[finding_laura]

Christmas day is here. So many expectations placed on Christmas. Makes me glad that I was rarely extravagant in the past. My sons were not hard done by growing up, they always got so much from others, grandparents, aunts and uncles, I couldn’t see just buying more for the sake of buying. At least now my sense of money has really returned to normal. It’s not just paper, or for the online gamblers a balance on a screen! It is actually supposed to be our means to take care of ourselves. Something I lost in the heat of my gambling addiction. It just made the reels spin! And it was an inconvenience to run out!

Rambling this morning. Today is a day of coming and going for me. Turkey dinners and presents and time with family. I’m a little sore from going out to listen to a band Saturday night for a few hours. The music was lively and it was hard to sit still.

My mind is not filled with my next bet. I rarely think of it. Which is such a relief. As I dabbled I would have times where I could feel myself being pulled back into that pattern of go gambling, think about gambling when not, go gambling.

Life does get better. And we can keep making it better by not gambling.

Merry Christmas everyone, and here’s to a gamble free New Year.

Laura xo

[finding_laura]

Dear Vera,

Thank-you for taking the time to post! I really don’t know where you get the energy either! My mom is the same. Prepares a full turkey dinner all on her own. I don’t know if I could do it, even with a better back.

It’s good that you have your GA meetings and groups that support you. At our meeting we would read from “A Day at a Time” meditation book. Then you could comment on the reading or just how your day was going or your recovery in general. I found almost always I got something from the reading. And people’s thoughts on it were also insightful. More an exercise in growth.

You are probably in the thick of your Christmas day. Enjoy Vera! You worked so hard for this day.

Merry Christmas Vera xo

[finding_laura]

Merry Christmas Jonny. It sure can be done 🙂

I’m going for a second opinion on my back next month. See what they say. Surgery is upcoming but no date yet. Possibly another six to nine month wait. Much like gambling gave me more of an appreciation for the important things in life like family and friends, sanity, and serenity, having back problems has given me an appreciation for all working body parts! Don’t care about the looks of my legs just do they get me around! Right now that is very limited but pain levels have gone down and I can socialize some. I am grateful for that during the holidays. Keep up the recovery work! Happy holidays.

Laura

[finding_laura]

What a great post! so happy to see you feeling satisfied about life. Sounds like you have everything well under control even with throwing some decorating in the mix. Fresh paint is such a pick me up. It’s just the putting back together of the rooms that can be a job. Worth it though.

So exciting to have something special for your son. You had mentioned about sometimes buying a little more for your son as he is an only child and you can’t split large gifts. Makes perfect sense to me. The alternative would be to deprive him of some of those splurges we have all given our kids over the years. An xbox or wii or whatever is the current trend. So enjoy giving him his present guilt free, it is a lot of fun giving to those we love. Especially when it’s a total surprise.

I hope you have a great holiday. Take it as it comes with no expectations. And enjoy! xoxo

[finding_laura]

may your time away with family be restorative.

I’m sure it can be frustrating having time to rest and heal without having the money to buy necessary natural medicines and basic nutrition to go with it.

Along with others I pray that things will resolve and improve for you. A job or a path forward.

You chose to fight this thing and not give in to self destruction. You’ve been open with your family. You have been on a journey of self exploration which has been d*mn tough. You have taken care of the things that you can. You’ve been accepted into the women’s program next month.

You have made progress since that “final stage of destruction”. Those first baby steps are the hardest especially nearly alone. You are one tough cookie Monica. You can’t keep a good woman down. I’ll have a drink to “a New Year celebrating the benefits of recovery”.

Here’s to a healthier and happier us in the new year. Cheers

Laura xo

[finding_laura]

very good to hear from you!

I went out last evening so wasn’t on site til this morning. So happy to see this wonderful group of people was around with awesome support and great advice.

I wonder if we fill so sick after ward because now we know better. We know the harm that this addiction can cause us. It took us to the brink (you, I and a lot of others here). Now there are terrible feelings associated with it. Not just the normal little feel good release we used to get. I guess it isn’t a game for us anymore. It’s a matter of life and death. Don’t ever feel you can’t share here.

So you’ve blocked that email which is awesome. Whenever something happens we can look at what else we can do to make us safer. If online started to be tempting you can put a blocker on your device. You’ve received lots of advice and suggestions and that’s what we are all here for. To support one another!

I hope you are able to enjoy the holidays 🙂 Keep enjoying those little yet large and miraculous things like sunsets and ocean sounds! My sleepy little tourist village is covered in snow and decorated with lights for the Christmas season. Looks like something out of a postcard. Our ocean is slowly freezing and soon deep winter will be here. Take care Tina. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year xo

[finding_laura]

Hi Tina,

how are you doing? Making out ok during the stressful holidays? Missing your presence! Hope everything is ok.

Laura

[finding_laura]

That’s awesome that you have your wife’s support with your finances. You could get a loan but then how are you going to pay it back without your wife’s knowledge?

Yes, I have accepted as well that the money is gone. Of course now and again something will come up in life where money would help the situation. I will usually have a little twinge of regret that I wasted it the way I did. But! The good thing is I’m not throwing good after bad. I already nearly lost everything once. Do I really want to do it again? Stay the course Chris. It’s how you get to put gambling behind you. If you feel your barriers aren’t enough add something else to your non gambling routines. I hope you have a merrier Christmas, a gamble free Christmas.

Laura

[finding_laura]

Thanks for your post Velvet. I hope your holidays are Merry as well 🙂

Such a lovely post IDI. Thank you for your support and posts! It’s good to get feedback.

I just finished colouring my hair. Feel better when it is a job done. A few months back i didn’t care what it looked like I was in so much pain. Just not being like that still is a huge relief!

I’m feeling good about not gambling. I haven’t had much opportunity but the rare time I did I have stayed away. It’s hard to witness others going through the tragedy this addiction/illness can bring. It brings back a lot of the bad memories. It reminds me that the picture is better going forward not back.

I’ve never been extravagant at Christmas, and kept the budget down this year. Lots of necessities like socks, undies, pajamas, jeans, coat. I’m helping my oldest son get through college which means he has tuition and bills to keep a vehicle on the road. My income has gone down while I”m not working but the basics are covered and I’m so thankful. Not everyone is so lucky. I’m hoping time changes everyone here’s story, for the better.

I hope everyone can find some joy in the season. And if not possible may it go fast for you.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Laura

[finding_laura]

you are worth the effort Liz!

We make the effort for everyone else. I’m sure you are looking forward to time with your grandson as you haven’t spent as much time with him lately. Christmas is for the little ones and for simple things like good food and togetherness. I hope you are feeling better soon and well enough to enjoy it. I’m sitting here with a head full of dye! I have a few more Christmas presents to wrap and some laundry to do and I will be totally ready for Christmas. Even taking things relatively easy makes for a busy time! Take care Liz!

[finding_laura]

vrijedna si truda Liz! Trudimo se za sve ostale. Siguran sam da se radujete vremenu sa svojim unukom jer u posljednje vrijeme niste provodili toliko vremena s njim. Božić je za najmlađe i za jednostavne stvari poput dobre hrane i zajedništva. Nadam se da ćete se uskoro osjećati bolje i dovoljno dobro da uživate. Sjedim ovdje s glavom punom boje! Moram zamotati još nekoliko božićnih darova i obaviti rublje i bit ću potpuno spremna za Božić. Čak i relativno jednostavno uzimanje stvari čini radno vrijeme! Čuvaj se Liz!

[finding_laura]

To get that far and stop yourself, change your mind, take the auto pilot off, I’m amazed at your strength!

I was the same way. If something upset me, and I’d say physical abuse is a good reason to be upset, I’d head straight for a machine. It could make me forget. But only for a spell and then it’s right back, usually with the added problem of spending money that wasn’t mine to spend. It was the electric companies, the tax man, the food off the table, but not mine.

So other than the “incident” I see a post full of good news.

60 days! Wohoooo! It can be a trigger milestone but you got through it.

In only 60 days you turned things around and went from no gas and barely any food to buying and delivering Christmas presents.

You continue to attend counseling and getting something out of it even though it is difficult. You are changing from the person who gambled uncontrollably to avoid life to someone who will get everything they can out of life.

You got through a close call by thinking it through. And you are already thinking through Christmas.

Congratulations on every step you have taken! You’ve worked really hard on your recovery. Wishing you nothing but good things in the new Year.

Laura

[finding_laura]

Good morning Monica, or it might feel like evening to you as you’ve been up quite a spell. Bureaucracy! It’s a nightmare. I cringe whenever I have to deal with it!

I can imagine how you must feel right now with Christmas coming and everyone preparing while your life is on hold. I had almost a permanent sensitivity for the first few months where i would flush with embarrassment or shame. Any little remark could set it off. I felt like everyone knew I had gambled away everything. Like it was stamped on my forehead. I went through the experience of having to tell people important to me that I had left myself destitute. Also not long before Christmas. I was lent enough to save face Christmas day with the kids of the family. The adults knew what was going on and didn’t expect anything. It can be so difficult to tell someone we love, and whom we have the respect of, that we messed up, that we are ill, and yes it is that serious. Deep breath. I hope your sister supports you as much as mine supported me.

Are you being bothered by creditors at the moment? I’m wondering what the rush for bankruptcy is if it will prevent you from working in your current field. Might be a blessing in disguise not to be able to file yet as long as the creditors are currently leaving you alone and not causing you mental distress.

Getting through all this shite is very difficult. Others can’t go through it for us, but they can help us get through it. Take the support you can get no matter where it comes from. Because you are so right, you don’t deserve this. I don’t know if anyone gets what they are deserved (look at all those who suffer through war and famine including innocent babies and children). Bad things happen to good people. But you do deserve any and every life line that comes your way. From family, from agencies, from friends. PLEASE take them. (((( Monica ))))

Laura

[finding_laura]

I’m glad you decided to keep on with support as well. I think this would be really hard to kick alone although I suppose there are those that have been able to do that too. I have a saying that just popped in my head. Progress not perfection! That is what we aim for.

Quiet day for me, so I will check some of the other language groups through the day as well. I finally figured out how to get in them. I am going to friends after supper most likely to drop off Christmas gifts. It felt good to have the money to pick up a little thank you. They always make sure to invite me to their dinner parties, bbq’s and parties even if I only stay for a little while and leave. Tomorrow night I have plans to go to the local pub for a drink if i feel up to it. Fingers crossed. It feels good to be doing some normal things!

Catch you later IDI!
Laura xo

[finding_laura]

I have been missing you as well P. I hope you are doing ok and that ever is all right in your world. Getting close to Christmas. Were you able to get out and do a little shopping? I’ve been meaning to bump your thread up but IDI is on the job! Thinking of you. Drops us a line to let us know ho things are.
Laura

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