Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Morning IDI, I am going to test getting into group in an hour. I did try signing in again last night but it was no go. I even repeatedly signed in and out and in and out nope, nothing. For a lot of us recovery is about building ourselves back up, learning to listen to the inner voice that tells us what we really want and what our purpose is. What will give us that sense of being true to ourselves. I think that is one of the keys to happiness. Being true to one’s self. Valuing ourselves is another biggie we relearn. You are doing amazing IDI 🙂 Starting month 3. Gamble free 2018. Sometimes we are impatient and expect change in a day. Be patient and your new kitchen will become a reality before you know it. Money that used to be earmarked as “gambling” money will start to pay for travel and those extras. Good luck with the job hunting. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself in your early recovery days. I have total faith in you. Have a good weekend. Laura
Hi IDI,
we had late supper tonight. I’m just sitting down in peace with a coffee for an hour. I’m tired. Haven’t had my nap the past two days!
Do we carry some bitterness in ourselves because of all that we have lost. Are those in recovery for a while, who have found their new “groove”harsh with those that don’t seem to quite get it or keep falling off the wagon? Perhaps they lose patience and want those that are struggling to be riding that bike with them now. Perhaps they want to save us that self bitterness we feel for wasted time or life, because they know how it feels, to waste and to be free of it.
There is nothing wrong with being the happy one. You can be that and a tad responsible and of course gambling free! Sometimes I feel our current society tries pushing us all into the same moulds. When we are all not the same. And maybe that is where some of our initial unhapiness comes from.
What about a $500 couch fund and a $500 emergency fund? I’m the worst one for worrying about having decent furniture and a clean house. But I’m not a fancy person who needs the best. And i can’t clean a lot for sure lol. And I’ve noticed that for some people it wouldn’t matter if they had crate and burlap sack furniture it would be sat on all the time because they are just fun to be around.
I think it’s ok not to know exactly what you want. Just start a fund or two or three. Emergency, short term reward, long term reward.
Be kind to yourself. You have come a long way! Around two months soon. Quite an accomplishment. Keep ignoring the temptations! They will just turn into regrets.
Have a good rest of the week.
LauraDear Festus, reaching out is a good start. We may just be a virtual group of people from around the world with the same problem but now you have someone who knows your story and will support you as you work on this addiction. Someone you can discuss thoughts and urges to gamble with. Check out the groups, facilitated ones are earlier in the day and indicated. Ask the chat line for advice. In the beginning a lot of people with a gambling problem find they can’t manage money responsibly for any length of time. Find ways to restrict your access to money. And when you have earnings left over don’t hold them yourself. My first couple months I was given a small weekly allowance. But as I always needed to make family purchases I ended up with a bank card but I had to hand over receipts and the account was monitored. I felt a bit like a baby but on the other hand I had proven over and over I couldn’t be trusted when gambling. I also started gambling addictions counselling, to help me understand why i was gambling and risking important things like a 20 year marriage and my family home. It felt like my head was an auto pilot when gambling. I’d only come to when flat broke! Once I broke the gambling pattern and was abstinent, the counseling, my GA group, and this site as well as others helped me get my head on straight and enjoy life.
Welcome to the site.
LauraGood evening Monica. My cooking skills are atrocious! Do you like good hearty home made stews and soups? If you don’t care much for tomato based foods then I’m guessing you don’t care for chili or lasagna. Make a list of some of your favourite dishes and then google cooking them on a budget. Freeze leftovers if any. Try and pick up some apples and bananas as they seem to be one of the cheaper fruits. Oatmeal packets can always fill a hole and tend to be cheap comfort food. All of this is of course when you get your next funds for groceries, hopefully another child will have a “feeling”.
Support wanes based on crisis level and what people have going on in their lives. And of course when talking about gamblers there are those that wade back into the chaos fairly quickly. Then there are moods. Not in the mood to give advice, not in the mood to receive advice, not in the mood to do anything!
And you are stuck my friend in the super sucking quick sand. If we could pull you out we would. All I can do is offer you encouragement to get through this. A job is going to come. But you need to be able to take it. Sustenance is getting to be top of mind! So make a plan. Ask for help. Don’t just fade away in bed. I was glad to hear little hits of interest in your post. The Olympics. Much better way to pass the time than American politics! I should have followed your example.
197 hard days clean. Sometimes people who aren’t gambling addicts have breaks in their employment due to various reasons in the economy. Sometimes they have a cushion and sometimes they don’t because they are shopping addicts or have always lived above their means, cars trips etc. This period of time, without a job, and without the cushion that gambling stole from you, has been tough. No one can can ever say you didn’t suffer from this addiction and the effects. You’ve paid dearly for this. You may feel like you can’t promise to new comers that things will get better when they stop gambling. But what would have happened if you kept gambling? Any pittance you could get? Maybe you wouldn’t have even started dealing with your issues. Maybe you’d be homeless and a criminal. So we can usually promise that continuing to gamble will only make things worse. I’m happy for you and that you have made it 197 days Monica. You weren’t making things worse. You have a real address to put on job applications. You aren’t in jail. When an offer comes (and it will) you can take it.
I also think part of being successful in recovery is having new habits and a new way of spending time that you can maintain when you are no longer broke. Walks, reading, inspirational programs, crossword puzzles, puzzles, anything but gambling. So having 197 days of non gambling time in, is great in that department. You’ve spent your time doing something besides gambling.
Long post, sorry to ramble. But you are in a much better place than you would be if you had kept going. And who knows what another 197 days will bring. Pete gone, your son there to share expenses and contribute to the the groceries, and a big open question mark. Congratulations on your clean time. We can all pray that the best is yet to come.
Laura
Hi Liz,
sorry it’s been so long since I stopped by. I’ve been busy healing from surgery. In my case that seems to involve a lot of sleep. So much has happened I’m to sure what to say first. I think Nick has some good practical suggestions about how to deal with an urge. I know P used to talk about surfing urges like a wave, something to google for another day.I’m glad Monica, IDI and Velvet were around. When in my gambling days I would feel I was on a downward slide into a deep dark pit of despair, anxiety and destitution. I would keep thinking I’d get off the slide at different points. Things that should shock me (like getting high interest loans behind my husbands back) only registered for a moment. As long as I had money to gamble again nothing else mattered. But that is the problem. Real things matter.
I don’t know is now is the time to make such a big decision as selling your house. I’m not saying not to think about it if it is part of a well thought out plan, but be careful. Don’t free up a lot of money before you have this monster under control. And only then with some strict measures in place. Or next thing you’ll be wishing you got off the slide before you sold and spent it. Your daughter was probably thinking strictly from money standpoint when she said sell and move in with your older daughter, would free up money without your other daughter losing her home. But the dynamics would do your head in I would think.
It’s sounds like your mom has always chosen you to torment and be downright nasty to. You’ve never been offensive in anyway here Liz, and you’ve been here a while. True character takes time to bubble to the surface when we meet someone. And I’ve never seen anything in your character that earns you the treatment your mother gives you. If she won’t respect you Liz, please respect yourself. Don’t go back for more punishment xo
So the topic of friends, telling people we are a CG or not, and what to do. I’ve been of the mind the fewer but trusted people that know the better. I have a ring of people around me who chose to understand the addiction because they loved me and one who was a fellow CG her self. We were roughly of the same time but then I went a little awol. Anyway I am so very lucky in that way, that I have people like that. People who I truly hoped would be there for me and they were. But I also have people who were told by my husband (he told his family to which he regrets as they couldn’t keep quiet about it in the family and community) and they were not so understanding. They look at you like a crazy person who went on the street corner handing out all your money. The feelings of your friend’s reaction will pass, but unfortunately when a friend lets us down like that, well sometimes they just really aren’t the friends we needed and thought we had. Do what comforts you Liz. But somehow gambling has to come off that list. I hope this IS your life turning moment and you can put this firmly in your past. We are all here together. Going for the same goal. Have a good night Liz, take care.
Laurafriends should be bringing friends care packages of food, hope, courage, friendship and whatever can be given. I’ve lost three of my good friends in life. One to illness, two by my own choice in response to their behaviours. What I was willing to accept from them had limits. It made me more lonely, but, the kind of company they gave came with all sorts of drama and running to the rescue. As in me running to their rescue. Sometimes we need to re evaluate friendships. It’s ok to take space and another look at your friendship.
Being in recovery has made me realize that I need to place myself as a much higher priority. No matter how many times I start to revert to old habbits, I can come here and remember where they took me.Yes being overqualified can be a bit of a curse too Monica. Maybe you’ll be lucky and the bosses job will open up. And they will remember you as the perfect candidate. Sorry, I know real life doesn’t usually work that way. But if things are getting busier, hopefully the market is picking up.
Did you have your visit with your daughter or is it this weekend? Hope you enjoyed and she decided to fatten you up.
I’ve been tired since I woke about 6 hours ago. I’m wondering if that is considered awake long enough for a nap. Thinking about you ladies. I can’t wait to be done healing.
LauraYou are darn right you are! You deserve them. You’ve earned them by showing up at your job every day unless physically prevented! At the same time as being mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, mentor and supporter. And that’s just the short list. Instead of treating your self to several rounds of self destruction you are doing something that is mentally sound and personally healthy. You are treating yourself to a well deserved gift of feel goodness. And hair straighteners may seem basic to some but to a gambler who has wasted every last cent before treating herself in the past, I totally get what a step this is. Especially if you don’t feel like you are spending “gambling” money. That’s a biggie! Hope they arrive quickly 🙂 I’ve been wearing my new shoes.
Laura
it sounds good so far!
Please correct my math. 7 days x 7 weeks is 49 days. Would that make seven weeks completed tomorrow? Enjoy the rewards, and the counting really takes care of itself whether it’s 6 weeks or 7. We are all one bet away from day one. But it’s nice to know that you kept a promise to yourself for that many days.
Hope you get good weather for your time away.
Laura
my memory can be very short Monica but i don’t ever remember you blaming anyone, never mind a healer. She may just so desperately want to believe this person will help her that she won’t accept anything but total belief in them. I recently had an experience like that. From a very close recovery friend. It hurts but i know the truth. And so do you. I’m just glad in my case he is helping my friend a lot.
Laura
Dear Monica, I totally get how that came across as a dig. And believe it or not I wasn’t trying to dig at you but more ask why you would choose between two such opposite choices (benefits or job at title/level). I guess I just look at it from a case of self survival or preservation. And what would get you unstuck from this poverty you are in. No malice intended. And as I mentioned in response to your last post on my thread, you are a smart woman and I support your choice. As a friend. We don’t all have to made from the same mould. You survived without help from food bank and SA (of which I was quite concerned you might fade away or die of food poisoning from one of Pete’s bring homes) and you will survive this job drought too. And when it ends it will be on your terms.
On a side note I too have an immigrant parent and aunts uncles grandparents. Uneducated and at all ages and stages in life when they came here. They all made good lives for themselves. Lots of happy endings.
So I’ll leave it there as I’m getting unfocused with pain levels. Hopefully we can catch up in a group where it’s easier to avoid misunderstandings. Well done on staying gambling free during all of this stress.
Laura