back on the horse quickly and hopefully having learned a little more about yourself and your recovery. I hope you can find comfortable shades of gray in which to live your recovery. Living in an all black or white world can make recovery difficult. We cannot expect perfection. We are human. Sometimes feelings of deprivation can trigger urges. Progress! Congratulations on the new job. What will you do to keep your money safe? Laura

[finding_laura]

Hi Liz, sorry to hear of your little slip. They can be so costly in so many ways. To your health most of all. Have you touched base with the help line here to see if they could offer email counseling to you? How we were raised has a big part in molding us but we can change how we react to situations now. It took me a long time to realize I was often trapping myself in situations and didn’t know how to respond because that was what my youth was like. Holding in emotions and tip toeing around my father. I was taught to live inside my head and not react or respond outwards. I was taught to be frozen. Change has come but it wasn’t easy for sure. You are showing your daughters that it is possible to change no matter what age or stage in life. It is big of you to keep forgiving your mother but I feel like you need to do more to protect yourself from being hurt. You deserve it. Hang in there Liz. You are making progress. It just doesn’t always feel that way when dealing with a storm of emotions. Take care, Laura

[finding_laura]

Just got out of chat and seen your update. A clean house is always a pleasure and one you don’t have to do yourself can be even more so. I was working on a spare room today. It felt good to walk into the room and smell clean. Your situation may be a bit strange but then in this world there are all kinds of relationships. Whatever it is or isn’t take it slow. Have a good rest of week. Happy Hump day.
Laura

[finding_laura]

Welcome to the forum Dave. Life does seem to suck when it’s in the middle of gambling chaos. But by taking a first step you can make changes to leave that behind. Slowly you can build a new life. Part of stopping gambling is learning to fill your time doing other things. After all we spend a lot of our time and attention gambling. When we stop we can’t just continue on without learning to add in positive activities and relationships. Or if we do we end up with an empty life. What are some of the things you liked to do before gambling? or things you would like to try? This is a marathon not a sprint. One slow step at a time. take care, Laura

[finding_laura]

So sorry to hear about your mum’s fall! It is hard to watch our loved ones get older. Not to mention ourselves! Hanging out chatting at the moment but connectivity seems to be an issue. Hopefully we can all connect on the weekend. Laura

[finding_laura]

thank you so much for your post Kin. I’m still here. Still stressed but found part of the reason why it has seemed so much worse lately. Yes there are more reasons to be stressed but I also made a calculation mistake when cutting back on some medication and that is leading to a lot of me extreme emotions and how I am feeling. So hoping things will improve now that I have identified and can correct. I’m in group chatting at the moment if anyone is free. xo

[finding_laura]

Hahahahaaaaaaa had a good laugh. You could have told them you were smoking hot! That’s why you were smoking entering the building. Too funny.

Work sounds like it will be hectic and busy til the end of contract. So please do treat yourself to lots of little things to make it feel not such a punishment.

14 months is such an amazing accomplishment! You did it. And I’m sure sometimes you must wonder how you made it through. Keep going Monica! Imagine where another 14 months could take you? Keep an open mind!

I know I’ve been slack in my support again lately. I tend to need periods of “down” time or I don’t take care of my own personal tasks and situation. A lot going on since we last spoke but won’t put all my details in my thread. Keep the faith Monica, you are well on the path out of the darkness of this addiction. xo take care friend Laura 

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