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finding_lauraParticipant
Hi Monica, Sorry so late responding. Still sleeping lots. Part of the problem with my post is that I shouldn’t be trying to post when I’m still in this state. Nothing that puts together more than a few sentences anyway.
I’m sorry if what I said came across or harsh. I can totally understand not wanting to undersell your self. Not wanting to take less than you are “worth”. But I wonder if there are some positions you could apply for to tide you over. There is a lot of ground between top of your field and doing menial labour (which is perfectly respectable by the way). And I would think self sufficiency would be preferable to the current state of affairs. Don’t put all or most of your self value on your job or the social status and income with benefits that comes with it sometimes. In a flash that can be gone. And you are truly more valuable than a job title or a degree. I pray you get a job worthy of all the hard work you’ve put in. Those of us that no longer have those capabilities or maybe never did aren’t lesser. And filling a slightly lower position to take care of your self seems quite a sensible thing to me. Work times are tough didn’t you say? I’m sure you wouldn’t be the only one in your field doing the same. Not every job can be in paradise but it can be a job and a means to take care of ones self.
Anyway, I guess I just really worry about you not having enough to take care of yourself properly. And a really good job another 4 or 6 months from now, can you wait it out? Anyway,enough on the job front. Just consider that it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. There is a lot in between.
So good that you seem to be getting more of what you wanted and needed out of the ladies program. The part about negative emotions made me think you may have wanted to say a thing or two to me about my “real woman” comment. I apologize. It was a poor choice of words! I was always taught that any work, if honest is respectable. The women in my family were cleaners to a CEO. You worked til you found your dream job lol (unless both legs were broken, then you were off the hook). So we will keep praying the “perfect job for you” comes along soon. Please take care of yourself. I haven’t read your latest post so heading there now.
Laura
finding_lauraParticipantHey Monica, glad today is a little more positive day for you. And hope your health is going to take a turn for the better for your.
Please don’t take this as meant in a mean spirit. You’ve said certain things as well before. About the right job, the right food, the right restaurants. I can understand that you can’t make yourself conform to some nameless duplicated society useless job for long term. For some it is just soul sucking. No other way to describe it. But if the choice is between starvation or humbling one’s self by working “beneath their standards” for a year it seems like a lot of snobbery not to.
I was taught that a real woman got the job done no matter what it took and sometimes you don’t like the job.
Sometimes when you fall it really hurts but you are more than your job title and you never know when or how an opportunity will present itself.
You have probably been too ill to hold down too strenuous of a job up until this point anyway but as you feel better I hope you broaden your work search unless you have some secret funds. You can still search for the dream job but in the mean time you need to live on more than your current grocery budget. There are a lot of people who would love to lay claim to your resume (and all the hard work and effort that went into it). Use it to move your life forward.
I know you will find your way through the challenges. One at a time. Thinking positive and want to believe that someday you will look back from a new and different life and be amazed at how you got there. Take care ,
Laurafinding_lauraParticipantSad to see no group on this evening. I’ll get a little reading in and catch up with other’s journeys. I’m feeling a little better today, a little more energy. Still a lot of back pain but that is about par for the course. I am not going to let this get me down. No gambling today!
finding_lauraParticipantCongratulations on 44 days I did it!
don’t we wall wish we wouldn’t have gambled ourselves into our current predicaments. I should have had enough investments to pay for my surgery. Instead I had to borrow. But I did rebuild my credit enough to borrow it so things did improve I guess. Just stopping by! Keep going. If we don’t stay in recovery we just create new denials. The gambling mess never gets cleaned up and the wish list is never fulfilled. And you deserve it! Laura xo
finding_lauraParticipantGood morning Monica,
6 months gamble free will be a huge accomplishment. It may not have a financial reward attached to it but you have no longer been escaping into oblivion and destruction. For some reason you decided to survive. How much longer is are things going to to take to turn around? Yes I understand the sentiment about things getting better once we’ve stopped. But most of us aren’t being nearly started to death by our own society. I don’t even want to get started on society or I may completely blow a gasket. Keep applying for jobs, something is better than nothing! . I honestly don’t know what to say! We keep thinking something has to come up for you and yet still you wait. I’m hoping son has topped up your food account. I pray that you will get the inspiration or opportunity that you need. Well done on your clean time. You earned every darned day of it! Life, please give this woman a break!!!
Laura xo
finding_lauraParticipantGood morning recovery friends
thanks for all the well wishes. It seem I am constantly tired. So by the time I take care of meds and meals (and I don’t mean cook, just actually eat) i don’t have much more energy for anything else. I can hit the like button on my facebook or play a game of scrabble on my phone. I’ll blame it on the pain meds that I’m feeling so dozey. I sleep a lot. And when not sleeping I’m dozing lol. And trying to walk a little but snow is keeping me in. I’m being devoted to healing. No thoughts of “when I get better I’m going on a bender or celebrating” As if!
I think I’ll book a trip before I spend a nickle on a slot.Sitting is the worst for me so I really have to limit it. I’ve been up 4 hours and am ready for a nap. Thanks for your notes and understanding that I just can’t be here right now. Take care all!
Laurafinding_lauraParticipantI’ve been a bit of a technology hermit this past week and some. Takes a lot out of me. xo thinking of my recovery buddies.
finding_lauraParticipantand you are doing it for you which is what really makes it stick. We can’t be perfect and should never place those expectations on ourselves. Progress baby! And that has just been amazing. Keep it up. xo
finding_lauraParticipantvery tired and settling in at home. Keep doing well and being here my friends
finding_lauraParticipantI couldn’t quite catch up on everything Liz, sitting is done for the moment. But you are navigating what you need to. You are making your own decisions. Taking care of your own sanity. Other jobs out there more suitable to you. Thanks for posting. keep up the good work and remember all the great things about Liz! xo
finding_lauraParticipantI hope you have a fabulous trim that makes you feel amazing. I don’t know if there is such a thing as an active CG that has a healthy relationship with money. I was more extravagant when gambling because even though I wasn’t winning I was borrowing large sums of money that could cover those things! And some how that was supposed to make it all ok or add up! Warped gambling thinking. So a trim today, maybe that new colour next week. Look for sample products on line. Sometimes you can find some good items for nothing. Or buy an inexpensive facial mask or hydrator from the drug store. We need treat ourselves, we deserve it! But we have to do it in a realistic way that doesn’t sink the ship. Never deprive or punish though. You are doing GREAT things that should be rewarded. Thanks for the flowers xo And thanks for your never ending support. Have a great weekend. Laura
finding_lauraParticipantsorry to hear about your cat and companion Lucky. They really are like fur babies to us and their little personalities can be so missed. Good to see you are moving ahead with closing the account and dealing with bank issues. The months will go by regardless. A little tight you can do. Massive destruction is what we want to avoid. The months will go by either way! We just need to think through the consequences and make the right choices. Good to see you still here fighting the good fight. Have a great day. Laura
finding_lauraParticipantGood morning GT friends! Its been 5 days since my surgeries and things are coming along slowly. I am to do very little for the next 6 weeks to interfere with healing of bone grafts. Then another 9 months of being careful. I won’t know if this part of the surgery is a success for a few months, once a couple of sets of progress xrays have been taken. Having the massive cyst removed has been a relief and I’m glad it is no longer threatening to damage my spinal cord. Much like addictions recovery my motto is one day at a time. I try and be a good a patient and am thankful to have family taking care of me. I’ve been sleeping a lot so haven’t caught much sunshine but when I can it’s beautiful. I have my odd poor pitiful me moment but I know I really have nothing to complain about. I am going to try and catch up a little here but please be patient with me as I know I have missed a lot. IDI, I am imagining a great big boquet from all of you here with so many of my favourite flowers and colours. Thank you all for thinking of me.
Laura
finding_lauraParticipantSo very well done IDI! I had multiple surgeries on Monday the 29th. Resting and sleeping a lot. big ones to get over but i can do it. I may not be here much for the next week or so bu I am thinking of you all here and how you are getting along. You are doing this IDI. If it was easy we would have done it first time around. But look at how your efforts have changed the outcome. Higher barriers and bigger dreams. Feel better. Try not to be so hard on yourself! Love yourself! Laura
finding_lauraParticipantBeautiful! Glad you enjoyed your time out. I think that is when we really start to realize we can do this. When we start filling our time with things that we are enjoying and we actually are present and not wanting to be gambling instead. It’s like wow, I can build a life for me. And not live it for everyone else which makes us want to escape. Really happy for you. You deserve to spend realistic amounts on yourself and your happiness. Instead of throwing it away for a fix of numbness. I don’t compare everything to gambling all the time. But the reminder that I would waste so much says its ok to treat oneself. Starting week five. Gamble free 2018. Almost through January. All sorts of milestones. I will be back hopefully by weeks end even for a little. xo take care, Laura
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