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Glad to see your posts Monica. I was worried your health had taken a turn again. I’m just getting ready to shower and head off to physical therapy. And errands. Never ending errands. Bank to deposit a cheque. I received my regular disability payment and sent money to a girl i know in much the same situation as you Monica so she could buy heating fuel. The same day after sending her money I received a little windfall from the disability company. I sent her another payment. Enough that she doesn’t have to worry about heat in the -30 C temperatures for a few weeks. But I must go deposit the extra cheque as I’ve left my account empty.
Your new years resolutions are so very reasonable!
May they all come true very very soon!
have a good morning?
LauraHi M8 and welcome to the forum.
I’ve only got a moment but wanted to say this site was the starting point of my recovery. Being here learning from others helped me learn what I needed to do. Unfortunately for me it was only after I destroyed any personal finances and jeopardized my marriage. Hopefully you won’t have to go to those extremes before you put what you learn into place.
take care,
LauraHi Giorgio and welcome to the forum.
I don’t have to tell you that this addiction robs us of more than our money. It takes our honesty, good moral character, good relationships, interest in anything else, and not just our money.
You are so young to be dealing with this addiction but it is good that you are seeking help now. Before you gamble a lot of your families money. We find ways to beg and borrow and connive.
I know you are feeling shame and guilt and embarrassment. But you did not ask for this addiction. You didn’t say ” I want to wake up one day and be a gambling addict”. Sometimes it can be a hard thing for family to understand. But having the help of your loved ones can be a major turning point. It’s like we can’t trust our own selves. So while we get help to deal with our addiction it is good for those we love to be protected from us, and, they can help you protect yourself by not just giving you money any time you ask. Think about it. Mom Dad, I have a problem. A bit of fun has turned into an addiction and I want to deal with it now before I do something else i regret.
Is there any counseling or support through your school? Maybe look into some professional support.
Deep breath Giorgio! Keep reading and posting. How r you doing today?
Laura
Well done DCH on all your steps forward. Happy New Year to you! When you feel blah (which we sometimes do in the beginning) think of all the ways you will spend your hard earned cash. Not imaginary winnings that are never withdrawn. Well done. Enjoy your last day of holidays.
LauraGood morning Liz! (well afternoon as I finish this)
Money troubles always gave me urges to gamble. Hoping I could win myself out of the hole. Of course it was the hole I created by gambling. Probably how we got in the hole. We keep fooling ourselves instead of looking at the big picture with a clear head. It really sickened me when I realized how much money I had spent gambling. And yet I went back again.
Today I am choosing to see the clear picture! Not gambling has created the financial choices and life choices I have today. I can only focus on today! Time to tell the gamble brain it’s stinking thinking isn’t allowed. Hit the road jack! I’m with you Liz. No gambling today. I am taking Kin’s advice to Maverick. Stop digging! Sounds so simple.
Enjoy the peace of a day not gambling. Love that you are reading and growing. Have a good day Liz.Laura
Hi Jay,
Happy New Year!
good to hear you are staying gamble free and that it isn’t much of a thought anymore. Word of caution from someone who stopped doing maintenance (no GA, GT, therapy, journaling) it can creep back in. Not saying that would happen in your case, I just wish I would have kept a little bit more of an eye on the things that made gambling such an easy escape. And more of a finger in the the things that reminded me of it’s power. But now I know!
Enjoy your travels. It really is about the journey as they say.
well done on your gamble free time.
LauraYou have a long list of needs and wants Monica and when health is added back on the list you must feel like life is going in the wrong not to mention painful direction. Sometimes life sucks and it sucks for a while. I pray your health is restored. See that doc and hopefully they can get to the bottom of things and fast.
As I don’t know your Pete I’m making judgement based on what you say only but I think he is a total @ss. Not to mention self centered and selfish. I have one that can be a lot like that.
I wish I could say something to cheer you up. But platitudes don’t change things. The only thing is gambling would only make the situation worse. Any urges would come back even more fiercely and your little nest egg would be gone. Because once you get a little fix it won’t be enough. Hugs Monica. Hold on tight.Laura
These are definitely updates to go back and read again. I think you will find them continually insightful. I’m just on first coffee this morning. Spent most of the night tossing and turning with relationship questions on my mind. I’d love to go back and comment on each post but instead of playing catch up I’ll try and summarize.
comments re your “Nazi” brother in law – i would have likely retorted that he must be making an appointment to self euthenize seeing as COPD is a chronic and eventually life ending condition. I do have a sharp tongue as well as my very good nature. But, I too know what it is like to deal with relatives that have unsavoury opinions! So I would likely have just bit my tongue to save the peace.
Mcdonalds – yes, it can have that reaction
Your sons – they are your blessings, and children really are true blessings (and a possible means of heartbreak, but worth the risk). If you get the slightest urge to gamble their gift, I would suggest that they not put such large sums at once. Our sobriety is worth the price of a little bit more embarrassment having to ask them to do that.
Family – It sounds as though your family is very fractured. Lots of hurts to heal. Your children as described seem to have a lot of your common sense and insight. All seem to be on a path of self exploration and healing with you. Your children want to be with their siblings and mother at Christmas too? Yours may have to learn to share you.
Pete – Your son moving in and Pete moving out would likely be a breath of fresh air. And between Gordon Moody and a job offer you won’t be home a lot anyway. Positive vibes can’t hurt.
GA and dry gambling – yes dry gambling can be like the whetting of the appetite. Because that’s all it ever did was warm us up for the real thing, or tide us over between binges when the funds ran out. But it’s just a dull copy and won’t satisfy. Just pique the urges. If you choose to go back to GA I would not do the steps right now. I’d hold off til you go to the GM program. If it is a group that allows you to listen and only talk if you want to, then it could be beneficial. In that context I got a lot out of GA. If we wanted when our turn to speak we could just say something like I’m glad to be here tonight instead of out there. Or even say I think I’ll pass tonight. It should not make you feel like you self whipped by the time you leave 🙂
It’s so good to have you back Monica. Stay safe. And enjoy having the freedom of money in the bank again.
Laura
just popping in Liz to say Hi and see how you are doing. That cold is really hanging on. Rest, chicken soup, maybe a hot toddy.
When gambling addiction has run it’s course, when we are sick and tired of being sick and tired from gambling, we often find there is nothing left to do but change or self destruct. Too many depend on you to self destruct so I know which one I vote for 🙂 I know you will vote for that option too. Treat yourself good Liz, you deserve it.
Laura
the excitement and anticipation on the way to play…..
the little skip of my heartbeat as I went rushing out to my car with a wallet full of bills. Heading to the local clubs and pubs to play the video terminals. Those were the days that were going to be good. So lets face it, If i was really trying to win money, I wouldn’t need a small fortune to go gambling. The money is only the means to make the bet. To make the wheel spin or the machine light up. There was a small documentary here about how they work. Lighting up when you win on one line, even though the amount you “won” is less than what you bet is just one of the little tricks the research and developers use to get us hooked and keep us hooked. After all, that is their purpose! To make money off us. Once we are away from the gambling and see what they do to us it’s easier to see the bigger picture. I no long wish I could gamble responsibly because it just doesn’t seem to happen no matter how I try to control it. I was creeping around like a thief gambling behind my husband’s back. That kept me a little under control but what a way to do it. I would rather have my own self respect. And sooner or later I would get caught! Why would I go back to that ? It was good chatting. Have yourself a gamble free night!
Laura